Is porn actually harmless, or are we just pretending?

[Monster Energy]

4 hours ago, bazera said:

It's addictive nature makes it bad for most guys / relationships. For me it's problematic, it's really easy do get addicted and then you jump through all the addiction hoops that wastes time, energy, etc.

Also the whole industry is very shady and unconscious.

Exactly. It’s not just the content, it’s the addictive loop behind it. I’ve experienced that you look much less alive once you’ve been addicted, you feel empty on a level that’s hard to describe. Porn really is the devil’s tool to destroy the life in you.

 

 

[bazera]

Just now, Monster Energy said:

Exactly. It’s not just the content, it’s the addictive loop behind it. I’ve experienced that you look much less alive once you’ve been addicted, you feel empty on a level that’s hard to describe. Porn really is the devil’s tool to destroy the life in you.

Yes it can become real bad. Especially if you've been addicted since your teenage years and you've been doing it for 10-15 years, man, good luck.

Proper intimacy becomes impossible, feminine perceptions get skewd, masculine confidence get trashed, and you become like this junkie who lives for that dopamine hits daily, that then causes gult & shame loops, which then again is dealth with the same dopamine hits because you are so used to escape hard and negative emotions with porn, your organism has learned that it's the way to go, it has worked for 10 years so it expects the same release.

It's a vicious cycle really. And I think people who say porn is okay, just somehow avoided this trap, or were responsible enough to not get addicted. But that's a minority. Most guys aren't like that.

[Monster Energy]

3 hours ago, Carl-Richard said:

My view is cheating is doing something that would likely create a wedge between you and your partner (it's not an exclusive definition, but it works for the phenomena of cheating in my opinion). Seeing another person might likely do that, having sex with another person might do that. These examples are particularly pertinent because they involve another person, someone who could replace your partner in full (given we treat partners as fungible items, which we can do here for the sake of it). Now, does watching porn do that? What about watching porn in a magazine? What about masturbating to a movie scene? What about simply masturbating? Maybe it depends on the person. If you are that consumed by masturbating to things that your relationship with your partner suffers greatly, perhaps that could be called cheating.

You’re trying to define cheating in a very external, surface-level way. Like it only counts once there’s an obvious wedge or another physical person involved. But that’s already too late.

Cheating doesn’t start at the action, it starts at the level of consciousness and intention. Where is your attention going? Where is your desire being invested?

You say another person is what makes it relevant, but psychologically there is another person. Your mind is literally engaging with other bodies, other faces, other fantasies. The fact that it’s pixels doesn’t magically make it neutral.

And the idea that it only counts if the relationship “suffers greatly” is also tricky, because most people aren’t conscious enough to even notice the subtle ways it’s degrading intimacy over time. Lower presence, lower attraction, less depth.

So the real question isn’t just “does it create a wedge?” The question is, are you cultivating depth and connection, or are you fragmenting your attention and outsourcing your sexuality?

Because from that perspective, it’s not so clear that it’s harmless.

 

[Monster Energy]

8 minutes ago, bazera said:

Yes it can become real bad. Especially if you've been addicted since your teenage years and you've been doing it for 10-15 years, man, good luck.

Proper intimacy becomes impossible, feminine perceptions get skewd, masculine confidence get trashed, and you become like this junkie who lives for that dopamine hits daily, that then causes gult & shame loops, which then again is dealth with the same dopamine hits because you are so used to escape hard and negative emotions with porn, your organism has learned that it's the way to go, it has worked for 10 years so it expects the same release.

It's a vicious cycle really. And I think people who say porn is okay, just somehow avoided this trap, or were responsible enough to not get addicted. But that's a minority. Most guys aren't like that.

I believe, or rather I know, that porn can make you a pedophile because you don't see the people in it as living beings, but rather as objects for your pleasure. This fantasy often becomes very dark and can lead to things that we, as a society, consider immoral. Pedophiles often don't really understand why they do what they do, but porn can truly change your perception of people and morality, both unconsciously and consciously. 

Yeah, this is the part people underestimate. They think it’s just about pleasure, but it slowly rewires you. It’s not just what you do; it’s what you’re training your mind to expect over time. Most people don’t realize that until the damage is already done. There have been people who have shared that too much porn and masturbation have made it so they can masturbate to their family members without feeling any shame. They only feel pleasure.

