Pursue

Great insights. Thanks

I am a beginner in meditation. I have around 40-50 hours of meditation done in my whole life but I have never done it consistently for over a month. I have now committed to do it consistently every day until the rest of my life. I am becoming more aware of my patterns when I meditate and I had a lot of questions that could give me some opportunities to improve my progress. So basically what I am doing right now be sit with the back straight and I close my eyes for 20 minutes. Is it okay to change techniques during the session? -- I have realized I tend to not stick to one technique at the time, in a single session, i would switch from mindfulness labeling, to clear my mind, to be aware of my breath, to be aware the different part of my body, etc. Basically, I change technique either when I am bored or when my monkey mind is intense. Is it better not to move sometimes during the session? --- I am trying to keep my back straight. And honestly, 2 weeks ago my experience was so hurtful that i would only think of my upper back for the last 10 minutes of my session. I started to do a little stretching of the back when it becomes hurtful and was wondering if it lowers the quality of my meditation. Is it normal to think about the time it is going to end? On the 20 minutes, i try to figure out how much time their might be left and i think about quitting for about 5 minutes, total, sporadically. I never quit. Is it okay to talk to myself? --- I tend to talk to myself in my head saying something like. ''Do not think about that, let go of that thought, just relax, and clear your mind, clear your mind, relax'' I found it quite helpful sometimes, but is it a bad habit to have. I am always thinking about meditation, when i do meditation? So, I am thinking about what i am doing, and if it is appropriate, and if my back is straight enough or what is the next technique i should use. I had other questions but cant remember right now. Your insights would be really appreciated. Thanks already

Starting over again Yes, yes, yes. Fuck. I start again. Why? Because for two days after my birthday I did not follow my commitment. I ordered food because i did not plan ahead and I procrastinated a little bit. In my rules, it is way enough to start all over again. Although really good things happened to me in the last couple of days I do not feel really fulfilled, just of the fact that I slipt from my commitment. Per example, on the 5th of April I landed 18 sales, this is a groundbreaking record for me, I never had that much sales in a week and I had 18 in a single day. Also, the same day, I met an interesting woman, had sex with her and spent the night at her place. That is pretty good from an external point of view but my focus is not on that at the moment. My focus is on self control and on following my commitment, this is what is the most important to me right now. So even if I had really good things going on for me I was not able to appreciate them 100 percent because I have slipt from my commitment. 100 percent commitment In the last tries, I had a lot of excuses on how i could . A little diet pepsi here, a little 10 minutes of procrastination here, a day without visualization. This time, I need to go 100 percent commitment. This means, No slipping of my commitment not even once. By doing this, my mind will not debate if this is going too much over my commitment to start over or if it is still acceptable. No deviation will be acceptable. Too hard? No. Obsessive? Yes. I think i can be unbalanced for 180 months for the better good. So let’s start at noon today the 7th of April 2017. 180 days again. At 100 percent commitment. It will be hard, but I have to remember all the gooooood feeling I had from the last tries when i was at a peak. I have to remember that.

Hey thanks man, I Really appreciate the support.

