UpperMaster

@Leo Gura Is this guide still good in your opinion?

I am studying for my mathematics exam, but am doing so at a very slow rate. I'm honestly panicking, handling the pressure is tough. My friend invited me to volleyball today evening, I ended up shouting at me because he needed a justification for why I am not coming. The exam is in a month, so there seems to be a lot of time, but I know that this exam is difficult and I need to use the time effectively in order to pass. I hate the fact that my friends think I am overreacting when I tell them that I want to work instead of hang out with them. They say that I don't work that much anyway, they laugh that I procrastinate so much anyway, might swell go out and hang. I hate this because they're right. I do procrastinate at times, but I am trying really fucking hard to change, to work more effectively, to reach my potential. So yes I feel like they're spitting in my face when they insinuate that I am overreacting or not disciplined. I haven't had much sleep. After my argument with my friend for some reason I've been super stressed. It's like every time I take a break I am proving him right, and that stresses me so much I just end up procrastinating more.

Will being less conformist get you less laid?

What does falseness even mean? Someone elaborate pls

Are you using Truth Seeking as a way to avoid action? My intuition tells me this: It’s hard to pursue the truth about something when it directly affects your survival, because in those moments, you stop seeing things objectively and start making conclusions that help you cope or explain your choices. This is something I keep running into. When you’re in survival mode, pragmatism is useful, and even though pragmatism isn’t necessarily about discovering truth, it gets you through tough situations. In many areas of life such as building a business, dating, and learning new skills, I catch myself getting stuck trying to “figure out” the truth before acting. For example, with dating, instead of just going out and meeting people, I overthink the whole process, trying to deeply understand how it all works. That can easily become a trap: the more you analyze, the more you might absorb ideas or beliefs that only serve to justify inaction. I see this same pattern everywhere. At the end of the day, a healthy dose of pragmatism is necessary. Sometimes, what feels like a search for truth is actually a subtle way of avoiding action. Bonus example in my life: Sometimes, I look at another persons progress and I make it a "truth seeking exercise" to figure out whether or not he will be more successful than I am. This often just makes me feel bad and prevents me from focusing on my tasks fully. In occasion, trying to understand the reality of a situation before committing to an action is necessary. But 9 times out of 10, my intuition tells me that it becomes an excuse to not do action.

Last message was just me crashing out. I'm so ambitious it hurts, I want to be great, I will be great, but that high standard hurts when your not close to it. It's been a month since I properly journaled. A lot has happened. Some I am excited to share here because it is a very important journey in my development. Firstly, I just want to say that I've passed all my exams for the second semester and am going to the second year which is great. I have one more mathematics exam to clear. If I clear the math exam I won't be carrying any subjects from year one to year two. Secondly, at my therapist session, I've uncovered and started to recognize the abusive parts of my relationship with my parents. I have great parents, they are good people, but some bad things they've done had incredible psychological impact on me. This was something that my subconconsious did not want to look at, but when I eventually did look at it, it was devastating. I can to the therapist complaining that I have an inferiority complex and a sense of very strong self-hatred. She suspected that the root cause was something else and we looked at my relationship with my parents. I won't elaborate too much, but to whoever reading, if you have inferiority complex, or emotional issues in your life, the root cause could be something or partially in denial about. Go to a therapist. There is no simple fix. Root causes can be incredibly complex. Processing through my trauma is something I have to do going forward. I've also looked at my own behavior towards my younger brother, some of which was abusive. I am making sure that mistakes I have done, or mistakes my parents have done to me isn't repeated with my younger brother or my children. I think the past two weeks have completely changed the way at which I will orient my life. A lot of my pain has been validated, and I am starting to love myself.

Fuck perfection.Fuck greatness.

awesome actually wanted that

Will the price increase?

Thank you for your response, this response I somewhat relate with. My session was very eye-opening, and wound opening. Basically my therapist wanted me to get into the root cause for my feeling of powerlessness. We uncovered my relationship with my mother. It was very abusive at times and I was somewhat in denial about it. Very intense session. I will update this thread with the aftermath, after my problems are resolved, or il start a new thread. Seems to me that we have to go very deep to solve problems like this. Root fixes take time and pain I guess. Fuck man.

Thanks for sharing the links. Therapist meeting tmr!

Yes. It is jealousy to an extent. The jealousy is what triggers trauma from the past. And then its really bad.

I appreciate the advice given. I'm not sure if applying your advice would work for me. As in idk if its that simple. The main thing I'm super scared about is coping. In the sense that I feel pain but am in denial about it. Maybe letting go technique can help.

Thank you. Yea I expect that alleviating these feelings are hard. Thanks for the book recommendation. I might do psychotherapy to help me with this A part of me doesn't even want to get rid of the complex, because that means it can potentially live out the fantasy of working and becoming better than others.

Hey guys. I've had a complex developing for years. It surrounds general success and power. It started after a lengthy encounter with a narcissist, as he made me feel so powerless and insufficient, that I started romanticizing the idea of being "better than people". By nature, I genuinely enjoy seeing others succeed. But when someone’s success triggers feelings of inadequacy in me, especially if I feel looked down on, it hits extremely hard. It’s painful. The complex is growing stronger. The psychological ramifications for me are that I constantly feel horrible, disappointed with my self and afraid. I am incredibly motivated to better myself, but the direction towards which I orient my life seems to be less about what I want and more about preventing the feeling of powerlessness and insufficiency. Matter of fact, I want to be so much better than people that other people feel powerless and insufficient just like I did. I don’t want to live like this. I know this mindset is irrational and even toxic, but just knowing that doesn't stop the pain. When it hurts, the logic lowkey doesn’t matter I just want the pain to stop. It's becoming a big part of my life now. I will talk about it to my therapist soon. Do you guys have any advice on how to cure this? How should I phrase it with my therapist? I understand to some extent why elitists are so power hungry. I somewhat understand why they go through hell to get what they want.