nightrider1435

@Gopackgo No I understand your point. I tend to do that when I post on this forum, thanks for pointing that out.

There is nothing to discuss really, I mainly just wanted to share what's going on with me spiritual wise since I can't really do that with the people in my life haha. You are correct, there is no problem. I am glad that all of this is starting to surface so I begin to let go. Yep! Pretty much what I've been doing, just let it be and accept! Whenever I resist my monkey mind will begin to say things like "who is even mad?? Dude there's no one there... your not that thought... stop..." haha. Wow you just nailed it right there! That's exactly what my ego tries to do. A raging thought will come on me and I start feeling anger in my body like I was in whatever situation it was in the past, then the ego tries to explain it but then I become aware of that and just eventually let it be and accept. And yeah its insane how these thoughts just come on me out of no where! One second I'm content and then the next thing I know the monkey mind is tripping hard with anger about the past, and I'm just like jeeze... holy shit ego... haha.

I feel you. I just try to avoid doing it all together because most people are so locked in their paradigm that they just assume that I'm crazy and then I get frustrated, it is a shame.

Noticed you have my trip report up there, it was a hell of a trip! Will most likely do a report on my 2nd trip as well once I take it. I'm going to have to read some other reports since you listed them all out nicely right here.

Story of my life right here, I've been a functional stoner for the longest time now. Now I just smoke at night but it use to be all day and night thing. Heavy usage over the years just put's your mind in a fog and you get use to that, eventually you just forget what a clear mind is like. Weed still has a grasp on me, my ego doesn't want to let it go yet haha. Weed can be good for mediation, but again like others have brought up in this topic, you should really only try to mediate high occasionally, but for the most part do it sober. I make it a goal everyday to get my mediation done before I get stoned. To someone like me, I wouldn't see any benefits on mediating high because I smoke everyday anyways, but to someone like you who hasn't been stoned in a long time it could allow you to really dig into yourself.

I recommend just mediating sober, but you can mediate high as well. Just make make sure your not mediating high every time.

So recently I switched my mediation method from "do nothing" to "concentrate on the breathe", and I've been getting good at it lately. I was mediating earlier today for an hour, and I was concentrating pretty damn hard towards the end of it. I must had started to tap into some fear I had within me because I could feel fear go across my body. I continued to stay aware of it until my session was over, and it didn't let up either. After I was done mediating I sat on my bed in my room and I started to concentrate on the knob on my closet door, just straight hardcore focus on breathing and on this door knob. After doing this for awhile that fear started to surface again but I continued to keep my focus on point. My awareness of the ego just kept increasing and increasing and I started to realize of much the ego has a grip on experience, it has a firm fucking grip! My ego fucking hated it too haha, that fear got so intense that I had to stop grounding myself so hardcore into the present moment because it got to a point where my heart was just straight pounding. I was able to step back as awareness and just observe the ego on a whole another level that I haven't experienced yet. My mindfulness is really starting to get on a whole new level here. I really need to start reading some books because I feel pretty ignorant to the things I'm starting to become aware of, basically not understanding what the fuck is going on here, I need to deepen my understanding on a lot of things.

Keep going man. I wish I could have had that experience at 18. Good trip report!

Shit... your right! ... damn. This is not easy hahaha. I'm really glad you just pointed that out, there are traps everywhere!

I'm starting to realize the importance of trust with every mediation session I do now. It's going to be a slow slow process of letting go, I have a long path ahead of me. The ego still wants to fight for control haha, the ego also hates what I'm doing right now, putting up resistance. I've made so much progress then I ever have before due to taking my first trip recently, and the ego is not taking it lightly haha. I'm so aware of the resistence, I am determined to never let my ego suck me back in again, ever! This is very serious work we do here when you really start to get into it, Leo was not fucking around when he said this will be challenging, it will not be all fun and games. When you actually get a real sense of that your just like .... wow... but now I can never stop, I must keep moving forward.

@Callum A Whenever I'm high my monkey mind pretty much goes away and I can be in a state of just "being" alot better. I've been mediating on and off for the past year but I've been consistent with it for the past five weeks now. I need to start treating cannabis like you, I'd imagine I can have some awakening experiences as well. The problem is I still smoke everyday, I just make it a point to do my mediation sober before I smoke up for the first time. Whenever I mediate high I feel that I can go very deep within myself, or at least it seems so. I'm trying to not mix truth with the illusion here.

