Never_give_up

desires that get triggered all the time. And I really want to achieve them. If I ignore them they come stronger, if I try to tell myself that they don't matter then I feel like I am fooling myself, if I try to achieve them they won't happen.... I want a happy life, I don't want to deal with this any more . I watch myself suffering all the time for the desires that keep happening when something triggers them. Desires I can never attain. (if you aren't bored, more details below: ) I wanted to go to university and I couldn't make it cause of my bad memory (learning disabilities?), I still wish I had a different brain and went to a good university. Whenever I see normal people that went to university which is half the people in my country as far as i know, then I feel like they are superior and I am inferior, that they have a normal life and I am not. I want to stop my food addiction that gets triggered by my internet addiction. This one is more doable cause I have come with different plans to make this happen, and this is one of the reasons that if I manage to make it then I won't be on this forum too much, cause I will have managed to treat my addiction . That is , if I manage to make the plans work. But whenever I see people that are fit and desire to have their bodies (thin) , I just fall into depression. If I make it , I estimate it will take me 4 years to lose 24kg to become 14% body fat. This is so depressing, it seems to far off. And how many desires I have that I had humour, or were very good at chess, or very good at drawing, or I had a lot of money, or I had the attention of opposite sex, or that I was tall. And also how do I know I live the right life, maybe I am trying too much, maybe I am trying too little, maybe chase the wrong desires... Desires / concerns... they destabilize my inner peace and they turn my positive psychology into negative. Desires not to get old, to have more status, to be a genius (grandiose irrational desires that I get once in a while). Desires I was attractive or famous. All these desires no matter how crazy and irrational they are, they create suffering. Some desires are weak or rare frequency, but others are more frequent and stronger. And let's not forget my desire for understanding reality. How on earth can someone undestand something that is mysterius and a paradox? it can't happen. And yet my stupid brain gets mad that it doesn't understand reality and want to understand it so desperately. This creates so much suffering in me, it gets exhausting. I don't know what the solutions are if they exist at all.... I won't go to therapy any longer. It doesn't help me. I can't deal with my desires any longer, they destroy my life. I can focus on some simple desires like to become thin, or draw.... but the rest seem to much. I hope this is the last question I make for a very long time, if my plans of quiting my addictions work (internet,food addictions). If I don't make it I will hang out here for longer.

My life has no meaning. I have huge problems with boredom that make me unable to do any activity that I want, this is not laziness it's a real problem. Also I live in very bad social enviroments and I need something else to focus on my life. Will spirituality and spiritual practices make me happy? What spiritual practices can achieve? Will they just make me numb or I will have bliss? I prefer easy spiritual practices if such thing exist cause my boredom will not let me do anything difficult. What does every spiritual practice achieve? do all spiritual practices achieve the same?

@Jacob Morresif you love pain cause there is a positive association, doesn't this mean that you actually having fun? Cause you feel a slight pain for a second and suddenly all the pain is gone. Which means that progress is fun and you love your journey.... or am I wrong?

Does life always have to be about pain? can someone practice something to level up in life and have fun while doing it or it's a delusion and personal developement has to be side by side with pain or at least discomfort?

Warning: this is depressive you may not have the friends you'd like, the family you'd like, the health you'd like, the job you'd like, not being able to attract the people you are attracted to, not have the features you'd like, not living in a place you'd like, not having the experience you'd like, the money or respect you'd like. Add the suffering if you live in bad enviroment or/and bad people or have health problems, or mental illness. And then even if everything goes great maybe you are getting older and all the fun is gone, all the beauty is gone, all the hormones are gone, all the health and power is gone. Or there are young people that experienced everything fun and now there is no novelty, the same routine everyday. And all the desires we have that we never get them, and our souls cry that we don't have what we want. Even if you meditate and eliminate most desires, still you have no fun, you are just neutral I see people that have important things that I don't have and I want to cry. Why they have everything and I have nothing. Even them aren't nessecary happy but I suppose there is a tiny minority that is extremely happy and have everything. I don't want them to be sad, I just want to be happy like them. I am sad. I don't see any way out. My cope in life was philosophy, now that I don't find philosophy fun any more and don't want to think so much anymore, I no longer have anything to live for. I try to do art but I am very very bad at it so the fun isn't there. I don't know why should I keep living anymore. I really wish there is an afterlife cause I really want to go there(and pray it will be a good one, maybe with a lot of fun and happiness). I almost get happy thinking that there maybe some new life if things end. Maybe it's better this way. But I don't know even if reincarnation is real although I tend to believe it is, still I am not sure. I am just breathing, I am not living. Do you ever feel like life is not worth living?

