I am regularly groped and it doesn't bother me at all. Why?

[Big Marsha]

8 hours ago, NewKidOnTheBlock said:

I never see women invading anyone's personal space, it's always men who do annoying weird shit like that. But I guess you are an interesting specimen to these women due to your bodily proportions, and since they know 100% they can get away with it, they're using that opportunity, maybe out of fascination, their way of showing friendliness, or even attraction. Can't say I don't understand them LUL

Yes. You are totally right. These type of women short, skinny, unattractive  are groping me and touching me because they want to dominate me. To dominate someone you otherwise feel inferior to is quite a common kink. This is where it can create confusion, i am much bigger and stronger than these gropers yet they kinda control me, not physically but mentally. Domination is not about physically subjugating someone its about mentally controlling them. When the control is physical it is domineering bullying or even abusive assault but this is so much more subtle and about real control. These gropers don't respect my boundaries, and because of their out of the ordinary behavior they put me in the position of being humiliated/submissive. Part of the reason they do is because they are envious of me and i have an intimidating and frigid aura around me that might have excite them because they see a challenge to overcome. Honestly at this point i would let any small tiny women to grope me in public . I realized I take no issue with small women doing it. It is like is instilled in my mind now, that i am there for any short tiny woman who wants to grope me in public . 

[Big Marsha]

9 hours ago, NewKidOnTheBlock said:

I never see women invading anyone's personal space, it's always men who do annoying weird shit like that. But I guess you are an interesting specimen to these women due to your bodily proportions, and since they know 100% they can get away with it, they're using that opportunity, maybe out of fascination, their way of showing friendliness, or even attraction. Can't say I don't understand them LUL

I literally had these women my gropers tell me that before they met me they hated me because I was overdressed which means I must be a high maintenance bitch, snob, and diva, and they were “surprised” to find out I’m letting them to grope me in public. 

 

[Big Marsha]

6 hours ago, LordFall said:

I've seen women do this a lot especially grabbing eachother's butts, I don't think it's a troll post.

It's interesting from a metaphysical point of view because the concept of personal space relates a lot to the concept of safety and as long as you're not threatening to someone's survival they're usually quite open to you. 

Being a man relates to danger though which I do like and appreciate. I've hunged out in feminine and sometimes LGBTQ circles and there's this vibe of friendliness and harmlessness that's pleasant and healing to be around but it feels good to have dangerous energy as well.

 

These women gropers are physically completely harmless. They are not not tough and strong. They don't look intimidating. They are just short, skinny, tiny women. I am much bigger and physically stronger than these women. Maybe subconsciously i know that these short women are not physically threatening to me at all. they are short skinny physically weak women, there 'is not an automatic fear of being physically assaulted like there might be with a man (at least one i didn't know and trust)

[Big Marsha]

9 hours ago, Hojo said:

You probably get off on feeling better than other people. You said the words small many times when referring to others around you and your home and big and rich and luxurious when referring to yourself. It is running from being nothing. 

Yes touch my breasts feel small you tiny worm. It happening everytime you go to the grocery store is not natural and is fetish behavior. Like you want it but you aren't gay. What else could it be then? 

Male attention tends to be sexual or weird. Women have been either complimentary/touchy feely or aggressive and mean. I face this in public a lot.

If I'm in public and a woman is giving me nasty looks for no reason, I just smile.

I think the best defense against hateful or jealous people is kindness. I know that sounds so cliché, but there's nothing more gratifying than watching someone who wants to get under your skin realize they can't.

They look like the azhole, you look graceful. It's a win-win. Some women here ignored me for a while and then they started to be very rude. They would make offhanded comments about me, insult me, and told me that I am a giant , arrogant, overdressed cow. They tend to just call me a giant cow and it's really starting to tick me off. At first, which was nine months ago, I was fine and just ignored and laughed along side (I know I shouldn't have, never made the wisest choice). These days though I'm getting annoying and want to put a stop to it. It's insulting and demeaning. 
I have to put up with the constant insults for nine months. I don’t care that they don’t like me, but it is getting tiring.


Problem is I don't want to be direct about it because it won't play out normally where people will just stop. I don't know to go about it but I'd like to make sure there's an end to this.

One thing I can think of right now is just saying "Don't call me a giant cow" in a serious tone and that's it but not sure what to do after if it gets ignored. 

[Big Marsha]

9 hours ago, Hojo said:

You probably get off on feeling better than other people. You said the words small many times when referring to others around you and your home and big and rich and luxurious when referring to yourself. It is running from being nothing. 

Yes touch my breasts feel small you tiny worm. It happening everytime you go to the grocery store is not natural and is fetish behavior. Like you want it but you aren't gay. What else could it be then? 

