Crippling desire for Intimacy

[No1Here2c]

Recently I've gotten a glimpse of intimate connection with somebody who I am really attracted to. I have lived my life in what feels like neglect from intimacy. This girl has given me what feels like little bits and pieces of Love and attention and I have become deeply infatuated with her. My mind has become so deeply invested in this relationship becoming something more. I crave for it like one would water after days of wandering through the desert. I've been experiencing intense limerence and my mind has decided that without this person I will not be willing to continue to play the game of survival.

I am in pain.

Edited August 26 by No1Here2c

[Natasha Tori Maru]

This is a hard issue to have.

Might be difficult to realise but your feelings are being generated by the future and imagined narratives that play out when experiencing limerence. These aren't real.

Try to really think about what you KNOW about this person. What you have seen and experienced with them that tell you about their morals, values - who they are and how they react to experience in the moment. Forget what they tell you - most especially text. Texting is really insidious, it can give you a false sense of intimacy where there really is none. It gives people time to craft a response.

It gives them control over how they are perceived, rather than showing you the truth of the person.

Be careful not to fall in love with someone's potential - and remember, when someone does something, they rarely do it once. So any behaviour that you are questioning will likely show up again.

Usually limerence goes back to attachment issues. And it is difficult to deal with as you pedestalize the other and sweep their negative qualties under the rug.

[Leo Gura]

You have to socialize with many other girls.

Never place your hope is some girl who barely even cares you exist.

This is your wake-up call to change your lifestyle to a more social one.

I know the pain, but it comes from a fantasy. You don't need a girl to enjoy life. In fact, you will get sick of that girl and crave freedom. You can be at peace without that girl, but you built up such a potent fantasy of her in your mind that what I say doesn't seem true.

The mind is very powerful at spinning these illusions. The sooner you realize that the happier you will be.

There are a thousand other girls you can have intimacy with. Don't get hung up on her.

Edited August 26 by Leo Gura

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0Yw6wNNx7E

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NzeXRDUk1ds

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CIbU5cEX-2U

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIsy_HSHkKo

Edited August 26 by Raze

[Rishabh R]

I also fell into the trap of limerence in the past. But when I realize that I don't actually like her but the idea of her and applying the principle that only pursuing a girl whom I like I found another girl who was receptive to me.

[theleelajoker]

2 hours ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

This is a hard issue to have.

Might be difficult to realise but your feelings are being generated by the future and imagined narratives that play out when experiencing limerence. These aren't real.

Try to really think about what you KNOW about this person. What you have seen and experienced with them that tell you about their morals, values - who they are and how they react to experience in the moment. Forget what they tell you - most especially text. Texting is really insidious, it can give you a false sense of intimacy where there really is none. It gives people time to craft a response.

It gives them control over how they are perceived, rather than showing you the truth of the person.

Be careful not to fall in love with someone's potential - and remember, when someone does something, they rarely do it once. So any behaviour that you are questioning will likely show up again.

Usually limerence goes back to attachment issues. And it is difficult to deal with as you pedestalize the other and sweep their negative qualties under the rug.

Great post IMO.

Haven't heard about limerence.

Also interesting about the narratives and future, I can recognize myself when a relationship ended. It's a lot about the idea that isn't there anymore, so it's about letting that go and less a about what really is. 

"Not fall in love with one's potential" - oh yeah happened to me too 

And finally, the texting stuff you point out. Yes it's true it's really crucial to feel the others presence compared to all digital stuff. 

 

@No1Here2c

It hurts man. It definitely does.

The meta analysis, and the ideas, and the advice here probably won't help now.

It's tough to go through this and it's normal that you feel the way you feel.

You see the posts of the others, it seems we all have been there at least once.

Time, patience, little steps. You'll be fine in the future, I'm very confident of that!