 

[bazera]

10 minutes ago, Monster Energy said:

Yeah, this is the part people underestimate. They think it’s just about pleasure, but it slowly rewires you. It’s not just what you do; it’s what you’re training your mind to expect over time. Most people don’t realize that until the damage is already done. There have been people who have shared that too much porn and masturbation have made it so they can masturbate to their family members without feeling any shame. They only feel pleasure.

Yup, but the good news is, all of that is still reversible if you just get off from it, somehow, either with pure willpower, or just wising up and telling to yourself that this is destroying your life. But that's not as easy as it sounds. You know it's very destructive, but you still do it. That's the irresponsible part, but it's engrained for so long that the animal part of you just does it's thing on autopilot most of the times. 

It takes effort to fix this, and keep it fixed for life.

I wish more people spoke up about the dangers. 

Again, some people manage to use it here and there without issues. Some people destroy their lives with it. It's the same with junk food or any other addiction. In the end it the issue of not respecting life and yourself to a degree, but even if you know all this, and you're deep into it for 10-15 years, it won't be solved overnight. The conditioned part doesn't understand that it's irresponsible, it just does whatever it did for years.

[something_else]

9 hours ago, Hojo said:

@something_else cant even name 1.

• Hard drugs (heroin, meth)
• Cigarettes
• Alcoholism
• High sugar / ultra processed foods
• Social media addiction
• Gambling
• Social isolation
• Air pollution
• Sedentary lifestyle 
• Sleep deprivation culture
• Late stage capitalism
• Billionaires
• Housing crises
• Poverty in general
• Chronic stress / hustle culture
• Shopping addiction
• Lack of third spaces for socialisation
• Climate change
• War

I could continue, this is not an exhaustive list

Edited 3 hours ago by something_else

[something_else]

1 hour ago, Monster Energy said:

Exactly. It’s not just the content, it’s the addictive loop behind it. I’ve experienced that you look much less alive once you’ve been addicted, you feel empty on a level that’s hard to describe. Porn really is the devil’s tool to destroy the life in you.

 

 

I think you’re over-generalising your own experience here. For some people this is definitely the case, for others it isn’t. It’s a nuanced issue.

I have a feeling that the dynamic here often stems from porn use driven by loneliness / FOMO. If you’re using porn to cope with those things instead of actually having sex then that creates a lot of guilt, which takes a massive toll on your body.

If there is no dynamic to create the guilt then it’s just not that harmful. Also, if you believe porn is harmful then placebo takes over and you convince yourself it’s hurting you more than it really is.

[bazera]

2 minutes ago, something_else said:

If you’re using porn to cope with those things instead of actually having sex then that creates a lot of guilt, which takes a massive toll on your body.

Of course you use porn to cope with something, doesn't matter what, it's a coping mechanism that you get used to after years of using it.

Some people get addicted, some don't. Those who do, struggle a lot and experience some very wierd issues that over-consumption is causing. 

4 minutes ago, something_else said:

If there is no dynamic to create the guilt then it’s just not that harmful.

It will be harmful based on how much you use it.

Eating a doritos once a month will not be harmful, eating it 3 times a day might kill someone. 

[something_else]

20 minutes ago, bazera said:

Of course you use porn to cope with something, doesn't matter what, it's a coping mechanism that you get used to after years of using it.

I'm not sure that's universally true. 'coping' usually that means it's being used to cope with some deep emotional issue. Plenty of people just watch porn because they're horny and emotions don't really play into it at all.

21 minutes ago, bazera said:

It will be harmful based on how much you use it.

Yea, that makes sense. It's a nuanced issue with lots of factors playing into it. Demonising it or glorifying it are both incorrect perspectives.

[bazera]

6 minutes ago, something_else said:

Plenty of people just watch porn because they're horny and emotions don't really play into it at all.

Yes you are right, it's not always for coping for something for sure. 

But as you get used to it, the chances are high that once you feel uncomfortable with something, you just get triggered for that dopamine hit to get lost in fantasy and get pleasure for some time. 

Same with cigarettes I guess. I'm not a smoker, never have been, but my friends who smoke tell me that initially they started because it was just fun, but eventually as they got used to nicotine, when they had some difficulties in life, the smoking soothed the emotions and made them calmer, and they were super agitated without it.

I find same to be true for porn consumption as well.

Edited 2 hours ago by bazera

[Someone here]

Yes it's bad and addictive. But it makes you feel good so that's why you do it .like drugs ..fast food..cigarettes etc. 