There are many mixed opinions when it comes to cannabis and spirituality, I'm not really sure what to think. I was able to see some truth on a mushroom trip I took a couple weeks ago and I've been trying to cut my pot use since because I'm a daily smoker. Reason why is because being high is not your true sense of being, so how could you dig into yourself while trying to mediate high? The feeling of the high is all illusion and ego in the first place. You said you've only had these awakenings with the help of weed, but wouldn't the weed just become a crutch that your ego thinks it needs to experience higher awareness? I think true work can only be done on a sober mind, this is why I'm trying to eventually stop smoking weed.

Yeah that's the thing too, my body is not ready for this. I mainly drink water only, but I still have a sloppy diet.

I'm going to keep mediating for now but I have a feeling I will give it an attempt at some point. If your body is calm your mind will be calm, makes sense.

I see the good that can come out of this, it's more like I'm not sure if I'm ready to even to take the plunge yet. This will defiantly be in the back of my mind though. I am a person who wants to achieve the highest levels of awaking that I possibly can.

I appreciate what you do Leo, words can't even describe how thankful I am for the information your giving us. I was really in a bad state of mind back when I first stumbled across your channel about a year ago, you saved me from creating my own hell. I get what your saying, fortunately for me I'm not in school at the moment, I'm just working a 9-5 job right now. Its easy to balance spirituality and practicality for me at this current stage in my life.

So before I begin, here is the link to my first trip report if anyone is interested: That trip shattered my old perspective like throwing a big rock through a glass window. I have not missed a day of mediation since the trip because it made me realize how important it really is! Before my trip mediation seemed more like a chore that I never wanted to do, only doing 20 minute sessions every other day or so, I was defiantly falling off the path, my ego was sucking me back in. Now I actually look forward to my mediation sessions, I do a 30 minute session every morning now and try to squeeze an hour session during the night too if I can. I've started doing self inquire sessions too, I haven't been doing that everyday but I want to establish a daily habit of that as well, same with contemplation sessions( what is a relationship, money, weed..haha, etc), defiantly trying to focus on getting these habits into my daily routine here. After watching Leo's recent video "mediation vs concentration" I decided to change from the "do nothing technique" to "focus on the breathe" so I can start working on concentration skills. I'm slowly getting better at it, I'm making progress everyday now. My mind still likes to wander but I'm getting better at forcing my awareness back on the breath whenever it does. I'm excited to see how far I can take my mediation once I'm able to have a straight focus for longer periods of time without my mind wanting to wander. The more I continue to dig in myself, the more I'm realizing of how limiting my mindset has been for the past couple years, like holy damn I've been asleep!! My ego has been trying to make sense of the trip ever since. It can't stop thinking about truth, and what truth really is, but I know these are just concepts within the ego. Whenever my mind starts tripping about truth I have to remind myself that whatever concept I come up with is not it, and to continue to abide as awareness. This is a daily occurrence too haha, now I see how easy it can be to get caught up in that but its all illusion and not truth, I'm glad that I have a better understanding of that now. Lately I've been practicing on how to keep a high frequency. I'm trying to learn how to perceive bad things as good things. I have to remember constantly that your inside reflects what you see on the outside, not the other way around. The universe is really on your side and wants good experiences for you! Anything you perceive as bad is nothing more than a limiting factor because again, nothing is good or bad. Lately I've noticed that things are just starting to work out effortlessly, very small subtle things however. Things like lights staying green on my commute to work, slow cars getting out of my way ( I like to drive fast haha),etc, again only small subtle stuff so far. I'm excited to see what my life can turn into if I can maintain living on a high frequency. The past day or two I've had two occurrences where a really strong sense of awareness just comes on me out of nowhere, but it will only last a second, not even a second really. Basically it feels like I become one with everything for about a split second and then the ego snaps back in. Still not really sure whats going on with that yet haha I have not been this excited to live in a very long time, its reminding me of the happiness I felt as a child. I don't want anyone or anything to distract me from my spiritual path ever again, and fuck anyone or anything that does! I'm totally in a orange frame of mind here right now, basically fuck everything else, its all about me me me me me me and my progress!!

I'm not sure how I would feel about this, I get what Ray is trying to say in the first video. Close-minded me about a year ago would had turned that video off after the first minute. This would be a very difficult thing to do especially here in America since our culture is so centered around food, my family would perceive me as insane haha. I highly doubt I could see myself trying this at any point, the initiation period would be brutal.

