I Died, Saw Eternity… But Still Remembered I Was Human. Why?

[Mixcoatl]

I’ve been working with 5-MeO-DMT (Bufo) for the past two years, slowly deepening my connection with it. But my last trip was on a whole different level.

For the first time, I experienced what I can only describe as my own death.
Not a symbolic one. I was gone.
There was no body, no thought, no "me".
Only eternity — endless presence.
Stillness. Infinity.

I had touched something similar before through meditation, or so I thought.
But now I realize this was the real thing.

And yet… even in the midst of that absolute dissolution, something strange happened.

I remembered I was human.
I had memories — vivid ones — of my family, my life, my name.
But they didn’t feel real. They felt like images, floating within that eternal field.
Like echoes inside a dream that I was finally waking up from.

And that’s where my question begins:

If I truly dissolved,
If I truly died,
If I truly became the Absolute...

Why did memory remain?
Why was there still a thread tying me to my human identity?

Is there a level beyond — one where even memory disappears?
Where there’s nothing left but pure Being, without a trace of narrative?

And my second question:

Why do I come back to this same story?
Why this human narrative again?
What is sustaining this return to the illusion of continuity?
Is this identity just a habit of consciousness… or is there more to it?
Is my body kept somewhere while I'm "tripping"?

Much love.

[Davino]

Superb questions that I'm also trying to figure out myself.

Erasing memory or transcending time or realising the imaginary nature of past and future is a consciousness knob which is not directly triggered by 5meo to the full extent. Other substances like Salvia do, meaning you wouldn't be able to return home, or know you have a home or where you are etc. So If you wanna have the eternal facet + memoryless (clean slate like baby) in aggregate with the 5meo experience you'll have to work for it, as it does not come naturally. In massive dose memory works like a thread, you don't really remember but a thread of conscious light thought if followed will literally spawn all your past, till that thread is let go to which it will vanish in consciousness.

 

Regarding your other questions there are a few avenues of contemplation. So I'll just give you food for thought. This universe is just a room in the hotel universe which is God. If you enter another room (state and space of consciousness) you may stay there or move to another room again and of course there are rooms within rooms and so on.

Another way to think about it is that your God mind literally created your whole past regarding that you tripped and you had past events happen to you but that was just spawned out of thin air with a detailed past memory and sensations. So you thinking you are coming back is but a trick of your own mind.

Another way to think about it is that reality or the consciousness universe is computing/living/experiencing itself to maximize perfection. In this way, Reality is tending towards that expression which ever maximizes its perfection, given that this may be the case, there is a meta-reality order which is happening and brings us back to the main thread for completion.

Finally, there is no body if you don't experience it. Literally there is no place where your body is when you breakthrough into another room of reality, there's just One Room that morphs into all infinite rooms and it does so in the most smooth, coherent and perfect way. 

It's an infinite Mind what we're dealing with here and that's the ultimate nature of Reality.

 

 

Edited Friday at 10:38 PM by Davino

[Keryo Koffa]

Presume experiences simultaneously coexist.
 Can you consciously modify experience?
Absence affecting worlds left behind?
The purpose of limiting illusions?
The body recovering after?

Edited Friday at 10:54 PM by Keryo Koffa

[Davino]

@Keryo Koffa what do you mean by saying all experiences coexist? In potentiality sure but in actuality, don't think so.

[Keryo Koffa]

8 minutes ago, Davino said:

@Keryo Koffa what do you mean by saying all experiences coexist? In potentiality sure but in actuality, don't think so.

How does one transition into the other? 
What is the difference made of?

[Davino]

Transition is reality metamorphosing.

The difference is made out of self-reconfiguration and self-limitation.

[samijiben]

@Davino had a blast reading this. 

Took me through 9 stages of grief and beyond!

I better try some 5meo.....

[Davino]

@samijiben ❤️

[RendHeaven]

14 hours ago, Mixcoatl said:

Why was there still a thread tying me to my human identity?

The story loves itself too much to be vaporized.

14 hours ago, Mixcoatl said:

Is there a level beyond — one where even memory disappears?

Yes. This is proper insanity awakening territory

14 hours ago, Mixcoatl said:

Why do I come back to this same story?

Because this is where you want to be

14 hours ago, Mixcoatl said:

What is sustaining this return to the illusion of continuity?

Love

14 hours ago, Mixcoatl said:

Is my body kept somewhere while I'm "tripping"?

Only if you choose to believe that

[Grateful Dead]

On 13.6.2025 at 6:39 PM, Mixcoatl said:

Is there a level beyond — one where even memory disappears?
Where there’s nothing left but pure Being, without a trace of narrative?

Yes, when you return to the ultimate reality, no trace remains. There is just boundless freedom – perfect peace.

On 13.6.2025 at 6:39 PM, Mixcoatl said:

Why do I come back to this same story?
Why this human narrative again?
What is sustaining this return to the illusion of continuity?
Is this identity just a habit of consciousness… or is there more to it?
Is my body kept somewhere while I'm "tripping"?

The illusion of the world goes beyond your individual experience. A part of the whole can return to the source, while the remaining fragments are still lost in ignorance.

[Keryo Koffa]

Transcending is foregoing all unaware collective experience and having one's disappearance reconciled.