poimandres
Member-
Content count
174 -
Joined
-
Last visited
Posts posted by poimandres
-
-
1 hour ago, Marinus said:@poimandres So the message is mixed signals?
@Moreira I decided to treat her like I treat my friends, which will be very different, because I don't really want much from my friends and they respect me. I'm indeed going to show her my cool side, at the moment I took back what I said and she commented that her ex-boyfriend told her the same thing. I told:
She told me she felt complete with him (which I know isn't true love). So maybe this was a good move?
Any way, I can now see from her perspective and I seem to be desperate and needy indeed, which I by the way feel. So taking a break from this nonsense is the best option for now I think.
Maybe, maybe not (probably so, if I had to guess). What I'm saying is that she's sending you a message via mixed signals. You just not taking the hints. If you said you liked her, but she didn't reciprocate, she's not going to flat out reject you. Generally, they will send you soft rejections and it's up to you to read the signs and put 2 and 2 together.
Sounds like you on the right track mentioned above.
-
Pornography has corrupted our vision of what sex is suppose to be like from a man's perspective. It's suppose to be wild crazy, noises, blah blah blah.. it's definitely not like that all of the time. Sounds like his expectations are off. Sadly, I agree to the above.. probably going to be a wedge in the relationship.
-
I learned this opener works really well to get over approach anxiety and a good conversation opener: "I would be kicking myself later if I didn't say hello to you. I just wanted to see how your day was going?"
Then after she says good/great/bad, start a conversation about anything, ask her interests, etc.. the more you do it, you'll find the conversation flows from "hello" to "give me your number" after a few tries.
You heart will pound, palms will be sweaty. Maybe try a new environment. I like the coffee shop too. Play eye contact tag with someone will you read a book, they studying, but you still have to approach and say hello eventually.
-
21 hours ago, Marinus said:- So I wonder, how can I deal with this stuff?
- I'm not waiting around, but what could be a proper way to deal with my current situation?
- Can time really help to make her feel comfortable around me or is this just a polite way to reject someone?
- And why would she send me a message like that? (we don't really text much)
Find another girl/pay her way less attention. It's counter intuitive but I promise you the results will be telling. One of two things will happen, she will want you, or you will get over get faster.
Listen to what you said here: "Can time really help to make her feel comfortable around me or is this just a polite way to reject someone?" If she doesn't feel comfortable around you she wouldn't hang out with you, so there's one conclusion you can draw from this.
If she's giving you mixed messages, that is the message.
-
Sounds like you are on your way. Keep going to counseling. You will get to where the confrontation is easier to avoid but still say no. No need to feel bad about self respect or standing up for yourself. Keep going.
-
There is potential for anyone. Change is hard, very hard. Just like everyone else he has his own biases to overcome and since he's been running a site that is against evolution for so long, he maybe ashamed to give up that image. So there are more barriers to cross and he will basically betray what he's been preaching, the consequences maybe too much to bare for him.
Potential is there for everyone.
-
Seek professional help with your mental illness. The term "quickly and effectively" sounds like a catch phrase like "get rich quick". Real life's troubles take time to overcome. To cut to the chase for the "magic pill", the only thing holding you back is you. Now it may take days, weeks, months, or years to embrace and actualize that fact.
-
I like to visualize I'm on a beach and a chest is sitting there in the sand. I pile in all my problems and worries, lock the chest and place it in the water. The push the chest into the water and watch it float far, far, away. Watch it float past the horizon.
-
Generally around the ages between 27-31. The analogy is that Saturn takes 29.5 years to rotate around the Sun.
It's the time when you start to become a full adult. For me, it sucked but ended up being better in the end. I started removing the rosy colored glasses about life, got more serious, went through a breakup, and then "grew up" in a bunch of areas of my life in what seemed like all of the sudden.
-
- Find the model
- Mimic exactly how they dress
- Mimic exactly how they talk
- Mimic how their body moves
- Understand their mindset
Specific techniques are all theory, seriously. You need to have a specific goal you want to change into first. Posting here about "change my self-image" doesn't tell me what you want to change into, just like throwing theory around doesn't help you find your way.
-
Having expectations for myself is something I've struggled with for SO long. My problem is that my self expectations are completely unrealistic for myself. I expect too much. Don't fall into this trap.
That being said, what are you wanting to accomplish? Try checking out some of Leo's other videos on setting goals and gather a timeline of how long you think this might be achievable, then probably double that timeline.
Being confident at something can be as simple as re-framing your words from 'I'm not sure I can' to 'I got this.'
-
I have never been so confused in my path of life.
Years ago, I let too much shit slide, I was cheated on by my girlfriend at the time and I was accused multiple times of "not taking life seriously enough." Fast forward about 3 years, I've worked on my approach game, confidence, social skills, etc and now I've become way more dominant in life. I take life seriously a majority of the time. Now I'm being told that I take life too seriously, by a few sources.
I've been told also that I'm not "engaged enough" in the present moments. I am generally always watching things unfold and then assert myself when things get out of hand. I don't want to play with people, I don't want to play games any more. I have goals that I'm completely focused on. I have adopted behavior to not open myself fully up to anyone anymore because I end up getting emotionally hurt. I don't trust anything/anyone at face value either anymore.
I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum. I can't go back to not being assertive. I can't please anyone and I don't want to please people anymore.
I am open to hearing opinions on my situation. I understand there's not much information to go on here.
