Why Has Dating Collapsed? The Real Reason No One Talks About

[Natasha Tori Maru]

Hue hue hue

oH nOES! My bOdY cOunT is HiGh! WomEN r HyPeRgamOus!!!

MEn LoVE UncoNdiTiOnAlly, WoMeN LoVE OppoRtUniSticAlly!!!

I better stop now >.>

The funny thing is, red pill is meant to help men out dating. And most dudes don't even realize its red pill thinking behind half the popular podcasters these days. I don't actually see red pill advice actually helping men at all in practice...

Regarding Ralston. Man, I dunno. Not enough info to go off from him. I would love to hear him rap on about romantic love more. But there's very little of his stuff out there on it.

For me - just as there is spirituality, nonduality, unity and oneness - to see through that requires subject/object dissolution. Dissolving the barriers between subject and object - either by viewing self and all distinction as object object. Or seeing self in everything; self-self dissolution. All as one.

A romantic partnership is about dissolving the barriers between two. Just as marriage isn't a unity of two; it is dissolving all that is between. But in romantic paring, your bias, your issues, your troubles, your bullshit - show up. It is a more accurate mirror because I cannot see myself while behind my eyes. There is more opportunity for healing and growth in romance. I have always felt a glass ceiling present when going true alone monk-mode. Monk-mode can be done with the right partner.

Just my feelings on the matter 

Edited 8 hours ago by Natasha Tori Maru

[theleelajoker]

14 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

Hue hue hue

oH nOES! My bOdY cOunT is HiGh! WomEN r HyPeRgamOus!!!

MEn LoVE UncoNdiTiOnAlly, WoMeN LoVE OppoRtUniSticAlly!!!

I better stop now >.>

The funny thing is, red pill is meant to help men out dating. And most dudes don't even realize its red pill thinking behind half the popular podcasters these days. I don't actually see red pill advice actually helping men at all in practice...

Regarding Ralston. Man, I dunno. Not enough info to go off from him. I would love to hear him rap on about romantic love more. But there's very little of his stuff out there on it.

For me - just as there is spirituality, nonduality, unity and oneness - to see through that requires subject/object dissolution. Dissolving the barriers between subject and object - either by viewing self and all distinction as object object. Or seeing self in everything; self-self dissolution. All as one.

A romantic partnership is about dissolving the barriers between two. Just as marriage isn't a unity of two; it is dissolving all that is between. But in romantic paring, you bias, your issues, troubles show up. It is a more accurate mirror because I cannot see myself while behind my eyes. There is more opportunity for healing and growth in romance. I have always felt a glass ceiling present when going true alone monk-mode. Monk-mode can be done with the right partner.

Just my feelings on the matter 

I always wonder: how did humanity survive so far WITHOUT dating coaches?

Agree on the subject/ object point. For me it's more and more a "ok interesting reflection of me" thing re any relationship, romantic or not.@Breakingthewall often talks about how reality has to be synchronized and that's how it feels for me. Alignement, allowing a free synchronisation is the main theme for me currently. You could call it removing barriers.  Or you could call it dancing

The romantic relationship just are   deeper because of the sexual component as an additional level

[Natasha Tori Maru]

@theleelajoker Agree! The sexual component really interests me. I find through really intense meditation and mindfulness practice my quality of focus and attention is enhanced.

I always relate this back to orgasm - it is the only time I am in a pure state of being; in single minded highest quality focus. I have occasionally had experiences of do nothing meditation where this heightened quality-of-focus is so high it almost feels ORGASMIC. No shit. Freaky as fuck the first time I experienced it. 

Since then, I have always wondered if the drive for pair bonding and orgasm with another was to experience this extreme/heightened focus state. Where I am completely one with my body, with another. Like my desire for romantic paring is a desire to merge with another and sex/orgasm is the easiest mechanical way to do it. Total unity of focus of two beings. Becoming one being. Just being.

Needless to say, I have been working on the quality of my focus through mediation for some time now. Not just the ability or duration of attention. Which is a different domain entirely - and one in which it saddens me is being eroded by technology.

Anyway, just some crazy musings before I fall asleep! 

