Depersonalization/Derealization anxiety episode after emptiness insight.

[Judy2]

9 hours ago, Hojo said:

@Judy2 its existential because its the truth. Whats being existential? 

Dissasosiation dosent even make sense from a western perspective.

there is a functional, relative distinction between Truth-realisation and the clinical phenomena of dissociation, depersonalisation, and derealisation.

the average person experiencing dissociation on a regular is steeped in trauma-driven thinking, needs to have their skin stitched up every other week, ruminates over their abusive ex-boyfriend and may occasionally experience significant gaps in memory or collapse in spasms on the ground.

i'm exaggerating a bit for the sake of pointing out that these are different phenomena, and it doesn't mean a person more prone to dissociation necessarily "has the Truth" - quite the opposite. they are the Truth, yes, like everybody else, but dissociation in the clinical sense is not as clean-cut as a proper spiritual ego death the way you may think. there's much more nuance and variety in how precisely the ego breaks down/detaches. i would even argue there's still a very strong core of ego present with (clinical) dissociation, because it's a very crisis and survival-driven stress response.

the two are definitely related, but also somewhat distinct. or maybe not.

Edited Monday at 07:11 AM by Judy2

[Hojo]

@Judy2Yea but what is dissociating? What physical thing is dissociating?

Science makes up different words for qualitative experiences they deny exists.

The terms cant be taken literally for their clinical western scientific analysis.

The ruminatations come but you knowing you are neither the talker or non talker in your head they get less and less.

Disassociation is a term of someone struggling to understand God.

When you know God you are dissociated from the thoughts of the mind.

When that happens what are you?

What dissociation is happening and to who?

These are all random thought patterns.

When you know what dissociation is you are de identifying with thought seperating yourself, then merging back as you are not that. 

So if you have ever identified yourself as the voice in your head in any means even while thinking, you need to dissociate from that. Doing this repeatedly will enter samadhi. You will walk slower, you will talk less, you will often get sucked back into thought  in the beggining and since you are so focused forget what you are doing but you will bring it back to awareness. Eventually after time you have completely become the observer of thought and are in dream mode.

Edited Monday at 09:35 AM by Hojo

[PolyPeter]

22 hours ago, AJBrew said:

This was extremely helpful thank you.

cheers!

[manuel bon]

I see what you’re feeling. The more I go into spiritual practices the more I feel that way. It scares me, even though I am kind of attracted or drawn to it. I understood that maybe I’m not ready for all that, I still have to burn my karma before going deeper.

[Lazarus93]

I had DPDR for a whole year from 2023 - 2024. Was most likely weed induced. I would get into these states after taking big hits from my carts (very high THC carts, mind you) where reality just became so fucking alien. And unfortunately, memories of this state would stay with me even when I was sober. It was like reality became some alien thing I felt trapped in. I would for example, think of 'where am I located' and then panic because I couldn't find myself ("Wait.. am I just a picture that's being animated?? WHAT THE FUCK"), then my heart rate would go up and I would become super attentive to it and panic further. Another thing is I would hear this random noise.. almost like a pop which would just repeat if I focused on it and I would panic even more. Human faces looked so weird, I felt a sense of numbness to everything. Later, I would find out I was just in a super dissociated state due to extreme stress and anxiety from my life in the past few years. What helped was ignoring it and just focusing on my hobbies and things I enjoyed, talking to friends, working out, having a routine. It still felt like a demon that was just waiting in the background.

What completely pushed me out of DPDR was my very first shroom trip that I did back in 2024. I ate this shroom chocolate bar with my friend. Had 3.5g total of psilocybin. Shit was, unfortunately, way more intense than I anticipated. My DPDR started coming back at the beginning of the trip. It started to get so intense, man. It legit felt like being stuck in some horror movie. It was like I knew I had opened a door that was forbidden to be ever opened that I was never supposed to find while alive. My heart started going super fast.

Then I just.. completely gave up. I was so fucking scared that I just gave up. I realized that I had fucked up hard. Then, what proceeded felt like 8 hours of pure existential death where I completely forgot I ever had a life, infinite time loops, feeling like me and my friend's voice was the same entity, etc. The room I was in just became a bunch of visuals that made me feel like I had entered a forbidden alternate dimension, and I intuitively understood the pure magic of Consciousness. Somehow, in this state where I completely knew I was dead, in the sense that my life just felt like something I had been in 100 billion years ago, I was conscious. I cried and just kept apologizing to my friend because I realized my poor friend was suffering the same fate as I. This state, however, was so radically different from my sober state it legit felt like I had popped out of my dream as the me I thought I was my entire life. 

Well, either way, after the trip my DPDR completely went away.