Calixtus

Hi, I really need help

39 posts in this topic

Here is my life story condensed:

I have had it, I will tell the Truth

After many years of experience, I know the Truth, and it is dark. A dark, dark place. I was bullied throughout my years in school, except at some level in Junior College. Right from kindergarten, Primary School and Secondary School. But I was perfect. I had no real flaws, no real failings or falls. My struggles won me strength, and around an early age that I can't remember, I walked the straight and narrow spiritual path. And from my efforts, I won me Enlightenment. It was perfect, I could strongly declare it perfect then. It was partly because I met a Guru at 17. My friend told me about him, and said very positive things about him, mainly that "you should meet him", and that it will be an "eye-opener". I did, and when he first met me in school, he looked astounded, brought me aside, and asked me to ask him anything about spirituality or religion. I asked him later why he had this look on his face when he met me. He said "sometimes I meet someone that my Lord favours". So we talked, and I finally asked him to teach me the secrets of life. He said he could, but it will cost me. As we talked however, I managed to convince him to teach it to me for free. He brought me to a book store, and showed me a book on Islam to read, saying we need "cannot be building castles in the sky". So I read it, two pages, and failed at fulfilling my promise. At the start of the next year, he came online on MSN again, and told me this "go to army first and learn to be a man boy, then come to me!" This really affected me, because here was someone so keen on helping me, and here I was doing nothing.

So it went on, and he messaged me on MSN around the March holidays. He said, "How's things with you?" I said I had a dream where he gained a divine name. "He said, congratulations, you have some levels." Then I asked, "What is God?", for which he replied, "This is not what a true person will say." So he then taught me a meditation, for which I did twice. According to a Spiritualist, when I did that meditation, I attracted blood demons to inject their blood into me, because there was a spiritual clash when I did the meditation at night, which I did with verbalising a lot of vibrations with my mouth, repeating the verse, "Om".

Sometime after, he asked me how I felt, if there were any changes. I couldn't really tell, because it was very subtle, for which he said again, "Looks like you still got a long way to go." Within a span of one month though, I came to feel an extremely high energy within me. It was pure, purity, if I was to describe or label it, a very strong surge of pure energy. Then sometime after, after some serious investigation into the nature of Life, I awakened my Kundalini. The singular most powerful moment in my life. At that point, I was happy, supremely happy. I had everything I ever wanted, and was satisfied. My only fear and issue is if I couldn't bring my enlightenment with me to after my exams, for which I was aiming for straight A's. Because I could see my doom coming, because I was getting a bit too complicated. I asked the Guru, is there anything I should know, he said "Nope." I wanted to really ask, if I was to fall, I want to fall after my exams.

Also, it was the Guru who told me my Kundalini was awakened. I told him that for some reason, I was feeling very confident. He said "What you are experiencing is Kundalini, when the negative energy channels start to open. Some say it is Enlightenment, but it is nothing, it is just mechanism, what we want is True Lord."

Also, the Spiritualist is my cousin's boyfriend's father, and there was once when we were house visiting, she came into my grandma's house and talked about his father, and I was intrigued given my interest at that moment, but I waited 30 minutes before coming out of the room, but she had left already. As you can see, my life is quite unfortunate.

So within the months of April, May, June, July, August, September, I was experiencing a tremendous bliss, powerfully transformative. I was very high on life, due to the Kundalini. Nothing could touch me, or at least apparently, for here I now tell my tragic story. I was the class monitor, and was given a task on Monday to make a Teacher's Day Card for Friday. I was thinking as I was enlightened, I could do it on my own pace, and also, if I hurried, I might seem insecure. On the Thursday, I went in front of the class, after our last lesson, and this guy, I admit he has strong leadership skills and willpower, if arrogant, who was a prefect, so knew we had to make the card, went out of the classroom and said, "I got to go, I got stuff to do", and just left me standing there, and then the whole class joined in "Sorry, Calixtus! We got stuff to do as well." In this manner I was destroyed, my first falling.

Honestly, at this point, I could still salvage myself. I might have fallen, but it wasn't beyond help. But honestly, it was in Army that shiet happened. I wasn't in the right state of mind to enter army. A tough place. I was diagnosed as "schizophrenia" in army, in 1 minute by the doctor, who was a manipulative person. Then after that, I was designated to the Navy, and everyday as a clerk, I would go insane at them laughing at me. First of all, because my energy meridians were blocked, my true strength as a person did not show. They were laughing at me because they thought I was weak, when I was lost, constricted, and in pain. If I had just gotten out of it, I could easily show my superior spiritual levels. There's a lot more to the story, if anyone is interested.

The basis is this, that I struggled, suffered, gained, lost, knew it would be a pity to not salvage, and then even lost at my attempts at salvaging. It is a very sad life. Basically, I got nothing to look forward to, and I see the Reality every damn day, it is complete emptiness. I lost everything, all my efforts, all the time, all the joy that could have been. My higher self doesn't like to waste time, and this was from 2005 onwards, 20 years of wasted time. This is a fking bs story, if this is the best God can do, I am not impressed, this is not the resume of a supreme being. So much more hurt to speak of, tell me if anyone is still interested in hearing.

They said "no weapon shall prosper". The problem is this, I was lost, and could not help myself anymore, I tried my best to salvage, but was stopped by various forces, I was deceived by the devil who planned my destruction, and I was all alone, without a guide or guru, which I gravely needed. How now? When everything is lost and gone??

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It's all just a story. 

Drop all stories and just be the presence. 


Freedom is love under all conditions. 

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I can only speak for myself here, since we're talking about our stories.

If I did not have an extremely strong sense of a purpose/life long mission, which is music, I would have lost all hope and will too.