Day 14 Wake up at:10 am Weight 223.4 Feeling: Rested, Calm, Complete, content What I will do today Go to the music store and buy things to fix my guitar Practice guitar Work on my online shop Reading Create my vision Will do a recap of my self esteem exercise I will make this day the most productive day so far A full day free I feel so good right now that I have a full day free. I have nothing planned with others and it give me a great vibe. It means that today i can essentially work on myself exclusively. I have to keep in mind that this is a perfect practice to kill resistance every time it comes. I will try to make this day the most productive one I have done since the beginning of the commitment. I think I will then have a really good idea of what a good productive day looks like. -------------------------------------------------------- What went great today I worked so damn hard I admitted to my friends (That follow my commitment) that i had drink a beer yesterday I did at least 3 hours of music I worked a lot on my shop online I ate properly Fixed my guitar (Already one goal down for the month) Did my routine at the end of the day Do nothing Meditation That was a really curious experience. It is the first time i am doing this type of meditation and it was a harsh time, full of anxiety and stress for 15 minutes. Literally I had to fight my impulse to stop the whole first 15 minutes, i was thinking about nothing else than what time it was, and when it was going to stop. I just wanted to look at the time but I did not. The whole time I kept my back straight and i was looking at the wall in front of me. But! After 15 minutes I suddenly became calm and peaceful for a minute. The change was so instant that i said :”Woo”. I was not stressed anymore, not anxious. There were shape in my view and my mind was only concentrating on them. Then, after this minute, my mind slowly came back to my stressed mind until my watch rung off. This sensation was really cool I felt much more peaceful than what I used to feel and It is a feeling to remember next time I meditation when it is hard. I should remember that this feeling right at the corner and i just have to trust it. Side business Working on my side business was really interesting today. I enjoyed a lot learning about Photoshop and I think i did a pretty decent job for my store. I have some friends that supports me going through this. Writing I found that I do not have as much patience to write down all my thought as i previously did in the past. I think it is less important than i use to think so. A little summary is sufficient. Things to work on tomorrow: Getting fired up at work and make some sales Get up at 6 and do all my ritual Create my vision that i did not do today. Find the things i need to improve from the self esteem method.

Day 13 Weight: 222.5 (Wow it’s getting down) Wake up at 10:19 (more than 10 hours of sleep) Things to work on today: Being really much concentrated at the work today Go to the gym after work Create my vision, goals for the month and my monthly report. Work on my anxiety Going out tonight and do at least 15 approaches. _________________________________ What went great today Had a really peaceful meditation 16 minutes I had an amazing gym session I fixed a problem (I have now a desk in my room with a laptop and internet) I drank only one beer I ate really well today I fought resistance many time during the day I had great concentration at work General feeling: Sometimes stressed, Sometimes peaceful a lot of resistance. More assertive I feel like I am way more assertive now than I use to be. Since everything I am doing is important for me, I have no shame of saying to people that I do not have time to listen to them, or that what i am doing is too important to stop. I have realised also that the more assertive I get, the more I do not take personal when people are, and that is a great thing. I feel like i understand where there assertiveness is coming from and it has nothing to do with me but only with them. Why so much sleep? It is really interesting to see how much sleep i need right now. I sleep more than 9 hours everyday. I think this is pretty normal. I just started a whole new routine, and I have a lot of things going on in my head. It is emotionally and physically demanding. I decided to not beat myself up about the sleeping and just wait and see. Fighting resistance Okay, At first I had a huge problem of fighting this resistance, it would take me a lot of energy to start something and to continue doing it. However over the time it became much more easy but it is still there. It seems like the feeling of resistance is still present. I can acknowledge the feeling and decide to move on. Everytime I see the feeling I just tell myself that taking action at this moment will only make me grow and my reach will become wider. Of course, it is still something i need to work on sometimes it takes me 15 minutes to fight the resistance, but i never give up and think that everytime I kill it, next time it is going to be easier. Alcohol It is 7 pm and I am currently drinking a beer. The impulse of buying beer is pretty strong sometimes and I feel like it is almost impossible to control. I had a lot of “rational”” thoughts going on. First, I can’t do that, i promised to myself i wouldn’t. Second, It is not that bad if I only buy a beer. Third, I will still be in my commitment if I drink a single beer, the problem is not that i drink beers once in awhile, the problem is that usually i can’t stop when I drink. Forth, I will buy one and this time I will be able to control myself and not buy one. I hope this time I will really be able to control myself. You see at the moment, there is nothing that stops me to pour my beer in the sink and be proud of myself. But my mind doesn’t want to. The part that wants to get the buzz is stronger than the one that wants me to succeed. The problem is that I still believe that both can coexists, even when I had the proof a fucking thousand time in the past. And this little part of me that still believes that I am able to Maybe I am too dramatic. Maybe if I would think that i can successfully drink a fucking beer without becoming a fucking hooligan it would be perfect. Maybe the part of me that wants me to believe I am doomed every time i take a single sip is not right. Maybe I made that my reality. A self fulfilling prophecy. Anyways, I will just try to drink that one and not drink any other ones. It is now 2 am and I succesfully did not drink more than the beer. I am really proud of myself. What to work on tomorrow: Lots of time on both music and shop online Work on things as soon as I wake up Do my evening ritual