Good report, I enjoyed reading it! I've been on a mushroom trip and learned alot from it, I can't wait to take my first LSD trip.

Haha, I second this!

What I took was mushrooms extracted out into a liquid, it was some strong stuff! I've eaten some weak shrooms before and didn't even trip haha. Yeah I feel you on that, it would be nice to grow your own and take a trip whenever you want. I definitely want to try al-lad too after watching Leo's trip report. I'm in the same boat as you with 5 meo though haha. Getting my hands on it will be difficult and once I do have it I'm going to need the balls to do it haha. I'm wondering how much preparation you can do for it honestly, just have to take it and be ready to surrender!

About a week ago I took my first trip on mushrooms, only took a two gram dose but it was very potent stuff. So I took it and had to wait about 30 minutes before it hit me but when it did... oh man. I had never been so aware of my monkey mind in my entire life! Now I know why its called tripping... your literally tripping over every thought you have. I was bouncing from thought to thought to thought to thought, it made me realize for the first time in my life the extent of how bad our monkey minds actually are, like... its bad haha. Unfortunately I decided to do this with a friend, which was a mistake. Once the trip really started settling in my friend couldn't handle it at all and started having a bad trip, he's not on the spiritual path like I am and it was his first time tripping too. Eventually he just tried to sleep it off, which was good because he was distracting me from the peak of my trip, I was mindful enough to handle the trip. My friend went and passed out in my room, so I went to my living room and sat on my couch for the rest of the trip, just being inside my head with my thoughts. I realized why my friend was tripping out. He was trying to run away from it, but the thing is you can't run away from it because there's no where to run! You are everything, you are simply just everything! You can't identify with anything like the ego wants to, the trip shows you that you can't... and if you try, well.. your going to have a bad time haha. Now I have watched most of Leo's videos but there is a huge difference between hearing and understanding. My main points of realization in this trip was your not the body and life is just an illusion, I got a completely new understanding of this! Once the trip was over reality just looked so... clear.. like the clearest its ever been to me in a long time. In fact I drove around for about hour just to look at everything because everything looked so beautiful in a completely new way to me. The trip made me realize that I need to start taking my mediation seriously again, because I've been slacking on that lately by not doing it everyday. My mediation sessions have been so powerful since the trip. That new clear view of reality I had after the trip was so amazing that I didn't want to lose touch with it, and I didn't either! I have been mediating a bunch lately and have managed to keep this new perspective that I have now. I feel that my awareness has increased. It seems like with every mediation session I am sinking deeper, and deeper into the present moment and its incredible. A lot less thinking and just straight being! I was actually really stressed out a day or two after the trip just cause the insights set in deep and it was such a radical change in seeing the world that my ego was starting to panic. My mediation sessions have helped greatly with that though, I'm feeling quite amazing now. I feel like a new person now who actually wants to progress more and more instead of staying in the exact same spot going nowhere, which was me before the trip. I'm a pretty big pothead too, I smoke everyday. But now.. this new sense of being is just so amazing that I really haven't cared to smoke much, which surprised me. I've been an everyday stoner since I was 18, I'm 21 now, and this is the first time in a long time that I haven't cared to smoke at all. Now I just smoke before bed instead of all day and night but I'm about to run out and now I feel like I can stop once I do. I just had to share my story here. I try to explain this to the people in my life but none of them get it man, they just don't get it, I'm done trying to explain my journey to people, I don't even know why I try haha. I can't wait to see how far I can keep expanding my awareness, psychedelics ftw!

Open to all suggestions, I did take it on a completely empty stomach because I wanted to experience a heavy trip. It taught me how to abide as awareness even better than before. I was slowly getting there with mediation, but the trip helped speed it up a bit. I think I'm going to try acid next, or maybe shrooms again, haven't decided yet. I will definitely set that intention before I trip. At some point I want to go all in with 5 meo dmt and experience God, when I'm ready of course.

Yeah I get what your saying, probably wouldn't have before my trip though haha.

My ego is still trying to make sense of it. After the trip it was really bad, I was really really stressed the fuck out about it. Now I get it when Leo says your going to have to put emotional labor into this. I've just been trying to stay aware and self observe. Been meditating a bunch though, yesterday was my day off and I did 3 sessions for a total of 3 hours. I appreciate your reply man, I needed to hear that. I want to make sure I'm ready for my next trip, I'm not ready as of now. I'm probably going to wait at least another 4 weeks. This is a lot to take in.