And while that purpose might be an illusion as well, the love I have cultivated for it over the years, is real. More real than my entire life story. More real than me, even.

And that's what gives the emptiness the warmth. A voice to the silence.

Your path is now different, if you ask me. Contradictory to what the traditional spiritual path might have thought you. Now you must seek meaning and purpose. Fill it with as much love and passion as possible. Approach it with utmost honesty, humility and genuine curiosity.

In other words... shit goes both ways. Gotta know what's truly relevant for you. Truth can look like literally anything.

 

Edited by ivankiss

 

 

 

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1 hour ago, Calixtus said:

this is the best God can do, I am not impressed, this is not the resume of a supreme being

 Copy paste Literally what George Carlin said here  at 2:43

Welcome to the forum the first post is a lie .


 "When you get very serious about truth you accept your life situation exactly as it is. So much so that you aren't childishly sitting around wishing it were otherwise.If you were confined to a wheelchair you would just accept it as how reality is. Just as you now just accept that you are not a bird who can fly."

-Leo Gura. 

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In structured systems schizophrenia is a buzz word for imagination and creativity which in formal positions is heavily supressed. Thus stigma. Schools are such systems typically. In military you are to be a cog and get along. In most of society creativiy is not valued and where it is valued there is heavy competition thus high failure rate... I'm not sure if that is any helpful info though?

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Why does it seem that every once in a while, a new account from a seemingly deeply troubled person starts a thread calling for help - usually with long-ass posts oversharing their life story?

No disrespect, but are you a bot or something like that?

Edited by UnbornTao

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@UnbornTao she is not preety. I hope.

I'm sorry and I'm not sure If it's allowed to do this but @Mata is 100% preety India. 

Just saying.


 "When you get very serious about truth you accept your life situation exactly as it is. So much so that you aren't childishly sitting around wishing it were otherwise.If you were confined to a wheelchair you would just accept it as how reality is. Just as you now just accept that you are not a bird who can fly."

-Leo Gura. 

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19 hours ago, Recursoinominado said:

You BOTH are in MY head!

b62672fe5c0c8c2951800a074a2c61a3.jpg

Are you AI?

Edited by Yimpa

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49 minutes ago, ivankiss said:

@UnbornTao Now that's disrespectful. Even if it is a bot.

"Dingus", am I right? :P

Edited by UnbornTao

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47 minutes ago, Someone here said:

@UnbornTao she is not preety. I hope.

I'm sorry and I'm not sure If it's allowed to do this but @Mata is 100% preety India. 

Just saying.

Thank you.

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4 minutes ago, UnbornTao said:

"Dingus", am I right? :P

Well played haha! Well played...


 

 

 

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@Calixtus The first step or goal is to have Peacefulness as a natural experience, if that is not in place then forget anything else on the Spiritual scale, god realization, enlightenment or whatever, if Your not peaceful of Your own nature Your basically screwed and will suffer till Your physically dead only to do it all over again when You come back in a new body. 

So work on the basics, establish Your BEINGNESS, which means Your at Ease, at Peace, You naturally Accept what is, not as a concept or thought process, You Prioritize the NOW, use the past/memory to become Wise, not wounded, and plan/imagine for a future but are not trapped emotionally by it, You respond rather than react, responding is Consciousness in action, reacting is Compulsiveness in action, which is living by accident and not on purpose, establish these basic and things will start to happen in Your Life!


Karma Means "Life is my Making", I am 100% responsible for my Inner Experience. -Sadhguru..."I don''t want Your Dreams to come True, I want something to come true for You beyond anything You could dream of!!" - Sadhguru

 

 

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@Calixtus Can you tell me that you are real and not an AI?

I read your post and it just reads like a good AI generated story. It's very suspicious. 

 

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@OBEler it's not AI. its copy pasted from some blog or article or a post in Reddit or whatever . And not just one source because that statement i quoted is literally borrowed word by word from the video I attached timestamped 

Unfortunately I suspect its "her ".

Edited by Someone here

 "When you get very serious about truth you accept your life situation exactly as it is. So much so that you aren't childishly sitting around wishing it were otherwise.If you were confined to a wheelchair you would just accept it as how reality is. Just as you now just accept that you are not a bird who can fly."

-Leo Gura. 

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1 hour ago, Someone here said:

@OBEler it's not AI. its copy pasted from some blog or article or a post in Reddit or whatever . And not just one source because that statement i quoted is literally borrowed word by word from the video I attached timestamped 

Unfortunately I suspect its "her ".

Ok then it's an AI, which creates automatically a new user in this form and pastes the stuff from Reddit.

See this AI is not programmed to answer in this thread on my question if it's an AI.

 

And who knows if this reddit post is not also AI generated. This story is confusing and unrealistic. Finding a guru next door, who teaches you for free and you awake your Kundalini because of some ohm meditation and your life is perfect and pure bliss. Yeah. 

I know how Kundalini awakening looks like. It's not like that at all.

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No, I am a real person, and you have no idea of the spiritual level I once had. I was very high on life, with what can be called, supreme bliss. I can share more if you want. Also, that's a picture of me at 5 I think, how can you think I am a bot. You can't see how real my story is?? He said I met him, because I asked God to meet a man of God, so God answered.

Edited by Calixtus

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I was accomplished and unexcelled, and could be called a Samyaksam Buddha. I had many powerful gifts and merits, no real powers, but high intelligence, creativity, writing skills and eloquence. As well as I can sing. Not sure how many more latent gifts I would have realised if I wasn't stopped. This is a real story, and a very tragic one. Basically, of 20 years of being left alone without a Guru, I am totally destroyed.

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