Finished the LP course

[Jannes]

I can have intense bursts of energy and random creativity which is super exciting especially in acting as I noticed yesterday. The amount of crazy energy is unbelievable which is sleeping deep down. But sometimes I do dumb shit through that same uncontrolled energy as well which makes me block my energy. Like yesterday as well, I played a flirting corrupt police officer stopping a car with two ladies and in my estimation overstepped a comfort line even though everybody on the outside played along with it and didnt give me much signs that I overstepped a line but I am pretty sure I did and now I overthink this shit for days and block myself. 

 

“An ADHD mind is like a Ferrari engine with bicycle brakes.”   by Dr. Edward Hallowell

 

🧠 Interpretation:

Ferrari engine = powerful, fast, creative, energetic thinking

Bicycle brakes = poor impulse control, weak self-regulation, difficulty slowing down

Edited Tuesday at 01:26 PM by Jannes

[Jannes]

I knew for years that my blockades hold me back a ton, but it just looked so hopeless that maybe I thought I need to accept that things are shitty. 

But this cost my psyche so much and somehow healing from that I get a lot of energy back now.

Also in a sense friends are brakes because they help me fit in, give me feedback of whats acceptable and what not. I am slowly extinguishing the fire there. I am not yet accomplishing much yet in terms of Esteem needs, but with belonging and love more met I am much closer to making self actualization possible. 

 

Edited Tuesday at 03:14 PM by Jannes

[Keryo Koffa]

Straight up calling belongingness propaganda and esteem the sin of pride 
Self-fulfillment would be leaving this realm 🌐🧑‍🚀 as any psychonaut would vouch 

Sorry for diluting your journal, I just felt like there was a point to cut straight into that I resonated with.

Edited Tuesday at 01:51 PM by Keryo Koffa

[Jannes]

4 hours ago, Keryo Koffa said:

Straight up calling belongingness propaganda and esteem the sin of pride 
Self-fulfillment would be leaving this realm 🌐🧑‍🚀 as any psychonaut would vouch 

Sorry for diluting your journal, I just felt like there was a point to cut straight into that I resonated with.

Yes but I have an ape brain and have monkey needs, can't ingnore that. For years I coudlnt even access much on psychedelics cause my crying survival needs clouded my vision. Not sure how it would be right now. 

There is an interesting balance you can strike. You know when you completly cut yourself off from people you actually feel more pressure to fit in cause your unconscious cave men survival program sees you in danger and pressures you and makes you feel like shit. And this also leaves an important perspective of normal peoples life on the table. People who are super integrated on the other hand can sometimes be way more authentic because their unconscious program doesnt see them in danger so it grants them more leeway but then of course at the cost of taking in societies way of thinking. 

Maybe in a good balance you can get the best out of both worlds. 

This question of how you go about sozializing when you have spiritual pursuits is super old. My philophy teacher back then gave me the book the Steppenwolff. Its about a guy pursuing truth all his life and living miserably because he cant connect to anyone, he takes all the disadvantages of pursuing truth but didnt reach god it seemed. So he wants to ends his life. But then right before it he wants to kill himself he becomes to scared to actually do it and gives in, sozializes and a whole new world opens up for him. He soften ups and heals all the damage of his past. But then later does LSD and comes in contact again with all the bullshit humans do and gets the insight that he needs to develop his sense of humor as a strategy to combine both living with humans and also keeping his truth seeking in a healthy way. 

Idk maybe he should have killed himself instead and keep his dignity..

But people have socialized and still reached all the spiritual insights. I think one should simply be clever about it and seperate sozializing from spiritual pursuits, I am still figuring out how to do it.  

4 hours ago, Keryo Koffa said:

Sorry for diluting your journal, I just felt like there was a point to cut straight into that I resonated with.

I would rather have you here then on the Thoughts and Insights yournal. 

edit: Sorry if I sound rude, I would like to keep my Thoughts and Insights Journal private but you can comment here no problem.

On 29.5.2025 at 1:02 AM, Jannes said:

I sometimes suck at certain communication rules. If I want something, I dont know how to ask for it. I am either overly nice or straight forward and the letter comes off as egocentric. I feel like most people have dipped into the water enough to develop some strategies, I havent to the same degree.

Edited Tuesday at 06:04 PM by Jannes

[Jannes]

Had a nap that got very existentially deep for some reason.. I got a trippy short insight into the working of my mind as a search engine and whatever I search for more pops up more often. And also how on an existential level I suffer appearently without realizing it because I have nothing deep to work towards. 