-
You definitely do deserve to have whatever it is you want, so that's probably step 1 is overturning that false belief.
As to what is most effective, all of the techniques are going to come down to introspection.
Reread your post as well. So if you want to actually "BE" these things, you are going to have to play the part a bit. But do things that scare you to develop a sense of confidence. After this confidence, all those things that you mentioned, fearless, grounded, etc, will be by-products of doing hard things.
One solid recommendation I heard a while ago was doing an improv comedy class.
-
I would think you would integrate the pursuit of your spiritual goals like you integrate every other interest you may have while raising children. You won't be able to spend 24x7 on this interest because kids are going to take up time as well. So, you pursue it when you have free time.
Just realized this was a double post.
-
52 minutes ago, ThirdEyeSees said:Hi! I have a question. Leo mentions in several of his videos and his most recent "what is art" video that we are spending time raising children because it is part of our survival mechanism. I don't remember if he said or if I just interpreted it that we are wasting time raising children. I have two children and currently stay at home with them. 3 and 2 yrs old. I started to doing this work for me but also because I didn't want to pass my bad psychology onto them. I have to raise my children, right? God consciousness has become my number one priority. How do I know when I'm being selfish about it? Should I not focus on them and focus more on the greater good?
I would think you would integrate the pursuit of your spiritual goals like you integrate every other interest you may have while raising children. You won't be able to spend 24x7 on this interest because kids are going to take up time as well. So, you pursue it when you have free time.
-
On 7/26/2017 at 9:07 PM, Nahm said:@Joseph Maynor this illusion is The One. There is no past or future. We are the expansion of God right happening right now, just so used to it we use words like physical and memory.
I'll just add the concept of the Eternal Return.
-
Solve the problem of consciousness.
You're close to a breakthrough.
-
49 minutes ago, Visitor said:@poimandres 'Life' is living one moment after another. Otherwise 'life' as we know it ceases. Then again, it is this ceasing (like in meditation) which reveals other than the 'life we live'.
Maybe I don't understand @PetarKa's post? I believe he was wanting some objective opinions about his outlook on his ideas about time. By his current belief, he doesn't see the value in changing his current behaviors to effect future "now" moments because he doesn't believe they are related in any way. We could argue different philosophies, but it would end no where.
Please elaborate, maybe I'm not understanding?
-
Why study for a test in school that is coming in the future? Why even brush your teeth if they get dirty again?
Yes, metaphysically, time is a strange thing. But you do not want to get your mind stuck in that headspace and use it as a crutch for inaction.
Look at investing, building a business, studying for a test, learning a new skill, etc. It's work you put in now that definitely DOES effect the future. Our minds have a hard time really accepting that 10 years from now will eventually become the "now" moment.
-
3 minutes ago, CuteCornDog said:Being desperate.
Thanks for the reply though.
Especially tonight when I posted this thread.
No problem! Just takes some practice. If you are 21+, go to a chill bar at a restaurant (not a club) and sit and chat with the bar tender. Wait until people come and go, you WILL be able to talk to people. It's the bar tender's job to keep everyone drinking and having high spirits. So, they will keep a conversation going.
-
You want better conversational skills? What about going out and talking to random people?
-
Have fun on the trip! Have ZERO expectations.
-
1 hour ago, Toby said:Just because a woman agrees to a date doesn't mean she has to be super-interested in a relationship or sex or whatever later on. There is no way to know that if you did everything right (which doesn't exist imo) that she would have been interested. It's imo one of the biggest myths of the self-help- and pickup-industry that you can control how others perceive you.
I'm not trying to hijack this thread, but this is not accurate. Psychology of others is VERY easy to manipulate (I'm no exception, a friend showed me a few hacks today). Communication is a multi dimensional phenomena and tapping into all of those dimensions is what morphs the perceptions. Social engineering, NLP, Covert Hypnosis, whatever you wish to call it..
-
23 hours ago, Jordan wang said:So I've recently cold approached this girl, got exchanged facebook contacts with her and asked her to go watch a movie with me. She agreed to go for coffee, but I had to pick her up.
This is only the beginning of where you went wrong. But it's all a learning opportunity! Keep fucking trying!
Some critique: You cold approached a girl and got her FACEBOOK information. You need digits, not friends.
My strategy is never give them a choice. Make small talk, then start to pull your phone out, then say "Give me your number".
Next you negotiated with her on going out with you AND you bent to her will by agreeing to pick her up. You basically let her run the show from the start.
When I would contact the women after getting their numbers, only contact them for a single purpose. You aren't trying to have an hour long conversation with them via text or voice call. Just text them "You and me, 7pm Friday night, XYZ (insert address)". They will text you their reply (yes or no, obviously).
That being said, ALWAYS listen if a girl says "NO". You do not want to cross so many boundaries that you no longer sympathize with people.. If she refuses to give you her number, you shake her hand, say "nice to meet you, have a good day". And leave. The fact that you don't try to force it says more about you than attempting to force it.
One time, I approached someone in a world market. We got to talking, I told her to give me her number, but she replied "I have a boyfriend." The look on my face basically said "You're lying and I know it." But I did the above, put my head phones in and kept on walking. She attempted to recover while I was putting in my earbuds, but I just brushed her off and said "I'll see you around."
in Dating, Sexuality, Relationships, Family
Posted · Edited by poimandres
How are you going to do #2 and when. Goals without deadlines never get done. Don't need specifics, just commenting.