Casual sex is always based on a lie ?

[Howtolive]

39 minutes ago, theleelajoker said:

You have a point IMO about the value of sex (both gendersl equally for me) and honesty/ dishonesty (also both gender).

But I believe you overestimate male aggression.

Children born out rape < children born out of caring, mutual coupling for survival of species.

Plus, and much more important: fun for the man if a woman is welcoming you vs. forcing woman. 

No need for rape. Go to a sexy prostitute and see how you like that sex vs. the one with your GF that loves you and you love her

I agree with you. 
 

I am talking about the instinct though. Human is more then that of course. 
 

probably back in stonage, things looked different. And casual sex is the opposite of a loving relationship. So I argue -> closer to stonage 

[theleelajoker]

1 hour ago, Howtolive said:

I agree with you. 
 

I am talking about the instinct though. Human is more then that of course. 
 

probably back in stonage, things looked different. And casual sex is the opposite of a loving relationship. So I argue -> closer to stonage 

I'm not really sure I get your point.

So what you're saying to that there is a deep instinct for dominance and destructive energy in males? Especially expressed in sex? Where the woman surrenders to the man?

Yeah, makes sense that there is this energy of destruction where there is creation (new life) and dominance where there is submission.

BUT: I see that equally in men and women. Men dominate physically, women have their own ways. Just different. If my gfs or affairs wanted submissive sex, they knew exactly what buttons to push in me back then. One even said: "you're man are so easily manipulated into doing what we want" LOL

 

And: As as submissive part, you're actually the dominant one - because you set the limits. You signals what's tolerated, what's in line and what crosses the line. Your show your neck, you put the others hand on it or take it away, you tell how hard the hair pull, how hard the slapping etc etc.

And yeah, you can see that the man dominates the woman because he penetrates her. But guess what my ex said? She said: "yeah you can see it that way. Or you see that's its the woman exerting her will over the man. Because she encloses the man's dick, she pulls her self over the man, dominating him in this way"

It's not WHAT you do. It's HOW you do it, what intention, what energy is behind the action 

 

Edited Tuesday at 02:36 PM by theleelajoker

[Howtolive]

6 hours ago, AION said:

No, this forum is very sensitive to certain truths so I prefer not to share it on this forum. I only share tit bits and even that caused a lot of panties in a bunch. And usually it is not appreciated so I'm ok. 

The best way to understand dating that it is a play like a theater play. You want everybody to take off their masks and stop the play but that is boring. So it is not good to disrupt the play if you want to " play". Why do you think they are dolled up with make up like a Jester? It is a play.

It is similar to the story of the emperor has no clothes which I won't expand upon but you can connect the dots.

 

2 hours ago, theleelajoker said:

I'm not really sure I get your point.

So what you're saying to that there is a deep instinct for dominance and destructive energy in males? Especially expressed in sex? Where the woman surrenders to the man?

Yeah, makes sense that there is this energy of destruction where there is creation (new life) and dominance where there is submission.

BUT: I see that equally in men and women. Men dominate physically, women have their own ways. Just different. If my gfs or affairs wanted submissive sex, they knew exactly what buttons to push in me back then. One even said: "you're man are so easily manipulated into doing what we want" LOL

 

And: As as submissive part, you're actually the dominant one - because you set the limits. You signals what's tolerated, what's in line and what crosses the line. Your show your neck, you put the others hand on it or take it away, you tell how hard the hair pull, how hard the slapping etc etc.

And yeah, you can see that the man dominates the woman because he penetrates her. But guess what my ex said? She said: "yeah you can see it that way. Or you see that's its the woman exerting her will over the man. Because she encloses the man's dick, she pulls her self over the man, dominating him in this way"

It's not WHAT you do. It's HOW you do it, what intention, what energy is behind the action 

 

For exmaple at the end of second world war countless Russian men raped a lot of German woman.
There is a beast inside of men when it comes to sexuality which is very primal an raw and which can lead men into rape.

Thats why I say this is not just a playful instinct for men. It's very primal and has a lot to do with dominance. If not integrated correctly can become very destructive. 

I actaully see it as the men always being the dominant act during sex, even though it is a submissive position the man is in. If the man is able to give his seed it's automatically a win by nature. And his DNA able to reproduce. His instinct stays the same.

Lots of male mammals need to fight other males in order to get excess. 



