The feminine life purpose

[soos_mite_ah]

12 hours ago, Judy2 said:

I don’t want to start a business, become an entrepreneur, be self-employed, or anything like that. I’m not a huge "gambler" in life. I don’t want my life to be a constant hustle. I value security and thrive in environments where external structure is provided and I am given clear instructions as to what I should do. For example, I was doing well when I was still in school, I loved doing homework and that kind of stuff. And as a young adult, the most challenging aspect has been knowing what i should even do with myself. 

I feel like in terms of the hero's journey and the way that it's mythologized in the larger than life analogies of where you're going on this adventure and you're fighting these demons, achieving mastery in a craft, and eventually getting to the holy grail is not inaccurate but limitted. As a result, we put the heros journey on this pedestal and correlate it with other super asipiration things like being self-employed, being an entrepreneur, or being world class in a skill and have that grant you with money, fame, and clout.

But I think that you can still be aligned with your life purpose, go on the heros journey, and it can be something as mundane as being middle school teacher. You have gone on a journey, usually through college and certifications to get here. You continue on the journey by engaging with the regular challenges of lesson plans, dealing with kids, parents etc. And over the years, you can really master being a good teacher in the way that you impact the lives of your students even if you just stayed a middle school teacher in the same school district the whole time.

The point is that you can still honor your need and desire to have an external structure while also fulfilling your more higher and intrinsic motivations. The Hero's journey doesn't have to be a gamble, it can just be a way to frame a mundane yet immensely fulfilling life.  And honestly, that's probably a much more sustainable way of going about it because I'm sure that you get fulfillment from other areas of life as well like through your family, friends, or other hobbies and you want to honor that as opposed to working 60-80 hour weeks on a business. Nothing wrong with the later but I think most people fall in the former category, regardless of gender. 

[Judy2]

@soos_mite_ahthank you, that's very helpful:)

i guess it also matters how you do something vs. what you do. some teachers are really committed and loving in the way they care about their students, while others probably would have been better off choosing a different career. 

[Schizophonia]

@Judy2

I'm having trouble grasping the unconscious issue/what is disturbing in your post. Could you provide more specific exemples in everyday life maybe. 

 

+What you believe to be feminine and masculine is a projection of your parents. You could very well have thought the opposite if you had a paternal figure who "does the right thing" and a "creative" maternal figure, something like that.

Edited 5 hours ago by Schizophonia

[Judy2]

@Schizophonia

okay i'll try. 

so, the current state of things is that i tend to feel lost and overwhelmed, not knowing what to do with myself. (suicidal in some instances a few months ago, feeling very superfluous and like i'm having to deal with the burden of being alive).

when i voice this difficulty to friends, they tell me to stop being complacent and become more active and clear on what i want in life. 

and i'm having a hard time differentiating if this is just meant on the "adulting"-dimension, or if people expect me to develop certain personality traits (eager to be an entrepreneur or whatever) that i simply don't have, and i wonder to what degree my personality "must change" to get me to a healthier place in life. 
or, short answer, what is disturbing is, of course, my whole psyche lol. i guess i feel broken and like i do everything wrong no matter what i do. 

and  i don't know what adulting or healing looks like. to what degree am i allowed to grow around certain personality traits (for example perfectionism and also what i said above about needing external structure and guidance) vs having to eradicate them completely? no idea. i do have some kind of personality disorder on paper and haven't been able to find a long-term therapist yet. maybe they would explain to me how this is supposed to work. 

 

more specific example: when i try to get up and be constructive, it doesn't feel right to be taking care of myself without any support. something like that. (i also have a really hard time accepting support and letting people get close...that's the other side of things.)

 

sorry if this is a mess. i don't know how to explain it any better. 

[Basman]

Isn't Joseph Campbell a literary anthropologist? I don't think you should take him too literal. 

[Judy2]

@Basmanyes, probably. i study E lit and have spent the past few months writing about Victorian gender stereotypes....might have messed with my head a little. @Schizophoniamaybe that explains things

Edited 2 hours ago by Judy2

[Schizophonia]

@Judy2 

I think you're overthinking it eheh.

