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Everything posted by Annonymous

  1. Is anything true if it's believed enough? Like how in a dream you can only manifest stuff within the dream like flying, etc if you believe you can? I know this may sound stupid but does what many call real life work like dreams in that believing enough can do different stuff even psychic powers, etc.
  2. I took a test online to see which chakras I need to work on. My root chakra, sacral chakra, crown chakra being the least opened chakras.
  3. I don't know what to do, I was raised in a christian household. I seem to be pansexual, but still hold my christian roots to some degree which brings self-hatred. I'm also an 11 in numerology life path, everything in my life feels out of control. Even though it has gotten better, I don't really feel like there's even a person (me) even here for an example writing this message. How am I supposed to move on when there's no sense of I, like no one is here. I don't know what I want, and feel kinda irritated because till I know what/who I am then I'm just wasting time. Recently many people found out about my sexuality,guess one of the people told another person til it got out to more people. I even lost one of my best friends due to my sexuality.
  4. Looking at my self-hatred there's mostly just fear. Christ taught to love, (I don't know why I turn Christ into a devil). Sorry for the late reply
  5. I thought about it some more and a couple of reasons I don't like my sexuality because I feel like it just make me weak somehow. I could more easily accept my sexuality then my gender dysphoria, but still would be difficult(but I have to accept both which seems near impossible). I have enjoyed my sexuality at times but self-hatred immediately comes back after triggers arise. I have always wanted to be a leader but I feel like to be a leader I have to somehow be straight and especially remove my gender dysphoria. Reason I have been questioning who I am so much is because I'm trying to figure out where my gender dysphoria and sexuality came from.(along where did I come from, lastly where did everything/everyone come from) I lost one of my best friends to my sexuality + gender dysphoria. I didn't want anyone to find out but people have more and more found out. I lived most of my life in dissociation/traumatic shock(I'm 19.5 years old btw) because I was sexually abused as a child most of my childhood. I later got into spirituality because of having sleep paralysis then meeting some being, a being that has showed up in my dreams ever since I was 15 years old. At times I can love myself but as soon as triggers show up I immediately began hating myself again over my sexuality + gender dysphoria. I eventually discovered my sexuality and gender dysphoria when I was younger as I did meditation, etc. I have also have done shamanic breathing quite a bit(helped a bunch, got me to began healing from my past to some degree) . More memories have continued to come up whether they are random or if they are traumatic.
  6. Basically bisexual but more steps. (You know that meme, because bisexual being sexually attracted to 2 genders, yes there's only 2 genders). There's masculine and feminine energies, feminine acts a certain way, and masculine acts another way. The so called other genders are just traits coming from the feminine + masculine energies mixed but different degrees.(Honestly needs a different name/term, not to be foolishly thought as more than 2 genders, genders are basically body types with there being only 2 body types designed for reproduction). So by being pansexual you aren't just attracted to both genders as the term holds the meaning of, but different combined energies(feminine, masculine), or then we could go as far as to say personalities. So as I have explained, you can just call me bisexual. I mean I guess I have some sort of sense of "I", being that certain choices affect my body/environment(so I should be careful in what choices I make), but what I mean is I don't feel connected to really anything or anyone. Sorry for any confusion, maybe its' dissociation or extreme depression. Main reasons for self-hatred is being raised in a Christian household, if Christianity is correct then I will go to hell to having same sex, etc. Other reason being that I feel like I'll be at some sort of disadvantage(basically discriminated against), and I want to do something big with my life, but being discriminated against mostly jobs could limit my success. Then more other than that, I'm trans, or let's say for weird reason I want to dress feminine(I don't understand why). Only thing I can come up with is because when I was younger, I was sexually abused from 5 years to 13 years old, my sisters would dress me up as a woman, etc. I believe that it must be mental conditioning or something, I have hate to myself because more than just being bi no one will take me seriously if they know I'm trans, especially being trans. I have done shamanic breathing a bunch, and keep doing it, because maybe there's trauma or something. My biggest obstacle from getting enlightenment is this inner conflict within myself, also from being happy.
  7. Not sure any advice I could give but just know that you aren't alone, I suffer from depression almost 24/7. If you ever need to talk I'm here for you
  8. I am trying to make connections between religions in my work of going through non-duality. If you have anything helpful to help me through this process of making these connections I'd appreciate it.
  9. Sorry I believe I may have posted this in the wrong section, if it is please move it, thanks.
  10. Hey I have been having dissociation extremely bad some may say, been having ego death like crazy and I seem to loose everything quite a bit of the thought that I'm everything and everything is me, that time is just an allusion, etc. That everything going on is just a story, and I'm in this body viewing all the body's thoughts, watching people and everything like it's a movie. Any advice on handling this stuff, I'm 11 in numerology so it seems like enlightenment is coming regardless so I can't just forget it, in one of Leo's videos he talks about the dangers of enlightenment but enlightenment chose me it feels like. There's no going back and only forwards for this journey for me I have seen way too much at this point.
