IuliannaSalamandra

Emotional attachment and depression

6 posts in this topic

I want to talk about my problem. First of all I want to tell about myself. I am 17 y.o. girl and I live with my family.
I'm interested in psychology, spirituality, personal development. I'm trying to be real with people and with myself. I feel myself terrible.
I decided to take a gap year before college and it was a bad decision. But I've been going to the gym every day. I felt pretty good here, but something went wrong. I "fell in love"with fitness instructor and she is a woman. It's happened to me in before. I had emotional attachment to teachers in my school. I had depression and anxiety because of it.
Now I realize that I have emotional attachment to my fitness instructor because of childhood trauma. When I was a child I had selective mutism +problems with health. I was unable to communicate with my classmates and teachers. I was able to communicate only with my family. I was very shy and my classmates never understood me. I was bullied. Kids hated and judged me. I was very lonely and isolated. Also I never had good relations with my mother and grandma. My father never lived with and he doesn't care about me.
Now I feel that I don't have a reason to wake up. My life is absolutely empty and I am tired of this. I can't go to the gym anymore, because my family can't afford it, but I don't have money and unable to work. But I am very attached to this place and to person in this place. I always have obsessive thoughts about this woman and I always want to see her. I am not interested in life,because I feel powerless.
I am very lonely. I don't have friends and can't normally communicate with people. I am lying in my bed all day . I have internet addiction and eating disorder. I eat to much and I can't stop it. I am tired of all coping mechanisms. I feel like I am absolutely depended on my family. I feel like I am depended emotionaly on woman from the gym. I tried to find a hobby, to find some friends,to meditate, but it led my to pain and dissapointment. I don't want to live life like this. But maybe I deserve to live such a miserable life. I don't know, I just can't handle this shit anymore.Sorry for my english. 

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@IuliannaSalamandra Take it easy. It seems like you’ve dug yourself a rather deep trench. It will take some work to get yourself out of there.

I advise you to buy the book ‘Loving What Is.’ It talkes about a shadow work technique known as The Work. Take it up as a practice. Do it every day.

Also, try watching this video for starters:

 


"To think I know something is a fearful state of mind.” — Byron Katie

 

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On 1/4/2019 at 9:54 AM, IuliannaSalamandra said:

I had depression and anxiety because of it.

That’s the problem right there. That’s not true, and it sucks living a lie.

The truth is, you’re the one saying you can’t be happy without someone else. You did it with different people since childhood, trying to fill a hole. 

On 1/4/2019 at 9:54 AM, IuliannaSalamandra said:

I feel powerless

Read a book on self esteem. 

You don’t need anyone to be happy. 

Your issue is simple, common, overthinking.

Educate yourself and practice, just like everyone else.


  Nonduality & Meditations          Have You Worked On Your Alone?

Empty your head, fulfill your heart       

 

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4 hours ago, Nahm said:

Your issue is simple, common, overthinking.

Educate yourself and practice, just like everyone else.

this is so true. I have social anxiety, and my issues always flare up intensely when im not doing anything/procrastinating. Like when i "zone out" in school my mind automatically starts overthinking, looking for things to pick on (that person just looked at me, what does that mean, do i have a burger in my nose?). I guess the mind is built to analyze stuff and stay active (dont use it and you lose it) so when your not using it, it starts to look at other things to analyze (in our case overanalyze :D  ) 

So firstly you should start being present with what your doing as much as possible (reading/workingout/nature walks/etc)

However you need to address the reason why the mind wants to wander in the first place and overanalyze. This is something that therapy can fix best. It literally rewires your brain. The second best thing is Self inquiry stuff like Byron Katies work as @How to be wise said, if therapy isnt currently an option. (but i think the only way to get to the bottom of the mommy issues is through therapy). Writing out your feelings in a journal or drawing them out daily helps too. 

On 1/4/2019 at 3:54 PM, IuliannaSalamandra said:

I tried to find a hobby, to find some friends,to meditate, but it led my to pain and dissapointment.

going through pain is the hardest thing ever but it if you accept it,see it for what it is, and try to face the pain head on (by therapy/the work/journaling) it will lead to happiness.

I wish you the best of luck <3. You are not alone. 

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Dear IuliannaSalamand,

You are being too harsh on yourself. Don't let this type of negativity control you. You are worth all of the happiness in this world like everyone else. It's natural what you are suffering from, these things happen to teenagers like you because of the hormonal changes. That doesn't mean it's abnormal. It is completely normal and happens with every teenager. The difference is that some are able to cope with it and some are not. But you have to be strong and if you want you can consult this psychic, Martine voyance online. She will help you and give solutions to your problems. Go to her official website (http://www.martine-voyance.com/). All the best girl.

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