christianblake

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  1. @Jedd I have. It was a life changing product for me. I discovered I want to be a counselor / therapist of some sort, helping people overcome problems and issues in their life, and actualizing their true self. I’ve started college for my degree in counseing because of it. 7-8 year commitment because of the course, haha (bachelors + masters). My addictive behavior is my biggest obstacle rn, and being invested in my career path has given me more motivation understand the nature of addictions within me so I can help others. So yes, having identified my life purpose has allowed me to push through a lot of my addictive behavior. But I still find my addictions to be such a pervasive problem, even with having a life purpose. So I am dedicating all my effort now to overcoming this.
  2. I'm on the same boat as you @Jedd. I'm really trying to elevate my life to the next level, but the laziness and the addictions (porn, youtube, social media) are consuming me. Today I had an amazing first half. Woke up conscious, motivated, and pushed through resistance easily. But things started to change halfway through the day after getting a bunch of tasks done. I started to feel really negative. It happened very subtly but luckily I was aware enough to see what was going on. There wasn't really any mental chatter but it was my usual anxiety, fear of being, alone and abandoned by my girlfriend and friends that started to set in. This "anxiety" is something I've been battling for the few years. But this is what started the landslide of 2 hours of youtube and then 2 hours of porn that I just went through. As I watched more videos, and "zoned out" it just got harder and harder to regain consciousness. Maybe this can shed some light on your issue? It doesn't seem like I just naturally crave youtube or porn as an addiction, but maybe it's a way to escape, as @Vaishnavi was pointing to? I'm still working on this, and my plan is to continue to stay conscious and journal what happens even if I have a shitty day.
  3. I don't agree with SFRL. That is trying to fight fire with fire. You obviously have a connection with this girl, that you value. I'm assuming you're writing this because you feel a certain way, that's uncomfortable. Fear, anxiety, and worry about losing this person you care about. I will tell you that the reality is, that it is possible you can lose this girl. In reality, you will lose all your relationships sooner or later. (exisential topic, that I won't go to). But what you must do as an individual, is two things. #1. learn to cope with these feelings. A lot of these feelings stem from cognitive thougts and projections which are rooted in your psyche from your past (point #2). Become aware of your thoughts and what you are projecting she is doing. Are you unconsciously thinking that she's cheating on you, she's going to leave you? she's doesn't want you anymore? How realistic are these? Develop more realistic thought patterns. The second part of coping is dealing with emotions. Become aware of your emotions. What is this "feeling" you are experiencing right now as you worry about her. Realize that these are emotions, they come and go. #2 Go deep into yourself. Why is that you haven't had any deep connections before? What would happen if she left you? Is life over if this happens? This can be extremely complex and hard to do from the inside out. Talk with a therapist or counselor. It'll be worth more than 1 million dollars. As a bonus, learn to have self love. Accept that you have faults within yourself Be self-compassionate.. It'll make the process so much easier. I know this because this is something I struggle with too. About 7 months after being in a relationship with my first girlfriend, I swear I was going through panic attacks. I felt anxiety, and emotions that I haven't felt in years. I've learned to re-structure my thoughts, let my emotions pass through, and dig into my psyche to uncover these unexplored beliefs and emotions. Welcome to your journey, you'll learn so much about yourself if you continue to work on this issue. Go deep, don't look for external solutions (banging other girls), it'll just delay your healing you deserve.
