Trying to understand what happened psychologically after an intense vacation encounte

[thierry]

Hi everyone,

 

I’d like some outside perspectives on a situation that has been on my mind. I’m not looking for reassurance and I’m fully open to the possibility that this was simply a short vacation encounter that ended naturally. What I’m interested in is understanding the psychological dynamics behind what happened.

 

Last week I was staying at a hotel in Morocco and met a girl there (she’s 28, I’m 30). The way we met was quite spontaneous.

 

Around 11pm I was having a herbal tea at the hotel bar. She was there too, drinking a beer and talking with the bartenders. After a while she sat by herself at a nearby table. I wanted to approach her but didn’t really know how.

 

At some point someone said something to her in Arabic and she replied in Arabic. I asked her what it meant, and that’s how I started the conversation. I then asked if I could sit at her table and she said yes.

 

We started talking and it quickly became obvious we were flirting. The tension built up quite naturally.

 

In front of the bar there was a swimming pool, and at some point we had the idea of going for a swim. It was technically forbidden at that hour and people told us not to do it, but we still jumped in anyway. We stayed in the pool for about 10 minutes before security asked us to get out.

 

After that we had to go back to dry ourselves. Our rooms happened to be in the same area of the hotel, so we walked back together. When we reached her door, she asked if I wanted to come in, and I said yes. We ended up sleeping together that night.

 

During sex she was very expressive and vocal (for example she was saying “habibi,” which means “my love” in Arabic). Afterward we cuddled and she was looking at me very intensely. Personally I felt a very strong connection in that moment.

 

The next morning was my flight day going back to Paris. I left early because I couldn’t sleep much, while she slept most of the morning and even into early afternoon. Before I left she had told me I could knock on her door before my departure because I was flying home that day at 3pm.

 

So later I came back and knocked. We had about an hour together. I suggested we go for a walk on the beach, so we walked along the beach and talked a bit more.

 

During that walk we were both laughing a lot and she seemed genuinely sad that I was leaving. At one point we were joking about how it always seems that when you meet someone in a really intense way, the universe makes sure your paths separate quickly. We were laughing about how it’s always on the very last day of the trip that these kinds of encounters happen  and that if we had met a few days earlier we probably could have spent two or three relaxed days together at the hotel.

 

In fact, I even briefly considered extending my stay. I was supposed to leave Friday afternoon while she was leaving Sunday afternoon, so we technically could have spent two more days together. I thought about postponing some math lessons I had scheduled for the weekend, but in the end I decided it didn’t feel responsible to cancel work commitments just to stay longer with her not that I did not want to but it did not feel right. 

 

When we said goodbye I kissed her, and when I stopped she asked for one more kiss.

 

Then I left and flew back home.

 

She, however, stayed at the hotel for two more nights (Friday night and Saturday night) before leaving for London on Sunday.

 

After I got back we continued messaging on WhatsApp. The conversation was playful and flirtatious. At one point she even sent me a sexy photo from her hotel room and we exchanged voice messages. She also said something like “I am a girl who gets what she wants 😉”.

 

The last exchange we had was Saturday night. I told her my brothers had just come home and that I was going to spend the evening with them and would catch up later. She answered warmly and then asked me:

 

“What’s your zodiac sign? I feel like you’re a Virgo.”

 

I replied with a few short voice messages answering her question and joking around a bit.

 

After that she never opened my messages again.

 

The timeline is important here: Saturday night she was still at the hotel (while I had already left the country), and Sunday was her travel day back to London. From that point on, my messages remained unread and the conversation stopped completely.

 

I’m trying to understand what could have happened psychologically. Some possibilities I’ve been considering:

 

Maybe the interaction was simply a “vacation romance” that felt intense in the moment but wasn’t meant to continue once real life resumed.

Maybe she met or slept with another guy during her last evening at the hotel and that experience overshadowed the connection we had. The hotel is known for having very attractive Colombian dancers who work there and who are reputed to hook up with many female guests.

Maybe my attitude after we slept together came across as a bit attached or needy. I’m aware that neediness is unattractive, and I tried to keep things cool in my messages, but the truth is that I did feel a strong connection with her and maybe that came across in subtle ways.

Maybe the energy simply changed once we both returned to our normal environments.

 

 

From an outside perspective, what do you think is the most plausible explanation?

 

I’m genuinely interested in understanding the psychological dynamics behind situations like this.

 

Thanks.

 

[Spiritual Warrior]

3 hours ago, thierry said:

Maybe the interaction was simply a “vacation romance” that felt intense in the moment but wasn’t meant to continue once real life resumed.

This is it right here in my opinion. You like this girl and you are attached to her, but you experienced one night with this woman, yes you felt comfortable enough to become intimate with her, but the reality is that you barely know her.  You have no idea if a serious relationship could flourish without going out with each other but you live half way across the world. 

You had one of those magical nights with an amazing woman, but now it's over because nothing in life is permanent, everything always comes to an end unfortunately. Let go of your attachment to her and you will feel at peace. 

 

 

Edited 5 hours ago by Spiritual Warrior

[LordFall]

You can never fully know these things but the lesson is abundance. On her side yes if she's an attractive woman travelling she probably routinely has flings with tourist. The more important lesson though if you don't have a location independent business/career you're also stuck in one place and a slave in some way so you can't really date women across the world and take them on adventures with you.

You're just a dude that saved up to travel met a girl and when you left she probably realized you were just a random dude not worth talking to again and she moved on. You should aim to be so special that when a woman meets you that changes the whole trajectory of her life because you're an abundant high value man. 

This is why I really hated the idea of travelling a lot before I reached financial independence in my business, seems like a great way to blue balls yourself and the women you meet as fundamentally you're not in abundance. You went to Morocco this time, imagine if you did a euro and asia trip; how many amazing women you would've met that you can't really bring into your life apart basically begging them to have a long distance relationship with you?

Instead of playing sherlock holmes with this woman on what happened I would personally level up your finances; it'll solve a lot of these situations. 

[Judy2]

i don't think you did anything wrong.

i also don't necessarily think she met anybody else in that time.

the psychology dynamic can be blamed on the circumstances under which you met and the somewhat unfortunate time frame. you two got close rather quickly, then one of you had to leave....and i think at some point she had to choose to "shut down" a bit as to avoid being vulnerable/getting her hopes up too much and ending up heartbroken. and this had to be a rather swiftly made, abrupt decision, because otherwise it would be a lot more painful to let emotions fade out over time. 

just my best guess after reading this:)

[aurum]

@thierry

My guess is she just knows she’s going back to real life. And she’s not wanting to get more invested now that vacation is over.

It doesn’t sound like anything specifically wrong you did.