Got Hit By A Car ( questioning my path)

[Shakazulu]

I’m 27, and a few weeks ago I got hit by a car while crossing the street.

 

I’m not writing this for sympathy. I’m writing because it feels like this accident “ripped me out of my fantasies,” and I want to unpack the spiritual side of it with people who actually think deeply about this stuff.

 

Quick background

For context:

I’ve been on the personal development / spirituality grind for about 8–9 years straight.

Heavy focus on:

Pickup / social skills / dating

Music (I rap / sing, record and mix my own stuff)

Business/marketing (SMMA, content, etc.)

Spirituality: meditation, kundalini, psychedelics (including 5-MeO), karma, nonduality, etc.

I’ve worked with a long-term spiritual teacher who studied under Namgyal Rinpoche. For years I basically saw him as “the guy” – my growth teacher, enlightened, at the highest level of development, etc.

My self-image for most of my 20s was:

“I’m the dedicated one. I’m special. I’m spiritually ahead of the curve. This struggle is all building toward a big win: music success, women, money, influence, etc.”

On top of that, this year I:

Moved downtown to really go all-in on music + a social media / automation agency.

Got scammed by a Tai-Lopez-type company for the agency side.

Paid for music marketing that didn’t deliver on what was promised.

So even before the car, the story of “my big breakthrough is right around the corner” was already cracking.

The accident:

I was crossing a street I’ve crossed many times before (yes, technically jaywalking, like most people do on that stretch).

The road looked clear when I started crossing.

A car came faster than I expected; next thing I know, I’m hit and thrown.

I end up with:

Leg injuries (casts, pain, limited mobility)

Dental trauma (teeth moved, dental work, follow-ups)

General shock to my system

- I’m psychically healing and will most likely be back to normal by new years, thankfully. 

What hurts most isn’t just the body – it’s the story collapse

Before the accident, I was doing:

A lot of gratitude work

Daily spiritual practices

“Manifestation” / self-concept work

Deep belief in things like “frequency,” “karma clearing,” “life by design”

I also had this subconscious narrative:

“I’m on a special path. My teacher is enlightened. I’ve done 5-MeO. I’m not like ‘normal’ people stuck in the rat race. My reward is coming.”

Then:

I get scammed financially.

My big marketing plans fizzle.

I start questioning if my teacher is actually my growth teacher for this next phase or if I’ve been over-idealizing him.

I get hit by a car in a very ordinary, human, non-mythic way.

Emotionally, it feels like:

The “chosen one” story died.

The fantasy of “I’ll be successful by 27” died.

The idea that “if I do enough spiritual work, life will spare me from big painful events” died.

Spiritually, what I think is happening

I’m not saying this is The Truth, but this is the frame I’m playing with:

Grief for the fantasy self
I’m grieving not just the accident, but the version of me who thought:

“I’m ahead of everyone spiritually.”

“My teacher + my practices guarantee a smoother path.”

“By 27 I’ll already be that guy – money, women, music success, status.”

That identity doesn’t fit anymore. It’s like an old skin that got ripped off instead of gently shed.

 

2. Karmic / psychological “activation”
I did a lot of consistent gratitude and “higher frequency” work over the last year.
One way to see it:
When you raise your baseline, whatever doesn’t match that level (old fear, worthlessness, self-betrayal, family patterns, scarcity) gets pushed to the surface.

The accident, scams, disappointments, tension with family, doubts about my teacher – it all feels like old karma and patterns being forced up at once.

 

3. De-idolization of teachers and destiny
I still respect my teacher a lot, but I’m seeing more clearly:

He’s human.

He may not be the person who can walk me through this very practical, material phase of life.

I projected “savior” and “special initiation” onto him.

I’m also seeing how much I outsourced responsibility to:

Teachers

Manifestation methods

Spiritual narratives (“this means I’m chosen,” “this proves I’m advanced,” etc.)

4.  Shift from “mythic destiny” → self-leadership
It feels like life is asking:
“Can you lead yourself without the fantasy of being special?
Can you keep going without any guarantee of fame, success, or cosmic reward?”

That’s a very different game than:

“I’m the chosen one, therefore I’ll be protected.”

It’s more like:

“I’m a human. I’ve trained a lot of skills. My life is fragile and not guaranteed. What do I choose now?”

 

Why I’m posting this here / what I’m asking

I know this forum is full of people who’ve gone through:

Disillusionment with teachers and “gurus”

Harsh life events that shattered spiritual fantasies

The shift from mythical narratives to raw self-authorship

Have you gone through a phase where life “ripped you out of your spiritual fantasy”?

How do you balance genuine spiritual insight with not turning your life into a grandiose story?

What does mature self-leadership look like after disillusionment?

Any practical pointers for this phase?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Terell Kirby]

Wishing you a speedy recovery, glad you made it out alive.

We all fall into fantasies and self deception-even the most “enlightened” of us. God Realization and Awakening can turn into their own unique set of self deceptions.

Seems like you’ve made great progress in many areas of your personal development and spirituality at 27-it’s ok to incur some unexpected hurdles along the way.

Take care of yourself

Edited 2 hours ago by Terell Kirby

[Shakazulu]

@Terell Kirby thank you 

[Hojo]

Nothing worth it comes easy. The struggle is the path. It sucks to get hit but maybe its what was needed to bring yourself down to earth. Nothing permanent happened it seems so you lucky. Just cuts and bruises and teeth. The path is God punching itself in the face until it gives up. When you recover get right back onto it but with the knowing of this feeling that it will end. You need to know you are great and keep it between you and God. Mind says im great mouth says im shit on the bottom of a child predators boot. Shouting im great im the best im the chosen one is a projection of something deeper.rappers use god to glory themselves.

