How to practice approaching women?

[fopylo]

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DSze76kidja/?igsh=bXZzNXQ4b3BzaXZn

Coincidence it popping first thing in my feed

[Zenterus]

17 hours ago, fopylo said:

 

• Regarding flirtation and escalation... Maybe I'll hold on with it a bit. Hopefully she helps with it as well, but I don't think I'm going hard with it and would be ok if we don't sleep the first time we meet. After all, the date itself seems to put more pressure on me 😂. I'll find a way to end it though.

@Zenterus If of anything, I'd like to hear you especially regarding the last part.

On 27/12/2025 at 5:22 PM, fopylo said:

 

Sounds good man. Again, its via tinder so no need to do too much flirting since the context already sets the tone for the date. 

Have fun on the date, man! Let us know how it goes. 

[fopylo]

Ok, here is the update from today:

Spoiler - there was no date eventually.

Been texting her about meeting at 17:00 today (she seemed like she wanted to meet from yesterday's talk), but she ghosted it. Sent a reminder for her just to nudge one time. She didn't answer at the boundary I set for myself so in my mind I cancelled the date and didn't do the preparations I thought of doing, even though I spent some time with chatgpt thinking of the trajectory of the date and some questions to ask. At some point during this ghosting phase I was hoping she won't answer because I was kinda turned off. So yes, a bit of a let down and I was getting anxious for nothing. Not even a practice in hand.

So I decided to rest a bit on my bed with the phone and fell a bit into scrolling tinder and even watching some porn gifs for some stimulation. I felt weak. This stimulation makes me more inhibited for socializing and less in the mood to approach. Felt more primal. I didn't really feel like approaching women today. I felt it strong as I went to work out near some beach at night and I was just feeling this inhibiting feeling, yet I at least tried releasing some of this blocked sexual energy by working out. At that point I really considered just going to get a happy ending massage.

I first went to eat dinner. After I left the place I saw the guy that's welcoming people to come in trying to convince a woman (I believe in her 30's) to come in. I was in front of her by like a few meters and just told her "yes, I was just there. The food is actually pretty good but he doesn't really know how to sell well". It was just a one liner, nothing to expect. But then she started talking to ME, and said she's traveling alone and so am I, and she offered me to go to a bar with her, could you believe? I didn't even know exactly what was happening, because on one hand I didn't know if she was kinda flirting with me and on another hand she mentioned how she's gonna meet some guys in the bar. I told her I plan to walk this street back and forth and that's it (didn't tell her why, but the reason is because I heard there's happy ending massage there). As I was walking I kinda felt like a bitch - I could've probably just stayed with her and see where things go and practice instead of heading to the massage parlor. But I was just not really in the mood and felt like an incell. She said she lives alone and we also exchanged Instagram (I suggested). I tried making eye contact, but not so easy for me to be so playful. The mood just wasn't very much there, but the thing is that I think she was a little into me by the way she also suggested I come join her and that she was very receptive to me asking for her Instagram and also she messaged me a few hours after + sent a casual video of the ocean. Who knows. I might meet her tomorrow evening for the fireworks show.

Anyways, yes, I went to the happy ending massage parlor. They are just so accessible here in Thailand. I think of it a bit like a treat for myself (it's just like 50$) and you get a massage + handjob/blowjob. It was nice but the problem is that I cum too fast. I felt a little weird telling her to relax a bit with the handjob because I was getting close to climax and in general just to kinda guide her to my needs. Felt afterwards a bit like a pussy. Going to such a thing rather than talking to women, but then again, it's all about how I frame it. After all it was a treat I thought of giving myself after those last few days of hard work going out of my comfort zone talking to women.

Thing is that I am not willing to tell this to my friends (happy ending massages I got). They know me as this cool dude, but I know that if I tell them then I'll lose respect from some people and be deemed some way. I don't want this. Of course I'd like to get back into running game, but maybe I needed this little pause.

