Birdcage

You cracked me up:)))) it's so true and they way you put it was very entertaining. I completely agree.

:)thank you for writing 'she' in bold, otherwise I would have totally missed the point :P

@electroBeam of course it goes both ways. If the woman you are out with doesn't even offer, doesn't appreciate your efforts, just sits there waiting for you to put in every effort alone, you should look at what it says about that person.

I think sharing your body with someone(whether it's emotional or purely sex) is different than eating together. But you are entitled to your opinion

I think you should read what I wrote once more ?

@clytaemnestra how is sleeping on a first date and paying for a meal the same? if a guy pays for a date he has the right to sleep with that woman? so paying equals sex? the last I checked that was called prostitution. I repeat, he does not have to pay. but if he doesn't make the effort, it tells me he is cheap or considers paying for a meal a big thing. its not. It is just a meal, something you consume 3 times a day. Again if there are women around whose whole purpose is to get a free meal and will give sex in exchange, stay away from them. that's just sad. If you don't have money for a restaurant, take her to the local hot-dog stand or to a park. Dating is about getting to know someone and giving them your time. she gives you her time, you give her your time and see how it goes. during that time given, I think there are a lot of more important things than 'who pays for dinner' such as do you get along well, what is she like, her goals, ways of thinking, the attraction, intellectual level, sense of humor....etc. You are both giving equally hence your time and energy. about sleeping on a first date, I think there are no rules. you might want to sleep with a person on a first date or third or 10th. It depends on how you feel.

I disagree. I'm talking from a woman's pow; if a guy says 'I'm not a guy to pay for anything ' I would consider him cheap and of course that would change my feelings and thoughts about him. I would think that's the best he is ever going to be. Afterall dating is about getting to know the person and no woman with self respect would want to commit to someone like that. But I repeat, if she never offers to pay or at least tries to pay for smaller stuff like a coffee after the dinner date you payed for or surprise you with some plans(like buying tickets for both of you to a game or whatever you are into) few weeks or months into dating then yes, that's a red flag. That means that is the best you are going to get out of her. Just look for how much she is investing into the relationship. That will tell you a lot. If she is working minimum wage maybe she can't pay as much as you do but what you need to look for is the effort.

if she doesn't offer to split the check or pay for the date, she wasn't taught well. If you don't pay for the dates you weren't taught well. its common courtesy.

I think people are putting too much pressure on marriage. you get married if you want to and if it doesn't work out, you get divorced. no big deal. but try not to have kids in a marriage that you know wont last. It's a lot of responsibility and hard for the kids. If you want a marriage that will be based on solid ground, as a man, you need to be able to be strong both mentally and financially and be able to provide for your family. That does not mean she will sit on her ass all day and you will pay for everything, no. but you have to be able to do that, although you don't need to. Marriage comes with a lot of responsibility, you need to consider the other person while making decisions, be able to stick up for better and for worse, have good communication and have a mature mind set. also choose someone with a mature mindset as well. as a woman, I recommend you stay away from drama queens and people who don't take responsibility for their actions and blame the outcomes on others aka immature people. take into consideration what their life goals are. people change, their ideas change and you have to be able to keep up with it. in other terms, just because you marry someone who has a simple life does not mean she will want to continue living that life 2-3-5 years in a row. A last thought, look at the person you want to marry and ask yourself if you want to be with that person at their worst because believe me, those days will come . If you are confident about all of those, then go ahead. The age problem is mostly based on those stuff I mentioned above.

there is no way to avoid pain. you need to find the comfort between pain and pleasure. pain teaches you stuff as well and you come out stronger. I think you need to stay in the uncomfortable painful place in order to rise above it. stay there, cry, and welcome whatever is coming to you. you wont die. you will heal. stay there as long as you need to, until you are OK with it. accept it and then move on

@Deep just looked up the definition of narcissism and you might be right. Thank you ?

@Deep when I think about it, i think the problem is I usually choose to shut up when there is a conflict. I'm kind of an avoidant. I agree to disagree and move on. I will not discuss behaviour and can't tolerate drama. Shouting especially is not my thing. I will listen and keep quiet. I basically freeze which imo comes off as being ok with it. I'm not ok with it, i just don't know how to react to that. I grew up in a very quiet family as an only child. Maybe that's why. To your question I have no idea. I never thought of it that way.

@Geo thank you for that. I have heard of that technique and actually tried it on this specific situation. my problem still remains. The friend situation set aside, I constantly feel like being pushed and pulled around. Because I am not the one who gets pissed easily, keeps calm, won't yell but go cry in a corner. I think I have a inexplicable need to please people. How do I get rid of this?

@Franz yes you are right. It would be good if I wrote it down in order to avoid an argument. We had a few back in the day and it always came down to 'I'm right and you are wrong' type of situation, mostly on her side. I'm not a person who claims to be right all the time. when given a reasonable explanation, I can shift to 'oh I didn't know that, I'm sorry' in a second. I think the reason it is bothering me so much is because it happens to me a lot, with many people. I tend to think in terms of the other person and show more understanding and avoid conflict, which I think is a good trait and would love to have the same from the other person. I was taught to treat people the way I want to be treated and I'm proud of this trait but it has bitten me in the ass so many times. English is not my first language so I will try to explain this as best as I can; when I show this empathy and understanding, it usually comes down to 'OK so she can take anything' and the invasion of limits. If someone I know is going through tough times, I will show extra understanding. When the tough times pass, the unreasonable behavior will still continue and so on. I never thought of myself as a doormat but I'm starting to feel that way. Personally, I'm going through the toughest time anyone can go through and just because I'm not crying or bitching and moaning, turns out people think I'm doing great. so what do you think is the fine line between being understanding, considerate and a pushover,doormat?

@Self-Mastery in summary it is like this; when you have problems they're usually associated with a core issue such as worthlessness,fear... ect. So you sit down and meditate. Trigger that emotion and live through the hell of it. Not hide, not try to get away or suppress. Fun times!!! There might be a lot of crying and kicking involved. But you stay there. Now that doesn't mean that all of a sudden your experiences in the outer world will change in a day but you will be effected less overtime and stop making decisions based on those negative thoughts and feelings