"Alien" Vibration Is Raping Me - LSD Trip Report

[Leo Gura]

51 minutes ago, Sincerity said:

And it’s hard to desire something if you don’t see it at all.

You never seen love?

Come on.

[Sincerity]

6 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

You never seen love?

Infinite, unbiased, all-pervading? No, not yet.

In previous responses you said I should contemplate What is Love? - with the capital L. Did you mean one should start with contemplating "human" love? That I've done multiple times, across years. But I try to stay cautious and not delude myself about it being Absolute, if I don't see any evidence of that yet.

Ehh, I feel stupid writing all this. Yes, I probably could have contemplated love more, but I didn't, and I don't blame myself. My rate of change in life right now is so high already, it's hard to handle more. Again, don't judge. I'll get there when I get there.

I contemplate the meaning of love all the time while working on my relationship with my partner, which I take very seriously. Because I see huge growth in it, and meaning.

[Leo Gura]

13 minutes ago, Sincerity said:

Infinite, unbiased, all-pervading? No, not yet.

Start by contemplating finite love.

Start all contemplations with the most real/grounded example you can find. Then expand outward.

Locate love in your direct experience. << Start there.

You don't need to stare into the sun to contemplate light. You can start by looking at the lightbulb in your room.

Edited June 5 by Leo Gura

[Carl-Richard]

1 hour ago, Sincerity said:

Maybe! Or not.

I’ll be looking into it. Feels different from the SOMETHING I experienced. I sense Love there, and the alien vibration feels like something else. I dunno yet.

But I’ll consider it. I’m open to options.

Love doesn't care about form.

[Princess Arabia]

Love is the absence of separation.

[Sincerity]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

Start by contemplating finite love.

Start all contemplations with the most real/grounded example you can find. Then expand outward.

Locate love in your direct experience. << Start there.

You don't need to stare into the sun to contemplate light. You can start by looking at the lightbulb in your room.

Cool, sounds good. Thanks for the advice.  

[Razard86]

On 6/4/2025 at 5:42 PM, Sincerity said:

Introduction

Last week I took 300ug of LSD, mostly with the intention to confront fears I encountered during previous trips. Those included:

• After serious ego loss and intense fear of death arising, fighting to have a purpose for my life, as if that was what would save me from death. The reasoning was, as silly as it sounds: “if I can’t come up with a reason for my existence right now, I will die”.
• A tribalistic paranoia, fear of being discovered by someone, fear of being closed in the room and someone else being in the apartment, fear that someone is behind me.
• Fear during the state where I don’t know anything, I literally don’t remember anything at all, what my name is, who I am, etc.
• Fear of reality “simplifying itself” to the point of death, fear of being motionless / falling asleep during the trip because I think I will die.
• Fundamentally, fear of death.

To counter these, my focus was to:

• “Let Death into my heart”; Open the gates
• Accept being purposeless, that it is okay and I will not die
• Accept no identity and not remembering anything, that it is okay as well
• Relax and feel into being safe in God
• Confront other key fears listed above

I simplified these points of focus, wrote them out on pieces of paper and laid them in front of me, so that I would come back to them throughout the trip.

Moreover, since I always experience profound feelings of Self-definition during my trips, my intention was to focus on 3 key archetypes/energies which are important to me right now, once the identity was gone, to program myself:

• I am a Man. I achieve my Goals. I Act.
• I am an Artist. I express my Voice. I Create.
• I am a Sage. I nourish my Peace. I Meditate.

I said goodbyes to my gf I live with, closed myself off in my room for 3 hours and went from there. Throughout the entire trip I wrote in my notebook. I mostly sat on the floor, surrounded by a few sheets of paper, and took everything in, while observing myself and responding to fears.

Key Awakenings

I don’t exist

For the first time, I really awakened to the fact that I don’t exist. This was during the beginning of the trip. I was writing a stream of consciousness in the notebook and I asked the question: “Do I even exist?”. The question reached my awareness and suddenly I was completely dumbstruck. My jaw dropped. My initial reaction was like “Of course I exist!!!”. But I looked and there was no me. Mindfuck.

After that, so much energy started emanating from me I thought everyone around me in the residential block was feeling it. It was incredible.

Nothing

I saw utter Nothingness. It was like I was in a completely empty Void. 

There was NOTHING satisfying about it for me. I was scared of the truth being negative in some way. In retrospect, I see that I wanted to discover SOMETHING. I wanted to discover some kind of divine love, inspiration, hope, reason. I wanted nothingness to be something good… but no. No love, no hope, NOTHING. 

It was exactly what it was. Nothingness. Devoid of any features. I saw it clearly, and it was humbling.

I AM; SOMETHING is there

And yet, in spite of seeing that I don’t exist, of not remembering anything about me and after seeing the Nothingness, I later felt that something was calling to me. It was as if it was hidden behind some veil, completely inaccessible to me. There was SOMETHING there, and it was ALIVE.

I wrote in my notebook: I am SOMETHING. But what?

This SOMETHING was instantaneous. I felt that I was it, but I was in no control of it. It was Same to me, and yet completely Other. It was writing things through me, without my conscious intent.

For the first time, I felt MYSELF so clearly. I AM.

Still, I don’t yet understand the dynamics of it. But I feel there is something amazing to be found there, and I’m excited about that.

“Alien” vibration penetrating me

Okay, so this is another thing that’s been difficult for me in previous trips, which I forgot about. Maybe I cut it out of my memory due to the great discomfort associated with it.

Lately, each time I take LSD and lose my identity completely, I feel penetrated by some weird, “alien”, unifying vibration, by which I feel raped, used, taken advantage of. Feeling it, I feel like I’ve made some big mistake taking LSD. I feel possessed. At times, I feel something is taking control of me and I’m acting in weird, unpredictable manners, which is scaring me.

