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Posts posted by crab12

  1. There's a an inner conflict in you. You want to say something nasty back at your grandmother because she is being toxic but another part of you recognizes that you don't want to say something hurtful because it would degrade the relationship further. Both sides of you have a valid point. The thing to do if you have inner conflict is to explore both of your motives and try to come up with a solution that satisfies both sides of you (WIN-WIN essentially).

    Even though it's true that you have toxic beliefs because of the way she acts, realize that you can heal yourself from them, they don't have to be with you for the rest of your life. She acquired them from her parents, she's a victim of victims, and she lacked the awareness to change them herself. But you don't, you have the awareness to break the chain and not inherit this to your kids someday.

    You recognize that telling her "she is a miserable person and will die unhappy" is hurtful. But do you want to cause just hurt? Or do you want her to see that yelling at you or your brother is not okay? And eventually build a functional, non-toxic, good, respectful relationships in your family?

    It's incredibly difficult for people to understand criticism, especially when it has a hurtful or accusatory tone. So if you say to her "you is a miserable person and will die unhappy" she will get offended and feel hurt and angry. She's not going to see that what you are actually trying to tell her is "it is not okay with me that you yelled at my brother".

    Asserting for other people generally doesn't work too well. But you can say something like "when you yelled at my brother and told him to do XYZ I felt angry and annoyed because it felt disrespectful towards him". You can probably come up with a better sentence than me as you know the situation better. But the point is to accurately state what she did that crossed your or your brother's boundary and the negative emotions you felt. And to say it in a way that is not hostile, accusatory or blaming. Meaning you protect your boundary but do it in a non-aggressive way. This is how you slowly end the cycle of toxicity and build up a healthy relationship.

    edit: And if you do assert yourself in this way, then be prepared to listen to what your grandmother has to say. She will probably be hostile and blameful. Do not get sucked into an argument. Honestly try to understand her and repeat back to her how you understand her "you feel angry at my brother because you feel that he doesn't help you around the house and you have to do all the work and you feel unappreciated". Or whatever she is saying to you.

  2. @Anubis

    The peasant from the middle ages thinks to himself "Wow I hate my job. I work 8 hours every day on my lords fields, then when I come home, I have barely enough energy to work on my own fields or make salt pork for the winter! All I want is to be a famous lyre player who gets all the wenches or an explorer like Columbus or Polo!". Then doubts start creeping in on the peasant. "But I have to work on the lords fields, otherwise he'll beat me again. And I won't survive the winter or be able to afford 5g pigeon network! And father wants me to inherit the farm. And I suck at the lyre! I can't even read! I have no idea where to start as an explorer! God, why have you cursed me like this??"


    Deep down that farmer would have wanted to be an explorer

    The peasants true self (the thing he deep down wants the most) is to be an explorer. But he isn't one, he's a stinky peasant. He's actual self is out of alignment with his true self.

    But he just thought about it, and it's absolutely impossible for him to be an explorer. There's no way. He has to peasant away at the farm. He'll never be an esteemed lyre player. So he gets depressed and anxious. He doesn't want to think about this depressing thought that he'll be a lowly stinky peasant for the rest of his life. He pushes this painful thought out of his mind. He no longer even remembers the original thought but still feels the crippling depression and anxiety. So he goes to the pharmacy for advice.
    "Why is this depression and anxiety torturing me for absolutely no reason at all?"
    "It's the chemical imbalance in the liver, too much bile. An awful modern curse", answers the voice behind the plague mask. "Here, take these pills made out of marinated cadaver eyeballs and dried cat testicles. They'll numb you and you'll no longer feel any emotions, including depression and anxiety. You're welcome."
    "Thanks, I'll take those pills. Yeah that'll solve the problem. I'm not going to do something crazy like run away from the farm to a free city! That's dangerous and uncomfortable. I might even die out there!"

  3. 22 hours ago, Mindfang413 said:

    what is life? What is death? Why does it exist? What is its purpose? Why does anything exist? Is everything just mechanical? Does the universe and anything beyond only exist simply because it just does and for no reason? If everything that is, is meaningless, then how does life have any significance either if its part of it?

    how and why do I exist?

