NatureB

Member
 View profile  See their activity

  • Content count

    191

  • Joined

  • Last visited

Posts posted by NatureB

  2. Posted

    2 hours ago, Shanmugam said:

    Bullying I faced in school led to a lot of humiliation and it affected my self-esteem in the worst possible way....

    @Shanmugam I feel you there brother. These experiences leave a lasting effect on us until we go back and face the feelings consciously.

    One insight I had while working on this area was this: I was prone to being bullied because I wasn't fully valued at home. So the pattern goes back even further into childhood, before the bullying and directly into my childhood home and family dynamics. If I was valued more and attuned to, I would have had the confidence to stand up to bullies, or to tell an adult, or to find some constructive way of dealing with it.

    I'm not saying that to beat myself up, but to get closer to the root of the issue where it all stems from.

    Has anything helped you in particular? Therapy? Psychedelics? etc?

     

  5. Posted

    I was bullied by cousins, my brother, and different "friends" up until 20. It is still something that I am working on, and I've noticed that a lot of my social anxiety and self-worth issues stem from these experiences. Objectively it was nothing horrible such as physical abuse. For me it was more being put down verbally.

    The lesson for me is to have more boundaries around how I will allow myself to be treated. And the work from here on is to forgive and heal :)

  10. Posted

    21 is super young. I'm just a few years older, but looking back on when I was 21, it's like being a baby. Over time you'll come to know yourself more deeply and see that this relationship wasn't meant to last forever. Just use it to learn about yourself, and your next couple of relationships will be exponentially better.

    For the immediate feelings, try journaling, meditating, talking it out, working out, etc.

  11. Posted

    I just stayed on a 3-acre lot where the guy was growing olives, grapes, coffee and misc other things. That way in 5 years he can quit his job and live off wine and olive oil sales. I recommend making it sustainable in that way as well.

    This guy would let people stay for free via some app I forgot the name of, and require them to work 25 hours per week in exchange for 3 daily meals and a place to sleep. He rented out one half of his house on Airbnb and a space where an RV can park. Doing this, he was able to pay his $3,800 monthly mortgage for free. I recommend doing this.

    I'm down to help out. 24, good with tools, motivated. This is also a great time because I am taking a long break from working.

  12. Posted

    I'd say our people average to center. Biden is president and he is basically in the center but leans left. Most people I meet are the old "socially liberal, fiscally conservative."

    But I get the feeling that whatever the answer is to the question is too vague to matter. We have liberals on both coasts and conservatives in rural areas and the middle US states, especially the South.

    As older people die off and younger generations grow up with more Stage Green values, we will go full-left.

  18. Posted

     

    On 3/2/2021 at 9:30 AM, Hanna Luna said:

    Recently, I've been doing a lot of spiritual investigation through deep contemplation, research, listening to other people's experiences and descriptions of reality 'beyond the illusion'. What I've sensed is that when I combine the sexy guru with crazy, but truthful descriptions of what reality really is, a brew of insecurity and deep longing for understanding and validation rises within my body (my sense of self).

    Don't use your understanding of spiritual concepts to beat yourself up. If it helps, use it, otherwise drop it.

    I feel like that 12-year-old girl on Facebook fooling herself into thinking that she had an online, long-distance relationship with Justin Bieber (which was obviously not really him, but I wanted so badly to believe it was) because I was SO desperate for validation, and sexual intimacy at SUCH a young age, for whatever reason. To me, this fake online relationship gave me a sense that I was worthy of sex, intimacy, love, compassion, attraction, connection, and belonging. I craved (crave) validation from those I look up to highly and those people whose traits I strongly admire whether physical or non-physical (intellect, skills, status, sense of humor, charisma, confidence etc.)

    What qualities do these people have that I so desperately want to have myself? Confidence. Why do you want to be confident? Because where there's confidence there's a sense of control and power over one's circumstances. Why do you want that? Because control and power = ability to attract other attractive men who I believe are what I need to feel whole and validated and accepted and loved and wanted. Why do you want to attract men?

    Because growing up, it felt like such an impossibility, something I would never attain, something that wasn't for me, something only to be indulged through imagination because I didn't think of myself as attractive or worthy of being attracted to, I felt worthless and ugly.

    You can work through feelings of shame, embarrassment, not feeling "good enough" or "worthy" as they arise. This ime is a years-long process, so relax a bit :) See if you can state the feeling in the form of a belief. For example "everyone thinks I am weird", "I don't belong here", "they will kick me out of this group", etc.

    On 3/2/2021 at 9:30 AM, Hanna Luna said:

    Why did you feel worthless and ugly? Because society and my family treated me poorly and judged me for my physical appearance/weight. They often reminded me of how I should eat less, eat better, exercise. They reminded me I wasn't enough. They filled me with the belief that I'm only as valuable or as worthy as the value I provide others. When I was younger, that value was giving others a sense of control through surrendering to their orders and doing as they pleased, doing what they were happy seeing me do. I thought my only purpose was to serve others and to do so through manipulating my desires to align with what they wanted from me. I still believe this to be what gives me worth/value. Of course, society only deems you as worthy as what you can do for it because of the level of consciousness it's at. 

