Should you share your emotions with a women?

[integral]

3 hours ago, theleelajoker said:

@integral

Mixed feelings when I read your last post.

One the one hand, it feels to me you have gained true perspective on some stuff. 

On the other hand, it seems that because of the experiences you mention with people in the past, you're filtering reality too much through a negative lense re people and relationships.

You are right, relationships are not easy, there's a lot of boundary setting non-stop, etc etc. Just the way you say it, feels a bit too negative, too biased to me, you know?

LOL your right that i didnt get the best harvest out of random chance.
 

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There's also the fun side. Getting to know each other, the shifting of boundaries, the freedom of release of inner limits, oxitocyn and all the other nice stuff you can from any kind of relationship. 

Da FUn Side, yes all depends on how stable and mature she is, the BPD side of the spectrum is she is randomly triggered and "in a mood" with no warning. The day is a rollercoaster and nothing you can do about it, they are mentally/biologically ill.

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You see leeches, I see fear. And I see fun in overcoming these fears

Well report back in 10 years, lets give that lived experience a chance  

Edited 6 hours ago by integral

[Ramasta9]

The many women i met often are afraid of my emotional depth and intensity so when i open up too much they run away.

So yes its a very beautiful and attractive trait for women, but at the same time knowing when and how much and timing is crucial.

Its an intuitive practice, to read each and everyone, how much is right, how much is too much, time and space is everything, because we have to observe how they respond and what its time to step back and not frighten them away. When i was younger i didn't have this signal as much, i just offloaded everything because i expected them to be on the same wavelength. Very rare I come across anyone who is.

I am usually full on and jump into deep psychedelic portals with people who i can connect with on a deeper level but often i end up expecting they are vibing and can handle the deeper stuff and sometimes prematurely open up too much which ends up scaring them away.

I think this is why i've always vibed with older women best, they seem more grounded and emotionally / spiritually mature to handle it.

 

[Leo Gura]

20 minutes ago, Ramasta9 said:

when i open up too much they run away.

Maybe they run away for other reasons?

[Natasha Tori Maru]

I've never withdrawn from a man displaying emotional depth. Or opening up.

It's usually when neediness or dependency is transmitted that I perceive the potential for a negative dynamic to emerge. 

Edited 3 hours ago by Natasha Tori Maru

[bazera]

6 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

A former girlfriend asked me to be more vulnerable with her. I was too stoic for her liking.

And what did you do, did you change your ways?

That's exactly what my former girlfriend also asked me, and I was a bit confused because in my mind I was being vulnerable and emotional, but it turned she needed more, as you said she needed a supportive role.

And frankly, I didn't need much support. How can you pretend that you need more emotional support when you don't?

Edited 2 hours ago by bazera

[bazera]

33 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

I've never withdrawn from a man displaying emotional depth. Or opening up.

What about from a man who closed up or was a bit too stoic by default?

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It's usually when neediness or dependency is transmitted that I perceive the potential for a negative dynamic to emerge. 

There's a fine line between being needy vs non-needy when opening emotionally with a woman, as a man.

I remember one time opening up during a difficult conversation, talking about my emotions and my intentions a bit more emotionally than I was used to, and she perceived that as neediness and was repelled. 

So I think timing matters a lot. 

Do you also feel like the need to have a supportive role in a relationship? What if you feel a man doesn't require much of a support and is more like a self-sufficient type, is that a turn-off?

[Ramasta9]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

Maybe they run away for other reasons?

Maybe. Relationships have often been more challenging for me than other areas in life, at least the "traditional way" of relating, which always felt somewhat alien to me. I am a very odd nut, i was always the weird / isolated / hated kid in school. My circle has always been very small for this reason, and most people I struggle to engage with. I actually get along with women more than i do with men, but when it goes deeper, most of them don't seem to wanna go that deep cause it brings to much up to the surface and requires more energetic investment. 

@Natasha Tori Maru Curious what your thoughts are in this too? 

 

 

[AION]

First you create attraction which is the container of the relationship and after that can show emotion.

So first attraction which produces respect from her to you, and then you show vulnerability. 

So if you are a low quality unattractive men and you show vulnerability, you are better off farting in her face. But on the other hand, if she is attracted to you, you can get away with a fart.

That is why if a guy falls in love before a girl is attracted to the guy, it is a major turn off. Obviously you can show vulnerability but only to the porportion to her attraction to you.

Edited 2 hours ago by AION

[Natasha Tori Maru]

2 minutes ago, bazera said:

What about from a man who closed up or was a bit too stoic by default?

I've never encountered that dynamic, now I think on it. I have always had men naturally open up around me. I never put pressure on a man to open up before they are comfortable. It has always naturally happened as a result of an intense shared experience, or when recounting past or history. Many times the most intense emotional sharing happened when roley-poley playing in bed after sex. 

Not saying I am super special, but I think I come across as a non-threat. Or I do not probe at a mans emotions, unless I feel they are responding to my questions in some way.

8 minutes ago, bazera said:

Do you also feel like the need to have a supportive role in a relationship? What if you feel a man doesn't require much of a support and is more like a self-sufficient type, is that a turn-off?