    Can you give your current best answers to these questions? I'd like to see how they are different from mine.


    My biggest problem is ... there is no objective meaning to any of it. Theres even no meaning to god if he exists. God has his own meaning i guess as an entity and creator but he has no purpose either.

    A teacher, I highly respect, once talked about karmic yoga, which was very profound to me. He explained: "What is karmic yoga? Very simple, It's two things. First, you discover your true self. And after that, you fulfill your god-given purpose." That right there is the recipe for a meaningful life, or the elusive path to happiness.

    What is your purpose in life? You can always feel it in your gut. You probably know it as the feeling of want. The thing that you deep down want the most in life. That's it. God literally wants you to do what you want to do. But until you discover your true self you will not accurately know what you want.

    And what is true self? Obviously you are not it right now as you said it yourself - "I feel totally fucked up". Anxiety and depression are telling you the same thing. Feeling fucked up is you recognizing that you are out of alignment with your true self.

    Imagine, your true self is a mirror, but it has been shattered into a hundred pieces. You want to mend those shards back together into one. Anxiety and depression are a good clue to start with. Why are you depressed? Why do you feel anxious? If you are from a western country then I'm going to assume it's because your family and upbringing was dysfunctional and now you are unable to form close, intimate, enduring, meaningful relationships and you feel chronically alone and in pain. Also you have the same dysfunctional relationship with yourself, as with other people. You don't love yourself. What is love, in your opinion?

    edit: It's no use trying to contemplate or think yourself to a sense meaningfulness, which you so desperately crave right now. Let it go for now. It will slowly reveal itself to you if you start doing things. Start by fixing the problems causing depression and anxiety.

    edit2: By "doing things" I mean doing things that put the broken mirror back together. Or in other words, get you closer to your authentic being.

  4. 4 hours ago, Bno said:

    He's popular among child conservatives who don't know any better. Crowder and Ben Shapiro also get propped up and paid by the same lobbyists who fund Republican politicians.

    Ben Shapiro is so sneaky. At first he resonates really well with young right leaning men by arguing pro gun freedoms, against gender pronouns, veganism, feminism, etc. But then tries to sneak in key establishment policies like war against Iran. I guess Crowder is the same, haven't listened to him.

  5. On 12/12/2019 at 0:29 AM, Bno said:

    The Democratic party's approval ratings are going down. Their real strategy is to defeat progressives that'll institute real change that'll benefit the people over corporations. This was made evident when the Clinton campaign and the democratic national committee (DNC) colluded to rig and cheat the primaries against Bernie Sanders in 2016. The same corporations that pay Republicans also pay corporate Democrats. The corporate Democrats like Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer voted for expansion in the Patriot Act while all this impeachment was happening and they also votes for several of his cabinet picks and increases in the already bloated military budget. What kind of resistance is that? I thought they said Trump was a monster and unhinged, yet they give him more surveillance and military power.

    Because the DNC is just as corrupt as the GOP and they get paid by the same people, they'd rather lose to a Republican like Donald Trump than win with a progressive like Bernie Sanders. 


    9 hours ago, Bno said:

    @Leo Gura I think they are also weak and we have to work just as hard to get them out and install progressive candidates. After all, they get paid by the same people that pay republicans, so the current system works for them. It's telling that they'd rather have Trump than Bernie Sanders.

    That's a good point which I kinda have missed. It really does seem that more effort goes into suppressing the progressive wing of the Dem party than winning against Trump. The same goes for the nationalistic wing of the republican party.

    Aside from a select few flashy superficial things, the important policies are identical for establishment Dem or establishment Rep candidate.

    I guess the endless impeachment drama is also there to reinforce the illusion that there's a difference between establishment Dems and Reps.


    The Democratic party's approval ratings are going down

    I think the plan is 4 more years of Trump followed by 8 years of establishment Dem presidency. 4 years is plenty of time to bring the ratings up again, if Trump makes a mess, which he will.

  6. Try not taking things at face value. I think they know the impeachment won't succeed.

    Possibly they only want to waste Trump administration's time and resources. They have already been doing this for the last 4 years in one form or another.