There's nothing to do or be, nothing to "become"; you just "have to" manage to survive and work towards what you like.
If you're happy, then there's no problem; it's over.

If you're short on money, you try to find a job.
If you're short on friends and/or hobbies, you try out activities.
If you're lacking a wily 😏, you try to socialize.

If you like to cook, you go grocery shopping.

Etcetc; That's all.

The worst part of all this is that wanting to become/be something generates the experience of not being it, which is paralyzing/exhausting.
It makes sense that if you have to become something, it's because you must be worthless, and it's neither fun nor motivating to believe you're not good enough.

And when you stop playing the game of having to become something, you simultaneously stop being "the one who should be something else" and the negative emotions that come with it, which paradoxically can give you the energy to do things that are normally outside your system.

 

Just a thought, maybe I'm missing the mark.

Edited 1 hour ago by Schizophonia

[Basman]

On 11/18/2025 at 1:43 PM, Judy2 said:

@Salvijus a few months ago, i had a conversation with an online therapist about my heart's desire to be beautiful. she basically said i should just drop it, because it's an overlay for wanting affection etc. i find that a bit confusing because people can technically say that about anything, and eventually, you'll never know if a desire is real vs just for eliciting affection. 

so maybe its more about distinguishing if a desire is motivated by fear and avoidance or love. at least that's the conclusion i've come to. 

Your therapist sounds reactionary. If anything, you should exhaust that desire. There is nothing inherently wrong with wanting to be loved for your looks and it is good for survival. You'll know if your being overly neurotic about it.

[Judy2]

@Schizophoniasounds about right:)

[Judy2]

@Basman i think she had some personal bias in telling me that, because her whole self-promotion basically centres around how she has overcome similar issues. and i guess that still makes her susceptible to being triggered by patients, even if it's very subtle. i know i'd probably be triggered, too, if i spoke with patients about similar issues i've had myself. there's always an implicit (or not so implicit) agenda for the therapist to basically justify themselves for having let go of said behaviour/thought pattern that the patient is still absorbed in. 

Edited 1 hour ago by Judy2

[Schizophonia]

23 minutes ago, Judy2 said:

@Basmanyes, probably. i study E lit and have spent the past few months writing about Victorian gender stereotypes....

Ahah i understand now you're unemployed 👀

23 minutes ago, Judy2 said:

might have messed with my head a little. @Schizophoniamaybe that explains things

Yes; i will psychoanalytise you 

[Judy2]

@Schizophoniai have all these "what do i want" lists, or even an "unconditional, limitless universal shopping list", to help me get clear on these things. it hasn't really changed my life a lot. do you have any idea how the practice could be improved to remove the overlay of lack and the perception of not being good enough?

Edited 1 hour ago by Judy2

[Lord of Darkness]

21 hours ago, Yimpa said:

Avoiding the feminine perspective is a seriously dumb move.

Oopsie.. you got me Yimpa...

[Schizophonia]

13 minutes ago, Basman said:

Your therapist sounds reactionary. If anything, you should exhaust that desire. There is nothing inherently wrong with wanting to be loved for your looks and it is good for survival. You'll know if your being overly neurotic about it.

Therapists will project/transfer their own neurosis onto their patients; this was a problem well knew by Freud.

Edited 1 hour ago by Schizophonia

[Schizophonia]

19 minutes ago, Judy2 said:

@Schizophoniai have all these "what do i want" lists, or even an "unconditional, limitless universal shopping list", to help me get clear on these things. it hasn't really changed my life a lot. do you have any idea how the practice could be improved to remove the overlay of lack and the perception of not being good enough?

Do you really desire what there is in this list

[Judy2]

1 minute ago, Schizophonia said:

Do you really desire what there is in this list

yes, but i have a lot of mood swings. i feel hopeful about something for maybe an hour, and then life kicks back in and it all feels ugly and hopeless again.