  4. It's been about a year since I posted! I decided to follow through on my commitment to my life purpose and I enrolled at UNLV here in Las Vegas. I majored in mental health counseling. I feel this is the path I want to take in the future, a sort of counselor / therapist / coach hybrid. I just finished my first year with a 3.5 GPA. The biggest realization I had with going to school after taking 3 years off after high school is that I really lack social and deep connections with other people. I grew up with weak intimate connections with my family and this eventually lead to negative beliefs about my self and relationships. I suspect this is the reason why I got really into personal development. I used it as a way to become more independent, to try to cope with my feelings of loneliness in the world. This is also probably why I got into the pick-up community as well. I'm really reconnecting with my need for love and connection with other human beings, and I'm starting to become aware of the fears that are preventing me for cultivating this. I'm also noticing how this belief is affecting my relationship with my girlfriend. I've been suffering for the past years with fears of abandonment and rejection from her and it's all starting to come together. It's obvious this is the most important thing I need to work on right now. With this being said I'm still going to continue my college tenure with my life purpose in my mind but I want to use the social opportunities of college to work on myself in relation to other people. I need to get this area of my life handled before I can move forward to developing my career and eventually my spirituality. I also feel that maybe other people suffer with the same issue, and I dont feel like it's talked enough about in personal development circles. The need for love comes first before self-actualization and spirituality. If you're deficient in this area it will be very difficult to find happiness and truly actualize your potential. So in essence, this is my priority of areas if I need to work on. Relationship Connection / Attachment Anxiety / Intimacy / Trapped Emotions Focus / overcoming resistance / productivity Health and Bodybuilding Sexuality Career / Understanding
  5. Just came back from MKP New Warrior Training Initation. Wow! Pretty remarkable. For anyone unfamiliar with that organization, it's a personal development organization tailored for men. It's centered around Jungian / Mythic type of psychology but the benefits are pretty well rounded. Focusing on unconscious shadows in all areas such as Relationships, Emotions, Work, Sexuality, Career. Since it's tailored for men they also work on purpose, hero's journey, masculinity, etc.. Just a really awesome retreat that really works you. Can't say much about it because I want to honor the confidentiality and not spoil anything for a man reading this who might be interested. I will tell you though, I cried like a baby. More than I've ever have. And I'm currently going to weekly meetings held by other men who have been initiated. Yesterday was really amazing. I felt real growth in my psyche happening as we talked in the circle, and did different integrative processes. Other than this, I've recently discovered Ken Wilbers work, the Integral Movement he has founded. I'm just awestruck with this. This is something I've always wanted in my life. I've always felt, --- even with Leo's Content --- that all the information on development, growth, and transformation seemed too fragmented. It seemed like 1 approach to growth shunned everything else, and another one doing the same. An example being, followers of Eckart Tolle and "staying present" compared to maybe Jungian Psychologists like "shadow work" or cognitive / behaviourists like those of objectivism, etc.. I'm so grateful to have found something that truly tries to integrate all the information together. So as of right now I'm just doing heavy research into this. Trying to create a solid strategy and practice. Understanding and integrating all the paths of development not only intellectually, but experimentally. My current practice of working on my life purpose, and anxiety seems to be falling apart as my world view, and perspective is just being completely remodeled as I read about the integrative practice. But I have found I will eventually come into a place of more clarity and certainty and have a sustainable practice and habit and strategy. That's about it for now.
  6. Well just got back from my Shadow Work workshop from www.shadowwork.com. Pretty sweet. Feels good to actually put myself out there. Went solo and traveled alone for the first time. Definitely feels like I just entered the "dark forest" in the Hero's Journey. Haha. But anyways, it was a very insightful and provoking seminar. I went here for 2 reasons. My first reason was to fix my emotional issues related to my fear of abandonment and loneliness in relationships. The 2nd reason was to 'test' the waters to see if I can see myself having a career in this niche. The first day of the workshop was more of a learning type of day where we understand the 4 common archetypes of the human shadow. Magician, King, Lover, Warrior. And explains how certain personalities and energies we have and how they categorize them into these different types. The 2nd and 3rd day was where each participant had the ability to have therapy work done in them and try to get better understanding and integration using sort of drama / play-types of reenactments of your issues or thought processes. With the help of props and other participants I was able to get better understanding on my fear of abandonment with my girlfriend and my loneliness issue. Turns out I really didn't handle growing up well. My family kind of detached from me rather quickly when I was transitioning in my adolscence / teenage years. This left me alone and I unconsciously created defenses against these. Long story short I need to "re-parent" that part of me that I put into shadow. That I wasn't unaware of until the past year. So I need to continue to do a lot of grieving / inner child healing work. I've only touched the top of my problem but it's good to get awareness and better perspective. As for it being a suitable career path for my life purpose? I definitely see opportunity on the avenue of therapy / healing work for me as a career. But I'm not seeing the spark with the type of medium or tools that were used in this type of therapy. Not a big fan of the metaphorical / theater type of work. Maybe for someone who enjoys that type of medium it would be good. I'm a little more hard nosed and practical but nonetheless I still highly valued that experience. My next project I'm going to be testing is a mankindproject retreat. Another big takeaway I got from the workshop was my deficiency in my Warrior archtype. in that type of energy. I'm highly non-confrontional and have a fear of others and lack of setting boundaries. This type of retreat, from my research, seems similar to shadow work in terms of it being an integrative therpauetic process but more focused on the warrior and bringing out masculinity, and also with helping you connect deeper with your purpose. So I definitely see some benefit here. Retreat is on the 3rd of June. Well anways, sorry long post but I felt that I had to write a lot. I'll make it more readable next time. Too lazy to edit it.
