Aquarius

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Posts posted by Aquarius

  1. Posted

    Ok, so I'll give you guys some story-time thing so that you can connect more to the storyline and stuff. I have a few concerns and questions about the nature of this relationship, and I think you'll see why.. I want some advice from mature minded people, I don't want anyone being rude or to disrespect my relationship. I am happy with it, sort of, but I always look for long-term relations, and I want this to work, and I am willing to work on it for it to work.

    I am a generally patient person, one could say overly patient and hopeful, so sometimes I will work on something even if it's not worth it in the long run simply because I am always hoping for results to play out a certain way with a certain type o persistence and resilience. I have lots of interests, despite being an introvert by nature. I have many talents and hobbies, for example I love reading books on literally anything, particularly nonfiction interests me, occasionally interesting novels. I love buddhism and hinduism books most lately. I love intelectual debates and talking about the stuff that really matters in life, I love diving deep on all kinds of interesting topics and dissect them and analyze things, i love knowledge and I appreciate intelectual people and those who love to find meaning in things and have a childlike curiosity and wonder towards stuff in life. I rarely let people get close to me emotionally. I am modest and quiet, I take what I get and do not expect much from people. I usually have low self-esteem, despite seeing the good in myself. I enjoy time alone in contemplation, meditation and lecture. I am unemployed currently for a couple years now, but it has not deprived me of anything vital, except for the unpleasantness of sometimes being asked what I work, then I just brush it off like oh I'm just an artist or working on side projects or just telling them I live with my parents still and swallow all the bitter shame of being a slightly dysfunctional adult at almost 25 years old.

    So I felt kinda lonely, disturbed with vivid fantasies on my mind about relationship goals and whatnot, and I was sad. I was thinking about how I didn't really talk to people in the last half year except like twice in text message on social media. I even consulted tarot about potential relationship possibilities, they seemed kinda positive but I was skeptic. One lady said I will meet someone special in 6 days, and it happened exactly like that. There is a dating option on social media and I signed up and browsed guys that I liked. I got like 35 likes in 1 day, I filtered out and liked back whomever I found I could naturally vibe with by looking at their given info on the dating thingy, and I talked to 3 of them. The first one I talked to seemed to have tons of hot girls on his social media link he provided, so I ghosted him. He probably adds every girl and I don't want someone unstable like that. The second person I talked to like 1 and a half days, but he responded very difficultly, he avoided my questions and after a few infos exchanged between us like simple insignificant things for ex, zodiac sign, hobbies, interests, age, photos etc..he kept talking about me "spreading my legs" for him, like that statement alone is so weird for me, he could just said sex or fuck or anything else, it was a weird vibe. I didn't have much hope for someone who apparently just want to get laid at first date without knowing like anything about the other person or without having a particular emotional bond, so I stopped talking to him now, I just don't feel like we get along well, I was looking for something more intimate and nice. Then I decided to look at the people on my 7 or so people list of matches and I instantly felt connected to some cutie, I messaged him, he texted back, we exchanged social media and started talking FOR HOURS. Like nonstop, we connected so well, he was very nice and kind, he kinda felt like talking about more sexual topics so I went along with it and talked about that because we were literally vibin and felt comfortable with him. We exchanged some nudes, talked about about our desires and stuff.. idk it felt kinda liberating in a weird sort of way? 

    He said he likes me and I like him too, we decided to start a relationship, like a long distance relationship. I showed him my art, some of my favourite books, he asked me to draw him something tomorrow, and generally just talked about sex. He keeps sending me these naked pictures of him, or videos of him ejaculating. It kinda bothers me because I am more of a sapiosexual, I prefer intelligent conversations rather than guys sending me nudes and telling me stuff like they want me and stuff. Of course, it feels lovely to be appreciated, loved, cherished, wanted, craved and even desired by another human being. It's not that, I just wish we would have more in common, but he is a very nice person and I have high hopes for him, and I want to make this work, even if short term.

     

    List of my concerns:

    - Can we have a stable relationship if we only talk about sexual topics?

    - Should I open up to him about wanting to talk about various topics I am interested in and try and persuade him to like those things too in the long run, or just accept him and what he offers, like nudes, sexuality, etc.?

