3 Months in South East Asia: Socialising, Pickup, IFS and more

[riplo]

It's Day 6 - Currently on the plane to Chiang Mai

After 4 nights of bad sleep, so bad that I was entering paranoid delusion (as discussed) I still couldn't sleep on Day 5 night. I ended up getting only 3h.

I followed all the rules of good sleep hygiene.

• Wake up 11.30-1.30
• No caffeine after 2pm
• No naps
• Get back to private room 2.30am, deeply exhausted already 
• Low light and f.lux on phone
• Meditate stretch or read before bed
• Earplugs, eye mask, coldish room
• In bed at 3.30
• Lie down doing slow breaths and body scans

And every night I would lie there with my heart beating quickly, in a state of fight of flight for literally 4h+ without being able to relax fully or sleep.

One night I meditated lying down motionless for 2h before getting angry and moving.

I did not expect my body to have such a reaction to this place. My mind and soul felt healthy and capable, but my body had it's own reaction.

Looking back, it makes sense. New food, heat, bacteria, humidity, noise, chaos, bed, and new social environment in like 5 different ways.

It reminds me of when you get a new cat. You have to put it in a room and just expect it to hide for 5 days no matter how comfortable you make it's new environment. It's nervous system needs to adjust, no way to rush it.

Looking back I would have gotten myself a peaceful airbnb alone for 3 days before going to a party hostel.

Part of me was afraid I would close up socially on this trip, so overreacted by throwing me straight in the most uncomfortable social environment I could imagine. Acting out of such unconscious fears often backfires.

Anyway day 5 I kept it quiet and chill, I was just stopping myself falling asleep and giving my body a feeling of comfort and safety.

Spent most of the day alone, doing tourist stuff. Rode around on a boat, got a full 1h massage.

Then guess what, I went to hostel dinner again on Day 5. Made small talk and stayed all the way to the drinking game I went crazy about on day 4. Turns out, it wasn't even a drinking game. It was just some game throwing balls around on a pool table. I played with everyone and despite being tired it was fun.

So that whole thing yesterday, that felt like a life and death situation requiring jumping out the window, was actually completely fictional and had zero grounding in reality.

Then finally last night, I got a full 9h sleep. It felt so good, like finding water in the desert. I still feel kind of strange, but generally conscious and much better than yesterday. I'm excited for chiang mai!!!

Also one of the girls working at the hostel was so fucking hot... it's just shocking

[riplo]

Day 7

It has dawned on me that what I am doing here is true spirituality, or at least truer than I have ever done till now.

It is one thing to stay connected to presence, to being, to the body, to remain as the witness, when you're on a meditation cushion, safe somewhere alone in a room.

It is another to stay connected to it, to try and bring it into your thoughts word and action, when you're out there, constantly scared and reacting, mind and body going crazy, shit flying everywhere.

[Butters]

12 hours ago, riplo said:

Day 7

It has dawned on me that what I am doing here is true spirituality, or at least truer than I have ever done till now.

It is one thing to stay connected to presence, to being, to the body, to remain as the witness, when you're on a meditation cushion, safe somewhere alone in a room.

It is another to stay connected to it, to try and bring it into your thoughts word and action, when you're out there, constantly scared and reacting, mind and body going crazy, shit flying everywhere.

I feel you man, I feel the same right now. Stress, and it's pouring rain. Lots of uncertainty in these kinds of situations. Gotta tap from within and start living in the desired reality right now

[riplo]

@Butters For sure man. Wishing you success 🙏

Day 8

Following something_else' advice I have moved to a not party hostel. This is exactly what I needed. Party hostels I will return to once I have regained some stability.

I'm so grateful for my friends and family back home. They are so loving, so accepting, wise and honest and funny and thoughtful.

 

Some quotes from Conversations with God that keep swirling in mind:

• reaction vs creation - the only difference is the c, so reaction from past experience can become creation of new experience when you c (see) clearly

I'm trying to be present and look around around, so I can see these social situations for what they really are. If I can really see them as they are, Vs what my conditioned mind projects onto them, I can move past fear and choose a new way of acting.

• If you don't go within, you go without
• There's a difference between what is Natural and what is Normal. Normal is just something commonly done. Natural is what you are when you're not trying to be normal. I tell you this: nothing is more natural than love

Edited 3 hours ago by riplo