I am not talking about some individuals that have bad ideas, I am talking when you see too many people, maybe the majority, believing and supporting stuff that creates unimaginable suffering to a single innocent person or potentialy to millions of people if not billions. They don't care about the suffering of the innocent people but they instead demonize them and potray the perpetrators as heros, the pinnacle of integrity. And don't you dare support the innocent person cause they will also demonize you or if they are bored they will just ignore you. It's like they love to do bad things and get away with it , especially if they gain something important in their lives, sometimes they don't get anything they just love some violence. There can be many patterns like that, I am just describing one of the many. It's like witch hunting, you see an innocent person, you demonize that person, and then you make that person suffer and then end that person's life. I don't think I am like them. Am I like them and I just deny it? Are we all like them and just deny it? I don't think so. If I am wrong please tell me, maybe I am truly a bad person and don't know it. Also how do you not get triggered by these people? I get really angry and uncomfortable when I hear their opinion online and see people supporting them. In the end you begin to think, maybe I am the crazy one if I am in the minority of opposite opinions, maybe they know something more than me and they just can't ariculate it or I am missing something. Have you ever heard something you didn't like that was supported by most people or it's just me? Maybe it's just me and I am the problem. For example, I have seen videos of cops deleting innocent people that did nothing wrong and I see the comments potray the cop like a hero and the innocent person like he did something wrong when it's not the case. I have seen people both doing it to me and others, getting beaten up in school and almost everyone support the popular person that was in the wrong. I have heard about abuse stories and majority of people support the abusers not the victims? what's wrong with me? why I don't belong in the majority? why i see things differently? Am I just low IQ? Should I follow the majority whenever I believe something different? what's happening?

as a place(enviroment) 10 cause I love sun. As a country 5 cause it's not the worse but it's definitely not the best, too much corruption, not much value or justice for human rights violations, not too developed in short. As a city 6 cause the positive things are that it's very small so I live in nature, not too much people or criminality, life of simplicity, the negative things are that it's so small, not many interesting things to do, not many kind of personalities and new people, not many interesting stuff, too much close mindness. You asked "Did the Universe/God/Yourself drop you in a good spot?". Well considering bullying, abuse, food addiction, height discrimination, I guess my deterministic life's rate is a 3. But then again Universe gave me a curious mind that produce many abstract ideas that I have never met anyone that is like me expect Leo and people of this forum. So I guess my life is an 8/10 all things considered. I really wish Universe game me imagination and drawing skills though but it didn't care that much for that. So yeah, an 8/10.

As someone that struggles with doing what he would like to do cause of no motivation, I came to the conclusion that some people are just super motivated. That's why they have infinite energy. Why they are motivated? for whatever reason their mind see something that feels that is worth doing the effort so they get rewarded by their brain with energy and motivation. Do you think that people that work 12+ hours on some project or something are just disciplined? that would be rare. They are passionated. Even when they suffer back in their mind their is strong motivation or lack of extreme boredom. People say it's genetics. Maybe it is. Still the mechanism is motivation , that's what I suspect. It's totally unfair, the difference between a doctor that make ton of money and someone that works in the sun all day for so little money could be the motivation levels they had to study (just one example, of course there are other factors too). If you ever became super motivated at something and others couldn't do it cause they didn't get that motivated you know what I am talking about. Find something hard but seems achievable by the average person that you actually can't bring yourself to doo. Why you can't do it? cause you have no motivation. Why you can do other tasks and not that one? why other people can't do what you can do when it's only a matter of effor and not talent? cause you have motivation and they don't. Discipline is super important, but without motivation you can't have discipline. People that have brains that rewards them with motivation while your brain is bored for the same task, these people are super lucky, they live amazing lives full of motivation. Some people study for 12 hours a day, i can't do even 10 to 20 minutes. Many people don't workout, I do it every day for 2 hours. Sometimes I skip but generally I do it. Many people aren't motivated to do it so they don't workout. It's totaly unfair, I hate it, I am sad cause of it and I am stuck in life cause of boredom. I feel powerless.