    - Can a long distance relationship work long-term? He lives in the same country.

    - What are some basic topics related to sexuality that can make our conversations less one-sided and more rich and varied?

    - He is 4 years younger than me, could that be a problem in certain aspects? If no, why? If yes, why?

    - I have a feeling of constant lack in the relationship, despite being in it for 1 day.. I cannot put my finger on it or say what it is, because I like him but something is missing and I cannot tell what. What does this mean and is it common?

    - Is it normal to start relationships this fast, like within knowing each other virtually on the internet just for 1 day?

    - What should I expect from him? What should I not expect from him?

    - He's a virgin, I noticed virgins oversexualize things... how can I make it work between us?

    - Is nudes, sexuality and sexchat the basis of most modern internet relationships or should I worry?

    - I want to make him happy, but I also want to elevate him and teach him stuff like metaphysics and spirituality. How can I do it most gently, if at all I should?

    - How do I open up sexually after not being with someone for more than 8 months? All my relationships feel weird, I am hard to open up sexually. I am not sexually repulsed or anything, but I want emotional bonding above raw carnal desires. How can I translate this to his terms, so that the relationship goes smoothly?

    - I know it's kinda early to ask all these questions, but I rarely get along with someone like this. Last question: what are the basic needs for both parties in a relationship that is long-distance? What spices up a relationship to take it on the next level (possibly not now, but in the coming weeks or months?)

    - Finally, if you feel like giving me advice or you noticed something I didnt and wanna point it out, feel free to do so! All imput is greatly appreciated. :)

     

    Thank you for reading my long stack of utter trash, if you feel like skipping the first two paragraphs you can do so and just read the last one and the questions.

  2. Posted

    Hey guys, it's been a while since I was online. If I remember correctly, I left this website/forum, because I considered it a cult and/or toxic. I think I also told Leo to delete my account on some thread and I'm glad he didn't. He is a great and considerate and patient person, and he has all my appreciation for it.

    Maybe my mind is just not inclined towards the new approaches he has taken lately, but I am trying to evolve spiritually and mentally and to emotionally mature, so I want to first of all say sorry that I called his site a cult and whatnot or if I was rude lately. Please forgive me Leo. You were a great stepping stone in my development and there are few people who are wise like you and do things so selflessly for the community around them. I truly consider you having an important and groundbaking message to give to humanity. Maybe I do not agree with your worldview, but we all have unique perspectives after all, and you provided both value and pain in my life, both was necessary for my personal growth and I appreciate you for that too. 

    For those reading this, happy New Year and Merry Christmas in advance. I hope everyone and your loved ones are ok, looking forward to connect to likeminded individuals again. I feel there is a great need for growth in me lately, and I wish to seek advice on various aspects of day-to-day reality.

    Glad to be back again, I actually have lots of stuff to work on. Will post on respective forum sections. :) 

  3. Posted

    It happened to me recently, but usually never happens.

    So what helps is to keep your vibes positive, be in the flow, have a cheerful attitude. Also when it happened to me I imagined sending white light to the body parts that were feeling bad. 

    Just remember that it might all be in your imagination, but nevertheless the mind is a very powerful thing so you might want to lay off the psych for a while and concentrate on becoming more positive and happy/carefree. 

    Also avoid doing psych during major transits and full moons.

  5. Posted

    Try cleaning up your place twice a day. That could be a good start. Not set to a particular hour or time of the day, but maybe daytime and evening, when you're free.

    For me self-help apps helped a lot. It doesn't really matter which one you use, I'm just saying that apps that gamify tasks can be very useful, but only if they are minimalistic enough for you to easily use them. I use Finch to manage most of my self-care habits.

    Try to associate the activity with something pleasant, like putting on meditation music or lighting a scented candle or incense stick. 

    You could put the paperwork in a drawer or buy a folder for them that you keep in a safe place.

    Maybe make a habit that you only rest or work when the room is tidy. But you need motivation for this. You can make it work though.

    Make the activity fun, maybe buy a cloth/fabric freshener, so then you look forward to getting your stuff nice and organized and fresh.

  6. Posted

    I'm not any professional or athlete or anything.. but you mentioned fasting with coffee and water, and I used to do the exact same thing in the past, so I hopped on this thread to say that it's extremely damaging to do that.

