ashashlov

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About ashashlov

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    Toronto
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  1. Give him some thumbs up. Cheer him up! C'mon gang! Everyone should be valued on this forum for who they are and the stage they are at. In fact, there shouldn't even be a reputation system (at least not a thumbs down one). It creates labelling. Maybe not always, but certainly in some cases.
  2. Dear Actualized.org Community, For the past couple of years, I have been writing down goals that I would like to accomplish, but being the lazy goon that I am, I never accomplished them. So, upon discovering this journal forum, I am going to take this opportunity to unleash some of my potential. Below are my goals for this Summer. Starting today until the end of August, I will be adding entries when I have either accomplished one of the goals below or made a clear step forward to accomplishing one of them. Wish me luck, courage, and good ol' faith. I hope this will be instrumental to your own self development. I hope I can reach out to someone. Thank you! Summer Goals (not in any particular order): 1. Move out of my parents' house. A long time coming. I feel stifled in this house, because I am not my own man. Living under daddy's and mommy's domain is downright unhealthy at this point. 2. Buy a motorcycle. Have been thinking about it. Now I am just thinking "What the hell? Why not?" There will be a couple of things that I will have to do such as get a proper driver's licence before I can apply for a motorcycle license. Here in Ontario it's a 3 step process. I am ready. 3. Buy a bicycle. I am going to get myself one of those 500cc bicycles I see some riders riding in the park. I live near a lake with a beautiful view, and a beautiful park. I would like to transition this purchase into a cycling habit. 4. Get a job. Recently quit my job because I was feeling stuck, and overall just felt like I outgrew the place. I have a couple of leads. One of which is a tutoring position, and the other is security guarding. Let's see how it turns out 5. Excel academically in a Summer class. Always hated school. Hate reading when you're forced to learn, especially if it's something boring like memorizing bone names. Where is the rope and chair? But........I have a class that I need to take in the summer. My mission is to kick ass. Develop a study habit, and ace the class. 6. Apply to the military. Canadian military is a great career choice. With my degree, the military would be an exciting opportunity. The tricky part is that the application process is multidimensional, and will take some time to process. However, when you want something bad enough, you just have to jump off the cliff and trust there is a safety net at the bottom. 7. Read "Gone with the Wind" I am ready to dive myself into great classic literature. A 1000 pages of fun. Nuff said! 8. Compose a song, and publish it on Youtube. This I have been trying to do since I was breastfed. BUT GOD, the procrastination is real. Time to work hard for your dreams, even if they fail. 9. Get away. I have had plans to go to Australia this year on a work visa. However, with the class that I must take during Summer, I don't reckon this opportunity is there anymore. Maybe I can go somewhere for a short while, somewhere not too far, like Montreal. That will be just fine and dandy. 10. Hand out flyers for a good cause. This has been on my mind for a while. I am trying to get more people interested in my field. I'd like to do some advocacy. This will be a great way to inform the public as well as work on expanding comfort zones, and being more adaptable to public spaces. I don't dread the public, nor do I have agoraphobia, but I certainly see myself as more of a reserved and quiet-natured boy. 11. Vipassana retreat. I have an opportunity to do a 10 day retreat where the whole day it's just meditation, meditation, meditation........and it's FREE. I was blown away when I heard. The problem is I am on a waitlist, or I can sign up sometime later during the Summer. If I do get a chance to go, I will post a detailed response of the experience. 12. I may add a couple of more things. This is a pretty big list but I am keen on accomplishing it. If things are going smoothly enough, I may add a couple more goals which right now are in hyperspace of my mind so to speak. I am excited to share this with you. I hope you will read it, and help me get the courage and motivation to get off my ass and live my life. Thank you my dear friends. All the best!
  3. According to Jack, the near enemies are as follows: The near enemy of compassion is pity. The near enemy of loving-kindness is attachment. The near enemy of equanimity is indifference. The near enemy of joy for others is jealousy/comparison. Jack says that in spirituality, these things are hard to spot because they mask themselves so that you feel like you're being more and more spiritual, but it's actually the ego resisting. It's really interesting, worth contemplating about.
  4. I was angry and confused for a while too, but things have more clarity now, less doubts, better handle on values, yet............where is all that love that the Buddha preached? If anything I feel indifference, which according to Jack Kornfield, is the near enemy of peace (aka equanimity). Jack's books have been a gift sent from heaven and what gave me faith in spirituality in the first place. Here is an interesting excerpt from an article related to Jack's idea of near enemies in spirituality: The ego, like the quick hand of a three-card Monte dealer, can be creatively deceptive — now you see it, now you don’t. The ego deceptions masquerading as spirituality are legion. I call them the near enemies of spirituality. Far enemies, like the seven deadly sins, are so clearly antithetical to spirituality, you won’t have trouble spotting them in yourself and others: anger, greed, jealousy, insatiable lust, hatred, violence, restlessness, apathy, laziness, and so forth. But near enemies appear so much like genuine spirituality that the ego lurking behind the mask continues to run the show — the tail wags the dog. Here is the full source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bernard-starr/buddhism-near-enemies_b_870911.html
  5. Hi Eskwire, I am undergoing similar experience. I am having trouble connecting to my girlfriend. She misses the old me who was always smiling and had a zest for life, but if you ask me, I feel so much more at peace and comfortable with who I am now than ever before. But I don't know how to love anymore, it seems, I, just like you, don't care. I would like to appreciate my girlfriend and my parents, and everyone I come into contact with, but the compassion is not there. I don't understand it myself.
