sda

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Posts posted by sda

  1. Posted

    12 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

    I'll tell you what you did wrong. Don't ask a girl you just met to show you pictures of her family and inside her home. Why do you need to see all that. If I just met a guy and he asked me that, I would run the other way too. Guys even ask me to send regular (not nude), pics to their phones and I even deny that if I don't know them. 

    You might not understand how girls have to be over-protective of themselves because of safety reasons, not saying you will harm her or her family but she doesn't know that; and i bet her family were the ones who told her to cut ties with you. 

    She might not have been that interested in you but most girls won't even let you walk them home if they're not at least a little bit interested, so maybe it's because she was uncomfortable with you asking for those pictures. I'm saying this so next time you be a little more cautious in what you ask girls for if they don't know you and didn't suggest it first.

    These guys will blow that off as nothing, but as a female I'm telling you it was very inappropriate; and, not saying you have to be on p's and q's every time you're with a female; and believe it or not, asking for a kiss or a hug would have been better received than to ask for pictures of inside her home and family. The former is a regular occurrence and all she had to do was say yes or no, but the picture thing is not, and drew suspicion, that's why.

    Are girls very protective of their family? I have notice in my interactions with girls that whenever I ask a girl, especially Chinese girls because I live in China about their family then they get triggered and stop talking to me. Also, the next time when they see me, they run away.

  2. Posted

    Hi all,

    Yesterday, I approached a girl and I had a little chat with her. I asked her how she was and I was engaging with her. She seemed to be quiet interested in me and we were getting along. She even walked with me back to her home. For Your Information, she did not know English very well and I know English so we had to rely on a translation software in instagram. However, at the end, I text message her on Instagram to show me some pictures of her family and some pictures of her house from inside. She then text messaged me this:

    Your question today made me feel a bit invasive of privacy, and I don't really want to chat or meet with others while preparing for the exam, so I deleted your Instagram account first and don't add me. Wishing you success in your studies, thank you.

    My question from you guys is that can you tell me what was my mistake and how can I approach much better in the future?

     

  3. Posted · Edited by sda

    Sorry for not being clear. What I mean is:

    On 19/01/2024 at 10:52 AM, meta_male said:

    @Carl-Richard His roommate tried to get him to leave his blanket outside so he his roommate friend  can sleep in it who stayed there when he returns, while @sda thinks it was meant for his roommate's friend who stayed there. who will sleep in @sda blanket when he returns.

    I apologize again for not being clear. 

    What I mean is that my roommate lied to me so that I can put my blanket outside because my roommate knows that I am loyal to him and if I had put my blanket outside then my roommate friend will sleep in my blanket. This means that my roommate is exploiting me with his lies because his friend is sleeping instead of him. My question from you guys in this thread and the thing that I need help on is that can you guys suggest me what measures should I take in the future to make sure that people such as my roommate for example in this scenario does not exploit me?

    For clarity purposes, I will share these messages which he sent to me after the call and I will provide translation to you from urdu to english language

    y.jpg

    ny apko key ne di mery kamry ki (urdu language)= He did not give you the key (English)

    Ab main kahan per saoon ga  (urdu language) = Now, where will I sleep? (English)

    Sleep kahan karon ga main (urdu language) = Where will I sleep? (English)

    Us ny kaha hai main xxxx ko key dy raha hoon (urdu language) = He said that he gave the key to you (English)

    Kindly apky pass jo pehly wala chota blanket hai woh to bahar rakhty jao (urdu language)= Kindly, leave the first small blanket of yours outside (English)

    Aj raat main us main guzara kar loo ga, kindly (urdu language)= I will sleep tonight in that blanket which you will leave outside for me, kindly (English)

  4. Posted · Edited by sda

    Hi everyone,

    I hope you all are doing well.

    I want to share a situation here that happened to me with my roommates and I want your guys advice on how to deal with my roommates. I am currently living with 1 roommate in a two bedroom apartment excluding a living room. For the sake of context, I will name my this one roommate T. It was late at night when I returned to my apartment with my friend and T friend was in my apartment. T called me and told me that to put my blanket outside so that T can sleep for the night in my blanket. However, T never returned that night and I know this because when I returned to the apartment early morning, I did not see my T in the apartment. For Your Information, I did not leave my blanket outside for my roommate because I was feeling that something wasn't quite right. After this, I realized that my roommate lied to me so that I can put my blanket outside and my roommate friend can sleep in it therefore making my roommate to exploit me. What can I do in the future to make sure that people such as my roommates cannot easily exploit me?

    Thank you

    Yahya Yousaf

  5. Posted

    20 hours ago, Salvijus said:

    You should've started with "Why your parents don't want you to finish uni degree". 

