Finished the LP course

[Jannes]

I was just talking to an ex-member of the old theatre club, one of the people I liked the most and have zero beef with. 

It was a nice chit-chat 

He told me that a lot of members left the theatre club though and that it is foreseeable that the club will break. 

I told him that this struck me a bit and at that point it seemed as though I hit an impulse in him to say goodbye, at least it happened relatively fast and he didnt immediately go for a goodbye hug even though it was all within the normal, mentally stable, nice, untriggered realm. 

I didnt go for him to talk and open up. He was the closest one I would have talked to after the leader but I would have just dropped so much ghossip about close friends of him, I didnt want to do it. 

Maybe there was a little trigger connected to all of this, that I didnt talk to him about it all is my guess. 

..

Oh man, I cant believe the old theatre club is dropping like that. 

Letting untrue things die indeed .. 

[Jannes]

The male and female isnt just a social invention as you can see the same principle everywhere in nature.

Bones (sceleton) and muscles are like male and female to each other. 

[Jannes]

So many things went so weird today at my social spot. 

First I was kind of sad for some reason. Felt a bit vulnerable. Not sure where that came from. Well I assume it had to do with meeting my ex-theatre friend in some way, maybe I opened up to the old theatre club a bit ..

And I am a bit angry with myself that I handled a situation with a girl so poorly. It was with the proud girl. So I kind of looked for clues that I was intrusive I think. So I saw her and she must have noticed me as well but looked away at first and then a little later waved at me. Later though she gazed into my eyes and I held it comfortably but somehow that didnt do anything in me. So later I went in the round and she seemed like she played an extra long ball which could have easily not hit the plate anymore but just barely scrapped it -- which I interpreted as she doesnt want to meet me in the round right now so I didnt go for a hug which made it akward with us two for a minute of walking in the round. 

It seemed like she was going for long range eye contact as well at some points. 

I think she is together with this one guy either in a relationship or some kind of FWB arrangement and likes me in some ways but isnt yet sure what to do with me or what she wants. 

Another thing is that I opened up to other girls there as well. This one girl seems super interested in me and I feel like I kind of fucked up. Not sure if she thinks I am interested as well but probably so. And I can be pretty empathetic, so I can mirror her energy but that makes it feel like I am genuinely interested which I am not. ffs