I naturally like to find out what sort of purpose a man has and figure out how I can best support him in that purpose. I've always been that way, naturally.

That's not to say they are the main character for me - I have my own career and extensive hobbies. But when it comes to relationships I am very flexible with how I live. I enjoy to merge my lifestyle with a man's to support him and work out how I can flex my time. I like to push my limits. I grow a lot from pressure. So I put energy into helping my man achieve what his goals are, as well as having the privilege to see into his emotional world behind the scenes.

Self sufficient guys are great! It's all about connection for me. I have been in long term relationships where we were very independent. But the emotional connection, intellectual connection and sex was really high quality. Quality over time for me. I've been in LTR (3/4 years) living apart the whole time. I've also been in LTR living together (7years). Every dynamic is different. 

Being open emotionally has a lot of factors. Timing is a big one. Many people are so starved of connection they can heap it all onto the first person who shows authentic intimacy. I am very open and non-judgemental. But very honest. Not all people are like this; there are so many reasons a girl might be turned off by emotional intimacy. Maybe it's too soon. Maybe they feel smothered. Maybe they do not have the resiliency to hold space for intense emotions. Most of it, in my view, is immaturity from a woman. Some chicks want too much emotion of from their men. 

In general most guys open up emotionally with me when looking for a solution. Women share emotions just to share. So there are women who will claim their man isn't emotional or intimate with them. Often this is just a misunderstanding as a lot of guys I have met don't talk about shit like that unless they are looking for a solution or advice. 

Having said that, there are also dudes who are always open emotionally. And that's chill for me too. It's all about what's normal and baseline for their temperament. 

Really complex topic - you can't reduce it down to 'opening up turns women off'. 

That's simply way too reductionist.

[Natasha Tori Maru]

@Ramasta9 do you feel you have a stable sense of self, or does it feel as if you are very 'airy' and transient, able to shift perspectives so well you can lose yourself? 

[Ramasta9]

17 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

@Ramasta9 do you feel you have a stable sense of self, or does it feel as if you are very 'airy' and transient, able to shift perspectives so well you can lose yourself? 

Hmm.. I'd say both, it fluctuates. I notice when I am more in nature and rested, i feel unshakable and stable. When I am more in the city and busy with things and people, i can be somewhat of a shapeshifter and i blend in with others but don't hold my own as much as I'd like at times.

Last few years have been very challenging for me, somewhat shocking and traumatic that I am turning towards myself mostly and detaching from others, I guess you could say, reclaiming my power and sovereignty. I feel much more grounded and supportive of myself than before tho, putting myself first and not trying to carry the whole world on my shoulders.

I remember a while back a person mention this to me, saying that I remind him of a place or state he was embodied in once, holding his own and not shapeshifting as much while around others as he does now, I never properly understood what he meant until lately, and i feel this shapeshifting may be somewhat related to inner-child or familial wounds?

 

Edited 2 hours ago by Ramasta9

[Natasha Tori Maru]

36 minutes ago, Ramasta9 said:

I remember a while back a person mention this to me, saying that I remind him of a place or state he was embodied in once, holding his own and not shapeshifting as much while around others as he does now, I never properly understood what he meant until lately, and i feel this shapeshifting may be somewhat related to inner-child or familial wounds?

This last passage catches me. I cannot ever totally know another person or their story. But if you were in any sort of circumstances when young where your sense of self was encroached on by another. If you were ever made to feel responsible for someone else's large emotional reaction, it can cause a less stable sense of self to arise. It could be because you have so much openness and empathy the boundaries where you start and end, and where your partner starts and ends, can merge. If a woman isn't ready for that it can feel like their sense of self is merging so, intensly they are losing themselves. This can feel like a death of sorts, of the individual. As much as I think relationships are about dissolving the boundaries between us; they still need to remain to truly experience love - because love exists in the space between.

It just might be you have not been with a women who was very very aware of exactly who she was. You might just benefit from the sort of dynamic where one partner is more grounded and resiliant. I do think though, you are on the higher sensitivity and receptivity scale; which has its own unique challenges.

You mentioned you have had a hard year. Maybe this has been a big rattle up from the universe to steer you to do a lot of inner work? I bet you there are a serious of questions your year has prompted that keep arising. 

Overall I love relationships for growth. Ain't nothing else that can pull up your unconscious and show it to you like a romantic partner. 

It's a different domain for consciousness work.

I don't think I answered you or even that this is right on the mark. Just what came out 

Edited 1 hour ago by Natasha Tori Maru

[bazera]

34 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

Really complex topic - you can't reduce it down to 'opening up turns women off'. 

That's simply way too reductionist.

Yes it's a very nuanced topic, lots of variables.

35 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

In general most guys open up emotionally with me when looking for a solution. Women share emotions just to share. So there are women who will claim their man isn't emotional or intimate with them. Often this is just a misunderstanding as a lot of guys I have met don't talk about shit like that unless they are looking for a solution or advice. 