Edited 2 hours ago by Hojo

[Shakazulu]

@Hojo

This accident definitely brought me down to earth. I’m going to focus more on living it quietly and letting the work speak, instead of needing to shout it.

There’s a lot more I could say about my story, but to summarize it: my self-image evolved faster than my nervous system could handle. Now I’m letting my nervous system catch up to who I actually am, without the fantasy layer.

 

[Hojo]

@ShakazuluThat could be it too things move to fast suddenly you are moving without being concious.

[Shakazulu]

@Hojo

Yeah, that resonates. I was definitely moving fast and not fully conscious of how split I was between my image and my actual capacity. This whole thing is forcing me to slow down and move with more awareness. There was so much going on that day, I was dealing with a lot of stress. The week before I slept for four hours every night, 7 days in a row. 

[Hojo]

@ShakazuluThis is the exact reason they say to meditate in the morning and remain concious. Its not God its part of the simulation/dream. Its like a programming that when things start happening like that bad things will happen. When you are in 15 different places at once you get lost in the dream. Thisis not a bad thing that happen its your guides helping you. You can still do it but conciously you are where you are let god do the rest. You get scammed so what, once its over its over. Doing things conciously means Im here thats it. Im not in 15 different locations in my mind. when you get up to meditate early before life its like you are just sitting there letting your mind go through its shit right when you wake up so that its not still going when you are actually doing life.

Then when you are in life you can consciously think about what you want to happen and be calm the entire time. 

So if something is bothering you wake up early and sit there and run through every bad scenario in your mind and accept it. Then go do it knowing God will take care of you.

Imagine your spirit guides as like the grass along the path, you stray off the path by spiralling with mind stuff.  You start to walk on the grass the guides along the path push you down. They are literally the guides of the path. They say walk along here but consciously.

You are walking a path and there are guide lines to the path without them pushing you back you will walk off the path and not know.

All you have to do it breathe move your body and try not to trip. People in your dream are talking to themselves.

You might wake up tommorow with a big pay day.

Edited 57 minutes ago by Hojo

[Emerald]

@Shakazulu Thank you for sharing your story. And I hope that you mend quickly.

And there's a lot of wisdom in the realizations you're speaking of.

There is a line in the Bible that says something like, "Those who exalt themselves will be humbled."

And I have found that, whenever I conceptualize of myself in an idealized way or try to build an idealized narrative around myself as "the special one" or "the chosen one", eventually that bubble gets burst... and then humbling happens.

And there is great benefit to being humbled even though it's incredibly painful. It's like a disillusionment, grief, and embarrassment.

But it's healthier, and it's more helpful for recognizing our place within humanity. If we exalt ourselves, we see ourselves as above other humans and it disconnects us from our place within humanity... and we experience a sense of exile, shame, and intense pressure that we often are unconscious to.

But the humbling painfully reminds us that we are human and flawed.... and that we are not that different from any other person.

We are ordinary people and we operate like ordinary people do. And knowing this in an embodied way helps us feel deeply intertwined and interconnected with humanity, nature, and existence at large.

[Hojo]

Sadhguru said the same thing he said whats the point in the dream if it cant humble you and the reason you suffer is cause you have a big ego. When I was a kid I used to write with black marker on white t shirts saying I was the coolest person ever and giving them away to people to wear. Not the person was cool, me specifically lol.

Edited 49 minutes ago by Hojo

[cetus]

1 hour ago, Shakazulu said:

What does mature self-leadership look like after disillusionment?

It looks humble.

 

[Shakazulu]

@Hojo

“This actually makes a lot of sense. I was definitely in 15 places at once before the accident. I’m going to start doing that: sit in the morning, let my mind run through its fears, accept them, then go live the day more consciously. The ‘guides pushing me back onto the path’ metaphor hits hard.”

 

[Shakazulu]

@Emerald This really resonates. I can see now how much pressure I put on myself by secretly seeing myself as ‘the special one,’ and how disconnected that made me feel from other people. This accident has definitely been a humbling, but I can feel how it’s bringing me back into being a normal human among humans, not above or below. Painful, but I sense it’s healthier.

[Hojo]

@ShakazuluHonestly forgive the person for hitting you and something special might happen.

[Shakazulu]

@Hojo

Yeah, that hits. I can see how much of this suffering is my own ego around being ‘special’ getting smashed. I appreciate you owning your own version of it too. I’m taking this as a chance to let myself be humbled instead of fighting it.

 

[Hojo]

@ShakazuluYes life hit me with a car in the form of a woman.

[Shakazulu]

@Hojo

But I have his address I was thinking the opposite of forgiveness 😈 jk

Yeah, I’ve been thinking about that. I’m working towards forgiving him internally so I can heal fully, while still letting the legal/insurance side do its thing.

 

[Shakazulu]

@Hojo

😂 Yeah, I feel that. Life seems to pick whatever we’re most identified with and ram us with it. 

 

[Hojo]

@ShakazuluYou will do it when you are ready but here is a tip. If there are 15 people in a room there are actually 15 x 15 people in the room. Each person has a version of that person inside them in their own universe. You hating the person means that person has a negative relationship with God in YOUR internal universe where you are God. Not the outside universe. If you forgive them there is peace in your internal universe and thats all that matters.

Edited 23 minutes ago by Hojo

[Shakazulu]

@cetus

Yeah, I’m seeing that. This whole thing is forcing me into a much more humble version of self-leadership – less fantasy, more ordinary, grounded steps.