Which opened up the question if I want that or if I want a good dream. But this flashed by pretty quickly. 

____

I went to an information day for ergotheraphy last saturday. It was okay, if I do it then I would probably have a class with some younger people there. 

 

Its really important for me to feel peoples problems and help them to overcome them. So a job like ergotheraphy could be great for that. The problem however is that I always think that helping people with everyday problems isnt doing much in the greater picture. Yeah I might help a few but I am ultimately part of the rat race. And so I am thinking of creating content about spirituality which isnt solving practical problems but helps people recognize the metaphysical beauty of existance to accept or love reality however dark it is at the moment more. 

Let me phrase it as perfect as it gets

On 30.12.2024 at 1:52 PM, Jannes said:

Seeing the existential structure in fucked up situations to love reality profoundly.

On 31.12.2024 at 9:39 PM, Jannes said:

Finding existential beauty in fucked up situations to heal peoples traumas.

On 27.4.2025 at 0:58 AM, Jannes said:

Finding existential beauty in fucked up situations to open people to profound love.

-> Artistically pointing out existential beauty in relative uglyness to heal people.

But then this becomes a little too much for me as well sometimes. I love to help people with small problems, the are shortlived but while they are there they fullfill me, I just need to find a system of getting problems from people constantly so I dont run out, aka working as something like an ergotherapist. This is not my current thinking btw. but through the recent life changes these thoughts stored in my memory opened up to me again. 

[Jannes]

Just now, Jannes said:

-> Artistically pointing out existential beauty in relative uglyness to heal people.

But what do I even mean by that? I can only do that IF I actually integrate a state of consciousness where I can see existential beauty. 

Its just I experienced being existentially very happy and connected to some source and I see other people not connected to that source and in pain and so I want to connect other people to it as well to some degree..

I like emotional, moralizing storys like Avatar the Last Airbender, but it doesnt get to the existential root. But maybe creating something beautiful takes being created to the existential. Like the beauty of Apples design (back then) , or exceptional humor , or deep morality .. 

 

What would my role be in that? I am imagining doing emotional and philosophical labor for other people, like a bird pre chewing food for its babies.  

 

On 14.3.2024 at 2:39 PM, Jannes said:

I would like to create content that raises societies level of insights, love and consciousness. For that you have to make your understanding very clear and accessible. I thought about art. Mangas and films might be great for that as well. But exaggerated illustrations are great as well. It's very hard to create something like this I would imagine because your understanding needs to be actual and very clear.

 

 

Or this:

 

[Jannes]

Missed a social opportunity today. Not sure if its like the more the better but its very clear that healing socially is a key thing I need to do to get better and so find my LP. 

Okay there seemed to be mostly dudes anyway. I like to befriend girls a lot as well, I feel much more comfortable with an even mix. Need to find spots for that. 

Edited Tuesday at 08:30 PM by Jannes

[Jannes]

On 22.5.2025 at 8:56 PM, Jannes said:

Wild card - Remote viewing

If I were less open minded I would actually have it easier to get a normal job. So wouldnt it only be a sort of a natural balance that because of my disadvantage there that I would have it easier else where like finding a well paying job one could only find through open mindedness and that I also have the abilities to do it, ... please, please universe bend to my interpretation of you which has my human bias?

Like can remote viewing be a real thing people and I can make money from ?

 

___________________

 

I already did a course on remote viewing once, talking like 3 hours with a guy who could apperently do it. And he coached me and I did it myself and I correctly identified a volcano through coordinates alone. I remember saying things like intense energy, gray, ash, ... He even told me that one could make good money with it. This was my entry haha. Well I dont quite know what I thought about it back then, despite correctly identifying parts of the volcano it was so vague that I thought it could just be interprated to make it fit. And all the other talk seemed a little weird although I didnt come to a full conclusion if this was real or not. So I didnt follow it afterwards partly because of that confusion but also maybe because I was running away from something good.

 

I downloaded Skype again to find the contact I had the conversation about remote viewing with. It wasnt there anymore unfortunately. But in my mails I found a transaction for a Taster session for 30 Euro for Stefan Franke in 2019. This seems to be it. Hmm... 