 

[theleelajoker]

10 minutes ago, Howtolive said:

For exmaple at the end of second world war countless Russian men raped a lot of German woman.
There is a beast inside of men when it comes to sexuality which is very primal an raw and which can lead men into rape.

Thats why I say this is not just a playful instinct for men. It's very primal and has a lot to do with dominance. If not integrated correctly can become very destructive. 

I actaully see it as the men always being the dominant act during sex, even though it is a submissive position the man is in. If the man is able to give his seed it's automatically a win by nature. And his DNA able to reproduce. His instinct stays the same.

Lots of male mammals need to fight other males in order to get excess. 

OK, now I got it.  That was useful to better understand your point. It's true, history is full of examples like that. 

What I am thinking is: Not every man in war becomes a rapist. So it's not about instincts, it's not automatic, it's about how you carry yourself.

[Howtolive]

8 minutes ago, theleelajoker said:

OK, now I got it.  That was useful to better understand your point. It's true, history is full of examples like that. 

What I am thinking is: Not every man in war becomes a rapist. So it's not about instincts, it's not automatic, it's about how you carry yourself.

Exactly it's how you carry yourself. The instinct I just that, an instinct. 

But I belive every man has this instinct. If there is an instinct in man that can go as far as rape, I would say it's a good idea for male sexuality to integrate that instinct into meaningful relationships. I would say in casual sex this instinct is way more destructive than people realise. 
 

[theleelajoker]

1 minute ago, Howtolive said:

Exactly it's how you carry yourself. The instinct I just that, an instinct. 

But I belive every man has this instinct. If there is an instinct in man that can go as far as rape, I would say it's a good idea for male sexuality to integrate that instinct into meaningful relationships. I would say in casual sex this instinct is way more destructive than people realise. 
 

It seems to me you can make that point just based on personal perspective, without talking about other men.

"I experience (sexual) aggression and the best way to integrate it is avoid casual sex and instead to express it in a meaningful relationship" 

[Howtolive]

1 minute ago, theleelajoker said:

It seems to me you can make that point just based on personal perspective, without talking about other men.

"I experience (sexual) aggression and the best way to integrate it is avoid casual sex and instead to express it in a meaningful relationship" 

It's more that I guess that most men are not really honest to themselves or the woman. Most males around me have the same sexual aggression I describe 

[theleelajoker]

1 hour ago, Howtolive said:

It's more that I guess that most men are not really honest to themselves or the woman. Most males around me have the same sexual aggression I describe 

Gotcha ( I think, let's see)

So you discovered sth for you think applies to many (I agree re my friends). And you're bringing awareness to this topic because it is rather unconscious so far, with the intention to direct this flow of aggression away from destructive patterns into a meaningful and constructive way. 

[Howtolive]

2 hours ago, theleelajoker said:

Gotcha ( I think, let's see)

So you discovered sth for you think applies to many (I agree re my friends). And you're bringing awareness to this topic because it is rather unconscious so far, with the intention to direct this flow of aggression away from destructive patterns into a meaningful and constructive way. 

Man , you framed it better then I could myself.

Thanks !! 
 

yeah that’s it 

[theleelajoker]

14 hours ago, Howtolive said:

Man , you framed it better then I could myself.

Thanks !! 
 

yeah that’s it 

Nice. 

Thanks too, I learned stuff for me though our exchange. Good teamwork

I am REALLY curious what the context of my next sexual interaction will be. Casual or relationship sex? What kind of sex, what type of woman?

Will it be a woman that wants that kind of aggressive sex, or one that wants a different kind of experience? Does she think it's not good to desire this, or does she even incentivize men into that aggression? (That's the other side of the coin for me - it's like a key and a lock, this male aggression does not exist in a vacuum)

Let's stay tuned for the next episode of "strangers exchange perspectives about how to fuck the right way in an online forum" 🤣

 

 

Edited 18 hours ago by theleelajoker

[Xonas Pitfall]

21 hours ago, Howtolive said:

Very hardcore opinion now  hope that doesn’t hit the forums rules or something… I belive if men would have not been socialized the way we are right now. We would basically have an instinct to „rape“ woman. I belive this is how strong the sexual instinct in men is, if we were to be completly honest. 

I also don’t think this is that hardcore or controversial. If humans weren’t socialized at all, we’d all be cannibalizing, killing, murdering, enslaving, and raping each other just to survive. That’s the raw brutality of survival. You see versions of this behaviour across both male and female mammals, and it shows up clearly in more primal or survival-oriented Stage Purple/Red spiral dynamics as well.