So I come back to 7 11 to get a little snack. Then I see the British guy from my room coming with his motorbike here with some British girl. They are both drunk, and the guy was telling me how he plans to take her to the hostel room and fuck her. They were fucking in the room. Later there was a bit of a fiasco in the room because of that, but yes, a bit stingy. The guy went to a club and pulled a girl and fucked her, while I went to pay a 40 year old milf to suck my dick.

 

So overall regarding approaches - I would consider that woman from Capetown a half approach because she kinda helped lead it but I was running with her for a bit and got her Instagram. So you know what? I'll consider it as one because I still was the one to say the first thing.

Ok so regarding tinder I think it is quite useless if women choose stuff based on instantaneous mood. But anyways I hope to come back stronger. I'm supposed to meet this Chinese cute girl for a little excursion (she was beforehand in the hostel but moved to another place). I got the vibe that we might become just friends, but I don't really know by the way she shows excitement meeting. I'd like to meet her because she's kinda cute (even as a friend), but gosh I'll need to wake up in like 4.5 hours from now... Plus I'm gonna meet this woman from Capetown.

Who knows what will happen tomorrow? Until my next update 🙃

[fopylo]

Update from today:

So this morning I frantically got up getting ready just for the Chinese girl to say she had to cancel because she's a little sick. It was quite a bummer, especially after the first date's ghosting. Not only that but I concluded from the other woman I met that she is lesbian by her photos on Instagram. Shit was really going downhill every way.

But then the Chinese girl suggested we go to the trail at the afternoon, and so we went together to see the monkeys and then a bit in the sea. It was nice, but I would assume she's in her 30's because Chinese genes make them look hella young. And she told me that she is staying now at a hotel I believe with another guy and for free (?). Anyways, I was still trying to think of it like a little date just to kinda practice feeling more comfortable in that environment and practice holding conversation and maybe a bit of playing. I was treating her most of the time like becoming friends rather than trying to tease her because I was getting more of the vibe of a friend rather than a potential thingy.

Later on I met this woman. We were talking on Instagram. Honestly she has been doing most of the initiation and kinda out more effort than me to meet in the messages and all. She looks like she's in her 30's as well. She is quite hot and has boobs, like I could imagine her with some tall confident guy. I don't know how attracted she is really to me because on one hand she does seem a bit (but it's a bit confusing) and on the other hand I wasn't making any moves on her as we were just strolling the beach. At some point I think she mentioned something that made me think she's like my age which really surprised me because she seems a little more mature than 23. But yes, even here I was practicing holding a conversation and trying to hold eye contact in a weird way while walking the beach somehow. Turns out she's also not lesbian and was an incorrect conclusion that I had. She was actually already in 2 long term relationships. As we were walking I did kinda try to lead us generally even though she seemed to be more of the talkative, confident dominant one (she works as a manager). Eventually I lead us like 10 minutes from my hostel and then she just took a cab back to her hotel where she lives alone now. It's a little confusing for me to tell. I can really imagine a few people that if they'd see all of this they'd tell me I'm taking a piss and that she wants me but it isn't clear enough and I don't want to make really moves on her. If she like being the dominant one then she can do it.

 

So no approaches, just had 2 excursions with 2 women today

[fopylo]

Ok, I can say proudly that for the last 6 days I've done 13 approaches + met 2 women individually (as friends) + have a Tinder date I might meet.

I am fairly happy with this result. More than what I have ever had in my life. I hope for 2026 to get on that journey and start seeing great results as I keep going.

The problem is that it was a little hard for me to stay consistent with it. It requires a bit of energy as well...

[Inliytened1]

On 12/26/2025 at 0:03 PM, Zenterus said:

The less good looking you are, the more polarizing you have to be in order to punch through her emotions and leave a strong impression. The more conventionally attractive you are, the more you can just lean back and focus on normal conversation and rapport.

Its really sad how superficial women are.  If you're not over 5"9 and handsome you are just tossed to the side.