    Sorry for not being clear over their. For Your Guys Information, my parents don't want me to finish this university degree because they think that their are so many other degrees which are better than a Chinese medical degree and I think that they perceive me as a small baby who can't live alone by himself away from family.

  6. Posted

    Hi all,

     

    I hope you all are doing good.

     

    I want to share my current situation regarding my university education and I want your guys opinion on this. I am a second year medical student in China and my family is in Canada. My family in Canada wants me to come back to Canada from China to stay with them. However for that I need to quit my degree and all the money for my first year tuition fees and second year tuition fees as well as living expenses which I consumed of my parents for the first two years of my university will go wasted. So what do you guys think that what should I do? Should I come back to my family in Canada or should I stay in China to complete my six year program degree?

     

    Any opinion on my next steps will be appreciated

     

    Thank you

  10. Posted · Edited by sda

    Hi all,

    I hope you all are doing good.

    I want to share here a personal incident that happened to me in my home and I want your guys third person unbiased opinion regarding this incident. I am a student and I am living in an apartment away from my parents with three people. Two of my roommates are nice to me and treat me with respect. However, the third person does not treat me with respect and always scolds me who I will call S in this post for the sake of context.

     

    I mean that S always calls me bad words like ass-hole and dumb ass person. He gaslights me, interfere in my personal life, touches me uncomfortably on the face/neck, tells me bad things about myself, he is very manipulative, he takes my things without my permission and he tells me to bring his things for him such as a glass of water or mobile phone which he is lazy to bring. I got so frustrated and heart broken with his behavior so I complained to my parents regarding this who are back at home. I gave S phone number to my parents and my parents sent a voice message to S on WhatsApp.

    In the voice message my parents basically told S that he should not talk with me and that I should not talk with him neither in good things or bad things. My parents threatened S that they will not spare S and they will come to S wherever he is living. My parents told to S that my parents should not hear any other complaints from me regarding S otherwise my dad will not spare S.

    After the voice message, S called me to his room and told me that we both will not talk with each. S told me that he did not forward this voice message to his family and if he did forward it then the issue will be much bigger. S told me that my parents did not talk with manners and his family is much more well mannered than my parents.

    At the current moment, my dad is asking me the principal number and my two other roommates number to talk with them regarding this incident. Can anyone give me advice or suggestions for what I should do regarding my situation.

    Any response will be greatly appreciated.

    Thank you

    Have a good day

     

  11. Posted

    Hi all,

    I hope you are doing well.

    I wanted to share a scene that happened with me recently. Today, my roommate asked me if I am hungry and if we should cook food. I said that we will begin to cook food when my friend arrives because my friend told me to let my roommate know to not cook food till he arrives. Then my roommate asked me the same question again and I gave the same response again. My roommate asked me the same question the third time and I gave my roommate the same response the third time. After this, my roommate yelled at me and told me to,"Mind my language and to talk with manners. " I ignored him.

    I want some third person opinion on this scenario and let me know whether my reaction was a healthy one or not a healthy one.

    Thanks

     

  14. Posted

    Entry number:116
    Date: N/A
    Grade: N/A
    Age: N/A
    Who: Dad

    One day me and my dad were walking to the mosque to pray Isha prayer. My dad told me to walk with him but I could not walk with him because I was slow. As a result, my dad gave me a punch on my bladder. Then I somehow managed to walk to the mosque with my dad. After I returned home, I told to my mom that my dad hit me on the bladder. My mom fought with my dad that night that why did he hit me on the bladder while my dad was in denial about him hitting me on the bladder.


    Entry number: 117
    Date: N/A
    Grade: 6
    Age: 13
    Who: Mom

    It was a Friday. I spent a lot of time after prayer in the mosque while my family was waiting for me outside the mosque to go to a supermarket. I came very late to the house to go to the supermarket with my family. My friend was on the other side of the house watching me. When I came in the car, my mom asked me that why was I late and then she hit me on the back of my neck. My friend watched all that happened.

    Entry number: 118
    Date: N/A
    Grade: N/A
    Age: N/A
    Who: Dad

    Their was a labourer working in the fields. When the labourer came outside the field, I took my one arm and put it around the labourer. I walked the labourer towards the other end of the street. My dad watched all of this happening. This then my dad took his hand and grabbed my neck all the way back to the house. Everyone in the street including the Islamic Imam of my local mosque saw my dad grabbing me by the neck and taking me to the house by grabbing me by the neck. My dad told to my mom about this.
     

