Spiritual Madness

[nightrider1435]

I am really sensitive to reality right now, almost to sensitive. Its like I'm so aware of myself now that I don't even know how to handle it. I'm starting to see how much suffering I cause myself. I went to the mall today with my brother and the experience of just walking around a mall was starting to become to much, seemed like I was at a near ego death, I was barely keeping it together in the inside. Reality to me is just really fucking vivid, I'm starting to see everything more as a whole I guess. Its like my ego tries to identity with anything it can but my awareness is so high now that I realize there's nothing to identity with and my ego starts to freak out because I'm not letting it identity with anything anymore. Starting to realize that there's alot of stuff I have bundled up that I need to learn how to let go but I'm not even sure how. I was hoping anyone can point out some traps that I need to look out for, or if there's any techniques that would help me to start letting go.

[Leo Gura]

Perfect. You're making good progress. Just stay calm and carry on.

[AlwaysBeNice]

Yeah, relax. This is cause for celebration!

Why not do that which all traditions and masters pretty much all have recommended some time: breathe.

Also, visiting someone advanced might be reassuring.

Edited April 30, 2017 by AlwaysBeNice

[nightrider1435]

@Leo Gura I'm glad to hear that from you! Keep calm and carry on, will do!

@AlwaysBeNice Don't get me wrong, I'm loving this new level I'm on, but the self now is all like woahhh... dude woahhhhh holy shit what the fuck... haha. I'm pretty sure this shift in awareness occurred this weekend, but truthfully I'm not even sure! I try to focus on my breathe all day now, the monkey mind doesn't trip out all the time but when it does its pretty overwhelming, but again I focus on my breathe when that starts to happen. I'm actually surprised I'm starting to get this far, that sounds like a good idea about visiting with someone more advanced. I'm located in Dallas, would anyone be able to recommend someone I could see?

[AlwaysBeNice]

Buddhist monasteries tend to be a good choice, but also ultimately not necessary per se, God's got you.

[Prabhaker]

3 hours ago, nightrider1435 said:

if there's any techniques that would help me to start letting go.

let-go is the atmosphere in which witnessing flowers. They are almost two sides of the same experience — they are not different. One cannot allow let-go without witnessing, neither can one be a witness without being in a let-go.

Let-go simply means total relaxation: no tension, no thought, no desire — mind not moving, not going anywhere, just not functioning. Mind in silence allows the greatest experience of life, the arising of a new phenomenon — witnessing.

We are all living and we are all a little bit conscious too; otherwise life would be impossible. But our consciousness is very superficial, just skin-deep — or perhaps not even that deep.

Witnessing is as deep as you are, as existence is. It is the deepest point of life in existence where one simply watches what remains to watch: a tremendous silence, a great joy, a beautiful existence surrounding you, and a deep ecstasy — a song without words and a dance without movement.

[nightrider1435]

@Prabhaker That make's sense, I've pretty much been doing just that already, making the mind more silent. Anything else is just noise in front of the silence basically.

[Space]

@nightrider1435 Woah sounds like you're making some great progress. What is your daily practise like?

Edited May 1, 2017 by Space

[nightrider1435]

@Space So far it's just been a year of mediation, with a little self inquiry here and there. A shroom trip really opened my mind about month and a half ago, and I took real mdma on two separate occasions and that also changed my world view greatly. Now I never used these substances for recreational use before..ever, I'm just now using them for spiritual work only, which is why I think they boost my progress like crazy. I actually have some acid right now but I'm not taking it until the self knows it's ready, because each time I take a psyedelic I jump to a new level it seems. So Im trying to Pace myself here, I don't want to see to much to quick and not know how to take it in, because each time I jump a level my ego tends to freak out a little at first.

[electroBeam]

@nightrider1435 just don't get neurotic with your silencing of the mind. Make sure that if thoughts arise like 'OMG LIFE IS GROUNDLESS, ALL THERE IS, IS SEEING" or "IM FLOATING WTF", let them arise! Whatever you do don't suppress lool. I made the mistake of suppressing thoughts, and one day my brain couldn't take it and it exploded in the form of an awakening.

[nightrider1435]

@electroBeam That is a good point, I'm glad you brought that up because my mind is starting to do that. I think that's why I was freaking the fuck out at the mall yesterday, I keep suppressing thoughts like that, basically having a battle in my head. Monkey mind be like hey where can we go... There's no where to go that's the point... Wait... The fuck... Seriously there is no where to go, just be!! Fucking ... We need to identify with something.. no...No we don't... Holy shit just fucking ... Breathe ... Just breathe. 

 

Edited May 1, 2017 by nightrider1435

[electroBeam]

@nightrider1435 accept being afraid, dont try to not be afraid. Accept the suffering from being scared as hell and love it.

[nightrider1435]

@electroBeam I am defiantly afraid and was trying to play it off, I needed to hear that, thank you.