3.5G Amazonian Cubensis Trip Report

[tlowedajuicemayne]

At 6PM I drank a small class of psilocybin mushrooms mixed with coca, put on an eye mask, laid back and waited for the effects to begin. Prior to this experience I had experienced several affirmations from the cosmos that this experience was in fact ordained. The first was a surprisingly wise quote from a my best friend who isn't known for saying wise things, the second was the approval from my teacher which came by way of not disapproving of my journey, and finally the day of. I blew a small amount of hape' up my nose in the morning and asked it to help get me ready for the mushroom experience. At that time I was highly anxious and considering backing out of the event all together. The hape' did just that. It caused me to cry which released a lot of stored mucus and allowed for the energy to pass through me. By the time I was finished with the experience, I was no longer afraid to take the mushrooms. These three events served as affirmations that this experience was in fact an ordained or approved experience from the Universe.

An hour before, the shaman entered and asked us to pick a spirit card. My spirit card as 'where heaven meets earth'. When I read the book that came along with the cards to express its meaning it stated (something along the lines of)- You got this, the universe has got you, what is destiny will occur. Step forward with no fear.

So I lay there on my mat, waiting for the experience to come on as nature sounds eminated from a small speaker in the living room. The shaman walked around reminding us to breathe and to surrender. For the next series of events, I want to use a timeline as it'll help me better explain the different events that took place. This timeline is essentially arbitrary as throughout the duration of this experience, I had no concept of time. Nevertheless,

20 minutes in- I notice a shift in my perception. Normally my consciousness feels as though it is contained in some close proximity to the body. Suddenly, my consciousness extended throughout the room. No longer did I feel as though I were an entity in my head, I felt as though I was something within which a perceptual visual/ audio/ feeling sense-field appeared.

45 minutes to an hour in- The music changed from nature sounds to shamanic music. Beating of the drum, belting of the voice, strings, flutes and other naturalistic sounds played on the speaker. The sounds filled the room and took over my attention. I let the songs take me wherever they wanted to go and enjoyed the arrangement of the music. Each song took me on a journey in my mind.

1-2 hours in- At some point in time I got lost in the music and forgot about myself entirely. I entered trances within which I don't know what occurred. The feeling was primitive and animalistic. My body felt as though it was some sort of infant animal in a nest. My mind simplified. There were no thoughts in the traditional sense. Instead there were vast visions, dreamlike and ethereal.

The gap between waking consciousness and sleep was exaggerated. I found myself in an 'in-between' state. You know how when you sleep there seems to be a gap in time between the moment you fell asleep and the moment you wake up? I was in a state where I could see a vivid universe unfolding in front of me like a dream but I could also see that empty place where nothing ever happens simultaneously. I was somewhere in between and beyond it all.

It was here that my energy was liberated from all identity. I forgot who I was, where I came from, what was going on. Nothing mattered anymore.

3+ hours in- I was beyond existence and non-existence, yet somehow beings from throughout the universe called on me for help with suffering. I manifested myself into form and liberated them from suffering. One time, I became a cosmic Hindu dancer. My fingers and arms swirled around as a feminine energy filled me up and my movements healed countless beings. Once my work was done, my dance was over, I would then return to the state of being Beyond existence and non-existence. My Natural State. I recall waking up on the mat and remembering that I am a man and yet within myself I felt as though I was a women. Immediately following the remembrance, I transcended male and female, masculine and feminine and saw that choosing to be either of those is optional. I chose to be neither and rested in bliss.

4+ hours in- I began to come back into identification my body more and more as the medicine wore off. I began to remember my history, my family members, my girlfriend etc. Everything I remembered about myself felt painful. Rather than ignoring the pain, I just let it be and it went away on its own. I felt like a brand new being just born into life.

The come down was an interesting experience because I watched all the parts of my mind come back online, one at a time. The ability to discern, the ability to differentiate, the feeling of the need to understand, to sum it all up, to know, etc. My history, my body, my sense of self all slowly came back online as the night came to a close.

