Zephyr

@Nicolai He also talked about basics to advance stuff as far as I can remember: lvl1: awareness meditation lvl2: eliminating thoughts lvl3: deeper awareness meditation search up actualized.org meditation there are several videos about meditation. He also talked about how people do it wrong which I should also review

Entry 4: My lesser known approach to Affirmation I've never really done affirmations that much, not at all. Meditation is already a pain for me. One thing I invlountrarily do is daydream -- a lot. I'm probably not aware but I think I daydream more than half the time I'm awake, especially of course in a very low conscious state. This morning I learned something cool, though I got up at 7:00 am, which i didn't have time to read and meditate. When I was in the shower I noticed my self day dreaming. From that moment I might just have learned something regarding with my sub conscious mind. When I day dream about being nervous of talking to certain girls it happens in real life. When I daydream about making strong eye contact with people and being all relaxed it also kind of happens in real life. One thing I realized really is how much daydreaming has influenced my agreements. I can't really say much on how I end up finding this insight, but here's what I've learned: I was thinking that I can be able to use my impulsive daydreaming habit as means to be an advantage rather than something that pulls me down. Daydreaming sometimes really drags me down. It makes me feel bad about myself since I get these thoughts of not being able to pull things of in real life. And I've done this habit since childhood as far as I could remember. However, it's okay since even if I might not be able to stop myself from daydreaming I can at least control it. Most times daydreaming are all unconscious, but sometimes I also take control of it. So my plan is every time I start daydreaming I would turn it into some kind of affirmation session. Most of my day dream are all narcissistic and stuffs^_^ so my ego really plays a huge role. If I had to turn this thing into an affirmation session it would mean that it's got to be something that the ego would feel comfortable with. From now I'm not going to be aimlessly fantasizing and creating random images. I got to use my internal voice for this a lot. I would have to set up a scenario where I like to express myself in a narcissistic way like being interrogated/interviewed by someone. If I want to make changes with my public speaking fear I just use my internal voice to conscious saying things like "I'm pretty chill with presentations. I don't really mind doing them. I get less and less anxious about it since I've been just letting my fear flow and just welcoming any stress and all that." Attracting girls "dude is that even a question. Every girl want me. They want my attention. They all want to be around me and tend to be nervous. In pretty chill with that I don't really mind that." Motivation for school work "I'm kind of like that guy who loves to learn. I'm really fascinated about school 'stuffs' and everytime I go to school I just get excited." This is really cool. We are turning negative things to positive. Remind of that time where I have to pay 15 minutes of meditation before fapping ^_^didnt work out though. Who knows if this daydreaming affirmation thing during showers would work or not. I guess there's only one way to find out.

@Simon Zackrisson getting some body mass helps you become alpha^_^

I don't know much about femininity but I know for sure its not just about what you wear^_^

I see. I didn't read the whole thing so I was just talking about fundamental stuffs. It can be tricky sometimes. All we do of course are dictated by the ego, but knowing which one is truthful than the other can be a challenge. One thing for sure is integrity or even direction. What's your direction? You probably don't have a clear direction yet. I don't know about you, but for me I sometimes notice that I'm fooling myself when it's when I do things that does not align with my direction.^_^

True^_^ before anything else you got to have a direction. First there's self actualization then self trancendance. Bro, pretty much everybody else is bullshitting themselves. I bullshit myself, you bullshit yourself, even those people who are in self trancendance journey are bullshitting themselves. Your journey ain't no more bullshit than any other else's journey. Our desire for self actualization and even self trancendance is all untruthful. Being truthful with your journey means being selfless and having to a take journey selflessly doesn't quite make sense to me. In order to kill the ego there must be an ego first, then the ego kills itself.