 

 

Stefan Franke seems grounded, intelligent and humble. Very good sign. He also gives all kinds of examples of how remote viewing can be applied and also which strenghts different remote viewer have. Depending on your mind you can remote view some things better then other things. If you are very social you can remote view social dynamics more, a person with a technical mind can remote view technical things better. And appearently you can remote view all kind of things about the future like where society is headed and so on. I stay sceptical but if that all works it would be fantastical. 

The taster session now costs 75 Euros, a beginner course almost 2000 Euros. The whole package costs 4000 Euros. 

I do have the money for it right now. 

If this all works it would get me a toe into a new realm. And honestly with AI becoming so strong qualia is one of the few things which we have above AI. And this includes psychic phenomena. So its important to expand this work before humans sink into meaninglessness before AI. 

And in terms of paying my rent, he also speaks about working for private people, I could ask if thats a job which can pay you enough money to live. 

I will watch more content for now: 

 

Edited Wednesday at 12:26 PM by Jannes

[Jannes]

On 13.6.2025 at 4:56 AM, Jannes said:

Its hard to say, I might be the most socially confident I ever was right now. I might have had a stronger fassade of confidence before, but in terms of actual confidence this might be my best right now. 

Ahahaha I was scared to leave the house today. It was a mixture of things probably, maybe because I havent socialized a lot the last couple of days, maybe because of the thing on monday, maybe because a girl isnt texting me back and I admit, I put a few hopes into it, maybe other stuff came up from leaving the club, who knows.. 

But at my spot today it kind of went okay which was a relief. At this point some people kind of now that I have problems fitting in. Then I hugged a women I knew from before. We kind of had a weird dynamic, where we vibed but she kind of wanted more and I gave the wrong signs and then it came to a moment which felt kind of like herassment. And people around noticed and its kind of shameful for her and kind of weird for me and she often tried to overplay it with being super cool but at some moments bringing in playful sexual gestures which felt bad. But the vibe was good the last couple of times and I kind of forgot about it all and went to hug her I felt inauthentic to myself. Like I didnt want to hug her. And it reflected the same dynamic as in the club where people wanted something from me, I declined, it maybe became kind of toxic, but I still played along trying to be friends with them which felt really inauthentic. 

Trying to get me out of the situation, there were a few chill spots in the dark which I enjoyed. Felt great to let all the bad emotions come up without disrupting them. Then she came to me for some reason and I felt interrupted in my safe space. 

Later it became difficult to get into the social mood again. Getting out when you need time alone is important but a change of state is hard, reactivating the social state can take a while. It became better though but nothing compared to the states I reached last week. 

I saw many of the same people I saw last time and last time I vibed with them so well, I was magnetic, this time I felt more like an outsider. Such a drastic change like that. I am in the mood to cry. 

People still randomly support me sometimes, stage green is king. 

[Jannes]

I love futuristic ideas about how society might evolve. I am thinking of giant intelligent skyscraper cities, powered by AI with huge natural parks around it. I am not thinking much about what the technology would entail, I am thinking more about how to engineer an atmosphere, a collective state of consciousness with the structures given which creates life, purpose, connection.

Man there is a foto I want to put right here but I dont know where it is in this forum. I have a very strong emotional memory and memory of what the message was but not about the details. These strenghts and weaknesses may be some puzzle pieces for my LP. 

This is cool as well.

 

[Jannes]

I felt really tired the last couple of days, there seems to be a lot of emotional processing. 

[Jannes]

Working this saturday to get access to the Fusion Festival next week! Amazing opportunity to socialize, I havent even been on a festival before. 

[Jannes]

On 19.6.2025 at 11:55 PM, Jannes said:

 

Needed to calm down a bit and consciously allowed myself to enjoy some free time which I mostly dont do because I always have unfinished tasks which I simply procrastinate on, so this guilt free time felt good for a change. 

'Read' through the first manga. Its such a great manga. Well it could have a little more humor, its very dark and action filled but it still catched me. Its so packed full of ideas of how things could go very sideways with future technological advancement in biological engineering. And the scenery is amazing. 

[Jannes]

Interesting, he says he observes all the time, tries to figure that out and then puts this into his work. 

Its very similiar for me in acting, I am always on the lookout for interesting situations, try to grasp the dynamics and how to turn that into humor.. even when I say to myself that acting might not be for me.. 

On 7.6.2024 at 2:05 PM, Jannes said:

Watched this 3 times already. There are so many things I like about it. He seems so authentic and unfiltered which is rare. And there are many elements of his life which I want to integrate as well like the passion to work on a project for 2 weeks straight.