    So if you can, please please eat 5 meals or more a day, that would include 3 big meals and a few snacks (perhaps protein bars or whatever you're having). And at least 3 to 5 portions of fruits or veggies raw daily. I've been studying these informations I just gave you for a while now and this is what they recommend for the best health. And I tried it and it really gives me great energy boost, also uplifted mood.

  9. Posted

    @Matthew85 hey guys I'm back again sorry for the late response..

    Yes actually, I started doing breathing exercises, focusing on daily self-care routines and exercises including skincare. And a few days ago I checked out a few YouTubers that talk about feminine essence and I've been trying to follow some tips but I'm kinda new to it, but that's ok since those tips are mostly for women 25+

    I don't need psychedelics, I naturally fall into trips. I actually got meds prescribed for these hightened moods, serotonine suppressants and whatnot..

    Since my last login I tried lots of things like journaling, I also found out I don't want to change anything about myself other than smiling more and being softer in my approach with socializing, like just generally friendlier and being kind and open.

    Right now I am focusing on physical health and diet.

    What tips do you have for expanding consciousness, as you named it? What helped you in your journey and self-Image? Did you also have self-esteem issues before, and how did you handle it?

    Thanks in advance.

     

  10. Posted

    17 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

    @Aquarius I used to think I was ugly and when I looked in the mirror I saw an ugly face. But i managed to change how I perceive myself and now I think I am handsome, and when I look in the mirror I see a good looking face.

    I don't remember exactly how I did it, but I do remember spending a lot of time looking in the mirror and deliberately looking for something about my face i liked. For me it was my chin, I just would focus on that part of me because that's the part I liked. Eventually i saw my entire face as something posiitve.

    Hope this helps 

    I'm actually willing to try this myself. I also use affirmations and out-loud positive self talk. It's just feels weird to praise myself while being alone in my room haha..

    9 minutes ago, JonasVE12 said:

    I always thought I was ugly when I was younger. I was even obsessed with it and took 10000s of pictures over the years to affirm I wasn't. Some sort of OCD.  It was only on psychedelics that when I looked at myself in the mirror that I saw that it had nothing to do with my appearance. Only about how I felt about myself deep down. As I released feelings of shame and fear, gradually I released all the shame about my appearance and started to genuinely feel good about my looks.

    Insecurity about appearance is just projected shame. We always look outside for things that are the reason for why we are flawed while in actuality, it is just your embodied feelings that is driving all the stories, images, emotions. 

    Thank you, this post was really enlightening. I will try to work on myself more.

  11. Posted

    Just now, Preety_India said:

    Don't do anything. Just accept yourself. And drop all judgement. Everything is Self.. 

     

    Yes I totally agree with the Everything is Self part. I know what you mean.. beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. In indian culture there is no such thing as God of Beauty for example, such as Aphrodite for the greeks.. or maybe Helene. I am still spiritual and I tend to see things with the spirit's eye rather than being judgemental. I'm talking about social life. And the way I get treated..

    What I actually wanted to express with my initial post is that it's so hard to live up to the expectations of men who judge you by your appearance alone most of the time, and also the western beauty standard for females.. By which I mean extremely long hair, feline/fox/doe eyes, small upturned nose, sharp v jaw and a body that is perfectly thick in the right places but also skinny enough not to have any belly fat and all that other body stuff...

    Like I'm always told by men that they hate my short hair. I honestly by my own choice I'd have extra short hair because thats just what appeals to me. Also to dye it crazy colours... but everyone tells me to grow my hair.. and why only me? I bet other girls who are perfect and pretty dont get told to grow their hair in case they have it short.. They just get told how cute their pixie cut is. But when it comes to me, they are so inconsiderate. It hurts me when ppl tell me that I look better with long hair.. What if I told them they look better without glasses or they should lose 30kg? They would lose their mind! But when it comes to me, everyone allows themselves to hurt me directly. Or to be inconsiderate. 

    Also people trying to shame me by telling me I look like a guy... so now I am scared to wear basic unisex clothing outdoors. Like black t-shirts and straight jeans.

