Osaid

"Man" in this scenario refers to an animated character, not an actual man. I'm saying that you somehow became attracted to features that don't exist in real life, because as you said you don't like real life men, so there is something in the animated character that is attractive which you can't find in real life men.

Your situation is super similar to mine, if that gives you any comfort. I'm also 17 and contemplating this stuff, feeling pretty lost. I feel like I'm interested in so many things, can't really pinpoint what I wanna do with those interests. Kind of like paralysis by analysis. I have feared this as well

https://www.actualized.org/insights/metaphysics-vs-epistemology

I wouldn't overthink it. Anime characters can have certain features that are impossible to emulate in real life, or features that are extra feminine that are in men. You might have somehow become attracted to those features. Sexual attraction can be nuanced like this. Someone can make an anime character that looks a lot like a girl and label it as a "man", it's not as binary as some people think. There is not gonna be some specific label or gender to help define you here. You might wanna take a break from porn or masturbation and see what happens, maybe you are too caught up in sexual fantasies. Otherwise, I'm not sure what it really means, or if it is necessarily bad.

I remember you talking about wild dreams, it's probably caused by your lack of sleep and low quality sleep. It seems like you've associated sleep with something negative or scary, and it is perpetuating itself that way because of that, kind of like a self-fulfilling cycle. Although, I can't say 100% what your problem is or if that is accurate. Here are some basic tips for a good sleep environment: -Keep your room cold. It's better to have your room cool than hot, you sleep better in a cooler temperature -Keep your room as dark as possible, close curtains if you need too -Blue light will wake you up. If you have your curtains open, blue light will come in from outside in the morning and naturally wake you up. This is a normal and natural mechanism, but in your case you wanna go into a really deep sleep so maybe just close your curtains and avoid it as much as possible for now. -Having white noise, such as from a fan, can help significantly in helping you fall asleep -Avoid caffeine -Don't do exercise near sleeping time

For the experience of physical stuff. You can't have two different experiences at the same time, if that's what you would consider to be unbiased. You can't be a dog and a kangaroo at the same time, you have to fully become either thing. If God switched to pure blank, you would say the bias is that there is no physical stuff. But, in order to experience either situation, aspects from each need to be negated. It's also noteworthy to be conscious of the fact that you're ultimately just imagining bias, because you're imagining that there is an experience that is other than what is right now, and that you can't access it. This current experience is all there is. Even hypothesizing about a different potential experience is just extrapolation, because the only experience is your current one. Consciousness wanted to experience you thinking that it is biased, and in order to do that it had to make you imagine some experience of empty blankness that you can't access. Although, it's not like you are unable to experience a "pure blank". I have experienced it before. It doesn't take any extra effort for the universe to experience what it is like to be a human than to be in a state of pure nothingness. "Pure blank" is not some special default state of consciousness that is fundamentally different from normal experiences, it is just another experience in the vast ocean of experiences.

I don't think empty blankness is more "pure" or "original" than any other experience, that's just some bias you've come up with. It's still just one state out of infinity. I think a state of empty blankness simply makes nothingness easier to understand or see, and so you are equating that to being more accurate to nothingness than other experiences. An "endless blankness" is still a manifestation of potential, it is still something that you experience. Going for a walk in the park is as close to nothingness as a state of endless blankness, that's what it means for the dualities to collapse.

I don't see it tbh

I don't think it has much of an affect, at least in my experience. I played plenty of violent games when I was young and it didn't really make me violent or anything, I'm the exact opposite. I think the only way it would affect someone like that is if the person already had issues and the video game provided an ideology that helped encourage those issues to grow. Most people realize that it is just a video game and that everything displayed wouldn't fly in real life. Otherwise, when it comes to the addictive aspect, I think video games are like eating cake or drinking alcohol. It has potential for bad and also good. Enjoy in moderation. I think most people play for the mechanics and plot, not strictly for violence. People usually don't rate games based on how violent they are. The thing with FPS games is that you somehow have to make the game make sense in regards to it being an FPS (First Person Shooter), and generally the idea that comes to mind with that genre is that you shoot things/people, so it is hard to not have it be somewhat violent. I'm sure there are video games that cater to people who like more violent things, but I think it is a niche thing and doesn't necessarily apply to popular violent games such as COD and Assassin's Creed. There probably is a group of people out there who crave violence, and they would enjoy games related to that. We have boxing as a sport after all. But, I don't think most people are focusing on the degree of violence when they pick out a game like COD. I think the much bigger problem with video games is how addictive it can be, rather than how violent it is.

Spiritual benefits are everywhere, even in seemingly mundane or arbitrary activities. You tend to get benefits whenever you put yourself out of your comfort zone, that's what makes you evolve or grow. I can bet even just deciding to clean your room will have a significant spiritual affect. People take such activities for granted. "How you do one thing is how you do everything" Is a quote that comes to mind. Now you have a mindset which allows you to approach people with ease, but that mindset can also be used in other areas of life, not just approaching. Yeah, tackling social stuff like this is a huge hurdle for introverts. Good on you.