Now to your point both height and looks can be overcome by personality. (Hopefully you have at least two of the three or youre really fucked) Making them laugh seems to be a huge stength. And further locked in by performance in bed.  Performance in bed is probably the biggest.  Getting that far aside

If you can make a woman cum you have her as long as you want her.

Edited January 1 by Inliytened1

[Inliytened1]

On 12/26/2025 at 11:58 AM, Looks said:

say anything that's semi-appropriate but if you dont have top tier looks you might need to dial down the boldness probably so be very meek and kind and prey that she'll buy your sales pitch. you'll have to mention not that you are unemployed, say u are working in your father company. that will give her enough pointer that u are rich. then proceed to slowly but surely purchase her company with your money. that will be enjoyable i think. but that's still a solid approach to having semi-regular sex.

Worst advice ever.  You shouldn't even be thinking about looks because girls will feed off of your confidence not your looks.  Its not about boldness its about being entertaining the masculinity should be there underneath the scenes

 

[Inliytened1]

On 12/27/2025 at 10:22 AM, fopylo said:

Ok ok, quick update (you gotta hear it man @Zenterus ):

I've somehow managed to secure a date on Tinder (well, we just moved it to Instagram). This will be my first date from tinder, in fact - my first online date. The only 2 dates I went to in my life were with girls I kinda knew already and years ago. Bottom line is that I don't really know how to date and what to do. I suggested we just meet to walk around a bit (not huge commitment and make it casual. I'm taking the idea of just walking around and "instant dating" it). Anyways, since it's gonna be in like the afternoon I don't know how to escalate with her. I don't know how escalating in a club is different from during daytime. What is acceptable and what is not. How do I know when to proceed and how? Thanks

Bro.  Again. Not a textbook thing.  Read the room. Read her.  If you feel a vibe you make a move.  On the date you feel that out.  She will let you know.   If she wants to start out with coffee do that.  If she wants a drink do that.  You're overthinking everything.  Just talk to her and entertain her.   It doesn't matter the scenery or the type of date.  Let her choose and then entertain as necessary. 

Edited January 1 by Inliytened1

[Zenterus]

5 hours ago, Inliytened1 said:

Its really sad how superficial women are.  If you're not over 5"9 and handsome you are just tossed to the side.

 

Bro, men are way more superficial than women are, what are you talking about?

If a woman isn't physically attractive, the average man wont even look at her direction or even pay attention to her other attributes.

Women will do that. You can be an ugly guy and have some weight on you yet if you have a solid personality and you are a man to the core then women will develop an attraction to you.

Men have it so much easier when it comes to dating than women when you look at the dating world from a holistic perspective.

[Inliytened1]

1 hour ago, Zenterus said:

Bro, men are way more superficial than women are, what are you talking about?

If a woman isn't physically attractive, the average man wont even look at her direction or even pay attention to her other attributes.

Women will do that. You can be an ugly guy and have some weight on you yet if you have a solid personality and you are a man to the core then women will develop an attraction to you.

Men have it so much easier when it comes to dating than women when you look at the dating world from a holistic perspective.

Only as far as the bedroom. Otherwise its the same. 

[theleelajoker]

 

5 hours ago, Zenterus said:

Bro, men are way more superficial than women are, what are you talking about?

If a woman isn't physically attractive, the average man wont even look at her direction or even pay attention to her other attributes.

Women will do that. You can be an ugly guy and have some weight on you yet if you have a solid personality and you are a man to the core then women will develop an attraction to you.

Men have it so much easier when it comes to dating than women when you look at the dating world from a holistic perspective.

+  that women will pay attention to men that look less handsome but have personality.

But at least among some of my friends, there is agreement that a great personality also makes less pretty women also substantially more attractive. 

Are there also very superficial women? Same as men? Yes. 

Do men have it easier then women? Don't think so. IMO, it's pretty even. 

[Inliytened1]

3 hours ago, theleelajoker said:

 

+  that women will pay attention to men that look less handsome but have personality.

But at least among some of my friends, there is agreement that a great personality also makes less pretty women also substantially more attractive. 