  11. I want to add something, may be completely pointless, hopefully it adds to the title of please help. Ug feeling irritated, it feels like spirit guides, any god any religion prays to doesn't exist because i've tried before and nothing. People claim that they can talk to entities(Spirit Guides, Gods, etc) yet if I try nothing happens just me sitting and getting frustrated with zero response. For some reason in the past and at times I'll hear my name being called and if I respond nothing happens. This happens randomly and no one is there calling my name yet I hear it being called. Only has happen a few times in the past and one time today, keep dreaming that I speak with some entity or while I sleep or even with a group of entities. Makes no sense yet the dreams feel extremely real. Some people if asked where they think they are would say in their head, yet somehow I feel like I'm everywhere like I'm not really in this body. Don't even know how to explain this type of feeling I have completely and hope it makes sense.
  12. Why does the ego freakout when facing that it's not real,etc?
  13. I'm 19 and a half years old, began lucid dreaming and astroprojecting when I was 15-16 years old. I had first worked to open the third eye when I was like 16 years old.
  14. I have chronic fatigue, sinus issues, gastrointestinal reflux, high blood pressure, stress 24/7, rhynalds in both my hands in feet( a condition that during stress or cold temperatures blood flow gets cut off, so for an example my feet or my hands blood flow is cut off for that time), constipation/diarrhea quite a bit, bloated once in awhile. It makes it very difficult to really get anything done due to having chronic fatigue, and as the day goes by the chronic fatigue gets even worse. To fight the chronic fatigue I consume caffeine every day , but if I am not careful my finger for an example will start twitching, I even will have muscle spasms.
  15. Which politician running for President in 2020 are you voting for? Looking for which is the most conscious, and higher up on spiral dynamics. I know I won't be voting for Trump, in the past I used to be a Trump supporter but quit supporting him the beginning of this year. I never voted for him though because I was too young to vote, currently 19 and a half so this will be my first election to vote in.
  16. That's what's up, love his work and making progress step by step.
  17. On pills and supplements, I take Ibuprofen quite a bit due to sinus and head aches along with that my gums are slightly inflamed. Started taking Ginseng, Ginkgo Biolba, Papaya Enzyme, a week ago and been taking multivitamins almost everyday.
  18. I drink like 2-3 cans of mountain dew a day, tv dinners such as Michelina's and Banquet. Chicken Alfredo Brocolli, mash potatoes, meatloaf, broccoli rice and cheese mix, spinach once in awhile, Mac and Cheese, Pizza Snack rolls, fish sticks, mozzarella sticks, Chicken, Salisbury steak with gravy. Mazzios Pizza once every 2 weeks.
  19. What keeps you from sleeping is stress/tension within your body, worries/fears of what may happen in the future, regrets, lastly caffeine and different drugs, high blood pressure can also be an issue.
  20. I'll check it out, and I appreciate that you are here for me if I need to talk. @Devi Shanti
  21. I haven't ever tried psychotherapy before, I did take some therapy when I told my parents what happened. I was like 13 years old when I told my parents how I had been sexually abused since I was like 5. My parents immediately took me to therapy, at the time I was uncomfortable talking about it so I pretended that I was fine in order to stop talking about it. But years later I was still uncomfortable about it, in March my Grandma had passed away along with my cousin Nathan who sexually abused me was there as well. At first before everyone got ready to start at the funeral I saw Nathan and began to feel nervous, anxiety and ended up crying so much that I was shaking. Later afterwards my cousin Nathan had his older brother tell me how he was sorry for what he did, he even had tears in his eyes. My cousin Nathan when he was younger an older man was sexually abusing him, he had told his mom but his mom didn't do anything about it till Nathan ended up sexually abusing me as a child. I told him that I had forgiven him in which he had asked if he could give me a hug but I said no out of being uncomfortable. @Devi Shanti
  22. I feel like a woman, attracted to both trans women and women. I recently been questioning myself and discovered that I like trans women just as much as I like women, I am afraid of coming out but I know that if I don't I am going to remain depressed and alone. I keep seeming to have dreams that I am a woman.I am single and it seems like I enjoy anal which I tried using a long carrot, and I loved it quite a bit. I have had self hatred for years but due to Leo's videos I have slowly decreased my self hatred and have learned to love myself. Do you have any advice? Am I like this because I was sexually abused from like 5 -13 years old, hormone imbalance? In the past I have almost committed suicide like 4 times @Devi Shanti I even have a crush on a Shellya Wandergirlt a trans porn star.
  23. According to a Masculine/Feminine test, I range from 81% feminine and 36% masculine
  24. When I took a chromosome test a year or two ago the doctor said there was a problem with my chromosomes yet they didn't really have any information on what issues could be caused or any effects from the chromosomes.
  25. Just had a thought along with some research to explain to some degree why I must feel like a woman. When I was younger due to child hood abuse along with being pushed to be tough, I felt that one thing I needed was facial hair. I come from an Indian background where facial hair is very rare which led me into taking herbs for an example that would block dht for an example for hair growth, what I also didn't realize is I was that not only did dht play a role in masculinizing the body but also many herbs I was taking as well had phyto-estrogens in them. I also would stay up for days to a week quite often, plus extreme stress which both contribute to decreasing testosterone. Plus throw in some alcohol which disrupts hormone imbalance, I have very little boob tissue as well. Where as men usually have big shoulders, I have medium to small structured shoulders very similar to a woman's. Lastly I have had child hood trauma from child hood abuse that happened from around 5 - 13 years old. Plus in my genetics I have long eye lashes like a woman, according to a face scan when I had long hair (I had cut it trying to please the judge but currently decided to fuck that I am growing it back since April this year) my face was 90+ % feminine. I also have mostly hanged around women in my life.