Day 12 Wake up at: 9:00 (too much sleep) Weight: 223.6 (Good) Days left: Things to work on today: Big and extensive work Do not fear calling those numbers Be concentrated as fuck Eat only 2000 calories. Not getting fired So, I was on this improvement plan for 3 weeks at the job and I was not getting the results expected. I was seeing myself getting fired and I was pretty anxious about the idea. When I came in this friday, One of my colleague, also on the improvement plan, got fired. She came in with the suspicion that she was going to get fire on monday and couldn’t stand the idea so she called our boss. She came back and said it was over for her. Now, In my head I knew me and her and about the same result and i began being scared about getting fired too, So i called the boss myself and he told me it was not the same situation for me. It was a relief and honestly it just gave me an extra boost to work harder. I think negative motivation is one of the worst thing for me because i accept the worst outcome and already try to plan for it instead of making my 100 percent so it doesn’t happen. It is like I accept the worst scenario to already be a reality. Things to work on tomorrow: Find a way to be able to write about my day in my room (My internet is not working) Eat properly Do my goals and vision

Day 11 Already feeling better Weight: 225 Days left: 21540 Feeling: rested, calm, peaceful What to work on today Do my full meditation and visualization Do concentration exercise Do stretches for my hand. Try not to vomit thoughts I am thinking of Things that went great Did visualization and meditation like wanted I ate less than 2000 calories! I had a ego boost and think i am really intelligent I worked on my things after my work (Still need to be more concentrated at it) It is working so far So far, I am only at day 10 and far from doing every little things to the letter. (My morning ritual is not really followed all the time, I eat a little more than 2000 calories, I do not visualize everyday, ect) But I already made a lot of progress in many areas, and i see the switch my life is making already. I feel way less anxious, I feel like I have a path, like everything I do as a reason. I feel more conscious of what will happen. Like if I have power over my life. I feel more grounded It shows in the way I talk, the way I walk, the way I dress now and especially the way I feel. I swear just at the moment writing those lines. I do not think about the millions things to come during the day, If I will have enough time to accomplish all of them, what will i do next so I can feel more accomplished. I already am less hungry all the time, I do not crave fast food, I do not crave diet coke!! I still crave spending money though and that is hard to resist. Of course it is a really subtle change, i did not become someone else in 11 days. But i just have a glimpse of a vision, and it is really motivating. I can’t even imagine when all of this will be a second nature for me. Hard time to meditate Okay, I was doing a lot of meditation in the past and I was able to do 20 minutes, sitting with my back straight. Now that I do my meditation at work, it is hard for me to stay straight more than 10 minutes at a time. So basically the idea to stop meditating is overwhelming about 8 minutes in. I try to just notice it and I guess this is where the juice is, if I can resist the idea the urge to stop and be able to relax myself. It would mean i am able to let go of strong resistance which would be of great use in the future. I feel like the ‘’problem’’ is that my back is sore when I am meditating, this is something that time will make stronger so I have no worries about that. Things to work on tomorrow: Full concentration at work Eating 2000 calories again Try to be positive all day. (Last day of my improvement plan at work so a lot of negative thoughts might come in)

Day 10 Weight 227 (Omg that is too high) Days left: 21541 Feeling: Tired, Calm, at ease no anxiety What went great today: I was more at ease with people Very low, almost none, anxiety Did not buy anything I was able to resist my bad habits Unguided Meditation (16 minutes) I ate really well Was not a cell maniac like the days before I had a nice date Resistance and fatigue For the last couple of days it has been really hard for me to get into any kind of work that is not my 9-5 job. When i come back home, it seems so hard to begin anything a just have my eyes that drops on me and it is really hard to concentrate. I wrote on the forum here for some advice and I think it is because of all the anxiety that I live throughout the day that I do not deal with. Therefore, I will take 2 to 3 break today only for that, to deal with my anxiety. I will use the taming the gremlin technique and see how it goes after at the end of the day. Infrastructure For me it is hard to write my journal at the end of the day because my computer is in a common room for everyone. So i bought a desk to put in my room. But my laptop just broke and doesn't get the internet. This is something i need to fix in order for me to be easier to work more during the afternoon. Impulsivity and anxiety I am becoming less anxious as the days pasts by and I feel it is making me way more impulsive socially. I feel like i fear less what people think of me and i tend to take over conversations and shout stuff that is not necessary. Literally, i say things I do not mean or i do not really think. I think this is good and bad at the same time. It is good in a sense where I now let myself go more in the moment, but it is bad in the sense that I am less aware of my surroundings, of what is appropriate at any given time. I feel like i can find the right balance of being impulsive and intuitive and still be appropriate. Date Went to a date with a girl, it was the second time i see her. First time was at the club.It was pretty fun. Although we laughed together and we had a good time I could see we had no sexual chemistry between us two so I do not want to move things forward. Things to work on: I did not visualize Be more aware of my surroundings Do hand stretches and exercise