    Maybe they are playing the long game. They aren't trying to win the upcoming elections, they'll give Trump another 4 years. Then try to win after that. And in the mean time create as much distrust and dissatisfaction with the government, further divide the society and create chaos, and then appear as the "saviors". I'm not from the U.S but I think Trump's core supporters are growing dissatisfied with Trump as he hasn't done anything he promised and 4 more years of passivity will drive them desperate, looking for an alternative, which will oh so conveniently appear then.

  7. In the higher, philosophical sense, I don't know. But in practical everyday life this question is quite important.


    But what about the self in our everyday language, all our actions and all our decisions during the day - these are under our control?

    Let's take a couple of extreme examples. Alcoholics cannot control themselves, they cannot stop drinking, even if they wanted to after an especially bad hangover. Chronic procrastinators cannot stop procrastinating even if they see how it's ruining their lives.

    If you dig deeper you'll find that you have almost no control of what the mind or the body does. You are very mechanical, literally a machine. It's just that most of the things you do are not causing problems so you don't notice. You think you eat, piss, sleep, play video games because you want to with your free will?

    The only way you can choose the direction (exercise free will) is through awareness. The alcoholic cannot just stop drinking because the mechanism driving the behavior is all in the subconsciousness (aka the ego). Unless he becomes aware how he is triggered into that behavior and how to intervene, he literally can't stop drinking.

  8. On 12/3/2019 at 8:13 AM, Leo Gura said:

    The point is, right and wrong are relative notions.

    There is no absolute right and wrong. But in the relative world -- relative to living a decent human life -- you should not kill people, because it will not end well for you. But again, this is all relative.

    Interesting. This means prisons can't be just correctional facilities. There has to be punishment serving as deterrent.

    13 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

    Goodness is an Absolute. But this has almost nothing to do with human morality so I hesitate to even say it in this context due to the likely misunderstanding.

    I thought those were completely unrelated. What's the small connection between absolute goodness and everyday human morality?

  9. I would love to see result of your work. Too many conscious people retreat from the external world.

    You say your work combines architecture and non-duality. To me at least, those are totally unrelated areas. Can you explain, what the end result is going to be? Or, if you prefer not to share details, do you personally have a clear and realistic understanding what it is you are trying to create? I brought this up because the symptoms you describe feels like it's coming from an opaque vision.


    I have to contemplate whether this is even what I want to do.

    You might discover that architecture isn't a good medium for this. Or maybe it is. Either way, obviously, this is the question you have to figure out ASAP.


    Again, I can observe this happening over and over, but I can’t seem to get any control of it in the present.

    This is an empowering thing to notice, that you don't have direct control over your actions, thoughts, emotions. Now you can stop fighting with yourself fruitlessly and do what actually gives you choice in life - by bringing awareness to your problematic beliefs and assumptions.


    I have realized how dependent I am on approval and encouragement from others

    You already know that you are not your identity, and the identity doesn't even represent you, and it's irrelevant whether it gets tarnished or praised. Maybe you think you need to be liked? Need to be popular? Need to be a good person? Need to be respected in your field? You believe your authentic self is not lovable and you have to put on a facade? Need to act in a "high conscious" or an "enlightened" way? Need to fulfill someones expectations? There's something there causing it outside your awareness, what is it?


    I know this is really just the ego talking, but “I” don’t seem to have much else right now.

    What is ego? It's the area of your mind that is outside the flickering light of consciousness. As far as I'm aware, it is "you" talking, just the part that's in the darkness, in unawareness.


    This quite often becomes so bad that I will spend, literally hours, worrying about what I should devote my time to, hardly doing any actual work.

    If you had a crystal clear vision and a realistic, thought-out strategic plan how to actualize it, would there be anything else stopping you from just doing it?

  10. Quote

    I actually came across Leo's youtube channel because my girlfriend dumped me

    A few years ago I discovered Leo's videos in similar circumstances. For me, I realized that I was a people pleaser, a needy little bitch, and this was ruining all relationships in my life, with my parents, colleagues, including my relationship with my then long-term girlfriend. And my entire life really.