Edited 7 hours ago by Natasha Tori Maru

[bazera]

@Natasha Tori Maru

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And most dudes don't even realize its red pill thinking behind half the popular podcasters these days.

For sure, it's so easy to fall into some kind of a dating advice "pill" mindset (via YT, insta, tiktok, you name it) without even recognizing what you're doing, self-deception 101.

It's the same problem that we have with anything else, people don't think for themselves, they outsource the biggest decisions of their lives to some YouTube podcasters without even thinking twice, or researching alternative worldviews, because it's much more easy to subscribe to whatever dating advice sounds reasonable at some point in one's life, then to realize that you don't know shit and you have to field test everything, and I mean everything. 

I have made that mistake so many times, believing shit online and then in real life it was 180 degrees oposite of that. Not all advice is like that, but many are.

It's so much healthier to promote ways of moving into secure attachment, but it doesn't sound sexy to young people, you know 😆 

Quote

Regarding Ralston. Man, I dunno. Not enough info to go off from him. I would love to hear him rap on about romantic love more. But there's very little of his stuff out there on it.

The reason I mentioned Ralston here is that it's interesting to me how conscious (much much more conscious then me) people handle intimate relationships. But maybe he's so detached that his experience won't be relateble from my point of view. As I said, development can't be faked and you have to go with whatever you've got in the moment, while working on improving your ways.

Quote

A romantic partnership is about dissolving the barriers between two. Just as marriage isn't a unity of two; it is dissolving all that is between. But in romantic paring, your bias, your issues, your troubles, your bullshit - show up. It is a more accurate mirror because I cannot see myself while behind my eyes. There is more opportunity for healing and growth in romance. I have always felt a glass ceiling present when going true alone monk-mode. Monk-mode can be done with the right partner.

right partner is a keyword here, because I don't see much couples thinking about dissolving barriers, most are defending their on barriers. Hell, even I wasn't doing that, when I knew better. It was hard, but at the same time it was growth opportunity, which I missed unfortunately. 

What I concluded from that experience was that first I need to figure out myself and life solo, at least to some degree, to be able to then show up as a dancer in a relationship who can more or less go with the flow of her femininity and dance with her. In that relationship I was like a noob dancer you know, who just doesn't understand when to move his feet, and fucks up the session, and if the other partner isn't a good dancer either, well, it just doesn't work out.

I don't just mean figuring out metaphysics, I mean more personal stuff, needs, wants, boundries, reflecting on self-deceptions, loving myself to the point that I live an integrous life. Developing love for life. That can be done solo.

Relationship can enrich all that and make it deeper, potentially.

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But in romantic paring, your bias, your issues, your troubles, your bullshit - show up. It is a more accurate mirror because I cannot see myself while behind my eyes.

Yes it takes a more effort. Not effort per se, more initiative I'd say. In a relationship you're forced to look at your own shit like it or not. When single, you must have some kind of a practice / procedure of self-reflection to fascilitate that kind of "mirror".

Edited 6 hours ago by bazera

[bazera]

@theleelajoker

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I always wonder: how did humanity survive so far WITHOUT dating coaches?

There wasn't even such thing as "dating" for most of human history. I was just listening to Yeonmi Park, North Korean defector, and when she was growing up, there wasn't a concept of "dating" there, even the word love was only preserved for their dictators.

Who knows how the this dating thing morphed and got modernized as we have now in the west.

Oh and in the past there wasn't video game and porn addiction and living 24/7 in the mom's basement eating cheetos thing 😆 So people socialized by default.

Edited 6 hours ago by bazera

[bazera]

https://www.amazon.com/Grace-Grit-Spirituality-Healing-Killam/dp/1570627428

Oh you guys should check this out, it's a beautiful love story between two conscious individuals, it's Ken Wilber's couple years of journey with his wife who was suffering with cancer at the end and died unfortunately. It's tragic but a beautiful story of love.

Podcasters should talk about shit like this, but I guess it wont generate much views.