    I am sorry for the traumas you have endured growing up and I empathize with you.

    On 3/2/2021 at 9:30 AM, Hanna Luna said:

    When I was younger, having been a native Spanish speaker, my ability to articulate myself in English wasn't great and because I spoke two different languages and attempted to utilize/learn about both simultaneously, it made developing a level of expertise in either language more difficult. I didn't like the feeling of inadequacy I derived from my inability to properly articulate myself or speak English (what I believed to be the superior language) with a Hispanic accent. I found this wasn't admirable or a sign of competence/intelligence so I was very hard on myself whenever anyone would point out flaws within this category in myself ie. pointing out my accent or not understanding what I was saying. I worked very hard to develop my vocabulary, and notice that I still beat myself up for not having the largest vocabulary or when I stumble on my words (a sign of incompetence which I believe to be dangerous for whatever reason). I pride myself heavily on my intellect, knowledge, and my ability to come off that way around others. Like Connor Murphy, I've built my identity around this, the way he had around his body. If you take this away from me, from my perspective, I'm worthless. I feel I'm only as valuable as the ideas/solutions I provide myself and others. I know that isn't fair, and I know that isn't true Self-Love.

    How do I go about solving these deep-rooted issues and insecurities? Through acceptance? Through letting go? To what degree? You need an identity to function in society, right? Is pride and the idea of further developing the parts of your identity to which you're attached not what pushes you forward in self-actualization and spiritual development? Without a yearning, why do it at all? Without a sense of worth or purpose, how is one meant to feel any desire to change one's self? I fear that if I break my ego down or "let go" of the things I pride myself on, I'll no longer have the ability to function in society cause I'll either have a psychotic break or enter a level of depression I won't be able to crawl my way out of.

    The fear of a psychotic break is just that, another fear. Let it go how you let go of anything else. Have you read Letting Go by David R. Hawkins yet? Highly recommend it.

    On 3/2/2021 at 9:30 AM, Hanna Luna said:

    Context: 21-year old INTP female

    Goal: To love myself and others unconditionally, and break free from false beliefs to embrace life, both the good and the bad without resisting it (as a result of my past trauma, false beliefs, false ideologies, etc.). The only way I've found this to be possible is to identify my past trauma and work through it via psychotherapy, talk-therapy, so I guess I'm looking for some external guidance/support/context on my problems.

    Ime psychotherapy is slow without the use of a practice on your own, such as meditation, yoga. A lot of people on this forum seem to like holotropic breathing.

     

  23. Posted · Edited by NatureB
    Did not answer the question

    Neil Strauss and Ingrid de La O seem to have a successful relationship with a lot of love, The yoga instructor Adriene Mishler on YouTube as "Yoga with Adriene" seems to be happy and positive, and I can't imagine her having a toxic relationship at all. Leo also said in his video about having a vision for what the actualized life can look like for you is that you can have a highly conscious relationship with almost no fighting and no drama, if you only do the work on yourself and read the best books.

    Leo has a couple good books about this topic on his book list. The Truth by Neil Strauss one from my personal library that I would recommend (it isn't on Leo's list though.)

     

    1. I don't think highly successful couples get attached to the label they use if they decide to use one.

    2. I believe people who were raised to be securely attached to their parents can have a successful relationship with no problems. Other people need to work out their attachment issues and learn healthy ways of relating, showing their needs, being vulnerable, etc.

  24. Posted

    Something practical you can do is journal to see what exactly about this situation and your mom triggers you, and then write about how you have that same circumstance or personal trait/characteristic in your life. If you think your mom is undisciplined, ask how am I undisciplined? Teal Swan has a great video about projection that you can look up. Her process is this:

    1. How is it good for this person to be this way?

    2. Why might it be bad for them to be the opposite way?

    3. How is it good for me to be the opposite way?

    4. Why might it be bad or bring me pain to be that way?

    This gives you compassion for the other persons situation, and shows you where you need to work on yourself :)

  25. Posted

    We can only advise you so much. Find a way to afford therapy and go regularly. Read books outside of therapy like those on Leo's book list, and develop a strong yoga or meditation practice. I recommend yoga because it tones the body which makes you more attractive and makes you feel better about yourself, and you can do it at home with free programs on YouTube. Even if you don't get a therapist, take your healing into your own hands. You need to develop a strong conceptual framework through reading high quality books. That will teach you where to put your focus and what questions to ask to get the best answers and results in life.

    Realize that you cannot heal overnight, because you didn't get fragmented overnight. This will take time. If you do a little bit more work on yourself each day, that is good and that is enough. Do your best and let the chips fall where they may.