Infinite Tsukuyomi

I figured I would finally share this. For years I had this very particular memory of the moment I remember becoming aware of being a little boy and a self. I forgot this memory for many years but it reappeared a few months ago. The scene is kitchen of the house I grew up in, I can see two doors, one leading to the basement and another the bathroom. Awareness is present, but it itself is nothing. Suddenly two little boys run into the frame and head quickly down the open door to the basement. The empty awareness zooms in on one of the boys as if it were to say "That one, that's me!". And ever since then I've been witnessing the story of that boy. I never mentioned this to anyone, as I had no way to describe it, and often forgot about except for random moments where I remembered. As I got older, and would remember, all I could think was "what was that?" In hindsight, now that I have had a quite a few awakenings, it was no self/no doer. Everything before that was simply disorganized memories such as my mother breaking my favorite red toy car, no continual sense of me-ness. I see myself as the ego was not yet completely established, the story wasn't stitching together or "making sense" until it did. That sense making process generated this coherent story. Share, if anyone else happens to remember a similar moment, perhaps where your sane, coherent and solid feeling of self and other began.

Because psychedelics primarily increase consciousness, since this happen to do this very important thing they can lead to realizations of God. If there was a sound effect that increased consciousness, if receiving a certain massage, or if smelling a certain scent increased it, then those too would be cheat codes. Just so happens, you could say, that psychedelics are the thing that does that.

Firstly, don't forget that you must deconstruct even Leo, this is what I'm seeing that is being missed with all the questions about what is better, what is worse, what's it going to take, goalposts moving. We're talking about Infinity, you have to try all kinds of shit. It's tempting to lean on him or on anything, the mind is very sneaky and is hiding from all the work whether it be trips or retreats. Secondly, keep the main thing the main thing. Pick something and use it until it drives you insane. The DMTs are crucial imo. "No self/no doer" alone, will motivate the hell out of you and the DMTs will either produce this outright, or if you're like me it will catch you off guard later on. I did a meditation retreat even after my 5-MeO, NN DMT and Psilocybin work. Frustration, boredom, laziness and procrastination are all TRICKS, of course you feel these. Of course, you're questioning what's effective and what isn't, who do you think supplies you with these questions? The fog of deception is so thick, you damn near have a heart attack when it clears. During the long sessions and retreats, I gain awareness around how my mind uses EVERYTHING to avoid dissolution. I combine mindfulness with labeling with neti neti and let EVERYTHING slip through. For those with ADHD (like me), I had to become a puppet. I danced until the "me" vanished. I surrendered control entirely and just let awareness do the work. And it did. More so than just laziness and avoidance of pain, that can be overcome when you're really after Truth. The mind doesn’t want to die. It will hold on to Leo, to his videos, to this forum, to that one juicy insight, even to the cushion your ass is sitting on. Jed McKenna style, Neti Neti, labeling experiences as they appear and setting every idea of God, Truth, Infinity and Love on fire as the appear is a must. Your mind will become conscious of "something" at some point, that will terrify it. Look back at it, you have triangulated Truth but do not wait for, or expect this moment. (easier said than done) In some sense, just doing psychedelics then running off into survival and hallucination makes no sense if you're serious about the work. Unless you have a closet full of 5-MeO or some other substance, why settle for the continual deception and unconsciousness of daily life? Might as well wear the mind out, the target of inquiry is available 24/7.

It wasn't until after an NN DMT trip that I had my experience of "no self/no doer" "uncontrolled chain reaction" awakening (two hours after it wore off actually). Then with 5 MeO DMT within just a few seconds it felt like as Leo said, I broke reality. So radical, so True that it's not possible to believe it. 5 MeO DMT will make quick work of what you're trying to do. It will also quickly put meditation and your other work into proper context. If you do end up going that route, really contemplate how much you want what's True beforehand. It seems like you do have genuine interest. After my 5 MeO trip I remember thinking "If people knew what they were trying to discover by meditating, they would probably stop". There is sort of a lower case a, awakening for your daily life as well. Look at your actions and situation, and see what counter-intuitive things you could do differently. Go belief hunting, multiple times a day, question something your mind said recently. Go identity hunting for identities like: virgin and broke and see what purpose they serve ("the mind has already said these things many times, why does it keep bringing it up?"). Avoid answering your own questions, leave space for non-verbal answers. Weed and counter logical/intuitive actions might be something you can do in the meantime for your regular personal development, until your 5-MeO DMT trip. Honestly low doses (micro to medium) of something like magic mushrooms is where the regular personal development can get a kick as well. Even after 5 MeO, I still notice things about my own personal problems that enlighten me.