I've had weird sexual dreams before. Not with the same sex, but rather with family members. I'm not sure if it is accurate to any of your actual sexual desires, we do a lot of things in dreams that you would never do irl. I had a dream before where I was a serial killer killing people for fun.

lol if you squint it actually just looks like Leo

Intermittent fasting, reducing carbs

Even though the universe cannot lie to you, you can look at truth and become deluded by it. So then, what becomes true is your delusion about reality. A lie is something that describes reality inaccurately, that is what is true about it. If someone tells you "Santa Claus is real", what is true is that someone said some words to you. However, your mind might take that experience, all of which is true, and believe that some magical being named Santa Claus exists somewhere in the world. And so, what also becomes true is your delusion about reality.

Fasting

After the watery semen went away, I was left with the same situation. It fixed itself after I started masturbating more regularly. I thought that if I start masturbating more, it will make my body produce more semen, and I guess it worked. I think the abstinence must have signaled to your body that it doesn't need to produce as much anymore. I have also heard other people experiencing the same thing: https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/low-semen-volume-since-i-started-nofap.230946/ https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/relapse-low-semen-volume-libido.62975/ https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/nofap-increases-or-decreases-the-ejaculation-volume.263566/ No problem.

Prostatic fluid is a normal thing that accompanies sexual arousal. I wouldn't say it's that concerning, it seems your body does a pretty good job of flushing it out once you climax. Although, a lot of it can build up sometimes. I'm not a doctor, but I can intuit that the reason your semen has so much volume after edging or foreplay is because all the prostatic fluid that is being built up is getting excreted out. If your problem is truly one of the prostate, then I guess the solution is figuring out how to prevent an excess of prostatic fluid from building up. Might I mention, the "watery semen" that I experienced after no-fap looked very similar to prostatic fluid, it was probably a large amount of prostatic fluid but not a lot of actual sperm. So, there is definitely some interesting stuff that happens with the prostate during no-fap, although I myself haven't looked much into it. I think you did a good job by listening to your body. I think fluid build up in the prostate is a common problem in the no-fap community, I do remember reading posts about it. I personally haven't gone 90 days or experienced anything with the prostate where I felt a "pain" or "blockage", but there are quite a few posts online you can find about other people's experiences with it: https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/3k7h0u/ejaculation_and_the_prostate/ https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/prostatitis-frustrating.193095/ https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/semen-leakage-during-reboot.21298/ https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/6n31bk/two_years_of_nofap_gave_me_prostatitis/ I'm not sure if it is wise to push through any sort of feeling of "blockage" or "pain", I think your prostate was under a lot of pressure or something. Then, there is the other side of the argument where they say that frequent masturbation has caused your body to produce too much prostatic fluid, and that abstinence will help it adapt. Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be a lot of conclusive or scientific info on this, all we know is that it is a problem regarding excess build-up in the prostate. I'm personally on the side of listening to your body, your body is usually smarter than you when it comes to this stuff. IME, forcing things when it comes to no-fap often leads to more bad than good. You can probably still do no-fap, but maybe consider stopping when it causes physical pain. My only advice for reducing build-up is preventing sexual arousal, cause you'll only produce more of it if your body feels it is sexually active. And, if you're gonna start taking supplements to reduce it, I think that's a good indication that what you're doing isn't healthy and that it is against what your body wants.

Prostate is a good guess, and it is located in the spot which you described. It does sound like a prostate matter to me. Did you edge a lot during the abstinence? Abstinence does seem to create a build up of prostatic fluid in the prostate, especially if you're edging during it or getting aroused a lot. I also experienced low amounts of semen after coming out of no-fap, and it was pretty watery too. It fixed itself after I started masturbating more regularly, so I would say it's a somewhat normal reaction. Just out of curiosity, did you experience a flatline during the abstinence? A period where your libido just completely vanished? Yeah, I was the same. It seems abstinence is much more nuanced than people give it credit for.

Good shit. I recently did a 36 hour water fast and it cured my anger issues, cured my emotional instability, made me much more grateful and happy, made me much more calmer and stable, etc. My head just feels more "clear" or "lighter" now. I used to get mad at the littlest things before the fast. I hypothesize it must have removed a bunch of toxins from my body or something. I also take some of the stuff you mentioned, such as zinc and vitamin d3. Our physical health is so important and very interlinked with our spiritual and mental health. It felt like I was half-awake before the fast and I didn't notice it. I will also say that I was also intermittent fasting for about 6 months before that, and it didn't have nearly as much of an affect as the 36 hour fast did. It's been about 4 days since then and I still have the benefits, so it looks like they're gonna stay for the long-term in conjunction with the daily intermittent fasting. 90% of people are probably walking around with shitty body chemistry and don't notice it, I certainly didn't. I can see why people are so irritable nowadays.

I think I did make that mistake before. There is a state of consciousness which could be referred to as "pure consciousness", and it can be felt throughout all of experience, although identifying with that specifically isn't too accurate.

Nice. These types of superficial dualities are everywhere. It's a good thing to start recognizing, it will boost your contemplations.

Human minds are very sophisticated and intelligent, and as a result so are their delusions. The more complex your mind is, the more complex your delusions will be.

Nice

I think it's better and more efficient to let natural light in via a curtain or simply by going outside. The blue-light from outside will naturally wake you up if you leave your curtain open.

Do you use earphones a lot? I noticed that I always have earphones on while using my phone, and surprisingly it has a big effect on keeping me plugged into the phone. When I take them off, it is much easier to leave my phone and it instantly makes me feel more present and awake. Seems to be some sort of psychological thing.