I'm like that, and I felt I had a bit of a pressure to over-share emotions when I was in a recent relationship, when naturally I'd not do it. I don't know if that's wrong or not. Wrong in the sense that it requires some work to be fixed. I'm still trying to figure that out, some somatic practices help me with that, connect with my emotions more and observe why isn't there a need to share more of it. There can be shame, guilt, etc, that might be getting in the way.

Of course you have to have an ability to feel and name your emotions, to then be able to share them. I observe most guys are not good at doing that. They are more in their minds then in bodies, where emotions reside.

What helped me was journaling as well, just sharing my emotions with myself, not to a woman. It's a whole aspect of a self-discovery journey for me, to actually trigger pent-up emotions somehow to the surface (or daily more subtle emotions), and integrate them, seeing what they're up to. It's interesting because a huge part of experience is dictated by those.

But still, even after doing a lot of emotional work, it doesn't mean that my personality will change drastically from somewhat stoic one to someone who just shares and is always open emotionally. I just want to figure out if anything is blocking the process, that's all.

47 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

So I put energy into helping my man achieve what his goals are, as well as having the privilege to see into his emotional world behind the scenes.

I think that's valuable, most guys will really appreciate that. That then creates more space for a man to open up emotionally and be more vulnurable.

If a woman is just focused on herself and doesn't care about what I'm going through, there's something wrong with a relationship.

I think in a healthy relationship both parties should care about each other needs and try to integrate and merge their own life priorities with their partner's ones, while also being able to stay independent. It's a tricky balance.

That's why I feel like I'm not suitable for LTR at the moment because I'm way too focused on myself due to some pressing issues that I feel I need to fix. It's won't always be that way, comes as a phase from time to time.

[Natasha Tori Maru]

@bazera killer yep yep yep agree 🙏

I view it as: this is my teammate on my side. We got each other's backs. We help each other achieve our goals.

And have a hell of a fun time doing it 😁

I like to let people open up naturally. And working with men, I have found, professionally and just in life: when you support them in their lifes work their openness and investment in the relationship is enhanced tenfold. They just naturally express emotions. And they also end up leaning on me to understand some feelings/emotions themselves. 

And due to that the intimacy naturally flourishes. No probing or pushing for emotional expression needed. 

This is just in general though, general temperament is unique. Some men just never open up emotionally, same with some women. 

Rolls back again to nothing being simple. Cannot be reductionist. Which is really challenging because I see men always wanting step 1 2 3 to apply to get it right. Which is the masculine way. But one method doesn't work across the unique spectrum of people and personality. And generally leads to wild generalisations and things like red pill etc

Edited 1 hour ago by Natasha Tori Maru

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, bazera said:

And what did you do, did you change your ways?

That was at the end of our relationship so there wasn't time for me to change.

1 hour ago, bazera said:

How can you pretend that you need more emotional support when you don't?

They just want you to share your struggles with them so they can get inside your mind.

[bazera]

17 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

Which is really challenging because I see men always wanting step 1 2 3 to apply to get it right.

That's a curse to being a man  You look for straight-forward solutions that can be applied on problems.

But of course reality isn't that straight-forward and most of the times there are not step-by-step instructions that can be applied to problems. It's much more fluid. 

17 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

And due to that the intimacy naturally flourishes. No probing or pushing for emotional expression needed. 

That's the best way, building a proper environmnent and set of circumstances that then allow emotional expression to naturally arise. Since it can't be forced, all you can do is try to minimize the blocks and see where that takes you.

Again, it's a whole process that needs emotional investing and thought. Especially if both partners aren't that good at expressing emotions, it all quickly turns into a mess if none of them things about these things explicitly.

But it's an interesting process, as you said, it's like a separate domain of consciousness work. Of course it comes together in a big picture with all the other stuff you're doing, but it also can be tackled separately.

17 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

And have a hell of a fun time doing it 😁

Yup

Edited 1 hour ago by bazera

[Ramasta9]

Thank you @Natasha Tori Maru This makes sense for me. I totally understand, doesn't need a perfect answer, or be 'on the mark', it was more a sort of a confirmation for me from what I have been reflecting upon too. The beauty of intuitive channeling 🙏🤍

I respect and find value in most of your comments and responses. 

[bazera]

8 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

That was at the end of our relationship so there wasn't time for me to change.

What would you change if you still had some time? 

I'm just asking because that was also the issue for me and just want to know your perspective on it.

What I'd do is, as you said, share more of my struggles and inner processes more honestly, not hide anything out of shame, and in general be more open with her on my intentions and inner turmoils. 

That's isn't easy to do for someone who doesn't feel a need to share all that. But that's exactly why it comes off as avoidence. Because it probably it. 

Avoidance of vulnerability.

Maybe it was different for you, I don't know.

[bazera]

18 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

so they can get inside your mind.

Why is there such a need in the first place?

I guess it's a part of building deeper intimacy with another person.

Edited 52 minutes ago by bazera

[Leo Gura]

12 minutes ago, bazera said:

Why is there such a need in the first place?

For the same reason you want to get inside her.