Never_give_up

@Lucasxp64thanks a lot for the answer. You took time to write this, I am thankful for you. It's good that someone cares even if they don't know me personally.

Do I have to meet a thousand if i am not relative that attractive?

I just learned I have 2e from some conversations I have with AI. I want to get a real diagnosis but everything seems to fit perfectly on what was and is happening in my life. It was like I was being discribed. 2e is something like you are extremely high intelligence in some areas and extremely low intelligence in other areas , probably cause of neurodivergence. (It's not exactly that, but I gave a quick summary.) Now I know why out of let's say 200 people I was always the slowest one to understand things and function, still happening today. Why I struggle with memory, creativity, slow thinking. Also out of 200 people in informatics I was the best. Now I know why I was bullied, was called lazy by teachers, felt an outcast, why I like actualized cause I am rare in philosophy, why I had huge empathy crying as a kid when someone crashed ants (many times 2e individuals have huge sensitivity and empathy). I go to traditional dancing and I am almost the slowest to understand the dance out of hundrends of people and I feel humiliated, especially knowing that some women I like can see my deficiency. I struggle so much to daily life. I can see my giftness and my extreme deficiencies. I don't even know if in my country I can evaluate if I have 2e (even though i am sure i have it). How on earth can I find a girlfriend being socially dumb, slow, struggling in life. They can't see my unique intelligence and probably my depth doesn't matter to them. :'( . I am almost 31 and I feel like I am in the ''Fight Club'' movie and I just saw a big revelation that's shocking about my life like in the movie. I am feeling so low I want to cry. I feel humiliation with being so slow. I feel I won't ever find a girlfriend :'(.

Also if women value strength , then why women value strength? Does it have to do with evolutionary psychology? Can a woman ever love a weak man or she simply can't cause she is not wired for that? Lastly do women like strength more in a man or looks? How a man develops strength to attract a woman for a relationship?

I have many unnatractive traits, and only a few attractive ones. I am almost 31 and I don't think I will ever find a girlfriend. Never had one. I had very little experience with women when I was super thin and confident but that was a long time ago and I mostly met women through other friends, never on my own. My most notable unnatractive traits: i am short 167 cm, i am autistic or some other neurodivergence (that's a huge one with a lot of implications), and I am little fat but not extreme. My most notable attractive traits: look very young like I am 20, i am good if not great at deep thinking (which some say is actually bad thing for relationships), and I feel like I have a cute face (at least when I was thin). Generally I have been gifted with high cognitive ability in analyzation(deep thinking,philosophy,logic) and on all other cognitive abilities I am extremely dumb, I couldn't even get to university and I don't understand simple things many of the time (neurodivergence). I feel like not everyone can't find a girlfriend. Until now I wasn't interested in relationships but now I feel I would really like to have a girlfriend. Should I accept I won't find a girlfriend or there is a chance I can find even in my bad conditions? Are all men really able to have a girlfriend?

I wouldn't care I am short, i like my height. But it seems that people think you are physically weaker cause you are shorter (i think they could be right) so they disrespect you and treat you badly. Men bully you, women just don't like you. I wonder if there are any advantages, maybe I will feel better about myself if I hear something positive. What are your experiences and what do you think about this as a short man?

I don't know what i have, they told me i have autism (asperger), i think i have ADHD i could be wrong. I feel intense boredom doing simple stuff, i struggle doing things i thought i like. I am way better than I was, but it stills bother me. My brain definitely doesn't work the way other people's brain work. I am slow thinking, not creative, don't even have a sense of humour, but I am very strong at analyzation, philosophy. I am dependent on other people to survive cause of my neurodivergence. I have heard that psycedelics can make you appreciate life, so i wonder if it's the ultimate solution to my problems. I can go to Netherlands to try magic truffles cause I have relatives there and it's legal but that's the only psychedelics I can get my hands on. Magic mushrooms became illegal there cause someone took their lives as far as i know. And if maggic truggles are the solution, I wonder how to do them. Can I do them alone? How much should i take? what do i do when i take them?

if yes how you deal with it? if not, do you think discrimination for this doesn't actually exist? and generally , how do people deal with discrimination for exercising their individual rights that harm nobody?