    The first video I discovered was Leo's "How To Stop Caring What People Think Of You". I watched it the first time, and my mind was blown, it was like magic, and I was totally free of approval seeking for a week or so. Then it slowly started coming back, then I watched the video again and again and again. At one point I watched it 2-3x per week but the effect just wasn't sticking anymore. I have watched it at least 50 times.


    So I re watch the video to inspire me, but it seems to have less and less effect each time, and as time goes on, I sooner or later don't even concentrate nor get inspired anymore even when I watch the video. It seems like my mind has gotten used to what Leo said to the point where it doesn't work anymore

    I was struggled with this problem over a year, just back and forth with no real progress. Now I know that this was caused by my superficial understanding of my own mind, and the mechanics how people pleasing / neediness works in my mind.

    If you keep watching the same video over and over, you will make no progress. I wish I could tell this to my younger self and save years of my life. Start watching Leo's older videos, from 2014 - 2017. The newer videos are not really about self-help / ego development anymore. Leo is already enlightened in these newer videos and has lost touch what it's like for someone just starting out. It's like hearing a quantum physicist talking about special relativity when you barely even know calculus. Follow Leo's own journey from 2014 to present. It took him 5-10 years to get where his at.

    Some of the more important fundamental concepts are:

    • victim thinking
    • avoidance of failure
    • how you view emotional effort
    • you resist negative emotions
    • vision / what you want to do in life
    • realistic plan how to get what you want / being strategic
    • eliminate "should" statements
    • realize you are not your identity
    • realize you don't want to be popular or liked by other people
    • learn to recognize and eliminate distractions
    • assertion / life space / resolve conflicts in a WIN-WIN way'
    • The Way
    • etc

    Leo has covered most of these topics. If you work efficiently you'll get the basics handled in ~half year. Then you'll be able to breakthrough from this plateau.

  11. On 11/7/2019 at 5:59 PM, mikelyons said:

    What I would like, is some sort of framework for deciding if I actually want to have kids or not, so that I can make a solid decision and be confident in it.

    lol, you are guaranteed to make the wrong decision this way. Reminds me of Dexter (season 4?) where they made a list of pros and cons whether to have a kid or not. They came up with a long list of negatives and couldn't find a single positive. Then they decided to have a kid anyway, because that's what they wanted. Climate change and having children is "selfish" and "ebul nadzi" or money or time are bullshit reasons. Have them if you want to, don't, if not.

  12. @Keyhole Quite eye opening that those NDE's align with what Leo, and all others are teaching. Also 10/10 music selection.

    8 hours ago, Leeeon said:

    Do you know what happens after death?


    So why are you afraid?

    The afterlife could be horrible or it could be the best thing ever, you don't know!

    You're right, I don't know. I assume it's like going under full anesthesia and never waking up, but even that's an assumption.

    edit: That's a good thing to point out actually. I though I knew what death is like, but really I'm just assuming.

    6 hours ago, Nahm said:

    Not ego death

    Consider that maybe the inquiry of death, and utilization of ‘direct experience’ to differentiate, is built on the assumption you were born. Scrutinize that enough, and the realization there’s no death occurs.

    Now that I think about it, the thing that's scary about death is that I can't do the things I do anymore, and well, be me. The loss of identity or the loss of "me" or ego death is the scary part about my physical death. I guess that explains why so few people are able to permanently let go of their ego because it literally feels like death.

    edit: yes, that does assume I was born. Oh man, I didn't even realize I was making so many assumption. Haha.

  13. I want to get comfortable with death or the end of life or whatever is when there is no life. I've been putting off thinking about it, probably because I'm afraid of it. Share your insights, book / video recommendations, thoughts, experiences regarding physical death (not ego death, as direct experience doesn't stop after ego death, that's how I'm distinguishing the two). I'm interested in whatever you have to say, especially the line of thinking that physical death is a self-deception (how? why?).

    I'll share my own thoughts so far.

    - What is death? The usual explanations include "I stop existing" or "the body stops working". But that's not totally honest. A more accurate way to put it is "experience stops".

