Rishabh R

A bunch of questions for people here and Leo.

18 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

Is it better to accept the things out of one's control or stop paying attention to those things ?

Example: In the future I have entrance exams for PhD. 

Is it better to accept that I might not qualify or focus on my preparation rather than the fact that weather I would qualify or not.

Secondly, I find myself become reactive to mental imagination of the people in the past.

How can I deal with that ?

Finally , @Leo Gura you talk about confidence being a product of massive experience. I have experience approaching more than 100 girls, giving many exams, is looking at those experiences and reminding myself that I have overcame many hurdles ,adversities like them a way to build up confidence ? By the way I have noted down every challenges/obstacle/adversity I have overcame from big to small. The image is attached here.

Thanks.

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Edited by Rishabh R

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Posted (edited)

There is nothing else rational to do anyway.

Edited by Schizophonia

Nothing will prevent Willy.

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2 hours ago, Rishabh R said:

Is it better to accept the things out of one's control or stop paying attention to those things ?

Example: In the future I have entrance exams for PhD. 

Is it better to accept that I might not qualify or focus on my preparation rather than the fact that weather I would qualify or not.

There are 2 kinds of worry: useless and useful worry.

Useful worry is when there is actions you can take that will change the outcome of events, like studying for an exam.

Useless worry is when there is no reasonable action you can take to change the outcome. For example, worrying about the exam on the day of the exam. This useless worrying needs to be eliminated by just stopping thinking about that topic.

Identify whether the topics you're worrying about are under your influence or not.

2 hours ago, Rishabh R said:

Secondly, I find myself become reactive to mental imagination of the people in the past.

How can I deal with that ?

By stopping thinking about that subject.

Notice when you are thinking about that subject and just stop yourself.

2 hours ago, Rishabh R said:

Finally , @Leo Gura you talk about confidence being a product of massive experience. I have experience approaching more than 100 girls, giving many exams, is looking at those experiences and reminding myself that I have overcame many hurdles ,adversities like them a way to build up confidence ? By the way I have noted down every challenges/obstacle/adversity I have overcame from big to small. The image is attached here.

Yes, it is helpful to reflect on your accomplishments.

But the very serious kind of confidence comes from way more experience, to the point where you don't even need to think about it any more.

For example, notice how confident you are with tying your shoelaces or with walking. You don't even doubt your ability to do these things. Because you are so experienced in them.

Your experience with girls is still very low. Which is why you are insecure about it. You have a lot of experience with exams, but a PhD is a pretty unique task so stress and doubt is expected there. Not everyone is suited to earn a PhD.


You are God. You are Truth. You are Love. You are Infinity.

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2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

But the very serious kind of confidence comes from way more experience, to the point where you don't even need to think about it any more.

For example, notice how confident you are with tying your shoelaces or with walking. You don't even doubt your ability to do these things. Because you are so experienced in them.

I perceive this as a 'knowing'.

A realization and integration - a truth you know. When it is not some shit you tell yourself. Not a belief. No fake it till you make it.

When you know, you just do. You don't even think.

I swing like this at work  😈


Deal with the issue now, on your terms, in your control. Or the issue will deal with you, in ways you won't appreciate, and cannot control.

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Posted (edited)

@Natasha Tori Maru I wouldn't call it knowing. It goes beyond knowing.

You don't just know walking or tying shoe laces. It is wired into your brain without massive training and experience. It has become trained to the point of instinct.

Knowing is far too theoretical. You can know things intellectually but still be insecure about them.

Knowing alone doesn't resolve insecurity. Training does.

Edited by Leo Gura

You are God. You are Truth. You are Love. You are Infinity.

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@Leo Gura

True - poked nice holes in it, we are left with Swisse cheese :P 

I think I was using the term knowing too loosely - in my head I defined it as a step over just understanding.

Habitual synapse wiring? So not enough to know something, but training the nervous system to trust it.

From the prefrontal cortex (intellectual knowing in the thinking brain) -> Limbic system (primal control room of sensation) through repetition

 


Deal with the issue now, on your terms, in your control. Or the issue will deal with you, in ways you won't appreciate, and cannot control.

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Posted (edited)

7 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

I think I was using the term knowing too loosely - in my head I defined it as a step over just understanding.

"Knowing" is a very loaded and tricky word. It can be defined in various ways.

In my worldview knowing means knowledge. Knowledge is quite a limited and shallow thing in many cases.

You want some way to differentiate intellectual knowledge from the more deeper kinds of "knowing" like knowing how to walk. Because those are quite different things. They function differently in the mind/brain.

This is why you can't just read a book about surfing and then go out and confidently surf. Confidence in surfing can only come from tons of training/experience.

You are free to define terms however you want, but be careful with conflating ideas because it can lead to wrong conclusions and expectations.

In my view, knowledge is lesser than understanding and experience.

