Loving Radiance

Description of the process: During vipassana meditation the third eye will eventually begin to exert a pulsating pressure. When intensely focussing on that sensation and descending into it, all of perception seems to be fully encompassed by this force. Then two pressure points seem to appear which are located over the oral cavity. They feel strong and filled with enormous energy which are now enabled be seen for awareness. Sometimes it feels like a stuffy nose but with pressure on the whole forehead with the two points at its peak pressure. Then usually the mind interprets the pressure as blood veins. The veins seem to explode at any second just by descending into the sensation. The imagery and imagined sensation of exploding veins and resulting inner bleeding seem to be life threatening. The knowing that I could die from going further is overwhelming. Then concentration is willfully ceased, and the usual scanning of the body continues. Am I afraid to lose my identity? Could it be a threshold guardian or a calling – from hero’s journey lens it makes sense. Speaking of lenses, I wear glasses since a decade; It could be a cause. I do not wear them during meditation. Anyhow, this searching for a root cause could also be a distraction. Your 2 cents?

@inFlow What an insight. Thank you. Reminds me of when I got to a playground and sat myself on one of these.

@inFlow So, ignoring third eye and crown chakra for now and going for the chakras below?

@mandyjw My tongue is on the top of my mouth. My jaw is slightly open and relaxed; my mouth is closed.

It is useful to study lower consciousness to recognize higher consciousness. You can still cling to, identify with and be attached to lower consciousness material. If you are not conscious, you can be sucked in. At a certain point you discover your own selfishness because you studied it on others. Then you will have the insight that you are them, vive versa. It is like hide and seek, where you are simultaneously hiding and seeking yourself. It gives me a good feeling when I see that I am not different from others, that there are still parts of humanness which I want to deny.

The Witness brought me to Rupert Spira. Although at first, I thought that nonduality was bs, I had the feeling that there was more to it.

@Nahm Thanks for the map. I hope I can let it go someday.

Since Leo published the video about his 13 Back-to-Back Awakenings, I seem to have developed a capability to cry and then laugh at will. I don't know if I am emotionally unstable, distracting myself from consciousness work or just on the path towards awakening. This occurs when I become conscious and see the beauty of reality with all my senses. I sense the beauty of the moment and seem to be grateful for this experience. I sense the process to cry when I imagine the unimaginable extend of Love (note that I have a very vivid imagination because of my upbringing). I cry when seeing goodness and selflessness in human form. I cry when I see heaven on earth, especially when something extraordinary enters my awareness or when I observe mundane manifestation in detail and adore its beauty. I cry when being conscious of my unfulfilled needs. I cry when imagining the unimaginable potential of existence. Crying seems to be the way of dealing with pure beautiful and imperfect (from human perspective) human existence. I begin to laugh when I see the process/dynamic of crying and it seeming meaninglessness. It occurs meaningless because when I am aware of the imagination of Love, I see no reason to whine but to laugh. Although, I cry again when seeing that laughing is meaningless. After some random time, I seize control and go on with daily life. As you can see, I willfully initiate and end the experience (do I fool myself here?). Maybe I cry because I see the difference (distinction) between me and Love. I see Love to be separated from me and when I imagine Love being me, I cry. Maybe I feel undeserving of being purely Loving and Selfless (contrary to I 'seem to be grateful'). Maybe I am fully aware of human boundaries and am not able to comprehend Love. Maybe I am aware of my selfishness. Maybe I am seeing how much work has to be done and feel threatened in my existence. Now having it written down, I am not sure if these sentences contain any real description of the experience. I leave it up to you to make sense of it. What is your perspective?