How do you cope with man-children?

[Alexop]

1 hour ago, BlueOak said:

Thank you for sharing that. I agree with much of it; it's helpful to establish. It goes to the problem you are facing in dealing with people, at least in part.

For me nice means:

Helpful, sincere, and polite. If i were to boil it down.

So the problem comes when you communicate that nice people are bad; inevitably, there is conflict on the meaning of a label. This also comes about in nonverbal interaction.

Niceness is this:

 

 

You referred to kindness 

 

Edited May 26 by Alexop

[Alexop]

22 minutes ago, SwiftQuill said:

Relatable af.

Because this is the way they operate:

"Gender equality" = exclusion of any form of masculinity

"LGBTQ inclusion" = hatred of straight people 

"Safe space" = freedom to say anything you want within their religion, but outside it, anything remotely politically incorrect deserves 1984 censorship

I will say, stage Green people are masters of marketing. That's what creates so much frustration and confusion when talking about them. Like when they say "we support trans rights" what they really mean is "we support males to beat the crap out of women in their sports".

Really, really effective marketing. Their usage of words such as "inclusivity", "equality", "tolerance", "X rights" is their biggest weapon.

Fixing society is like fixing a wooden house, a complex broken system. You have a toolbox(masculinity), you have paint and a brush(femininity). If you just paint the rotten wood, the house will still collapse soon even if it looks nice. What you first have to do is to remove the rotten wood with your masculine toolbox and replace it with fresh wood, then you can cover everything in hippie dippie femininity.

Femininity CANNOT exist in an unsafe, rotten environment. And forcing women to create the safety because "gender equality" bullshit, is idiocy. This ideology actually increases sexism and sadness among women.

Edited May 26 by Alexop

[Aaron p]

2 hours ago, Alexop said:

Niceness is this:

 

 

You referred to kindness 

 

Everyone has a dark side, there are only people who have embraced it (at least to a degree) and people who do not (like Christians).

I've seen that people who haven't embraced their darkness much have less control when it comes out (which is inevitable in this world) meaning that Christians and people who are very very "nice" (especially males) can actually be super dangerous. 

Being developed includes meeting your own dark side and befriending it. Haven't got to watch the video fully yet but that's a powerful title. Society has so much to learn (or apply) from psychology.

[EternalForest]

Meh, I disagree. In my experience, I find men to be very mature. Then again, I'm in the USA but still I never understood where the whole "girls are more mature" thing comes from.

Also @Alexop that Teal Swan video is toxic as fuck, I'm sorry. That mindset is everything that's wrong with society. Like Osho said, the problem is people think kindness is fake and hate is real, it's all backward.

Besides, I'd rather an asshole be "fake nice" because that's better for society and ultimately at that point they're only fooling themselves, the world still benefits.

Edited May 26 by EternalForest

[AION]

9 minutes ago, EternalForest said:

Meh, I disagree. In my experience, I find men to be very mature. Then again, I'm in the USA but still I never understood where the whole "girls are more mature" thing comes from.

Also @Alexop that Teal Swan video is toxic as fuck, I'm sorry. That mindset is everything that's wrong with society. Like Osho said, the problem is people think kindness is fake and hate is real, it's all backward.

Besides, I'd rather an asshole be "fake nice" because that's better for society and ultimately at that point they're only fooling themselves, the world still benefits.

Golden currency in social interaction is authenticity 

[EternalForest]

2 minutes ago, AION said:

Golden currency in social interaction is authenticity 

Absolutely. I strive to be as authentic as possible. But that being said, fake kindness is better for society than real cruelty.

[BlueOak]

4 hours ago, Alexop said:

Niceness is this:

 

 

You referred to kindness 

 

Well not exactly no, but the point isn't to argue the definition; I might as well shout at the wind. It's to show you the conflicting definitions that exist under such a label. To highlight some of what you are facing and how to counter or deal with it. This comes out in the interactions with people.

I don't know how much you agree that you create the reality you exist in, the outside reflects the inside in terms of conflict, as an example, but on a practical level, because you'll be assuming one behavior, identity label, or pattern links to another. Among other things. I don't doubt you meet a lot of Karens, Darrens, and fragile people in life. I don't personally, because I live in a conservative countryside area in the UK, which is more hardy by its nature. Living off the land, a lot of workmen etc. Politeness is important here and linked to what we call nice. You can be polite and unkind as an example, but again, the definitions aren't important; only showing the differences are.

Though I take the meaning of her video, i've seen and commented on it before. I generally think this is one of her poorer videos, as its basing what she's saying on subjective labels, which will definitely change from one culture, country even region to the next. Ditto her containment video for similar but even more definable reasons, where the phrase 'providing protective space' wouldn't carry all the negative connotations the word containment does. I generally find Teal's videos on outward society lacking in this area, whereas her videos for the internal state of a person are significantly better.