Man I think that must be it. I have a lot of anxiety that i do not deal with during the day. I am used to use techniques in the morning but i never ever do those after work. I will use this time to do a little awarness checkup. seeing where this is comming from, how does it affect my body. I will certainly use the sedona method too. And give you the update. it feels more than resistance, my eyes are closing themselves, I have wierd thoughts, I am just exausted. Everything I do is not productive. I might try to go through it for at least 10 minutes, it is damn hard. I will say how it ended up being. I am not really a transportation kind of guy. I am a simple guy. I usually use the mail. I assume you were talking about cardio? Yes 5 times a week. My diet is basically, low carbs, heavy on protein and vegetables. My job is selling telecoms so it is more mental than it is physical. You might be right. i think it might be the sum of all the hard effort I am giving right now. Maybe my body and mind needs to rest a little.

Hi guys, I am on a new commitment and I am having a little obstacle that seems to be really hard to get over. I wake up at six or 7 am, have a morning ritual, go to the gym and work hard during the day. The problem is when I come back from work, I am exausted and I have big resistance to do anything. I have tried to take a 20 minutes nap, but it makes me unable to fall asleep at 11 pm and just makes my next day harder. I have tried to go to the gym after 6 pm, but it makes me unable to sleep too. I feel like I need a solution that I haven't think of yet to recharge myself before doing some more work on the evening. Do you have any suggestions?

Day 8 Weight: 226 Wake up at: 7:30 Days left: 21 543 Things that went great Great cardio at the gym I ate really well the whole day 4 sales! Managed my anxiety Already easier Okay wow, so it is already the second week. I see a lot of improvement already. I am more conscious of the choice i make and what i feel at any moment. It feels like I had a brain fog that I did not realize before. It has been only one week and my overall feeling is way better. I would say I know I am on the good path and I know I will accomplish more than I want to. Also, the habits are getting easier than they were. The writing in the morning, the self esteem exercise, working harder at work. All of those seems like they swift more easily. I am less hungry all the time, I do not care for diet coke so much. I still feel a lot of resistance before doing things, but they seems easier to do when i first get at them. Waking up in bed I realized when I wake up i take at least 10 minutes in my bed that i could use differently. I should do something about that starting next morning. I commit to myself to get up of my bed after only 5 seconds and straight up go to the kitchen pour myself a glass of water. It will also help me if I have already a pair of pants besides me so it doesn’t take a lot of time to put them on. Concentration music Wow, I just realized how Study Music helps me a lot to write! I would never have expect that. It calms my nerves and I do not feel like going anywhere else. It eases my anxiety and I feel like it is amazing. It is literally something to look more into. Good Vibes and Work Today I had a good vibe going on. A relatively positive energy at work. I could see all the mistakes I was doing but i did not care. Despite of taking them too seriously, I laughed about them. While still try to learn from them. I worked harder than any day from last week, and it gave me results. I did 4 sales today. Concentration I have a hard time now concentrating when i get back from work. Things to work on tomorrow Work harder at work Not touch my cellphone for the whole day, Have a good time at my date tomorrow!