Entry 3: A Day to Surrender Woke up at 5:40 am. First thing I did was meditate for half an hour with brain entrainment. Did traditional meditation for the next 10 minute. Then I read my book and did a self inquiry which I've never done for months. While doing all these I noticed that my body was stressed. I could feel in my chest, which I can't feel now any more since its relieved. I had to the a presentation of some sort which of course would involve public speaking. I didn't prepare any slides so I have to This was a great opputurnity for me to put Surrender into effect. I had a really dope experience. I found some cool insights during my meditation. 1. In order to let go of control you got to go deeper than what your trying let go of. First we might begin with saying 'let go of fear' but that's not going to be easy in fact for me its probably not possible espcially the fear of public speaking. Then we move on to saying 'let go of trying to let go of fear' .. Then we would realize and say 'danm, I wasn't surrendering. I got to let go of attempting to let go of trying to let go of fear.' And so on. It only takes a slight chance until we finally surrender. One thing I noticed though is that when we do surrender it feels like no body is surrendering at all. Then we would feel silence within then mind. From tidal waves right into ripples. We don't surrender to Truth. We surrender to love and acceptance. We don't feel oneness of course but it's peaceful. It also feels like our ego just got burned. Very cool stuff to experience once in a while. 2. Another thing I realized is that I am actually part of the World not separated from it. As David claims we as men treat our Women the way we treat the World. I thought there was me (body&mind), Woman, and the World. In fact there's only the World. My body and mind are just like the Woman and the World. I thought I had control of my body. I thought I had to control the mind. But I myself is just like the Woman, destructive, unpredictable, uncontrollable force, I'm like the ocean. This is probably how masculine men become dauntless^_^ they are good at tolerating fear, boredom, anxiety, pain, anger, etc... This also links to surrendering. It also kind of like burning my ego. It's nice to tolerate outside circumstances but I got to remember to also tolerate the raging ocean within.

Good luck. I'm on a similar journey. I've quit fapping and playing video games ... For two days straight though^_^ probably the only differences are that I read too much psych central instead of news annnndddd I can only fap/watch porn for 7 minutes. 2 hours a little long^_^

First we got to define 'Love' then we got to define 'True'

Entry 2: The Pragmatist One really cool thing I've come to approach only recently, a couple months back is the idea of taking self help as practical. I've discovered self help for over a year now. But I didn't make that much progress because I had a couple of problems. One is that I had no commitment at all. Another big problem is that I was only learning self help. I was only maybe practicing them a couple of times but never really stick with them. Nevertheless, those loops of mental masturbation still is something to be appreciated of. It got me to where I am now. All the knowledge really helped me become better at coming up with strategies. I felt regret after realizing I've wasted one year, but also I would count it as a blessing . Daily routine starting tomorrow: - meditate for max. 1 hour - read book: 1-3 chapter(s) Practicing Honesty and Surrender These two are really the fundamentals in order for me to move forward. These are the deepest I can find besides Ambition. If we are cars our Ambitions are only like GPS but Honesty and Surrendering really are like your fuel and engine. From my perspective one of these two cant work without the other. These two ideas really overlap each other. It's going to be hard for us to be honest if we don't surrender, and it's going to be hard for us to surrender if we are not honest.

@MaxWare1997 cool. I don't think I'm a person who can enjoy the moment playing video games unless I'm already enjoying the moment. For me I play video games for the opposite reason, because I'm lonely and I can't embrace the moment. I'm like an animal when I play video games. Like skipping the story lines and stuffs.

I want to learn more about masculinity and how we can go deeper with being masculine.

Entry 1: Socrates on Video Games "If you don't get what you want, you suffer; if you get what you don't want, you suffer; even when you get exactly what you want, you still suffer because you can't hold on to it forever. Your mind is your predicament. It wants to be free of change. Free of pain, free of the obligations of life and death. But change is law and no amount of pretending will alter that reality" - Socrates I played videos games for too long. I think that is (maybe almost) time for me to quit them entirely. "If only I can have this item, this badge, this rank, this that then I would be happy forever. Hehe. Now that I have what I want I realized that I actually had the things that I've been dreaming of having before but obviously I still am not satisfied. It's like there's no difference than where I started. We all are seeking for satisfaction. We are not seeking for things but the feeling that comes with the thing. And when we get exactly that thing then we get the feeling. One problem that I noticed though is that feeling doesn't last very long. We want to experience that feeling but it never last. This leaves me no choice. I can't run on this hamster wheel for too long. I got to quit video games from now on. No, I'm not going to play other games. It's the same thing. It's not going to feel comfortable for the next little while. But it's going to be way more painful if I keep at it. The second part of the quote tells us that we don't like to get out of our comfort zone. We don't like to choose Growth rather we stay in Safety. If we get ourselves stuck though then we are bound to suffer.^_^ I can already feel the patterns (addiction) slowly deteriorating. I think it's only a matter of time now. Slowly but surely, I will overcome this addiction.