  7. I've been finished with Leo's Life Purpose cover for over a few months now and I'm really getting into deep research and starting to take tangible action. I'm kind of stuck though. I'm fairly solid that this is the type of field or "science" I want to dedicate my life in. I just love learning about how the human psyche works and how to optimize performance and fulfillment in one's life. It's such an amazing field that I'm fortunate to be apart of. I'm fortunate to be born in the generation where we can learn content like this easily. And I want to be apart of this industry, I want to be a leading figure in this industry and change people's lives. I'm in a rut with the direction I'm going. For those who have finished the course I'm trying to make my "small bets" to see which type of niche or more specific field I want to get into it. I personally like understanding the big picture of personal development -- knowing everything and being a sort of all-in-one in coach -- but i'm open to the possibility of being passionate about a more specific area. LIke maybe more psycho-therapeutic work? Or maybe more towards helping people find their passions and career? I really don't know though. What are some 1-2 month projects that I can undertake to see which more specific field do I want to invest more time in? Leo recommends doing more "creative" projects like trying to create a rough draft of what you want and see if I enjoy it. How would I do that with personal development? I was thinking maybe writing articles on here on different concepts for a week straight for 2 months. Or taking life coaching for 2 months? Maybe going to a seminar. Or should I just be doing more studying, reseraching before I can even consider a sort of creative type of project? I've only been heavy in personal development for less than a year now, but i've spent everyday so far studying it. Any advice for getting traction with anybody on the same path as me?
  8. Still working heavy on my life purpose and shadow work. Retreat coming up this weekend with facilitators from shadowwork.com . Excited. As for my life purpose, just doing lot's of researching. Contemplating on what avenue I want to take and what medium to use. I'm using the shadow work retreat to see if maybe I can myself doing therapy work, --- live workshop or maybe private one-on-one. But I see myself leaning towards a more big picture, more in depth type of work. Kind of like Leo's. But more hands on and integrative. Maybe create like an online type of "university" or curriculum which guides people more in depth. Something that covers the bigger picture of the puzzle more. I love integrating pieces of information together. Seeing how different concepts apply to what. I'm not sure how I can exactly manifest this and how I would even test it if I would enjoy it. But I have faith that it'll come to me. Just doing a lot of testing and researching. Heres my Vision Board and Me Sheet from Leo's Life Purpose course. *attached below As for the other -- i cal "side" areas of my life. Health: My main focus for my health is to optimize as much energy as I can through out the day. I want to be able to work the entire day with minimal mental fatigue. Fitness: 150 pounds by the end of the year. Under 140 right now but can't lift because of shoulder and back pain. Working with awesome physical therapists to fix my dysfunction movement so I can prevent pain in the future. Relationship: Want to to just keep improving my relationship with my girlfriend. Loving and sharing values more. Bought 2 copies of the 5 love langauges for us both to read. Misc: Vacation goals with my mom and brother, and father. So it's really not that complicated. Feel fairly clear about my life at the moment and the directions I want to take it. Me Sheet.pdf
  9. @kwax thanks for the advice. Not sure about it yet. Focusing on my shadow work seminar I have coming up this weekend.