Thanks for that, that was my expectations too. I feel like changing to the positive takes so much effort that it is to remain in the negative. Maybe it is just my ego that doesn't like change. I am working on self esteem a lot and i have seen most of thoughts doing the shift from negative to positive but the change is slow. I think I will remaint patient. Thanks for the help

Day 7 Wake up at: 11 o'clock (Okay during weekends) Weight: 226 Feeling: dazed, unconcentrated, calm, no rush Morning ritual on the weekend = Procrastination The morning ritual used to be so easy to do (In my last commitment) and now it is so hard! I am supposed to wake up, eat, sit down, do my journal for the beginning of the day, establish what i will be working on, meditation, and then visualization. But that is not really what i am doing at the moment. What really happened when i woke up this morning is i ate and then I seat in the front of my computer, and i just browse the internet to look and new self actualization concepts, I played a little of guitar, i browsed the forum, I looked what would it cost to come back to school etc. It took me 2 hours to finally stop procrastinating and finally write those sentences. Theoretically there is nothing wrong with what i did this morning, i would probably would have done those researches another time, but this is not what i needed to do this morning. This morning, i wanted to directly do my morning ritual and having that done for the day. You see right now, only having been concentrated for 3 minutes writing what is above I have already killed off all the resistance of writing stuff. In 200 words. I should remember that every time! Only 200 words, and I will feel better writing after that! So here I am, What to work on today: I have a family diner, so i will practice to be present in the moment and listen to people, try not to hide myself I will not order anything big at the restaurant I will work at least 2 hours on my online store I will practice at least 2 hours of guitar ________________________________________________________________________________ Things that went great: Meditation: 10 minutes No bad spending for the whole weekend Meditation and anxiety So i started doing meditation today and I stopped after 10 minutes. I felt a lot of anguish that i was suppressing from yesterday. I saw myself into situations with my family when i was conversing with people and I was not really listening, where i was only waiting for people to finish talking so i could say what i had to say. Situation when what I was saying was not clear, etc. I remembered there face and i am now attaching negative reaction from them. I imagined them thinking: ‘’ fuck this guy is so not socially calibrated’’ ‘’ fuck this guy is weird’’, ‘’he probably doesn’t have any friends’’, etc. Which I think it may not be totally true. Since those thoughts brought me a lot of anxiety, I decided to stop after 10 minutes. I will try again tonight. For future references, I will only notice the feelings and not attached any feelings to them, i see the images coming through and go, and coming through again, and go. Diner with my family again It was my mother’s birthday and at the same time we celebrated mine. I took a glass of wine. I think that is perfectly fine since it was with moderation. I enjoyed being at the supper even though i felt like everyone was there only by ‘’tradition’’ and not really to have fun. My sister and her boyfriend was there. Again, With my family i feel like I am my old self, the one that is socially anxious and not confident, there is still a part of me that is like that and i should accept it. Things to work on tomorrow: Let go of the Monday resistance at work Give my 100 percent Do my morning ritual exactly how it is supposed to

Hey guys, I have found something to reduce my anxiety and my negative thoughts and I wanted to share it with you guys. It works on the short term but I see how this method of thinking might not be a good thing so i want to know your thoughts on that. I have a lot of negative thoughts coming through my head and it creates a lot of anxiety to me. Per example, what if I get fired on Friday? What if this girl doesn't like me after all? What if my family thinks I am a loser and are just supporting me because they have to? What if I will never be able to reduce my bad habits and I end up being that loser? What if I have to declare bankruptcy. Etc Even thought those thoughts are not realistic there is a part of me that fights those thoughts contently. I have some tricks to let them go, and it works, it reduce them. But I found something else lately, but i am not sure it is the correct thing. I came to accept the worst scenario. So i would say to myself. Yes, I am getting fired on Friday, I have to accept it. Yes my family thinks I am a loser, I accept it. Yes, I will have to declare bankruptcy, I accept it. It seems like my anxiety comes from a place of confusion, from a place where I do not know what is coming to me. So to accept the worst scenario is to finally decide what is going on so my brain doesn't have to rationalize which scenario makes more sense than the other. So on the short term it works, my brain doesn't battle the anxiety as much and its a relief. But, what if i create a whole reality in which everything that is true is the worst scenario? Where I accept everything as being the worst and than i just attract the negative stuff? What are your thoughts on that guys? Thanks