@walt That's okay. I know the word 'badass' might sound immature especially coming out from a teenager like me. The word 'badass' meant something different to me than most probably most people do. I understand that you are concerned that I am heading the wrong way. But I'm sure that's not the case. I'm a newbie and I can't just go and do the consciousness thing that you and some people do. I know that because I have tried doing consciousness work, but my ego was way to huge as blind spot. I got to develop a non-neurotic ego first before I transcend to the level in which you are referring to. What it means to be a 'badass' is simply breaking free from my shackles of neurosis and freely expressing myself, my masculine core. I think that this is the right forum to which I post journal. If I'm in the wrong place, hopefully the moderators will notify me. Good advice. But I'm not on your level yet.^_^

@Dhana Choko Yea, a so called 'alpha male' probably don't call himself an alpha. He's just himself...^_^

You can't go and start a conversation like an alpha if you aren't truly one. Every word that comes out from an alpha is authentic.

Vancouver Island - Canada pm me if you're nearby

I think that's normal. I felt something similar when I watched the video. It takes several days to recover. My advice is probably go do some brain entrainment. Otherwise it's completely okay to feel depressed.

Advice - Be more positive: It could have been worst. What can these situations teach me? - Take Responsibility: Do the things with what you have. Don't blame others. 'things are ought to be' - Be aware of YOUR own Ego: It's nice that you are aware of others ego. It's also nice that you have knowledge about the ego. But if you want to move a step forward you got to be honest and observe your own ego. Look out for patterns. Analyze what you do and why you do them. - Practice Tolerance: External and internal tolerance *don't try to change others. *again, don't blame others.

I'm in high school too and we have the same exact problem. Recently I have managed to stand up back on my feet again and developed a decent work ethic out of my low conscious state and weak will power. It's funny since my vision was quite vague. It's like I didn't barely had a vision at all. This semester I started with a vision and it was to get all my homework on time as I've never (literally) hand in a non over due assignments. But I also had a feeling that vision is not going to be enough. I had to come up with a strategy. 1. Find your weakness. My weakness was some sort of fear which is largely caused by being disorganized. 2. Develop a strategy. I had to install an extension called Todoist in chrome to keep me on track. Your weakness is likely fear as well. I'm betting you can't even imagine yourself sitting for 45 minutes studying. Here's a strategy that I use: This works every time. Just come up with what's easy and comfortable for you. Let's go with 5 minutes or even 3 minutes. Grab a timer, and study for 3 minutes straight. Then you take 10-20 minute break, make sure you run your timer for this too. Then you set your timer to 3 minutes again, then study. Then you set your timer to perhaps 12 minutes, go grab a drink, meditate, whatever. And Repeat. Once you feel comfortable and you become eager you can move up to 5 minutes to 10 minutes -- 25 minutes -- 40 minutes and so on. On the other hand, if you dont feel comfortable with three minutes, just go with 1 minute or even 30 seconds (trust me it makes a huge different). If you can't do 30 sec just open your textbook and notebook. If you can't do that just have them sitting on your desk. If that's too hard just sit down and visualize yourself doing it. The beginning is the hardest part of course. But once you get the momentum then your problem would be fixed. This strategy works every time, if it doesn't then your probably way way too low conscious in which you need some good sleep, proper diet, and meditation.

"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to understanding ourselves" "We are what we repeatedly do. Therefore exellence is not an act but a habit" "Live each day as your last -- without frenzy, apathy, and pretence." "Attack the evil within yourself rather tha. attacking the evil that is with in others" "When you know your direction and living it fully, your core is alive and strong" "If you make friends with yourself you'll never be alone"

My top 3 1. Vision for the Actualized Life 2. Redefining Philosophy 3. How to be Masculine

I've been applying this although I've been flaky. Very good advice. I don't really know what it exactly means to be depressed anymore since different people has different ranges of experience with this state. But any sort of depression I would call them suffering. just got to remember to take a deep breathe and ask the question "who is suffering?" This technique never fail to produce result. It always gets me out of my suffering state.