I can't quit addictions, I tried everything. I can't stop internet and food and some other addictions. I drink zero alchohol, zero coffee, zero drugs, zero smoking. But I just can't stop the other things. I feel so powerless. Should I move and go to an enviroment that it's difficult to access these things? Also I try to do things that will make me independent so I will go abroad. But I lack discipline and motivation so I can't even study English or other stuff, maybe I can do it a little but then I stop. People say just be disciplined no motivation, but without a little motivation you can't be disciplined. I have no motivation, I have boredom and that makes me lose the ability to do things that I have to do. I workout and do some other stuff most of the time but there are so many things I have to do that my brain refuse to do, and add internet addiction to that and I just can't do anything. Also I am very bad at memorization. I try to memorise things cause I am bad at it and it's a nessecary skill but I have to study for hours just to remember some lines. That's bad if you add the boredom that comes from it that makes mind and body refuse to read. I thought I was bad student and didn't go to university cause I have very low IQ but now I see that I just lack memorization ability (which is not something I am happy for but at least I no longer feel inferior for my IQ). I feel I have no control of my life but my neurochemistry has all control. I tried everything and I just waste time. I have other problems too but these 3 are essential for my dreams. I want to go abroad but how will I make it like that. People think I am a loser cause I am lazy but I am not just lazy, there is something more than being lazy. I literally can't force it. Some days I can that's the optimistic thing but without consistency it can't happen. Am I a weirdo? Do other people have these problems? I get I am below average in the severity of these problems compared to the average person but am I normal? I am going to discuss all these things with my therapist but I can't go often there cause he is in another town and don't want to change therapist but even if I went often I don't want only the opinion of a therapist but also the opinion of other people. Do you have problems in your lives? please share. Do you ever feel like you are weird for doing things like these that others don't? Do you know any solutions to these problems? What would you do if you were me? would you despair? How you conquered your own problems? Am I overeacting for feeling like a failure? I see everyone getting succesful in life while I am stuck with these 3 big problems that seem unsovable.

how you managed to become happy? any tips?

@Puer AeternusI have done mma and socialazation before and I remembered how awesome they felt. It's the drawing that is more a fantasy but at least I should try. I just thought it's better to ask for a second opinion other than my own. I don't think I have any other life purpose that I love. I am going to start doing them right now, cause they give me ''life energy'' if I can call it like that, which means I feel awesome doing them. Thank you man I appreciate it.

I want to become very good at mma, socialising and drawing (not champion or one of the best or something unrealistic like that, just very very good). I have anhedonia since 5 years ago but today I envisioned being better at these things and I felt like I found my meaning in life, I had 5 years to feel like this. I feel motivated. Do I need something more grand? something less grand? is this life purpose or it's too superficial and self centered? Will I waste my life if I dedicate my life to these things? What's your purpose in life? What's supposed to be a purpose in life? edit: do i need something more to be happy? Am I on the right path?

@Breakingthewall Thank you for the reply! I am feeling much better cause of all these answers that are positive and gave me direction and told me I can change my life.

@Breakingthewallthank you for the answer and for the help! Can you elaborate what is depth perception and how to be open hearted? Based on what I wrote do you believe that I shouldn't have a low self esteem when it comes to IQ? Like I shouldn't feel inferior or that I don't understand things that others do but instead feel capable of understanding things like every other person? To be honest I am not creative (even though I try to draw) or fast or good memory (all these 3 traits I am way below average), but I used to have innate good analytical skills and huge curiosity about reality, way more than the average person. So it seems to me that I may have high IQ in certain areas and low IQ in others. But honestly, personaly, I consider creativity the highest form of intelligence and analytical skills the lowest.

If I was in your position I wouldn't touch any of these things. Maybe a little alcohol is not bad but personally I wouldn't drink even alcohol. I am addicted to food and internet and it's really difficult to overcome addictions. It would be better if I hadn't start using them more than I should, cause now I can't break free from them. If you ever addicted to things remember 1)will power and self control are finite 2)you need to change your enviroment so you don't have these things in easy access or at any access at all, it should be difficult to do your addiction not easy 3)you need purpose (that's the one that is difficult for me). If you have a purpose you get dopamine naturally, you won't need any substance.