  16. Posted

    Hi everyone,

    I am currently living in Pakistan. However, now in the future, I am moving to China because it is a more developed society and I got admission at a university their. Also, the environment in China makes it more easier for an individual to self-actualize than the environment in Pakistan. However, I am confused on the list of items or things I need to take with me when travelling from one country to another country. So, can you guys give me a list of items or brainstorm a list of ideas in this thread which would be about things an average would need to take when travelling from one country to another? This would be pretty valuable and useful to me for my travel from Pakistan to China. Also, this is my first time travelling from one country to another country alone so if you could give me some advice when travelling from one country to another country then I would appreciate that. 

    Thanks

  21. Posted

    23 hours ago, mmKay said:

    @sda great move! 

     

    13 hours ago, Manusia said:

    @sda Wow. It takes a great deal of courage and determination to overcome the obstacles and cultural barriers that you has faced in pursuit of their personal growth and education. 

    As Indonesian ppl, here is very blue and the mentality is basically same as yours, I can relate well with your story. Congtatulations for your scholarship!

    Thanks for the encouraging comments.

    17 hours ago, Basman said:

    @sda

    Wow, good on you. 

    What are you studying? What type of career are you aiming for? In what country do you whish to live in after your education?

    I am studying medicine and I am aiming to be a doctor. I wish to live in a stage green country like Canada.

  22. Posted · Edited by sda

    @Hibahere I am from Pakistan who embarked this journey. I am from Peshawar, Pakistan.  The main obstacle, I faced are those obstacles which a person will face when transitioning from stage blue to stage orange. For example, I am trying to get an education and go to university in my city but people here are discouraging me or creating problems for me to go to university because they believe that going to a mudrasa to study the Quran will serve me better than going to university which shows that people around me are stage blue. Also, people in my city are not interested in topics like self actualization, love, philosophy, contemplation and meditation because it does not fit their worldview of Islam. Addition to that, their is this mentality in my city that men should go out and work while women should stay at home to cook food. Due to this mentality, my family does not let me do tasks like doing laundry, cooking, cleaning house or cleaning dishes in the kitchen since they believe that men cannot do such kinds of work which restricts my growth. Finally, their is no dating or relationships in Peshawar, Pakistan. Womens here wear burqa when in public and no girl here walks in public without hijab. Therefore, I cannot do any dating in this city which further limits my growth. 

    Due to all these problems, I decided to leave Pakistan and go to China to complete my university education on scholarship. Currently, I got admission and I got scholarship in China. 

  23. Posted · Edited by sda

    Hi,

    I find it very hard to make a distinction in my every day to day life, the difference between being blamed versus being gaslighted. For example, if someone accuses me that I had COVID-19, first, and I began spreading COVID-19 to everyone in my house while in reality, I never had COVID-19. In this scenario, it's hard for me to know whether I am being blamed for the fact that I started COVID-19 in my house or I am being gaslighted for the fact that I started COVID-19 in my house. 

     

    So, I would like to hear your guys opinion on the difference between blaming and gaslighting so I can make a distinction between these two in my every day to day life.

     

    Thanks

  24. Posted

    Entry number: 105

    Date: Somewhere between 2012 to 2014

    Grade: 3

    Age: 9 years

    Who: Mom

     

    My mom wrote a Math problem which is grade 3 level on a piece of paper and asked me to solve it. However, I was not able to solve the Math problem so she hit me several times. Also, she took that Math piece of paper and teared it to several small pieces. This cycle repeated a couple more times until it was time to sleep. My dad came and saw the situation. However, he ignored it. 

     

    Entry number: 106

    Date: 2010 

    Grade: 1

    Age: 6

    Who: Mom

     

    Once, I was going to use the washroom, but my mom, went to the washroom first and took a mug, filled with cold water, then she threw that cold water on my face, 2-3 times.

     

    Entry number: 107

    Date: 2010 

    Grade: 1

    Age: 6

    Who: Mom

     

    One day, I woke up, but I was pretending to be asleep. After 15 minutes, my mom gave a slap on my face, to wake me up. She did not give me breakfast and she sent me to school without lunch as a punishment for waking up late for school.

     

    Entry number: 108

    Date: 2010

    Grade: 1

    Age: 6

    Who: Mom

     

    One day, I stole one thousand Pakistani rupees. The next day, my mom caught that one thousand rupees in my bag. As a result, for my punishment, she did not give me breakfast and she sent me to school without giving me food for lunch. When I came back from school, she locked me up in a room for several hours as a punishment for stealing. 

     

    Entry number: 109

    Date: 2010

    Grade: 1

    Age: 6

    Who: Mom

     

    One day, my brother and sister were fighting. My mom intervened the fight and hit my brother really hard. After a few moments, she came to me and hit me on my neck. She told me that she hit me on my neck because I taught my brother about beating and violence.