If you were dealing with a population that didn't get as hung up on egoic identity or labels, then it wouldn't matter as much, but you are. Which is where some of what you call childish behavior is often displayed. So you can engage with it, argue with the child (which won't go well), educate, side step, lead by example, help them, whatever, but argument rarely works well with the childlike aspects in human psyche. - Because you'd have to engage the childish aspects of yourself (or sink to that level) to do so often times.

Edited May 26 by BlueOak

[Alexop]

4 hours ago, EternalForest said:

Absolutely. I strive to be as authentic as possible. But that being said, fake kindness is better for society than real cruelty.

Gabor Mate used to say: sometimes there i no non-painful alternative. If you choose to be authentic, you can get rejected. If you choose fakeness to get love, you feel the pain of not being authentic.

Edited May 26 by Alexop

[Alexop]

@BlueOak whatever, niceness come from weakness, kindness comes from abundance. She shat a bit too much on them in the video.

Edited May 26 by Alexop

[SwiftQuill]

When women opine on the topic of masculinity, toxic masculinity, "nice guys", bad guys, and all of that, it's pure hypocrisy. Pure delusion.

I don't go out there making entire videos opining on what it means to be gay. Or what it means to be a woman. I don't know what it feels to be a woman, I don't understand their hardships, and I don't pretend I do.

So when women come to men giving advice on "how to be a healthy male" and all of that, it comes from 0 personal experience, and 0 empathy. 0 ability to put yourself in the other's shoes. It's something that annoys me.

It's the equivalent of an HR manager opining on the current job market and how hard it is to get a job. Who cares? If you've been working as an HR manager for 20 years, you might have selected many CV's and profiles yourself, but you're not out there in the field. Your opinion matters bullshit. It's easy to opine from a position of selection and judgement. But it's hard to opine from a position of hardship, struggle. That same HR manager who criticises gen z for not working, that bitch Karen, she wouldn't understand what it's like to send 1000 CV's in a month, and receive 0 responses in total. Her opinion as an HR manager bears about 0 significance on the topic of how to thrive in the job market.

Replace the words "job market" with "dating market" or "society" and you get my point.

Why don't I make a 20 minute long video on "How to be a healthy woman"? I'm sure no one will call me a misogynist and hypocrite for doing that.

[Alexop]

1 hour ago, SwiftQuill said:

When women opine on the topic of masculinity, toxic masculinity, "nice guys", bad guys, and all of that, it's pure hypocrisy. Pure delusion.

I don't go out there making entire videos opining on what it means to be gay. Or what it means to be a woman. I don't know what it feels to be a woman, I don't understand their hardships, and I don't pretend I do.

So when women come to men giving advice on "how to be a healthy male" and all of that, it comes from 0 personal experience, and 0 empathy. 0 ability to put yourself in the other's shoes. It's something that annoys me.

It's the equivalent of an HR manager opining on the current job market and how hard it is to get a job. Who cares? If you've been working as an HR manager for 20 years, you might have selected many CV's and profiles yourself, but you're not out there in the field. Your opinion matters bullshit. It's easy to opine from a position of selection and judgement. But it's hard to opine from a position of hardship, struggle. That same HR manager who criticises gen z for not working, that bitch Karen, she wouldn't understand what it's like to send 1000 CV's in a month, and receive 0 responses in total. Her opinion as an HR manager bears about 0 significance on the topic of how to thrive in the job market.

Replace the words "job market" with "dating market" or "society" and you get my point.

Why don't I make a 20 minute long video on "How to be a healthy woman"? I'm sure no one will call me a misogynist and hypocrite for doing that.

Yes, sometimes personal expereince is important. Especially now with so may grifters who pose as experts on podcasts and social media. The market is so oversaturated with idiots who express opinions that when a really experienced guy comes out, he has little chance to catch too much attention.

Anyway, emotional undrstanding is deeper than intellectual understanding. If you don't live through the emotional experience, then you don't get it that deeply. We, men, have no idea how a woman feels when walking on a shady street in the middle of the night or to get emotionally addicted to an abuser. Women have no idea how it feels to have a deep craving for sex and romantic connection and every woman ignoring you.

Edited May 26 by Alexop

[Emerald]

23 hours ago, Alexop said:

 

@Emerald the Vikings are gone. They said:"fuck it, if we stay here longer we will grow pussies."

That's just your insecurity talking.

There are plenty of big burly guys out there, if you like them so much.

[Xonas Pitfall]

You don't. 

Don’t waste your time dealing with anyone you dislike or don’t respect, it’s simply not worth it.

If you’re ever forced to interact with them, keep the conversation limited, neutral, and look for a way to exit.