Realizations-

 1) Part of what it means to be human is to be in a state of suffering. There is a seriousness to human consciousness that takes over and colors the experience of being. By seriousness, I mean, there is a kind of fear of lawlessness that racks the mind of the human being. A fear that at any moment, something terrible may occur. I found myself fearing that the physical reality I inhabited was so far removed from spirit that I couldn't trust others. This I call being born into the animal kingdom.

 2) As I came down more, I entered a state of autism. I was deeply connected to the spirit in this state. So much so that communication, moving around in the world, completing tasks, etc. were difficult to accomplish. I felt at peace, gentle and wise. Yet if I were to be examined by a 'normal' person without the context of the psychedelic experience in mind, they may think me stupid and in need of medical attention.

 3) Later, more complex parts of my mind came back online and speech was easier. A type of adulthood or maturity came online. No longer did I feel connected to spirit, I felt rather disconnected and rational. All I had left of that deep place within myself was memories. If a normal person were to view me here, they would say I was normal.

 4) As the mind assimilated and I fell from grace into form. Layers of mind hardened as I fell until mind appeared as an external world. From there, mind fell further and I entered the animal kingdom, from there a state of autism and beyond that what we call sanity. Mind is currently falling deeper and deeper. This falling we call cognitive development. Modern science and healthcare see's cognitive development as a benefit but it isn't. It is a fall from grace.

 5) Therapy to me seems kind of silly and pointless. The idea that you could talk someone into healing makes no sense and is probably non-sense. The idea that healing can occur at all beyond the bounds of shamanic ceremony and in the midst of unity seems preposterous.

 6) The idea that there is some kind of spiritual work that needs to be done is preposterous to me. Any spiritual work that could be done is done on the perceived self. What I am is imperceivable. It is merely a matter of identification. Spiritual work is valuable but is not required. What I am is already whole and complete and is need of nothing. I have no mind, I have no self, I have no form. What work is there to do?

 7) I listened to a record I was working on and I didn't like it. I saw my videos on YouTube and realized that the only reason I make those video is because I'm lonely in my life.

 8) Going to college and becoming a therapist isn't my goal so much anymore. I think the path of a shaman may be closer to what I want to do if I want to heal others.

 9) Psilocybin didn't help me heal in the way that it gave me life advice or some kind of relationship advice. Instead it allowed me to relive the infant stage of my life and to experience healthy parenting. As I lay in the bed, an infant, the experience reassured me, comforted me and loved me. This was healing. Another way it was healing was getting in touch with my true Self. Just being the true Self and getting to stay like that for a while is healing. My girl said that I avoided the 'work' and I disagree. The work isn't always crying and rolling around in misery. Sometimes the work is getting a chance to heal via positive experience rather than purging the negative.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Leo Gura]

Great trip. Nice Awakening.

[Keryo Koffa]

I wish all humanity and beings got to do mushrooms together @Xonas Pitfall @Leo Gura @All 🤍

I tired plenty of Amanita Muscaria and Toad Venom, they slow my heart down to Vibe more

Edited May 24 by Keryo Koffa

[Xonas Pitfall]

@Keryo Koffa @All 🤍

What a beautiful tag! 😊

@One @God @Everyone

[Keryo Koffa]

@Xonas Pitfall  👏I was too serious and I pedulumed into lacking seriousness

Edited May 24 by Keryo Koffa

[Andrey]

Thank you for sharing this experience. 

"Modern science and healthcare see's cognitive development as a benefit but it isn't. It is a fall from grace." - that's an interesting insight.

[cjoseph90]

Nice insights you got here. Point 1&2 are very true.

[LoneWonderer]

Thank you for sharing. Enjoyed reading and contemplating what you wrote.

[Infinite Tsukuyomi]

Very detailed and nuanced awakening, awakening can put so much into context. The part about spiritual work being done on the self if very insightful. The part about therapy as well, as someone who has done his fair share. Thank You, I look forward to your future reports.