During this trip, this happened when I was very high-level, and later on each time I focused on accepting the fear of dying and being no one. I felt this foreign vibration running through me. I felt discomfort, but I tried to persevere. I was set on confronting any fear and letting go of myself. Still, I felt taken advantage of. I don’t have good words to describe it, but that energy was weird, alien-like, sexual, foreign, flowing through me when I let go. 

If I had to describe it visually, I felt it as something white with 8 eyes, spanning through the entire visual field, inhuman, all-unifying, sexual, flowing. But I might as well be bullshitting myself, that’s not the point. 

The most important thing is: I don’t know yet what it is, and how to deal with this. I know I must separate my feelings about it from the actual thing, and it’s difficult because I feel great discomfort towards it. I’m wondering whether I can start approaching it differently and experience more positive feelings towards it. 

She is Other to me

Close to the end of the trip, I contemplated what my girlfriend is. I was like: “Well, of course she is me. Right?”. And I tried “looking into her”. But to my surprise, she was completely inaccessible to me. She was Other to me. “Wait… how can she be Other to me, if we are the Same?!”

It was a mindfuck to realize others are the Same and Other at the same time.

I gained a new level of respect for my girlfriend, in particular. Later, I told her: “I respect you, because I can’t reach you with my mind. You are, and always will be, a Mystery to me. I see you differently now.”

This can refer to Reality in general. What I said in the “I AM; SOMETHING is there” section: that SOMETHING was also completely Other to me, even though I was It. Maybe that SOMETHING is in everything I see, including my girlfriend. I think that theoretically, I could realize that I can’t reach anything I see with my mind, and that everything is a Mystery, not just my gf - but that’s beyond the scope of that trip.

Miscellaneous

I felt the above 5 sections were the most distinct, content-packed and worth sharing. Besides these, I experienced other things/awakenings/insights, such as:

• “Everything stems from the fact that I’m afraid of Death”. Feeling that I’m always running away from myself.
• I am this Dream which is leading itself
• Will/Intention being instantaneous and action in reality “lagging behind”, I was a bit impatient about it
• “Being the furthest away (from “life-content”), you can’t do anything but love.”
• “I want to be someone in this world. I want to express my Voice.” I felt like I’m not worthy, not “someone” enough.
• I want to fix something in myself all the time. Can’t I just love myself?
• At one point, I felt it was hard for me to stay in the body. I was walking around the room and felt so much energy accumulating in me, I thought I’d die. This single thing made me consider reducing dosing in the future.
• Looking at my hand felt overwhelming at one point, as if God was beaming its full energy at my face. I was looking away. Also, holding the fully stretched hand close to my face, I felt as if it was completely surrounding me. I was scared of it.
• Loss of consciousness was disappointing at one point. I was on such a high level. I felt cheated going “down”. I felt the “earthly” life was such an insignificant dream/illusion and it was for low-consciousness idiot beings. But this feeling passed quite quickly.
• At the end of the trip, I focused on manifesting what I want in life - among others, the 3 key archetypes I mentioned in the intro
• Focusing on the fact that I REALLY wanted the best for myself, that I wanted happiness in life, I wanted hope, inspiration, energy, I wanted to live and accomplish, that I wanted everything to be alright in the end.

Key lessons & how to proceed

• Next time, I will strive to not want anything from NOTHING and to love it for what it is. Unsatisfying, unborn, raw, pure truth.
  • I can see the fact that it's unsatisfying as actually the best thing about it. Shows me my bias perfectly.
• Focus on looking deeper into SOMETHING behind the veil. I feel there’s something important there for me to find.
  • Perhaps, this is where I can genuinely discover God/Infinite Love for the first time. Seems plausible, given how this SOMETHING felt to me during this trip. I had God-realizations before, but it was more about me being God - never before did I discover God/Love/Intelligence which is „Alive” and Other to me.
• Understand my feelings of being taken advantage of by the „alien” vibration. Can I change my relation to it? Is it growth to accept this „foreign” energy penetrating me? Should I learn to be submissive, is that the way?
  • What is this „alien” vibration?
  • Goal: Learn to love and receive it. Experiment with being submissive and accepting something „foreign”. Fuck it, if it’s growth, I want it, I don’t care.
• Consider lowering my LSD dose to 225ug
• Consider trying a different psychedelic soon, probably DMT 

Outro

Thanks for reading.  If you have any comments, feel free to share. Peace!

I got the Magic in me! 🌟

I don't know how deep you wanna go, but you can access your girlfriends mind. But depending on how much you value otherness...you may not want too. 

[Sincerity]

38 minutes ago, Razard86 said:

I don't know how deep you wanna go, but you can access your girlfriends mind. But depending on how much you value otherness...you may not want too. 

Honest questions:

1. Have you done it?
2. How do you differentiate this „accessing of another’s mind” from it still being „your mind”? I feel like you’d say there even no such separation.

[Keryo Koffa]

1 hour ago, Sincerity said:

Honest questions:

1. Have you done it?
2. How do you differentiate this „accessing of another’s mind” from it still being „your mind”? I feel like you’d say there even no such separation.

Telepathy channels alternate perceptions of (your)self and other(self) through perspectival expansion into the sources of experience.
It's attunement, focused exploration and curiosity create experiences you feel, infer and gain understanding from, all experience is within and there are depths to unravel to reach the point of contact from which selves differentiate.

Quote

A psychological extension projecting characteristics on both parts is used for communications.
I speak less to the part you think of as yourself, as the one you know not, the denied and forgotten.
Physicality is one camouflage reality adopts.
Sensing the reality within requires a different attention, and more delicate manipulations than senses provide.

Edited June 16 by Keryo Koffa