Are there also very superficial women? Same as men? Yes. 

Do men have it easier then women? Don't think so. IMO, it's pretty even. 

He's right though that the average man won't even engage unless she's sexually attractive to him.  But the main thing for a woman is the sexual connection. So if you establish that it takes a lot for her to lose that.  Which is kind of ironic since its the man that thinks with his dick.  I know that this is beyond the dating scene itself but if as a man you establish that she will want you.  Its getting to that point that is the initial challenge for a man.  At least a woman will give you the time of day if there is some attraction.  Woman don't initially base it on looks alone but something has to attract them. So in that sense its the same but woman have a wider spectrum when it comes to type of attraction.  It doesn't always have to be physical.  Though if you go on dating sites it will always be physical first regardless of gender.  That kinda shows you that physical appearance comes first.

Edited January 1 by Inliytened1

[mmKay]

Keep in mind that the ratio of action to theory has to be 10:1 for you to actually improve and get results. Becoming a theory junkie can actually set you back at a certain point. Just go out, "be yourself", and troubleshoot with theory when you face sticking points. 

Trouble starting interactions? Look that up. Running out of things to say? look that up. Don't know how to flirt? look that up. Don't know how to pull? look that up. 

Do not consume more content than you need. Have a basic model of game from start to close in your mind and refine it over time.

Edited January 1 by mmKay

[Inliytened1]

15 minutes ago, mmKay said:

Keep in mind that the ratio of action to theory has to be 10:1 for you to actually improve and get results. Becoming a theory junkie can actually set you back at a certain point. Just go out, "be yourself", and troubleshoot with theory when you face sticking points. 

Trouble starting interactions? Look that up. Running out of things to say? look that up. Don't know how to flirt? look that up. Don't know how to pull? look that up. 

Do not consume more content than you need. Have a basic model of game from start to close in your mind and refine it over time.

Really good advice.  Woman want you to appear off the cuff. So even if you need to turn to theory you should be doing it off the cuff. A textbook can't teach you how to be funny.  You have to just have that. 

[Inliytened1]

8 hours ago, Zenterus said:

Bro, men are way more superficial than women are, what are you talking about?

If a woman isn't physically attractive, the average man wont even look at her direction or even pay attention to her other attributes.

Women will do that. You can be an ugly guy and have some weight on you yet if you have a solid personality and you are a man to the core then women will develop an attraction to you.

Men have it so much easier when it comes to dating than women when you look at the dating world from a holistic perspective.

Id say women are the most picky about height though and men do not care about that.  They want to look up to a man.  A short guy unless hes extremely handsome has a very hard time regardless.  Its a bad stigma in the US.

Edited January 1 by Inliytened1

[Flint]

On 30/12/2025 at 9:15 PM, fopylo said:

So this morning I frantically got up getting ready just for the Chinese girl to say she had to cancel because she's a little sick. It was quite a bummer, especially after the first date's ghosting. Not only that but I concluded from the other woman I met that she is lesbian by her photos on Instagram. Shit was really going downhill every way.

I wanted to offer some encouragement as you are on the right track. What you're experiecing is normal. When you're taking action in dating and are growing on an emotional level the process feels like slowly crawling through the mud for long periods of time, while sometimes rocks fall on you and break your bones. 

Soon girls ghosting you at date is going to be the least of your problems - imagine having a date with a 10 and not managing to pull her while she's into you. Now there you're gonna taste real disappointment. 

The solution to shit going downhill is even more action, as even more things will turn out badly and you will learn from them, while increasing the likelihood of something working out. E.g. going from 3 girls ghosting you to 8 girls ghosting you and 2 dates

Edited January 1 by Flint
Spelling

[fopylo]

Ok, enough delaying. It's time to address what happened recently. On the 1st of January I finally went on the date with the Thai girl. In fact, we already met twice since then. I'll break it down here.

