Am I delusional about my experiences?

[TheGod]

It’s been almost 3 years since my first full God-realization. I had experienced multiple God-realization but all of them were kinda unclear and uncertain. The night I vaped 40 mg of 5MeO-DMT I woke up to the fact that I was dreaming up the universe, all objects and all beings and creatures in it. It was rather a terrifying and unbelievable experience. I had a panic attack thinking I could never dream the dream again.  I was afraid I could never fool myself again and I was very fucking conscious of the fact I was trying to fool myself which was bringing even more fear. I swore off spirituality and psychedelics. 

Of course, at some point (I don't want to use the word time because I was outside of time and space and outside of notion of being inside or outside) I came "back". The next day when I woke up I was just walking thinking I had some sort of a psychosis or a delusional experience so I decided to prove myself wrong by doing 5MeO again. 

Unfortunately, the results were the same. Over and over again and again. The more I tried to disprove the fact that I am the actual fucking God the more evident it was becoming. After getting the same results on 5MeO-DMT I decided to go and try mushrooms and LSD but I was getting the 5MeO results. Basically, every time I would do psychedelics, I would become aware of the fact that I am the only conscious thing in the universe and I am the source of the universe and the universe itself. I would walk down the streets seeing others as myself in the form of other. The other me wasn't the source of me but I was the source of it in its form (I hope you understand what I am saying).  I would walk through patios where people were eating food and enjoying themselves seeing myself the way I see myself in the mirror in a regular state of consciousness but in this case the image of me were the people, the patio and the entire scene where experience was happening. I could see myself beyond all the otherness that was appearing to me through different forms. 

So, I have 2 questions to you:

1. Were my experiences legit or delusional and how can I know what Is a legit and what is a delusional experience?

2. Can I as God lose my ability to fool myself permanently without wanting to do so?

[Hojo]

Where you are reaching is highest infinity I think. Yes there is a realm where you are alone forever and can never go back to sleep. But that state is here right now and always exists as the drone of reality. Thats the ultimate infinity and is what is permanent but its permanent right now and here you are not being that way too. 

You have a special opportunity where you can break the fear while a human and become God. That means knowing you are there right now there is literally no difference just your logical thoughts against it.

You get to witness a horrifying state and come back and think about it. This is a great gift from God to you. A gods states exist forever but permanently alone is the longest. It goes beyond further than any other state. But its not you its just a state you experience of yourself like anger or jealousy or any other state. You can sit and look at it as long as you want. When you come to terms with it which is unknown ( probably not as its the longest state) then you can see its just a version of you that always just exists.

Not only are you permanently alone you are also permanently  a level 12000 wizard. You are permanently a level 1 worm. Permentelty a level 2 human. And permanently other people and other things, nothing changes between other people existing too, and solipsism thats the beauty of God.

The void of nothing is the toughest pill to swallow. And one person can't know how they will react before getting there. If you can swallow this black pill you are immortal.

If I know anything about infinity it also means its not the end and you aren't alone forever. GOD MEANS ALWAYS MORE PERMENENTLY. This is just a barrier to more.

Edited July 21 by Hojo

[VeganAwake]

The experiencer being real is the only delusion!

[Malekakisioannis]

@TheGod why would you question the experiences? What makes you question them? i mean if it was direct experience and you were absolutely sure as you say then you cant turn to anyone and question them... 🤷 do you feel that something is missing? And what might be that? 

[Malekakisioannis]

I would walk down the streets seeing others as myself in the form of other. The other me wasn't the source of me but I was the source of it in its form (I hope you understand what I am saying). I would walk through patios where people were eating food and enjoying themselves seeing myself the way I see myself in the mirror in a regular state of consciousness but in this case the image of me were the people, the patio and the entire scene where experience was happening. I could see myself beyond all the otherness that was appearing to me through different forms. 

Why was that terrifying? It seems a beautiful experience to me. 

[theleelajoker]

3 hours ago, TheGod said:

I would walk down the streets seeing others as myself in the form of other. The other me wasn't the source of me but I was the source of it in its form (I hope you understand what I am saying).  I would walk through patios where people were eating food and enjoying themselves seeing myself the way I see myself in the mirror in a regular state of consciousness but in this case the image of me were the people, the patio and the entire scene where experience was happening. I could see myself beyond all the otherness that was appearing to me through different forms. 

