Finished the LP course

[Jannes]

On my hostel trip in Berlin again. A bunch of pretty intense memories came up just being in this mindstate. 

And I also thought about two girls I am both good with at my social spot atm. I fantasized that we could maybe have a relationship all together and the faces other people would make if I told them that. And I actually developed feelings.

And that made some things pretty clear, for one a relationship partner is definitely status signaling for me. 

And second I just think that I havent found my match yet. I didnt take all the opportunities I have got for development bc of integrity so there is still a lot of insecurity I have got but below it all I think I am hot shit and I deserve nothing else then hot shit. Thats where I can find my romantic feelings. 

[Jannes]

I remember back then I saw this movie with a friend. Two things I always loved about circuses, well three things:

One the show itself. Bringing people into awe seems like a very noble thing. 

Second the picture-esk train rides in Disney movie. When the train drives through a beautiful landscape in the evening. You climp on the train and can see the stars ...

And third being kind of a weird and in some aspects overpowered person. 

Most of it is simply adhd I think. 

The first thing for sure, the second thing also as I constantly look for a place which is both peaceful but also stimulating so I can process my emotions. 

And the third as well, the search for finding people where I can really express myself. 

...

Interestingly I kind of forgot my high energy aspect of myself. Well I am expressing it to a certain degree, kinda contained, at my social spot. But high energy/ adhd people around me could get me to new heights. 

 

[Jannes]

Stimulating

 

[Jannes]

On 25.5.2025 at 10:58 PM, Jannes said:

Weirdly comforting:

 

Made me remember this one

[Jannes]

I am in such a decision overload right now. I can book for tomorrow or not.

I dont know what I want to do tomorrow honestly. I have got my disco which I am just maybe going to. 

I could talk to some friends and do something. 

I dont want to pay for tomorrow gnnnnah but it gives me lots of options, like I can go outside a bit and then go back and chill as I like. 

Its kind of a no-brainer ..