[Monster Energy]

1 hour ago, something_else said:

I think you’re over-generalising your own experience here. For some people this is definitely the case, for others it isn’t. It’s a nuanced issue.

I have a feeling that the dynamic here often stems from porn use driven by loneliness / FOMO. If you’re using porn to cope with those things instead of actually having sex then that creates a lot of guilt, which takes a massive toll on your body.

If there is no dynamic to create the guilt then it’s just not that harmful. Also, if you believe porn is harmful then placebo takes over and you convince yourself it’s hurting you more than it really is.

I don’t think it’s just about guilt or belief. You can remove the guilt completely and the pattern is still there. The constant stimulation, the novelty, the easy dopamine, it still conditions your brain whether you feel bad about it or not.

And sure, it’s nuanced, but that doesn’t mean it’s neutral. Some people handle it better, but that doesn’t change what it does on a deeper level over time.

So I don’t think it’s just placebo. I think people underestimate how much it’s shaping them until they step away from it.

 

[Monster Energy]

7 minutes ago, Someone here said:

Yes it's bad and addictive. But it makes you feel good so that's why you do it .like drugs ..fast food..cigarettes etc. 

It becomes so addictive that you start to worship it like air and water. Recovering from porn is much harder and deeper than recovering from any other external stimulation.

 

[Someone here]

@Monster Energy are you yourself addicted to porn ?

[something_else]

1 hour ago, bazera said:

Yes you are right, it's not always for coping for something for sure. 

But as you get used to it, the chances are high that once you feel uncomfortable with something, you just get triggered for that dopamine hit to get lost in fantasy and get pleasure for some time. 

Same with cigarettes I guess. I'm not a smoker, never have been, but my friends who smoke tell me that initially they started because it was just fun, but eventually as they got used to nicotine, when they had some difficulties in life, the smoking soothed the emotions and made them calmer, and they were super agitated without it.

I find same to be true for porn consumption as well.

This is definitely a fair point. I would argue that cigarettes are worse because they will actually kill you, but I get your point.

13 minutes ago, Monster Energy said:

The constant stimulation, the novelty, the easy dopamine, it still conditions your brain whether you feel bad about it or not.

I mean are any of these things objectively bad in moderation? There isn't really anything inherently wrong with novelty and easy dopamine unless you indulge to excess.

Edited 1 hour ago by something_else

[Valach]

1 minute ago, something_else said:

I mean are any of these things objectively bad in moderation? There isn't really anything inherently wrong with novelty and easy dopamine unless you indulge to excess

I feel like the issue is that humas are not really built to moderate such things. It is very easy to get addicted. It's quite similiar to social media you have listed in your list of "worse things".

[Monster Energy]

4 minutes ago, Someone here said:

@Monster Energy are you yourself addicted to porn ?

I was that way until I became aware of why I was really doing this, and I began to purify my body. I filled my life with energy that didn’t come from the outer surface of myself. But let me tell you, it was the hardest challenge ever, and if I hadn’t broken the pattern, I would have taken my life. I’m not exaggerating about anything written here!

[thierry]

lol, Leo was so right on this, you guys are just projecting your own lack of self control onto porn.
 

There’s nothing wrong with having a healthy, balanced relationship with porn.

 

[bazera]

1 minute ago, thierry said:

There’s nothing wrong with having a healthy, balanced relationship with porn.

I think nobody argues that.

If you have a healthy and balanced relationship with porn and also your partner is okay with that, enjoy 

I eat junk food and drink alkohol every once in a while, maybe on some social gathering and I enjoy that. It's that I can't do that with porn. I know it's not porn's fault, it's mine, but that doesn't mean that it's not hijacking my reward cycles and chemically messing up some shit.

Edited 1 hour ago by bazera

[Monster Energy]

6 minutes ago, something_else said:

I mean are any of these things objectively bad in moderation? There isn't really anything inherently wrong with novelty and easy dopamine unless you indulge to excess.

In theory, moderation sounds fine. The problem is that most people aren’t actually operating from that level of control.

It’s not just about whether something is ‘objectively bad’, it’s about how it interacts with human psychology. Easy dopamine and constant novelty are literally designed to bypass moderation.

So yeah, there’s nothing wrong with it in a vacuum. But in reality, most people don’t live in that vacuum.