    - Thankfully I have the memory of going under full anesthesia. They put on the mask, the eyes close, and the next thing I notice is waking up in the recovery room a day later. There is no recollection of time passing. No experience or awareness. That's what death is like, only there is no waking up, there is no "next thing I notice".

    - Death isn't "bad" or "good" either. Those are just judgements the ego came up. It just is what it is.

    - The popular thing to do is to try to not feel the fear of death. But that's silly. Of course the body is going to produce the emotion of fear as it wants to stay alive. A person who succumbs to fear of death tries to postpone the ending of experience as much as possible by whatever cost.

    - If you bungee jump for the first time, you will feel an intense fear of heights. But you don't have to succumb to the fear, you can still move your legs and stumble off the ledge. The same with fear of death, it's pointless to try to make the emotion go away, as you can't make the fear of heights go away while standing on the ledge, but you can move your legs.

    - Say you get diagnosed with cancer and you have 6-12 months to live without treatment. Your body is still relatively intact with only mild fatigue for now. What are you going to do? You can accept the treatment from the doctors and they'll postpone death for at least another year and the doctor tells you there's even a small chance that you'll be cured. You'll spend all of your remaining time confined to hospital beds, you'll spend all your savings on treatments. They'll do chemo and operate on you. You'll be in excruciating pain confined to your hospital bed hooked on various tubes, but at the same time too medicated to do consciousness work or anything else. If you let fear guide you, you'll take this option. And the small chance of being cured is what you are clinging to, like a desperate gambler playing the lottery.

    - The question of death is the question of life. Really the thing to be afraid of is never having lived. Are you going to let the fear of death prevent you from doing what you want in life?

    - I cannot think of death as only the ending of experience, as I have artificially attached additional meanings to it.

  14. I'm interested in this question as well. I got a few glimpses of enlightenment, and stopped pursuing it ever since. Because of what being totally without ego actually entails. Because I cannot see how I could make it work without going full monk mode total retreat from society. Forgetfulness and ego backlashes are powerful and it requires constant attention to maintain the state. And I wanna live my life, I'm gonna be dead pretty soon anyway and then I'll have all the time in the world to be enlightened. Hoping someone can shed some light here.

  15. @dyslexicFcuk

    13 hours ago, crab12 said:

    @dyslexicFcuk I can easily poke holes into your reasoning

    I agree, that does come off as arrogant. My intent wasn't to be condescending, but the words slipped in. I apologize for that.

    Obviously you put a lot of effort into your OP with multiple lines of reasoning. I only wanted to address that one flaw, not the entire post.

    edit: the thing with trying to use rational arguments to prove non-duality (dualistic monism) is that I can always bring a pretty strong counter-argument. For the classical double slit experiment which you brought as proof, I can explain it away with quantum field theory, which is strongly substantiated. Next you bring up delayed-choice-quantum-eraser and I say "many worlds interpretation!" which is still a deterministic model. Maybe I'm wrong, but I can always at least cast a shadow of a doubt to your arguments. I guess it does sound woo-woo to outsiders but the only strong evidence you are ever going to find is by looking within your own mind.

  16. @dyslexicFcuk I can easily poke holes into your reasoning, since you brought up physics and the double slit experiment. According to latest physics, electron is a wave, not a particle. Particle-wave dualism is an incorrect way of thinking about electrons. It's a tiny and concentrated wave that seems like a particle if you look from far. So if the slits are close enough and small enough the electron literally travels through both slits at the same time and interferes with itself and creates the interference pattern. The bulk of the electron travels through one slit, but some of the wave propagates through the other slit. And you can't detect an electron with a camera, you have to put up some kind of detection screen which the electron has to pass through. And this is enough to stop the miniscule wave propagation that would have created the interference pattern.

    There is no evidence for non-duality to be found in the external world. In fact, everything in the external world implies that reality is dualistic. Only if you go inwards, you can find that reality is non-dual, despite the external world that seems dualistic, at first glance at least. You will eventually reach this conclusion, because fundamentally that's how the mind is constructed. This is the only conclusion you can reach if you are absolutely honest with yourself.

  17. I agree with what has been said so far, you need to take  action and you need to face the emotional labor, not escape from it.