    So it's not just me judging myself, I actually feel victimized to the point I don't leave the house because I feel so bad about myself that I cannot feel ready enough to appear in front of other humans. And that just makes me cry.

  12. Posted

    Hello actualizers! It's been a while since I logged in. Hope all of you are doing well! ^^

    Anyway so I have this problem with myself, like I feel not beautiful enough. I always see some minor deformity or flaw in my appearance and I feel terrible about myself...

    I am 24 and I'm going through a phase in my life when I feel ugly, lazy, unmotivated, unsuccessful compared to my peers and I just keep wanting to change literally everything about myself, and while I know it is toxic, I know it is vanity...I can't help but feel worthless. And it's mostly about appearance, rather than success (both can get toxic, I know I know).

    How can I feel better about myself? Should I just change my appearance to look hot (make up, law of attraction, perhaps even surgery), change my clothes to what society deems attractive, learn to be classy and well-behaved, instead of dressing how I like, being carefree about my face/body and being myself no matter what? Should I work my ass off just to earn money and get rich, instead of enjoying a normal lifestyle with a 5-9?

    I'm looking for serious advice, please don't troll me. xx

     

  14. Posted

    I have a need to grow myself in communication. I feel like I isolated myself a lot. My agoraphobia doesn't really help me. 

    I am scared to cross the street, I am scared even of open windows, I keep isolating myself from going to the store or taking out the garbage. I just feel a bit off.. I stopped talking to my friends as well. I'm completely alone, searching for a way out. 

     

    In other news, today I went outside and I just decided to ignore the anxiety. I bought some skin-care products as well, which makes me happy to care for myself. I think as a woman I need to care more for my beauty than I usually do... Might have to start a daily and nightly routine for skincare and haircare etc etc etc...

  15. Posted

    I noticed some progress on myself yesterday.. I was arguing with my mom and I was very direct and honest about my feelings. I did tell her I was angry, while usually I just brush it off and keep it for myself. But no, this time I was honest. It might've sounded bad, but at least I didn't hide my feelings anymore. It felt good to express myself without hiding anything. 

    Today I was exploring podcasts just to gain more knowledge and clarity about various topics, modern culture and entertainment. I find that I come across many inspiring ideas that I want to implement on my own life too. 

  16. Posted · Edited by Aquarius

    Some article I read today..

    https://www.inc.com/john-rampton/15-ways-to-become-a-better-person.html

    What I learned:

    ✨ I should listen to my loved ones more often, especially family and close friends. Accord them time to open up or just chat in general

    ✨ when angry, start managing my thoughts, remove myself from the situation and write down what I feel, meditate on the emotion, observe myself

    ✨ forgive, give thanks for my suffering, let go of negative emotions towards a person

    ✨ be more honest of what I think about something when in a conversation, always directly telling what I think instead of just agreeing blindly

    ✨ start volunteering and gifting away goods

    ✨ create healthy boundaries

    ✨ open to change, travel, go outside more, try new things, visit museums..

    ✨ give away gifts, go out with friends, surprise them with a coffee, drink or snack in town

    These are the habits I want to give a chance to. ^^

     

    A cool site I will take time to explore:  https://www.beingbetterhumans.com

  17. Posted

    The big picture of self-actualization, understanding the fundamentals and the key insights for a good life. I will be re-watching this episode a few times, just as the others when I get to them. I really want to understand this properly. Below are my key take-aways from that video...

    https://www.actualized.org/articles/the-big-picture-of-self-actualization

    Key ideas:

    ✨ It all starts with a deep need for growth in you. You sense there is something more to it, or you suffer with your current results. 

    ✨ You take a 100% responsibility for your life. Everything is created by you and reflects your thoughts, emotions, actions. 

    ✨ You discriminate reality from appearances: Understanding how reality actually works.

    ✨ Epistemic and metaphysical questioning - what is the very fabric and structure of reality, myself, other people, life, etc., what it means to know things?

    ✨Traps. Religions, cults, etc. 

    ✨ Glimpse of the Absolute / Truth / God. Have transcendence penetrate in your whole experience. 

    ✨ Growth - raising the quality of your consciousness. 

    ✨ Unconditional Love towards everything and all beings. Self-Love: accepting yourself totally and unconditionally, no matter of outside circumstances. 