     

    Entry number: 110

    Date: 2010

    Grade: 1

    Age: 6

    Who: Mom

     

    My friend was coming to my house for a visit. So that day, my dad and I went across the street to buy pizza's. However, we could not come across any place that sell pizza's. As a result, we came to home empty handed. My dad told my mom that their is no place near the neighbourhood that sells pizza's. My mom saw me licking my lips which made my lips inflamed and sore. She gave me a tight slap on my face and due to this, I was feeling a burning sensation on my face. 

     

    Entry number: 111

    Date: 2010

    Grade: 1

    Age: 6

    Who: Mom

     

    One day, I spitted on someone from my rooftop. Then people started gathering around and began throwing stones on the mirror of my house, however, it did not break the mirror since the mirror was strong enough to withstand those stones. Then, my mom came out and asked me, that who is throwing stones. She went to the neighbours and asked them that why they were throwing stones at our house. The neighbours told my mom that they were throwing stones because I spit on one of the kids. So, my mom gave me a tight slap on my face and asked me why did I spit on them. My mom told to everyone, that she gave me a tight slap on my face.

     

    Entry number: 112

    Date: 2013

    Grade: 1

    Age: 6

    Who: Mom

     

    One day, I gave the taxi the wrong street to take a U-turn on. Then my mom told my driver the correct street name to take a U-turn on. My mom asked the taxi driver, if I told him the wrong direction to take the U-turn on. The taxi driver said yes and as a result my mom hit me on the neck for that.

     

    Entry number: 113

    Date: 2014

    Grade: 4

    Age: 9

    Who: Mom

     

    Once, when I was returning home from the school I accidentally took my friend bag and bought my friend bag to my house instead of mine. My mom hit me in the house as a result of this mistake. Then, she called a taxi and she hit me in the taxi too, for this mistake. Then she told me to buy some bread from the bakery, however, I bought the wrong number of breads and she hit me due to this. My mom hit me due to this again and the taxi driver bought the correct number of breads. Then my mom returned my friend bag to him once we reached my friends house.

     

    Entry number: 114

    Date: 2010

    Grade: 1

    Age: 6

    Who: Mom

     

    One day my mom was preparing me for school and my female cousin came. My mom hit me several times with a belt in-front of my female cousin.

     

    Entry number: 115

    Date: 2010

    Grade: 1

    Age: 6

    Who: Mom

     

    I was in the kitchen with my mom. My mom told me something which I don't remember. Then she gave me a tight slap on my face which made me to feel a burning sensation on my face. My mom asked me whether my face burns and she told me that its a good thing that my face burns.

     

  25. Posted

    Entry number:  101

    Date:  Somewhere between 2014 to 2016

    Grade:  Somewhere between grade 4 to 6

    Age:  Somewhere between 8 to 12

    Who:  Dad

     

    Once, I was going to the mosque with my dad. On the way to the mosque, my dad told me to do something for him which I don't remember. I did not listen to my dad. As a result, my dad punched me hard on my bladder in front of the public while I was going to the mosque with him. I felt a lot of pain. When I came to home back from the mosque, then I told to my mom about this. That night my mom made a big fight with my dad about this.

     

    Entry number:  102

    Date:  During summer months

    Grade:  3

    Age:  9

    Who:  Mom

     

    My mom took a stick and began beating me on my legs. I tried to defend myself with a small gun toy. However, she was hitting so hard that the gun toy broke and her hitting with a stick resulted in a scar on my leg. 

     

    Entry number:  103

    Date:  October

    Grade:  6

    Age:  12

    Who:  Mom

     

    I took the TV remote from my mom without her permission. She found that out that she hit the remote on my head so hard that my head was bleeding. I took ice from the fridge and used it to heal the bleeding place on my head. Later, that bleeding spot turned into a wound on my head. 

     

    Entry number:  104

    Date:  August

    Grade:  3

    Age:  9

    Who:  Mom

     

    It was Eid ul Fitr on this day. Everyone was dressing up with nice clothes. The boys were wearing the beautiful dress of shalwar and kameez. The girls were wearing their traditional dress and applying mehndi on their hands. After the Eid prayer, I came back to home. At home, the family was planning to take pictures of the Eid festivals. However, unexpectedly, my mom gave me a beating in front of everyone on the Eid day. Then, she began to scold me and beat me in front of everyone. After that my aunt came and began to comfort me. After that  incident, my mom beat me once again. I began crying. Then my aunt cleaned my tears from my face by swiping her hands on my face. I will name her S, the wife of my mom's brother. Then the process began for taking the pictures. I was crying in all of them and later my mom showed me the pictures in which, most of them, I was crying.