    8 hours ago, Shroomdoctor said:

    Yeah I am basically a master procrastinator. I even procrastinate through learning more theory, as if that would change anything,

    I suggest dealing with procrastination the same way alcoholics stay sober. I use this method in my everyday life, and it works. There were periods in my life, where I would take a pause from studying or whatever and then get into a cycle of procrastination, completely stop doing anything useful for months. I just played video games, watched porn, etc, to escape from reality while my life was falling apart. Finally unbearable anxiety and guilt would snap me out of it, but only to fall back into the cycle a few weeks later.

    Anyway, the first step for an alcoholic is to admit to himself that he is an alcoholic and that he has no control over alcohol. Just as you are a procrastinator and an escapist and you have no control over procrastination and it's destroying your life. A recovering alcoholic cannot drink ever again, a single drink is enough to suck him back into a cycle of binge drinking, even after years of sobriety. You cannot procrastinate ever again for the remainder of your life, as the smallest avoidance can suck you into a cycle of full blown escapism which can waste away years from your life.

    Living without alcohol seems overwhelming to an alcoholic, but he manages it by focusing one day at a time. He just needs to get through today without a drink and go to bed sober. Soon days become weeks, weeks become months, and months become years. You need to get through just this one day without procrastinating.

    Now find the situations that trigger procrastination for you. For me, this is not getting out of bed in the morning immediately after the alarm goes off. And not going to bed on time at night. In mornings, if I go to the bed again for a quick little nap, then I'll use that to justify further procrastination and waste the entire day. I cannot trust myself with things like this, and once I start avoiding things I might not be able to stop myself, it has happened to me countless times. I have to get out of the bed and start my day instantly. I have a few other rules. Since I have a home office, during my work hours I will not check my facebook, youtube, email, come to this forum, or anything else unrelated to my business, no matter what. As long as I follow my rules, I can get through the day without procrastinating on a single thing.

    Just imagine how awesome your life would be right now if you never procrastinated, you'd always do the difficult things that you actually wanted to do and the things that needed to be done in order to get what you wanted. What are the situations that trigger procrastination for you? What rules do you need to stay clear of them?

    Try telling yourself every morning "Hi, I'm Shroomdoctor, and I'm a procrastinator and escapist. I have no control over procrastination, and procrastination has done serious damage to my life. I have it in me to waste my entire remaining life away, never achieving my full potential in life."

    edit: why do alcoholics call themselves themselves harshly "alcoholics"? Because if they think they have permanently defeated alcoholism then they are free to drink again like a normal social drinker do. And then they relapse. This has happened to them multiple times. And now they recognize that they are alcoholics for the rest of their lives. Even after years of sobriety they are still alcoholics. And you are a procrastinator for life too.

    Last thing, If you manage to start your day by the rules, then be mindful of yourself the whole day. If you notice that you are avoiding doing something, then start counting in your head 5-4-3-2-1 and then when you reach "1" move yourself and go do the thing you are avoiding.

  18. On 10/24/2019 at 5:51 AM, crimson_chess said:

    habits of productivity, getting up early, NoFap, life purpose, reading, eliminating videogames, journaling and recently exercise.

    All of these activities can be useful. But... why are you doing them?

    On 10/24/2019 at 5:51 AM, crimson_chess said:

    I felt I needed to do, but I did them anyway, and I grinded through them, because that's what I thought would make me happy.

    Seems you already know that doing things to make yourself happy isn't a good enough reason to do stuff . So, why are you doing these things then? What are you trying to achieve?

  19. On 10/20/2019 at 4:37 PM, Arthur said:

    When markets are down the Fed stimulate the economy by lowering interest rates. They will give you an easy loan because that will result in more spending, growth, jobs etc.

    They started cutting the rates in the U.S and the recession hasn't even started yet (it's 2% right now down from 2.5%). And in the EU the rates are already negative. There's not much room to go lower. They probably wouldn't dare -5%. The U.S has never had negative rates. I wouldn't bet on an easy loan as I see no way how central banks could significantly stimulate loan taking via rates cut. Personally, I don't anticipate another 2008 style crash.