My parents are extremely rich. I grew up rich. I am born into money. Growing up my father spoiled me, i always had what i wanted for free. i always compared myself to my friends who were in a less economical class . I had better things than them. If i broke something, it was just a funny joke how clumsy i am and it got replaced immediately. When i was 14 year old my best friend came to our house for the first time she kept saying "wow".

She was really impressed that we had 2 TV's, it embarrassed me enough that I didn't tell her we had 4.Eating out every single day. At least one, if not both meals were delivered to the house every day, sometimes from really fancy restaurants. I always thought that home cooked food and family dinners on tv were fake. I only realized It was abnormal when my friend came over and when we were talking said she liked the pasta at this local Italian restaurant, so I went on the phone and ordered (we were about 16 at the time) and she was in complete shock that I was allowed to do that. Being able to go to college/school without thinking about cost. I never had to worry about money growing up. I went to an elite private school and had private tutors, went on lavish holidays and lived in a nice big house.

I've been able to set up a comfortable life for myself at my parents expense and I’m grateful for that.

Vacations big time. Being unable to understand why people wanted to raise taxes. Country clubs and $50,000+ weddings. Being able to afford maids, accountants, and being in contact with a lawyer constantly.

People sometimes make me feel guilty for being rich. Should I feel guilty or lucky for being born well-off? "guilty" is a bad word for this but I can't think of another one to describe the feeling.

I know this is so trivial compared to what other people go through/ free but i just want to get it off my chest.

[Sincerity]

20 hours ago, meta_male said:

This is a pretty bizarre (and familiar) post...

19 hours ago, Butters said:

Yeah if this isn't a fake account I don't know what is

FYI: We recognize the post/account feels suspicious. No evidence yet from our fake-account-checking tools though. The staff is keeping an eye out.

[AION]

An Indian woman called me today and I got so paranoid because of terrible all devouring "her" is that I thought the woman in question was the terrible all devouring  "her". The reason is because her mannerisms was exactly the same. She was talking about lust and stuff like that in this thread. She got in all of our heads lmao.

Edited Tuesday at 09:51 AM by AION

[Kid A]

The damage one person (Preety India) can do to a forum. You almost can’t trust anybody here anymore... It’s like The Departed.

[Sincerity]

50 minutes ago, Kid A said:

The damage one person (Preety India) can do to a forum. You almost can’t trust anybody here anymore... It’s like The Departed.

Yeah. The right person in the right place/conditions can cause a lot of damage. Or a lot of good, for that matter.

But the reason why that person is „right” to cause damage (or good) in a place is because it allowed them to do so.

Moderation is a thin line to walk. I think there are definitely lessons to be learned from this entire case. Really, it’s SUCH an interesting case study, worth thinking about. It could literally be told as a bedtime story lol.

I truly believe the forum should be more strict with what it tolerates - especially the utter bullshitters, those who are here to just fuck around or spout low quality replies, and those who propel drama. But every coin has two sides. Stricter moderation is, I guess, more authoritarian. And everyone has different views on what is noxious to the community. My views will not be aligned with others’. Basically the overall direction of moderation is only up to Leo - and that’s good, since it’s his platform.

What’s also an interesting argument against the more authoritarian attitude - and this is not something Leo has said anywhere, but something I was thinking about - is whether a lower-quality user generating a lot of engagement is better than the user not being here. I realize this is complicated and that a lower-quality user can make the higher-quality ones go away, but on the other hand engagement is the pulse of the forum. So for example, take someone who posts a lot, they do have some wisdom and share it sometimes but 98% just fucks around - are they better for the life of the forum or no? Or an utter bullshitter who creates considerable traffic with the threads they create. Better if they are here or no? I think it’s a matter of assessing what choice leads to overall higher quality and engagement. Also, overall, deciding to what degree the quality in the forum should be prioritized over engagement. It might sound controversial and one could say „of course quality should be prioritized 10x more!!!!” but is that really ALWAYS the right choice?

Tricky dynamics. What’s important to contemplate is what is best for the overall system. And to be clear: I’m NOT saying that Preety being here was good. I think she wasn’t. I’m saying that moderation is complex, and interesting.

Edited Tuesday at 11:19 AM by Sincerity

[Raze]

It’s not Preety, she was on the old thread and that was before she made alt accounts 

[Kid A]

47 minutes ago, Raze said:

It’s not Preety, she was on the old thread and that was before she made alt accounts 

There never was a «before she made alt accounts.» She’s had several accounts and probably has been talking to herself with different accounts for as long as she’s been here. Just look at how old this account is for example:

 https://www.actualized.org/forum/profile/8397-tyler-robinson/

Edited Tuesday at 12:43 PM by Kid A

[AION]

11 minutes ago, Kid A said:

There never was a «before she made alt accounts.» She’s had several accounts and probably has been talking to herself with different accounts for as long as she’s been here. Just look at how old this account is for example:

 https://www.actualized.org/forum/profile/8397-tyler-robinson/

Perhaps we are all the terrible all devouring her. 