You could even use those interactions as an opportunity to practice your social skills, see how well you can influence, engage, or teach others. But if they’re arrogant and lazy, they’re not worth your effort. Good Luck! 

Edited May 27 by Xonas Pitfall

[Alexop]

14 minutes ago, Emerald said:

That's just your insecurity talking.

There are plenty of big burly guys out there, if you like them so much.

Damn, you ever heard of jokes?

Yes there are some, but insignificant numbers. The main trend is being a good boy. You don't do that, the majority of the society avoids you. Of course you'll find some sketchy Red/Orange groups 

[Alexop]

12 minutes ago, Xonas Pitfall said:

You don't. 

Don’t waste your time dealing with anyone you dislike or don’t respect, it’s simply not worth it.

If you’re ever forced to interact with them, keep the conversation limited, neutral, and look for a way to exit.

You could even use those interactions as an opportunity to practice your social skills, see how well you can influence, engage, or teach others. But if they’re arrogant and lazy, they’re not worth your effort. Good Luck! 

Thanks 🙏 

[Emerald]

1 hour ago, Alexop said:

Damn, you ever heard of jokes?

Yes there are some, but insignificant numbers. The main trend is being a good boy. You don't do that, the majority of the society avoids you. Of course you'll find some sketchy Red/Orange groups 

Men in every era on back and back for thousands of years have said the same thing you're saying now about the current generation of men being uniquely un-Masculine.

I was once reading some quotes from centuries and millennia ago that had the same sentiments as you're sharing now.

But it's not true. 

It's just like how old people always think the young people are uniquely immature and ill-equipped to handle the world. It's a perennial human pattern.

The same is true for the Masculinity crisis. It's a perennial feature of the human species.

Men are often conditioned to believe in an exaggerated sense of "what Masculinity is supposed to be". And none of those expectations are realistic.

So, of course "Masculinity is in crisis" because the vast majority of men can't come anywhere close to meeting such unrealistic expectations.

It would be the same as every woman believing that she is required to be a super model in order to call herself a "true woman".

And then, she'd look at the world and lament, "Back in the olden days, all women used to be super models with a perfect face and hourglass figure." and "Femininity is in crisis because women are uglier than the women in their great grandma's generation... and women keep getting uglier and uglier."

And then, they point out some random trans man or lesbian woman and blame the problem on them for making the Femininity crisis happen.

That's how unrealistic the Masculinity crisis guys sound to me.

People are always thinking things are going to Hell in a hand basket in general.

And one of the biggest pearl-clutches is "Oh heavens! Masculinity is under attack! Why can't we go back to a time when men were men?" 

[Breathe]

On 5/23/2025 at 11:58 PM, Emerald said:

I notice over the past 10 years since all these narratives have gone online is that young women generally have soured more and more on men because of the proliferation of all the Manosphere nonsense. And interacting with a guy who isn't brainwashed by it is refreshing.

Would you say that you or your female friends are attracted to men who have traditionally masculine traits? I'm curious if ego ever plays a role in your attraction to whoever you might be attracted to.

I'm talking right out of the gate, before you get to know a person.

I'm attracted to beautiful women, but I'd rather have a fairly cute woman who's intelligent and self-aware than a hottie with no brains. But I can be deceived. That initial attraction can be blinding.

[Breathe]

On 5/21/2025 at 0:42 PM, Alexop said:

I personally treat everyone like children unless proven wrong.

Stop that nonsense. Treat everyone as if they have something to offer. You should seeking out the positive qualities in others and learning from those people. The philosophy you have is a sure fire way to stop learning and growing.

[BlueOak]

12 hours ago, Alexop said:

@BlueOak kindness comes from abundance.

Never had a penny to my name mate and I get called one of the kindest people you'll meet... somedays. If I help people that person thinks of me as 'kind', and the next person I refuse to help because I weigh their request to be unreasonable will think of me as 'mean'.

I don't place much value on these labels, only that the act of helping makes me experience a positive feeling, unless its causing me suffering, in which case I weigh whether the suffering was justified or don't do it again.

*On reflection, I can see why you'd say I am seen as kind when I have resources and by implication, mean when i do not.

Edited May 27 by BlueOak

[Alexop]

2 hours ago, Breathe said:

Stop that nonsense. Treat everyone as if they have something to offer. You should seeking out the positive qualities in others and learning from those people. The philosophy you have is a sure fire way to stop learning and growing.

I get your point, it is a fine line and it cannot be reduced to a small rule. It depends alot. I want to point out that I assumed too much that people around me are open to personal development and ideas which they are not.

Even Leo said to not use personal development and ideas to create connection with strangers if I remember right.

But yea, my statement cam be misunderstood and I should not use it like that anymore.

Maybe something like: "Do not assume strangers are like you".