  6. Yes, it's fair to say he seems a little (or maybe a lot) different from the two videos. I also wonder what happened. But I kind of understand the certain mood swings someone in personal development may experience. One day you're happy to be alive and you treat everyone with respect, the next day you hate the world, and you want to hurt anyone and everyone for no reason whatsoever. I would like to think I have a better understanding of my anger and frustration, but I am sure I, myself, and many of us, given the fact that personal development is such a roller coaster would fancy a chance to lash out. I guess all I am trying to say is that there is more than meets the eye.
  7. There was actually a nice video this man did: I think he's just lashing out. I understand what's happening. I find the whole personal development domain sometimes a super bullshit lie. But probably because I am stripping away beliefs, and everything that gave me faith before, now gives me stomachache.
  8. The problem with the supernatural is that if they're real, how come there is NOT one concrete proof they exist. It makes me drop it right into the Bigfoot and Lochness Monster pile. Do you remember the crop circles? When the hysteria took off, everyone was convinced that the crop circles were designed by passing UFOs. Later, it was discovered a bunch of farmers had nothing better to do than to create a hoax, and all they used was a roller to flatten out the weeds. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/10217151/Crop-circles-demystified-how-the-patterns-are-created.html Are ghosts different? Hmm... Well, for starters, there are millions of anecdotal evidence, and videos such as the one above, but this is hardly proof. It was Marcello Truzzi who was the first to say "Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence", later popularized by Carl Sagan. Supernatural are an extraordinary claim, yet where is the extraordinary evidence to back it up? If I have to be blunt, I have to say it's all bullshit. Maybe I am wrong. Maybe I am right. Who knows? Listen to this tape. It's a hijacking of a radio station that happened in the 90s. A creepy woman's voice interrupts the broadcast and starts reading the obituaries. When I heard it, I nearly pooped my pants. However.... The original uploader of this video was a radio enthusiast who was recording things for the hell of it on that day, and accidentally stumbled upon this transmission. He uploaded all these findings to the website 4chan. So what's more likely, a ghostly voice took control of a radio station, or this guy wanted to create an internet hoax that would make him recognizable? http://wibx950.com/ground-zero-with-clyde-lewis-wkcr-signal-hijacking/ P.S. Don't try to listen to this tape at 3 a.m. because you will get instant heart attack.
  9. Hi Andrey, I did laser eye surgery 4 years ago. Don't miss my glasses one bit. It's quick and painless. As far as the nose job, if it feels like something you need in order to have a better perspective, then go for it.
  10. Hi Anirban, I am sorry you feel this way. I've been in your shoes, and sometimes things seem like this is the end, trust me I know. All I can tell you is that it won't always be this way, it's just that when you're so young and vulnerable, everything will seem to hurt that much more. However, this is a good time to meditate as we find the greatest strengths in the darkest times. I hope you will take my words to heart. I wish you only the best.
  11. Oh no I agree. I am not familiar with those guys, but I believe it's a similar concept to Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth where he basically talks about rising above today's consciousness, and if enough people do so, there is a certain wave of consciousness that penetrates the world. It's similar to when 9/11 happened, and some people (I guess sociologists or psychologists) apparently stated that during this time when the world watched the towers fall, there was a great enough awareness of consciousness that humanity is fragile and should be friendly towards each other.
  12. Just watched Star Wars yesterday for the first time ever. I didn't like it and don't understand what the big fuss is about, but I have to say I did like in the end how Darth Vader finally comes to his senses and tries to rescue Luke from the Emperor. Goodness shall prevail!!
  13. Here is what I think personally. Based on some scientific predictions from notables like Michio Kaku, human equalities and equities on a global scale will most likely stabilize in a 1000 years. BUT before that can happen, population will have to adjust to the demand of resourcefulness for necessities like food, meaning population growth as it happens now (it doubles every 40 years) has to significantly reduce. Possible ways to do that will be through the 1 child policy like the recent one in China. Here is an interesting idea. If we continue to use electricity on the same scale and with the same population growth, 500 years from now, the planet will glow in a fiery hell. So obviously, we will have to jump over many barriers, eventually coming to a stability of sorts, and drastically improving the so-called Determinants of Health. Only then, I believe, the world will reach something like a higher conscious behaviour on a global scale. Simultaneously, our brain should be adapting to faster prefrontal cortex growth. Without that, the amygdala will keep on controlling behaviour well into teens and adolescence - this is the source of all the mental illness, insecurity, and anxiety. As a result of prefrontal evolution, future children should be more accepting, forgiving, and conscious.
  14. Dear Actualized.org Community, Today is Monday, April 24th 7:30 pm (89 hours since start, or 3 days) Since last report, I have not had a sexual release. However, I have had a sexual dream, but did not cum. Walk up today a little moody, nothing out of the ordinary for me. What's really surprising is I was expecting to have more sexual energy and thoughts, but the opposite is happening - my sexual energy is diminishing, which I don't know if to label a positive response or not. I have always relied on sexual energy to feel more alive, and now without experiencing it, I cannot pin point whether I am getting the right results or not. Stay tuned until the next report which will be done in the next 3 to 4 days marking it a week since start! Thank you for reading! I hope this will give you good information.
  15. Yes, it's weird. I never even thought about it until I saw that article. Can you imagine 9 years of pain and only now something is showing. But in the same way when I look back at my younger self, all those things I was trying to internally oppose, now I see that they were me all along, or at least a part of me. I couldn't accept myself. I have seen some youngsters, like 18 year olds and such, that have a really good grip on life, and know who they are. It's amazing. It's also cruel that I wasn't granted the same opportunities. Because all I did was start on the same line as everyone else, and when the gun was fired, everyone started running, but I fell into a deep sleep. I am only waking up now, and I see how far everyone is already from the starting line. I wonder if I had a different childhood, and different experiences, would I still be going through the same mistakes in life? Maybe there are genes that make you weaker than others mentally. Makes me think of Darwin.