Edited Tuesday at 12:54 PM by AION

[Basman]

2 hours ago, Sincerity said:

I truly believe the forum should be more strict with what it tolerates - especially the utter bullshitters, those who are here to just fuck around or spout low quality replies, and those who propel drama. But every coin has two sides. Stricter moderation is, I guess, more authoritarian. And everyone has different views on what is noxious to the community. My views will not be aligned with others’. Basically the overall direction of moderation is only up to Leo - and that’s good, since it’s his platform.

You definitely could be stricter I think. Like, what is this thread about? "I have an enlarged ass and these jawas are groping me but I'm okay with it." No serious inquiry or discussion here, just really waffling about one self. This is an example of a low quality post in my opinion and possibly trolling.

I think you could (as in the mods) do more soft warning and time outs, where a user can't post for X amount of time. If a user makes a low-quality post, the user should be put in time-out for 12-48 hours where they can't make any more posts. A good example of a soft warning was the previous post you made in this thread:

4 hours ago, Sincerity said:

FYI: We recognize the post/account feels suspicious. No evidence yet from our fake-account-checking tools though. The staff is keeping an eye out.

It acknowledges that there might be tomfoolery about, which might not be tolerated. I think more "soft warnings" in this style could potentially help moderate problematic posting without needing to be overly "letigative". Just like reminders to be civil, etc. If you feel the need to call out a specific user though I think at least a time-out is warranted.

[meta_male]

4 hours ago, Sincerity said:

FYI: We recognize the post/account feels suspicious. No evidence yet from our fake-account-checking tools though. The staff is keeping an eye out.

Alright. Out of curiosity though, do you really need a tool to spot a user who keeps vomiting up their groping fantasies from different profiles?

[Raze]

1 hour ago, Kid A said:

There never was a «before she made alt accounts.» She’s had several accounts and probably has been talking to herself with different accounts for as long as she’s been here. Just look at how old this account is for example:

 https://www.actualized.org/forum/profile/8397-tyler-robinson/

Still it isn’t really like her to make a fetish post like this. 

[Sincerity]

Both accounts were banned due to sufficient evidence of duplicate/fake profiles.

Thanks everyone for reporting.  For those who don't know: there's an option to "Report post" at the top of each post. We review all the reports, so not one ever goes unseen.

44 minutes ago, meta_male said:

Alright. Out of curiosity though, do you really need a tool to spot a user who keeps vomiting up their groping fantasies from different profiles?

We strive to always find sufficient evidence to avoid unfair bans and warnings. If there isn't immediate chaos and harm for the community, we can be more patient and keep an eye out. And that's what we usually do.

1 hour ago, Basman said:

You definitely could be stricter I think. Like, what is this thread about? "I have an enlarged ass and these jawas are groping me but I'm okay with it." No serious inquiry or discussion here, just really waffling about one self. This is an example of a low quality post in my opinion and possibly trolling.

I think you could (as in the mods) do more soft warning and time outs, where a user can't post for X amount of time. If a user makes a low-quality post, the user should be put in time-out for 12-48 hours where they can't make any more posts.

Thanks for the feedback.  I hear you, I try to give the soft warnings sometimes. But we try not to lock threads for no reason and assume they're trolling. The thread wasn't technically breaking the Forum Guidelines. So we try to find enough evidence of bad intention. You wouldn't want moderators to be careless or putting people in timeouts for things that don't strictly break the Guidelines and are not objectively low-quality. There would most likely arise much anger in the community - and probably rightfully so.

It's a thin line to walk. It requires grace.

1 hour ago, Basman said:

A good example of a soft warning was the previous post you made in this thread:

It acknowledges that there might be tomfoolery about, which might not be tolerated.

This wasn't meant to be a soft warning to OP per se, more of an information for the community that we are aware of the situation, since some users brought it up. I want you to feel that we care, we're aware of the dynamics on the forum and we're handling things as best as we can. Nothing worse than a feeling of an "incompetent government". 

Edited Tuesday at 02:33 PM by Sincerity

[meta_male]

21 minutes ago, Sincerity said:

We strive to always find sufficient evidence to avoid unfair bans and warnings. If there isn't immediate chaos and harm for the community, we can be more patient and keep an eye out. And that's what we usually do.

Understood, thanks.