vedame

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Posts posted by vedame

  3. Posted

    In a chronogical sense, which one is first? Do we react to a feeling with a thought which then influences our behaviour/actions, or the thought comes first? 

    In one video (I think it was the one about addiction, I’m not sure anymore) Leo talks about the importance of regulating the interpretative filter of the brain. Event—Brain’s interpretative filter—Thought—Emotion.

    But is it possible that the emotion or feeling is just “there”, and it provokes thoughts; in other words, that we cope with emotions through thoughts? What is the source of the feeling then?

     

     

    880F2AC8-0BF5-4CB3-B6EE-4B9C17CB8E2C.jpeg

  4. Posted

    33 minutes ago, BipolarGrowth said:

    I think it’s a concept one can easily get over-attached to. I had a best friend who kept going after an abusive ex for over a year because he was her twin flame in her eyes. Now she’s taken a much more relative view to such terms which is healthy. You really don’t know..

    I share your point of view. I also often saw the concept is used to “justify” toxic relationships and unhealthy attachment.

  7. Posted · Edited by vedame

    I was beaten by my mum almost on a daily basis between age 4-19 (when I moved away from home for university). She has NPD and paranoid schizophrenia. Her agression and violence towards me (and my dad) faded away as her schizophrenia escalated from 2008 on, but the damage from childhood is there. I forgave with all my heart, although it sucks that I know that I don’t and won’t have the chance to ever talk this through with her in this life. If there are other people here who were physically and/or verbally hurt by parents, how did you manage / cope with it?

  8. Posted · Edited by vedame

    I was recently thinking a lot about this judging thing, as I see that it is a massive issue in the lives of many of my beloved friends and family. I’m sensitive like a dandelion, but the opinion of others really rarely affect me. Knowing myself, it is not evident why it is as it is, because I didn’t do any conscious self-work in this regard. So I came to the following conclusion: I am so not judgy (INFP..) that somehow this is my standard. The origo. As I automatically don’t judge, I don’t even consider the possibility that others would judge me for anything. Probably they do, but I don’t even notice it, as it doesn’t accur to my mind that they would. (I also don’t judge myself, and am pretty forgiving and empathetic with me.) So perhaps it makes sense to start from “not judging”. I don’t know if it makes any sense ?

  9. Posted

    51 minutes ago, Stovo said:

    Leo's personality is actually very masculine in nature. Direct, never losing frame, not giving a shit what other people think. Masculine love tends to be harsh and challenging because that is what you need to hear to grow.

    I’m not so sure of this. I think he is brave enough to embrace his feminine side too ?

  13. Posted

    6 hours ago, Inva said:

    @ivankiss Start creating a vision for what you're looking for, don't deviate from it because there's too many women that do and there's too many women that we're so easily affected by because we're programmed to be when they're below what we really want. So many women are simply not ready to either properly connect or heal enough to connect. Them titties making us think them all pretties and kind, it an't true, some just plain looking for a lay for the monkey stimulation.

    I think really really really small amount of people (men or women) are ready to connect with another soul in a truly loving, selfless, kind and giving way. 
     

  14. Posted

    6 hours ago, ivankiss said:

    Interesting. Your comment got me thinking... a lot ?

    Did not notice that in me. What I did notice though, is that many women rush into sex not because they enjoy it that much, but rather because they use sex as a tool - almost like a shortcut - to satisfy their emotional needs. 

    Attention, validation and a sense of security is far more important to these women. And they know they will get all that if they take their panties off quickly and have crazy, out-of-this-world sex with a guy. 

    Been there, done that. The sex gets less and less crazy, less and less frequent and they become more and more emotionally dependent.

    In my case; I never used sex for emotional comfort. But I did have a tendency of becoming emotionally dependent in relationships. It's when I let someone 'too close' that I tend to grip too tightly. I was extremely attached in my last relationship. And the break-up literally killed a part of me. The emotionally dependent part. It was incredibly painful. But it was worth it.

    I'm kinda against the 'don't get attached in a relationship' idea. To me that seems like it's coming from a place of fear. Fear of loss and pain. No. Do get attached. Love that person blindly and with your whole being. And if it doesn't work out... God be with you. You will burn. And you will rise from the ashes as a completely new beast. 

    We will rip holes in the space-time continuum ? 

     

    That’s true, dear, for a lot of people. At least from what I see around me. They use sex to fill the emptiness, the void inside, to build fake self-esteem, and seek validation.