  10. Agree with @Henri and @charlie2dogs. There are many different approaches to tackling addictions, resistance, or anything you don't consciously want. You can either try to manipulate your mind by visualizing the opposite --- let's say in a food addiction, when you feel the craving to eat that tub of ice cream in the fridge, one method to use can be to visualize the long term effects of eating ice cream. Seeing yourself fat in the future. Or you can do the opposite and try to positively motivate yourself by visualizing you being or staying lean in the future. Or maybe you can go and throw the ice cream in the garbage, theres lot's of ways to try to manipulate your psyche or your "lower" self into trying to not eat the ice cream. And these all take willpwoer or mental effort. But what Leo was referring to in his video on addictions he just recently posted was about getting to the deepest fix for addictions. Really feeling into it. Just observing it as it is until the feeling subsides. I find that it's a more effective technique than the other techniues I mentioned in the first paragraph. It really depends on your level of development. For someone new to personal development and wiith little awareness trying to obersve your emotions might not be the most effective thing. So you have these "superficial" techniques for preventing the consequence that you don't want want. But it's really up to you to gauge where you're at. I find that trying to do the superficial techniques become tiring after a while. They start to have diminishing returns in terms of it's effectiveness. I personally think you'll know when the right time is to switch to taking a mindful approach rather than a hard approach. It's good to have a lot of techniques in your arsenal though =)
  11. That's a good point. I understand what you're asking. I guess "doing nothing" is exactly what the ego doesn't want therefore it can reduce willpower. So I guess improving willpower is also strengthening the ego. In a healthy way.
  12. Anyone else experience loss of willpower throughout the day while doing "do nothing" meditation? Did "do nothing" meditation for about 2 months now. Started meditating late 2014 , and for over a year I did "breathing" meditation. Where I focused on my breath and when I noticed my thoughts would stray away I refocus attention back on breath. Tried "do nothing" and initially it was very confusing. After I while I learned to settle down and honestly I'm still not sure if I did the meditation right. I refered back to Leo's and Shinzen young videos but I what I noticed when reflecting back on that time period was that I had a drastic drop in willpower. I wouldn't be able to overcome urges such as random internet searching, porn, daydreaming, foods, -- anything that requires willpower. I recently went back to the type of mindfulness meditation, similar to the breathing meditation but incorporating more senses. Shinzen young calls it "noting". My willpower has gone up just only a few days back into it. So I just want to get some of your guys input on how "do nothing" has been affecting you. For me the biggest benefit was becoming more aware of no self and the concept that free will doesn't exist. Truly letting go made me realize how much we aren't in control of our thoughts. So I found it more useful for becoming enlightened than any other practical uses. But didn't realize expeirence any calm or other effects throughout the day. I think maybe doing both would be best. I might try the "do nothing" again down the road.
  13. So you're concerned about your how mental and physical energy while practicing your skills? A good baseline is just it have a consistent and progression oriented exercise routine, consistent nutrition, and consistent sleep which means the amount and the time you sleep should be the same everyday, If you follow through on all 3 of these your mental and physical energy will be fine. As for how it applies when practicing skills? Just be cautious of your mental energy or physical energy depending what your skill is while doing so. Any time your learning a new skill its going to take willpower. Mental or physical energy or both. It's a muscle you have to build. You may have to take frequent breaks when starting your new skill but overtime the muscle will build up. This is purely on the scale of using your will. On the other hand, Be smart as well and and strategically create time blocks for working on your skill. 2 hours of skill training and maybe 20 minutes of relaxing, youtube videos, music, whatever you want. Other strategies are subconscious programming (this takes the load of using your willpower everytime and pretty much essential to maintain a long term habit without falling off). Theres a lot of techniques. Research into productivity tips.
  14. Journaling. The absolute best way for self reflection. I've been journaling like a mad man the past 6 months. My inner development, maturity, growth are going straight through the roof. The thing with journaling is that you don't realize the impact it has until months down the road. It's very subtle. It takes some effort to start doing it and build a habit, but I'm at the point in my life where I'm journaling multiple times a day. Sometimes for hours if I have a certain situation I want to wrap my head around.
  15. @rush Not sure, just have a lot of questions. Could just be me personally.