    ✨ Detachment: you will be detaching yourself from all experience, all thoughts, emotions, and actions. Being vs Doing / Having. 

    ✨ Observation. Precise, careful, steady observation of everything, especially yourself. Watch out for self-agenda, self-deception, egoistic manipulation.

    ✨ Mindfulness. Meditation. Self-Inquiry. Direct experience. -- over years and decades.

    ✨ Undermining selfish impulses, becoming aware of lower consciousness needs and desires.

    ✨ Honesty with others and yourself. How you deceive, lie, manipulate, desires, excuses..

    ✨ Surrendering control, giving up manipulation. 

    ✨ Facing hard truths, boredom, emptiness, your death. 

    ✨ Identifying fear barriers, defense mechanisms, where you are stuck, fear about money, relationships, life in general. 

    ✨ Raising the quality of your motivations and desires. Most of the stuff you chase are programmed into you by society. Motivation for stimulation is toxic. 

    ✨ Becoming a creator, life purpose, career, being an "artist"

    ✨ Reconciling evil, suffering and ignorance. Most people misunderstand these things but brutal self-honesty will show you that you're the evil one! Understand what suffering and evil is. 

    ✨ Understand everything at Big-Picture level, holistic understanding

    ✨ From left brain to right brain thinking. 

    ✨ Sattvic lifestyle / vs intoxicated lifestyle, Become addiction-free, toxicity-free

    ✨ Overcoming childhood- and school-programming

    ✨ Non-manipulative relating

    ✨ You'll become very strategic, decisive, proactive and visionary

    ✨ Deep recognition in you that this takes serious work, as it won't happen suddenly and accidentally. 

    ✨ Set up the right environment that helps you achieve these things

    ✨ The "human-machine" is already well understood, society and culture doesn't inform you well about its workings, it intoxicates you.

     

    I will start working on these, I will have to plan and research it through though.

    59 minutes ago, Average Investor said:

    Check out this link as well https://www.actualized.org/blueprint

    Sure thing, thanks! :) 

  21. Posted

    Should I draw more shadow music to my shadow journal. The lights are out for now, we are relying on technology. Symbols everywhere, I am just writing out my shadowy thoughts on my shadowy journal, I am not a journalist, I may look like one, but peace calms me down if I look for peace peacefully, diving deep once again, was going on, people just lookin?

    I got you a chilled mix, it's with the heard. Yoopie yoop yay..

  22. Posted

    What movies are good in Bollywood? I am genuinely interested. I would like to see some movies but I don't know which one to pick.

    Only real Indians are allowed to reply to this message, please keep it to this forum post and reply here, to me, on this forum post if you are a real Indian and if you would like to offer me a movie recommendation. Please keep it real and be so that it is a real movie, like what I can actually watch on my laptop.

    Please also keep in mind that I have a broken laptop, in many ways. I hope it will not break even more. I hope no one is breaking into my laptop for me saying this things out loud on a virtual forum. Thank you for understanding my privacy, I hope you understand yours and that it is mutual for us.

    Have a nice day and sorry if you stole your own time reading this post in case you had nothing to offer to me. I'm just having a nice conversation with the future Indian who will offer me a good movie recommendation, I might not watch what you send me. Maybe there are trailers that you can send to me from YouTube, maybe I don't have time to watch that now, but I might have to eat too while keeping an eye on my own information because I protect myself accordingly to the privacy of others, so, in case you wanna send me something, send this here to this journal, you if you want to send something with this journal somewhere, don't.

    So, just send me a movie trailer if you are an Indian because that is what I am asking for. If you are not a coward you will let it show in my journal that is here. Thank you for your time. :) 

  25. Posted

    1 hour ago, Epikur said:

    Some may say that it is racism though and would blame the racists doing the attacks.  

    Racists are blamed for racism or what do you mean? That's what I understood from your message on this forum. Maybe I misunderstood something, and maybe there are other things worse than racism for whom? Maybe some people simply have a bad life and are trying to open up eyes that are not to blame? Wake up? Some people need to dream, in their sleep. It's a sign of health, in case you wondered. Or as some doctors tell you or will tell you when they ask you if you slept enough or how much do you sleep at night..