There are many positive and negative things that AI will bring. Below are some negative and positive things about AI, if you want you can skip it. I think AI will discover philosophical ideas we can't imagine, medicines, movies/video games/art, cures for viruses, digital protection from digital viruses, and awesome scientific discoveries that will bring developement and happiness but also it will discover bombs, viruses, weapons. Also I feel like AI will take ALL the jobs that exist, not a single one will remain. Even programmers won't be needed cause AI can program itself. So what will happen when (and if) AI will take all the jobs that exist? will those in power do bad things to humans or they will give UBI (Universal Basic Income)? Also what will be the meaning in people's lives if they have no job to do? Some will be able to do things they used to do anyway, but others will think that it's pointless to do anything if robots can do it for us. Also, there will be a problem with hacking and fake videos. And what if they program AI with bad intentions? or if AI robots will malfunction? What if even most AI robots are good, some people will program them to be bad? What if the world will be destroyed by bombs that AI will discover? And who knows if AI will decide some day that it will function in a way that will be painful to humans or will eliminate humans? And what if those in power use AI in order to do bad things to humans? Will they stop developing AI? Will all these things happen? What should we do and what will happen?

How your life changed when you realised you are everything, you are One dream, everyone is you etc... ? What direction your life got after realising big stuff like that? Did your goals change?

Or there are some things that don't make sense but they still happen? What's your opinion on this?

Today I met a a teacher that I had 13 years ago and I overshared some mental issues i have... what i was thinking? Now I feel embarassed every time I think of it. Not only that , what if he shares it with other people? I can't forgive myself for brining unnesacary shame to me. How do I erase it from my memory?

desires that get triggered all the time. And I really want to achieve them. If I ignore them they come stronger, if I try to tell myself that they don't matter then I feel like I am fooling myself, if I try to achieve them they won't happen.... I want a happy life, I don't want to deal with this any more . I watch myself suffering all the time for the desires that keep happening when something triggers them. Desires I can never attain. (if you aren't bored, more details below: ) I wanted to go to university and I couldn't make it cause of my bad memory (learning disabilities?), I still wish I had a different brain and went to a good university. Whenever I see normal people that went to university which is half the people in my country as far as i know, then I feel like they are superior and I am inferior, that they have a normal life and I am not. I want to stop my food addiction that gets triggered by my internet addiction. This one is more doable cause I have come with different plans to make this happen, and this is one of the reasons that if I manage to make it then I won't be on this forum too much, cause I will have managed to treat my addiction . That is , if I manage to make the plans work. But whenever I see people that are fit and desire to have their bodies (thin) , I just fall into depression. If I make it , I estimate it will take me 4 years to lose 24kg to become 14% body fat. This is so depressing, it seems to far off. And how many desires I have that I had humour, or were very good at chess, or very good at drawing, or I had a lot of money, or I had the attention of opposite sex, or that I was tall. And also how do I know I live the right life, maybe I am trying too much, maybe I am trying too little, maybe chase the wrong desires... Desires / concerns... they destabilize my inner peace and they turn my positive psychology into negative. Desires not to get old, to have more status, to be a genius (grandiose irrational desires that I get once in a while). Desires I was attractive or famous. All these desires no matter how crazy and irrational they are, they create suffering. Some desires are weak or rare frequency, but others are more frequent and stronger. And let's not forget my desire for understanding reality. How on earth can someone undestand something that is mysterius and a paradox? it can't happen. And yet my stupid brain gets mad that it doesn't understand reality and want to understand it so desperately. This creates so much suffering in me, it gets exhausting. I don't know what the solutions are if they exist at all.... I won't go to therapy any longer. It doesn't help me. I can't deal with my desires any longer, they destroy my life. I can focus on some simple desires like to become thin, or draw.... but the rest seem to much. I hope this is the last question I make for a very long time, if my plans of quiting my addictions work (internet,food addictions). If I don't make it I will hang out here for longer.

My life has no meaning. I have huge problems with boredom that make me unable to do any activity that I want, this is not laziness it's a real problem. Also I live in very bad social enviroments and I need something else to focus on my life. Will spirituality and spiritual practices make me happy? What spiritual practices can achieve? Will they just make me numb or I will have bliss? I prefer easy spiritual practices if such thing exist cause my boredom will not let me do anything difficult. What does every spiritual practice achieve? do all spiritual practices achieve the same?

@Jacob Morresif you love pain cause there is a positive association, doesn't this mean that you actually having fun? Cause you feel a slight pain for a second and suddenly all the pain is gone. Which means that progress is fun and you love your journey.... or am I wrong?