So, I have 2 questions to you:

1. Were my experiences legit or delusional and how can I know what Is a legit and what is a delusional experience?

2. Can I as God lose my ability to fool myself permanently without wanting to do so?

I have the experience you describe sober, at least to a certain degree. Alcohol sometimes also increases this awareness, even if many people condem it (I read there are spiritual traditions that actively work with alcohol, maybe it was tibet.)

It's like exploring my own mind, other people are products, are representative of my subconscious. 

Re your questions:

1. Can't verify or falsify that for you. I can only talk about my own experience. And it feels for me very similar to what you describe 

2. You see it as "loosing ability to fool yourself". That's one perspective to look at it. But it's a narrow one IMO.

On my path, I stated the intention "to be free" several times. Always wanted to be free, since I was a small kid. I met a stranger in a train, short time before my awakening experience, she asked me (more or less randomly) what I want most in life. It wasn't money, fame, etc I said I want freedom. I got what I wanted, "God" gave it to me. So maybe you wanted that too? 

One the one hand, it seems I can't go back anymore. I see the interconnectedness almost all the time and I am unable to not see it. So re your question,  it seems I can't go to back to being unaware. But do I even want that?

When I am fully engaged in life, then I am back in my role. I cry, I laugh, I flirt, I talk, I do sports etc etc. So I recommend to go and engage as much as possible with what is. 

You said you do not want to loose the ability to fool yourself. That's where psycedelics and this whole "teaching" by Leo is a very dangerous, very slippery slope IMO. Psycedelics force you to open, it's not you slowly opening up and integrating. Can be too much too soon for many people.

People will disagree, and it's fine, it's just my opinion and observation. I had many of my big awakenings during meditation, and it is and still was quite tough. But I learned more to let go instead of substance doing it for me. 

If you really want to got back to not seeing, I don't know, but I guess God has a way of giving you this experience as well. Just be careful what you wish for, might not be better then what is now. 

 

Edited July 21 by theleelajoker

[James123]

@TheGod

Look these 2 threads. Answers for you lie in there.

 

 

[emil1234]

ive got the same question. How do I know if my experience was the absolute truth? seemingly one can experience both beautiful and dreadful absolute truths

[LambdaDelta]

1. No experience is ever delusional, only your interpretations and judgments of it can be. Take being in pain for instance; one can be deluded regarding where, when, why, how, to whom the pain is happening (e.g. to a human on planet Earth in the year such and such, due to some stimuli which trigger sensory neurons to send certain signals to the cerebral cortex), or be closer to the truth through consciousness of the fact that God is imagining the whole thing, yet the experience itself is absolute regardless of how it is viewed. The latter without the former is quite bland and shallow though. All the relative truths derived by science and such will enrich your spirituality to no end. Awakening allows to see the biggest possible picture, the axiomatic bedrock of I AM, which then leaves you free to seamlessly integrate that which is called falsehood, deepening God-realization top-down, bottom-up, laterally, in loops, or any which way. God knows all of human anatomy, physics, mathematics, psychology, languages perfectly, so striving to do the same is as much a part of becoming more godlike as being more loving and selfless (however there's a trick to how most of that knowing is acquired).
Knowing how to properly wield the interpretative power of mind is of utmost importance, most use it to create semi-coherent self-serving fantasies with limited practical use, but it is wiser to direct towards deconstruction. What remains after all the deconstruction has been done is Truth, that's how you know it to be true. Now that line of thinking generates additional questions of how to know whether the instrument used to interpret has sufficient capacity, how to know when to stop, and so on, but there's various means that can mixed and matched (logic, intuition...) to resolve it all. The short of it is to ceaselessly look for the answer to what Infinity is, which is only possible through a combination of epistemology and ontology.

2. In my understanding you cannot, God's mind is perfectly coherent, nothing can happen by accident like that, but more importantly to lose the ability to fool itself would be to lose intelligence itself, which is an inalienable property of God and therefore impossible. For you the human all sorts of mishaps can happen – frying your brain from too much 5-MeO or becoming wholly nihilistic from the loss of meaning, the list goes on. All the existential fears you still possess represent the disparity between your mind and God's, yet exercising caution remains important.

It's very good practice you're doing of questioning all of your most powerful awakenings from time to time. It is as you see, if they were really true, the questioning will only reinforce them. And if not, you're left with a mystery more profound than ever before.
In other words, the real question is not whether the experience was 'legit', but what are the implications of having experienced it.