Date 1:

We met close to 1:00 am of New Year's. I was nervous, and was on the gpt what to do. When I met her I realized her mom dropped her off here. I had perhaps the most awkward hello hug ever kinda hesitant but also thought of avoiding it because of Thai culture, and so we hugged while barely touching and then I shifted to the side... Never mind. So we were walking along the beach talking getting to know each other. I tried being a bit playful with her and make eye contact. I was too scared to do any physical escalation besides maybe twice of touching her upper back for like 0.5 seconds for guidance. At some point her mom was calling her and we came back. She was probably over protective, because then the three of us went to a bar. Her mom was just poker face the whole time didn't say a word to me and didn't look at us really (besides here and there a word with her daughter in Thai). I got me and her a cocktail (even though I kinda promised myself I'll game sober, but whatever it was soft and I felt a slight pressure). So we were sitting beside eachother while the mom was in front. We had a pretty nice time talking, eye contact, smiles. At some point I complimented her cuteness of like how in the photos she seems so serious but smiles way more in real life and that I like it and it's cute. But then it kinda came to an end as she told me her mother is going to see some other friends at a bar and was kinda indirect about that she needs to also go until she told me. I felt kinda bad that me as the guy wasn't the one to end it and she was the one to do it. I thought it was over for me, but I tried being cool and respectful about it, even if we were having a good time. But as we were going down the stairs she asked me if I want to meet maybe tomorrow also (her last day here). I said yes for sure. The only thoughts I had afterwards were that I barely physically escalated on her, but I excused it as that her mother was around, even though I was kinda scared. I must mention she does seem quite like a nervous girl. She is friendly and smiling and laughing, but there is this undertone of a slightly insecure girl and something about all that just made it scary for me to try to escalate.

 

Date 2:

So we met near where she's staying (her mom's house). It took me almost 40 minutes to get there, and it's only 5 minutes from her. I suggested at first a place more in the center but I compromised with that I know she probably wants to feel more secure and her mom... So we planned to get there at like 17:00. I got there at 16:56, and waited for her for quite some time and then told me she's getting ready and all and eventually we met at like 18:15. When we met we hugged hello and nice to see you again. Asked her how is she feeling because of her headache. But then I was just too nervous to give her a slight compliment, and so we started walking along the canal for a bit. We then went to the market and I got us smoothies, we went to see a temple real quick, then back to the market and then to the park. All the while we were talking, but I wasn't making moves and it kinda started to get me nervous because the plan was that at the park we'd sit and I was worried because it wasn't going so smooth with the escalation. I only maybe tapped her arm once or twice and touched her upper back for half a second one time when crossing the street. So anyways, we get to the park and I decided to sit in front of the fountain. Just the act of sitting was a little scary, but then she also sat. We were talking, and soon enough our knees were kinda touching. As we were talking I made sure to make good eye contact and be a bit playful, but I was starting to ask a little more personal and deeper questions - what's her favorite holiday, what is a weird quirk that her friends would say she has, what was she proud of with herself for this year, what's her top values. I was being a little playful here and there but not that much as the topic was deeper. We had like 2 moments already of good mood and good eye contact but I didn't do anything because it didn't suit exactly what has just been said (like literally was saying swear words as we held the eye contact because she was talking about how she doesn't like it 😂). And then another moment which didn't feel suiting. But here's what I realized - attraction has a window. The longer I waited, the energy faded. So it got me a little nervous to find a quick window. So I kinda jumped on a mild opportunity of a short moment of eye contact and just said before she was about to say something "Ok this might be bold... But would it be terrible if we kiss now?" She said "yes, sure, we can". And we started making out. Thanks for @Zenterus for this genius line 😂. And I was actually attracted to her face at that moment (still am, but I felt it as things were warming up). Ok, I want to talk about things which went a bit weird though:

• Weird compliment: at some point she was taking photos of something and I was standing behind her to her left and then said something like "oh, your hair smells nice, did you put some perfume? What is this famous perfume called..." It was a bit confusing for her what I was trying to say, and then she asked "are you complimenting me?" And I said "yes".
• Another weird compliment: as I was trying to find an opening for the kiss I tried somehow warming a little the vibe by talking about observations I notice about her. I said something like "I notice when you open your eyes you don't have those lines, and when you are closing them a bit then they are more visible" (the Asian lines on the side of the eyes. Then my stupid ass added "and that areas (kinda pointed to her forehead and eyes area) is kinda flat". But then told her I'm just curious about comparing different Asians (Japanese, Koreans...). She looked away for like a second and it seemed like it was kinda inappropriate what I said. I asked if it was disrespectful and she said a little. So I acknowledged and we continued saying a few things before I suggested the kiss.
• Overall no real physical escalation until the kiss.

So while we were kissing I stared moving my hands around her back and to the lower back (something I've already learned 😉). Here comes another cringe moment: I tried kissing her neck. Then there was a bit of a pause and I asked if it's disrespectful, and she said a bit kinda. But then she also said it's a little disrespectful to even be kissing here like that but we anyways did it for a bit because there weren't many people around. Maybe I also shouldn't have said "yeah, but I don't really care"... Just a misunderstanding on my part. So then we kept making out, and even tried doing that thing when I pull back a bit and then come at her with a kiss. So after a bit then it seemed like I wanted to keep kissing more and she kinda had it. I then tried teasing her by leaning in and see if she will lean in, but she didn't, and she said "see you can't stop". And then I said "yeah I can" and we finished it, but in this moment she kinda had the frame and power and I wasn't super satisfied with that, but whatever. Must say though that after kissing, talking becomes a bit easier and I felt more comfortable putting my hand on her upper back. Which is crazy because the kissing part felt a bit easier than flirting with her. I was way more scared giving her a compliment than kissing. So we walked back and sometimes I just put my hand on her upper back. We then hugged goodbye and asked her if it would embarrass her to kiss. She didn't really say anything but I understood, so we just hugged and she left. But before she left I confessed that I was kinda contemplating if to go to the town she studies in, because that depended on how the vibe would be. She was going back there the day after, and this place doesn't diverge really from the main route I was planning on taking. She mentioned it before I confessed it. So I told her I'd probably spend 2 nights somewhere else before coming because I just want to taste a bit from here (the town where we had the date). So since we departed we've been chatting on Instagram. Hopefully I'd be able to see her a bit there and hopefully manage to escalate a little more and also book a hotel and not a hostel for the stay there. She is studying there and living in the dorms. I also don't want to be that needy. I should probably take a little more time before logging to Instagram, but also a bit doubting how much affectionate she is to me. It didn't seem like she was craving me physically, but she did write to me first sometimes like "what are you doing now?" and "how are you?" Maybe it could also be a cultural thing. And also that she had more power in the kissing game. So yes, tonight is my last night here before supposedly going to her town. I don't want though to tell her now "ok I'll come tomorrow, where are you staying?" I want to create some desire from her part. I'll play it slower.

[fopylo]

And as a side note I must confess that throughout the phase of meeting the women I've been talking about + having the dates and talking to that Thai girl I have kinda stopped with approaching. How can I approach other women while I'm starting to become emotionally engaged with this girl? Maybe after I finish this phase with the girl then I'd be more open to it, but still. I mean, isn't the goal of approaching women eventually to get good for then having dates and sex? When having dates, it is hard to want to start new things with new girls because there is still what is yet to develop with the previous girl/s to reach a juicier state...

[theleelajoker]

That was entertaining to read. Good luck, and keep in mind to have fun that will make everything easier

[CARDOZZO]

On 01/01/2026 at 0:51 PM, mmKay said:

Keep in mind that the ratio of action to theory has to be 10:1 for you to actually improve and get results. Becoming a theory junkie can actually set you back at a certain point. Just go out, "be yourself", and troubleshoot with theory when you face sticking points. 

Trouble starting interactions? Look that up. Running out of things to say? look that up. Don't know how to flirt? look that up. Don't know how to pull? look that up. 

Do not consume more content than you need. Have a basic model of game from start to close in your mind and refine it over time.

+1