    If i wasn’t demisexual, knowing myself I would probably do this too ? 

    I am just after a breakup painful AF. I honestly can’t judge how dependent I was emotionally, what I know is that I loved that person wholeheartedly (before her - my transgender partner - I didn’t have anyone for many-many years, not even one night stands or anything).

    So you say it’s possible to resurrect ? That’s good news. It feels nice to know someone gets what I’m going through. 
     

    About the attachment thing you write about: yes, I feel the same way. I either love entirely and blindly, or... or not ?‍♀️

  16. Posted

    13 hours ago, SolarWarden said:

    Probably if we use that type of language.

    I think it more like this. Impersonal divine (higher self) permanent individuality (soul) and present personality (ego).

    The journey is to transcend the false personality and have the permanent individuality to take over. Then unite the individuality with the higher self and achieve the goal of yoga ( union ).

    The permanent individuality might be the higher self you are talking about. It is that which reincarnates but also eternal. It is not the ONE but it's goal is to unite with the ONE. All past life memories are stored there. You may not remember but it knows. You are it but also not. It absorbs spiritual experience you have and exalts itself through you.

    Hint: it is also the thinker but not the thought process.

    Thanks, I made a screenshot of this for myself ?

  19. Posted

    1 hour ago, integral said:

    "One day some people came to the master and asked: How can you be happy in a world of such impermanence, where you cannot protect your loved ones from harm, illness or death? The master held up a glass and said: Someone gave me this glass; It holds my water admirably and it glistens in the sunlight. I touch it and it rings! One day the wind may blow it off the shelf, or my elbow may knock it from the table. I know this glass is already broken, so I enjoy it - incredibly."

    "Once we see that everything is impermanent and ungraspable and that we create a huge amount of suffering if we are attached to things staying the same, we realize that relaxing and letting go is a wiser way to live. Letting go does not mean not caring about things. It means caring about them in a flexible and wise way"

    Wisdom of impermanence is the foundation for effortless relationships.

    Thank you, yes, exactly. Such a lesson.

  20. Posted

    43 minutes ago, SolarWarden said:

    My higher self is your higher self and everyones higher self. Believing in a personal higher self is called "heresy of separedness " in some esoteric circles.

    Orgasm and other sexual things.

     

    @Kalo That must have been some good weed!

    From this perspective the very word “self” is unreal. So lower/higher self makes no sense, nor the distinction between them.

  21. Posted · Edited by vedame

    45 minutes ago, WonderSeeker said:

    @vedame Just do what's in front of you. Carve out time to nurture yourself, whatever that is for you. 

    About 5 years ago, I found out that my ex had been cheating on me. It broke my heart. I had zero self-esteem. (It was my first relationship and I fell into the naive trap that it would 'be forever.') So for me, I got "pissed off for greatness" and did what I was passionate about, and that transformed me. 

    Coping is fine, but you deserve to thrive too. Good luck!

    Thanks, WonderSeeker :) 
    I was very committed. She has been struggling with depression, on and off ssris, not reaching out for professional help, isolating herself completely from the world, both physically and emotionally. In the last 3 months of the relationship, although I tried what I could (including silent patience), her feelings for me got killed off. I saw her once this year for 2 hours. She is in a spiritual transformation. Basically said that I am not mature enough for her, due to the 10 years age difference (she in her 40s, me in my 30s). Obviously neither she, nor me were ready or healthy for a relationship. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t fallen in love with full power and that it doesn’t hurt like hell. I just want to use this pain for growth. ...... It’s so hard to detach from the thought/hope/wish that she would return later.

  23. Posted

    My relationship with my ex-partner ended about 2 weeks ago. The emotional pain it triggered can’t be compared to anything I experienced before, even though the relationship wasn’t longer than a year.

    I realised the experience makes me grow. It makes me be more introspective. It makes me learn to let go, and to take responsibility for myself and change for the better. It makes me realise what my needs are in a relationship. It makes me become stronger, and gain more understanding how my mind and emotions work. The relationship made me learn about me. I got to know a side of me which I truly love. Precious experience.

    All these are great stuff. But the pain, the sadness, the missing, the recurring feeling that my ex-partner was THE one - if anything like that exists. I love(d) my ex entirely, as much as I am capable to love. This is really heavy. I have cut all contact and I’m very disciplined in this sense. The love is not gone and I know it doesn’t have to go. What has to go is the attachment and this stupid vision of belonging. Any advice on that? How did you cope?