Edited by Leo Gura

You are God. You are Truth. You are Love. You are Infinity.

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37 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

in my head I defined it as a step over just understanding.

Sure it was in your head and not your arm? Lol. 

People say “I was thinking in my head …”. No shit. Where else would you be thinking. Lol. 

I actually use the term similarly. Something that is known and confirmed to be true. If I say I know something, it means I’m sure of it. 

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@Joshe

Haha I WAS THINKING IN MY BOOT.

Who said our individual consciousness is contained within or bodies? :P

Language and context is limited


Deal with the issue now, on your terms, in your control. Or the issue will deal with you, in ways you won't appreciate, and cannot control.

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@Rishabh R

I really like your growth mindset - what's measured makes progress.

You are doing some great work and bouncing back here every so often - my respect


Deal with the issue now, on your terms, in your control. Or the issue will deal with you, in ways you won't appreciate, and cannot control.

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Posted (edited)

13 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

@Rishabh R

I really like your growth mindset - what's measured makes progress.

You are doing some great work and bouncing back here every so often - my respect

Thank you. By the way whenever I fail I reframe it in the light of growth mindset. I feel good afterwards. Few months back I was not able to crack multiple PhD entrance exams which were competitive (in India). In one of the government exams I scored pretty low but I felt awful after seeing the results for only half an hour. 

Regarding other ventures I was placed in a pharmaceutical company on campus but I left the opportunity since at the joining date I had my PhD entrance .

People , I have a question is reframe important for confidence when you fail or mindlessly failing over and over again. I have noticed that reframe helps in most cases to improve in a situation.

Also, regarding girls I have observed that atleast few of them respond warmly to my advances.

Edited by Rishabh R

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Posted (edited)

 

12 minutes ago, Rishabh R said:

People , I have a question is reframe important for confidence when you fail or mindlessly failing over and over again. I have noticed that reframe helps in most cases to improve in a situation.

Personally for me - it has been essential.

It has been a core tenant of my entire life, and in fact, for a while my common saying was 'I am just great at failing, recovering, learning, and trying again. I have mastered failure!'

I kept going with the reframe question 'What can I learn from this?' 'Where was the mistake?' and then 'How can I prevent it from happening again?' Always looking for what I can learn. Failure isn't a setback for me.

It is necessary to keep engaging in reality to test my own growth and reflect on the existential lessons there. 

If I don't succeed in something I look at how I contributed to it. And in general - the only things I do not succeed with are problems I do not stick with long enough. Obviously this doesn't always apply IE health, severe limitation. But if it is a problem within most of my ability to influence - I engage in reframing perpetually.

A warning though:

The sunk cost fallacy can get you when you have invested a lot, so you continually have to analyse the entire situation and its progress.

Humans naturally value what they invest in - gotta be careful with that. Sometimes you have to intelligently know when to drop something and know you may be overvaluing it due to time invested.

That's where wisdom comes in.

Just my experience so far :)

 

Edited by Natasha Tori Maru

Deal with the issue now, on your terms, in your control. Or the issue will deal with you, in ways you won't appreciate, and cannot control.

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Posted (edited)

@Natasha Tori Maru Great wisdom.By the way how about reframing the situation in a more positive light such as - This failure is an opportunity for improvement, growth.

Edited by Rishabh R

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@Leo Gura How to get more experience with girls as I am out of college now and in public places cold approach is seen like stalking in India? My friends in college treated me inferiorly and bragged to me that they had girlfriends while telling me to study and not engage in these sort of things like dating etc since I am a child.

Girls in college treated me poorly while interacting with them while and started dating other guys who were narcissistic . How about these situations ? I hurted me to the fact that I suffer till date when I think about my college experience. Apart from education the socialising experience of mind in college was extremely awful. And I observed that those guys who were younger or of my age despite being successful in dating girls and going from girlfriend to girlfriend they used to become very insecure as even when I talk to their girlfriends regarding some matter they threatened me or insulted me . Their relationships were built on dominance rather than mutual trust .

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Posted (edited)

Every major city has nightlife. That's where you meet girls.

You have been talking about this same issue dozens of times now for years. It's time to move on. I can't keep answering the same question year after year. You are asking the same question and not taking action on the answer.

Edited by Leo Gura

You are God. You are Truth. You are Love. You are Infinity.

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1 hour ago, Rishabh R said:

@Natasha Tori Maru Great wisdom.By the way how about reframing the situation in a more positive light such as - This failure is an opportunity for improvement, growth.

That is a better way to phrase it, and more positive - my version was quite satirical to laugh at myself :)


Deal with the issue now, on your terms, in your control. Or the issue will deal with you, in ways you won't appreciate, and cannot control.

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Some games are rigged. They give you no breathing room. You have the choice to not play them. 

Rigged doesn't necessarily mean unfair, it demands just one thing of you; you become part of those who rig the game. 

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