Edited 7 hours ago by bazera

[bazera]

@Natasha Tori Maru

Quote

I have occasionally had experiences of do nothing meditation where this heightened quality-of-focus is so high it almost feels ORGASMIC. No shit. Freaky as fuck the first time I experienced it. 

Do you practice Yoga? It's literally a practice of manipulating a sexual energy (supposedly), and if you already have high concentration ability with meditation, it would translate into Yoga breathwork nicely.

[Natasha Tori Maru]

20 minutes ago, bazera said:

https://www.amazon.com/Grace-Grit-Spirituality-Healing-Killam/dp/1570627428

Oh you guys should check this out, it's a beautiful love story between two conscious individuals, it's Ken Wilber's couple years of journey with his wife who was suffering with cancer at the end and died unfortunately. It's tragic but a beautiful story of love.

Podcasters should talk about shit like this, but I guess it wont generate much views.

Ohhhh! Thank you I will check this out 🙏

19 minutes ago, bazera said:

@Natasha Tori Maru

Do you practice Yoga? It's literally a practice of manipulating a sexual energy (supposedly), and if you already have high concentration ability with meditation, it would translate into Yoga breathwork nicely.

Yep, I do! It helped a lot with my emotional healing initially (release and somatic work), and now I would say the energy I feel is mostly sexual. Without being erotic, if you get my meaning.

More the movement of primal energy. Enhanced focus from the do nothing meditation and yoga makes the experience of being and movement more intense than a hit of MDMA for me. It has taken a long time to feel into my body with this much sensation. Taking mushrooms... When everything in your body is vibrating. Similar feeling. I haven't needed to use substances in a while now.

Training the quality of awareness also dovetailed back to consciousness work.

[bazera]

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It has taken a long time to feel into my body with this much sensation. Taking mushrooms... When everything in your body is vibrating. Similar feeling. I haven't needed to use substances in a while now.

Nice. That's also what I'm working towards, still in infancy stages but still 🙈

What kept you going daily initially, when you didn't have much results to go with? You just did it over and over again until your senses got developed more and more?

Some people told me that it was psychedelic experinces that gave them motivation to practice deeper.

[theleelajoker]

@Natasha Tori Maru

Re sex & connection few things I noticed:

• Orgasms get better, deeper more intense with spiritual practices
• To orgasm, you really have to let go + being present and feel which is what you might call spirituality is mainly about 
• More spiritual practice, the more I can feel other persons orgasms 
• Never had anything remotely close to orgasm in meditation or with psychedelics, through 
• For me it's less the merging it's more the communication, the exchange of everything you do and everything you are in this moment. Feeling the resonance of your partner 

@bazera

• Re Dating coaches, IMO the only advice should be: 1)become aware of who you are, 2) what you need/desire right now and how to do 1)+2) YOUR WAY. Not teaching some way, but how to make people create their own 
• While I agree re the solo part in general, I believe some alignement re the things you mention (boundaries, needs, wants..) can only be advanced in direct interaction. Too much "solo" could be a artificial reason to ignore the need for connection. And it mustn't always be a "big relationship" - you can work through a lot in a day, a night or a weekend, two adults knowing that their time is limited and making best use of what is. Some steps are done in small romantic relationships until the one appears where you go deeper, for weeks, months, years...

Edited 3 hours ago by theleelajoker

[bazera]

@theleelajoker

Quote

Too much "solo" could be a artificial reason to ignore the need for connection.

For sure. Too much "solo" can be masking fears of intimacy, connection and relationships in general, and missing growth opportunitues.

Currently I'm 5 months post a breakup of a 4 year old relationship, and I'm trying to recalibrate my experience from "we" to "me", and trying to resolve some of the attachment issues and some of the problematic ways that I was behaving during those years. That's why I was emphasizing a solo work. 

[theleelajoker]

2 hours ago, bazera said:

@theleelajoker

For sure. Too much "solo" can be masking fears of intimacy, connection and relationships in general, and missing growth opportunitues.

Currently I'm 5 months post a breakup of a 4 year old relationship, and I'm trying to recalibrate my experience from "we" to "me", and trying to resolve some of the attachment issues and some of the problematic ways that I was behaving during those years. That's why I was emphasizing a solo work. 

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