@meta_male your wind canal description is spot on. Couldn't think of how to describe it in my post. I was able to avoid the headache but ending up a little sore, probably from the parachute deploying.

@How to be wise Bits and bits of fear come undone. I as an ego mind am very resilient, I have to keep on it to avoid getting to comfortable and safe.

@LastThursday I will look into the bungee jumping! Surrender is an unavoidable aspect of this work, so of course more of it will come in time for me. Nice photos, that's courage.

@MsNobody Wow your comments are very inspirational! I am also proud of you going pro. I imagine you all that have jumped multiple times have a different moment of fear and anticipation. Friends and family are as shocked as I am, I will do at least one more jump to motivate them if they need it and go with next time. My instructor was persuading me a bit to go pro and explained the program to me before I left. I am already trained as a zipline adventure guide and helped many people face that fear in the past. I am a creative person, so my work will likely be something different but going pro is not off the table.

This was very intriguing. I can tell the wide arsenal of techniques you use outside of boxing have paid you dividends, especially the extra sensory perception. That's an amazing fruit of your work.

Right on. It's a do it scared type of thing and having no control actually makes it easier. The battle is all the thoughts and feelings leading up to it. If you decide to jump as well, I look forward to debriefing you.

I went to this skydiving facility on three separate occasions, the first two times were thwarted by weather. So I ended up having to go through the anticipation of it a few times. Luckily 3rd times the charm. My mindset was to just keep moving through the process, once I'm in the air I'm committed and there's only one way down. I wanted to share insights I had after the experience and some of thoughts during it. The initial exit out of the plane was the most intense, the moment I realized how "crazy" I am and "what am I doing?" The drop is so intense it feels like I instantly got pulled into a video game world. I thought I was committed riding the plane up. True commitment was realized as I nosedived back to earth. Insights: "Truly living life is what I am most afraid of" This was put into crystal clear perspective for me. It's not these big moments like skydiving, it's all the little ways I avoid fear and commitment. Committing to someone in a relationship is just like that dive out of the plane, as are all commitments. It's understanding that you don't know what's going to happen and that there are more variables than you have control over. "Gravity is a symbol for limitation within Consciousness". Jumping out of the plane, in all its counter-intuitive glory is surrender. I can't control gravity. It's going to pull me down, I don't have wings and I can't fly. Skydiving is powerful because it's you vs. lack of control, of which the ego is deeply afraid. The amazingness of the experience is only possible because I am limited. I watched my skydive video back, and didn't notice myself anymore. I noticed in the video a more powerful force, something greater than me piloting this body. I wept as a thought floated through my mind "is that me?" "who is this man?" as if I hadn't just done it hours before. I was frightened by own actions, my own dedication. This dive deepened my self-love more than many experiences. Between meditation retreats, 5-MeO, skydiving and personal development I can say the work can be grueling, horrifying and depressing but also deeply freeing and illuminating. I just wanted to share this experience and also recommend it to anyone who needs that jolt or wake up call. It's a very powerful experience. I see tremendous value in using skydiving and things like it as another tool in your toolbox of development and awareness.

I call everything that can be know in form an "artifacts within consciousness". I like that you also discovered your inner self containing artifacts. Trauma, love, memories are all artifacts.

Instead of presenting the advanced view to them, try: -Asking them powerful questions -Putting them through a visualization

The excuse for ignorance is that it is preferable to growing intelligence and awareness. Both of which lead to greater understanding of the reality and world we live in. This understanding then creates suffering, anxiety and angst in the one that grows to understand. The avoidance of those feelings is why ignorance is so prevalent. Anything to be had that sits behind things like suffering and boredom will be avoided by most people. "Ignorance is bliss". You have to change when you know better and change means death to a part of you. Examples include: using less AI when you find out how much water is used to cool it, not eating meat when you see the conditions under which the animal is raised etc.

Very detailed and nuanced awakening, awakening can put so much into context. The part about spiritual work being done on the self if very insightful. The part about therapy as well, as someone who has done his fair share. Thank You, I look forward to your future reports.