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I need help - focus, school, time management, etc.

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Hi all,

I am reaching out to you in desperation. I have been following actualized.org video content among other personal development/ spiritual teachings for the past 3 years or so. I have come a long way, but i have reached point that I can’t seem to deal with right now. I have been poking about the forums for the past few months, so I thought this may be a good place to reach out for guidance.

I am currently completing my thesis in my second last semester of architecture school. I have integrated what I have learned about spirituality, non-duality, etc. in my work. These themes have become of genuine interest to me in a general sense, not just for personal development, so I felt it would be interesting to bring it into my work.

This has proven to likely have been a great mistake. Obviously you know, discussing non-duality to most people is difficult in general. I foolishly assumed that the faculty at my school would be open to exploring this. While they have not explicitly condemned my ideas, they have been resistant to trying to understand it or help me do anything other than turn it into architecture as we know it. I won’t go into detail of what I am proposing, but basically I have taken the stance that the environment around us is more than plentiful; we do not need to keep building, but rather learn how to see and subtly articulate what is.

I have not received much encouragement on this so far, largely because people just don’t get it. Due to my various neurosis, I have slowly been brought down. I have realized how dependent I am on approval and encouragement from others, so maintaining my energy and excitement about this relatively obscure work has been quite taxing. I am aware of this issue, among others, but at this point, acknowledging it is not enough. I have some deep work to do to overcome this. I have to contemplate whether this is even what I want to do. Deep down I believe it is, but I am going to have to devote some major time to finding the specific path in it that is suitable for me. I love to create - buildings are fundamentally no different than the rest of the landscape; this is my place to contribute to the environment we operate in, physically and spiritually.

Regardless, at this point I am breaking down. I failed my presentation and I have to re-present next week. I also have to write a 20 page essay about the work, do work for my elective class, etc., all in less than 2 weeks. I am overwhelmed. I am on a roller coaster between positive, forward energy and ego backlash on a day-to-day basis. The down phases are taking up too much time and compounding such that I am getting less and less done. I believe I can still make it through this, but my opportunities are dwindling. I have come this far and I do not want to forfeit it all now. I know this is really just the ego talking, but “I” don’t seem to have much else right now.

When I am in an up-phase, when I am excited about the work, everything seems like an opportunity. To me that signifies that deep down, I am genuinely doing the right thing. But the self-doubt and ego backlash is coming on too strong, too frequently at this point. I am looking for a way to embrace the up-phases and build on them so I can get through this work and find more consistent enjoyment in it. To be clear, I am not asking for help on the project, but more generally about managing my emotions so I can function and produce in the limited time I have left this semester.

I will note that I feel particularly susceptible to getting overwhelmed. I have so much to do. I am aware, at least as a concept, that I must focus on one thing at a time. But i can’t seem to retain that focus. All aspects of my work are so closely interrelated that I am inevitably reminded of all the other things I need to do when I try to settle into one manageable chunk. This quite often becomes so bad that I will spend, literally hours, worrying about what I should devote my time to, hardly doing any actual work. Then I spiral out of control and break down as I see how much time I have wasted. Again, I can observe this happening over and over, but I can’t seem to get any control of it in the present. I am realizing this is an ingrained behavior that has been active long before I started personal development. I know it is not something that can be completely shifted overnight, but I usually seem to at least be able to power through it toward the end. I don't know if I am simply becoming more doubtful because I am gaining awareness of the core issues, or if I am actually declining. Either way, I would like to get some type of temporary traction to pull through this last stretch, for now.

If you have any advice, please share. If you need me to elaborate on anything, please ask - I Know there are no shortage of other factors contributing to this.

Sorry about my abrupt entrance to the forums.

Thank you.

Ben.

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  1. Other students and teachers.

  In my opinion, you introducing non-duality in your university, was not a mistake I am not surprised by results through. I am not surprised that people around you, were negative towards spirituality. 

  It just shows, how school; universities are. ItYour university, with it's teachers, 99.9% of students (probably 100%), is filled with average-low conscious people. Problem is not with you talking about non-duality. Truth is that, these people are just projecting their own negativities onto you. Anything unkown for them is an enemy because they are low conscious. 

  You must become aware of that, while presenting your ideas. While you are presenting, remind yourself of this every single time someone starts talking negatively. Remind yourself that they are supposed to be doing and in my opinion, that's a good sign of you doing thigs right.

  This will make things whole lot easier for you. 

2. Being overwhelmed.

  I think you being overwhelmed is because you are attached to the outcomes, way too much. Detach from the outcomes. 

  Remain calm, do what you love, be yourself. 

3. Be yourself. 

  Don't do what others are doing because that's definitely wrong. Do something extraordinary. 

  Every time, others show resistance towards you doing something different, be happy! That's a clear sign that you are doing something right with your life.

  I don't want to help you. Goal of me writing this was: Helping you, help yourself. Just remember: Ultimately Nothing Matters...Napoleon Hill wrote this in his book 'Grow Rich with Peace of Mind'.

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“When you're not in the position to become the lion on the top rock, don’t put your energy there”, said a wise woman once to me. In this case, you aren’t going to win this battle, take your losses. Focus on the biggest priority right now, gratuating! School isn’t the place to strive towards your ideals. Stick to the system. 

You can make your plans a reality once you finished school. Focusing on all your feelings, ego backlash, self-doubt isn’t going to help you making your presentation. Two weeks no more focus on how you should react and feel. Self reflection need to comes afterwards, it’s now only a distraction. If you don’t know where to start, just start doing something to get in a flow, even if it feels useless.

I know and belief you can do great things and that your well on your way on this path, but greatness always present itself outside the system. You will get your chance! Lay low, suck it up, do the work. Your time will come.

I wish all the best, good luck with the presentation! 🍀

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I would love to see result of your work. Too many conscious people retreat from the external world.

You say your work combines architecture and non-duality. To me at least, those are totally unrelated areas. Can you explain, what the end result is going to be? Or, if you prefer not to share details, do you personally have a clear and realistic understanding what it is you are trying to create? I brought this up because the symptoms you describe feels like it's coming from an opaque vision.

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I have to contemplate whether this is even what I want to do.

You might discover that architecture isn't a good medium for this. Or maybe it is. Either way, obviously, this is the question you have to figure out ASAP.

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Again, I can observe this happening over and over, but I can’t seem to get any control of it in the present.

This is an empowering thing to notice, that you don't have direct control over your actions, thoughts, emotions. Now you can stop fighting with yourself fruitlessly and do what actually gives you choice in life - by bringing awareness to your problematic beliefs and assumptions.

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I have realized how dependent I am on approval and encouragement from others

You already know that you are not your identity, and the identity doesn't even represent you, and it's irrelevant whether it gets tarnished or praised. Maybe you think you need to be liked? Need to be popular? Need to be a good person? Need to be respected in your field? You believe your authentic self is not lovable and you have to put on a facade? Need to act in a "high conscious" or an "enlightened" way? Need to fulfill someones expectations? There's something there causing it outside your awareness, what is it?

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I know this is really just the ego talking, but “I” don’t seem to have much else right now.

What is ego? It's the area of your mind that is outside the flickering light of consciousness. As far as I'm aware, it is "you" talking, just the part that's in the darkness, in unawareness.

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This quite often becomes so bad that I will spend, literally hours, worrying about what I should devote my time to, hardly doing any actual work.

If you had a crystal clear vision and a realistic, thought-out strategic plan how to actualize it, would there be anything else stopping you from just doing it?

Edited by crab12

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On 27.11.2019 at 4:04 PM, Rasheed said:

2. Being overwhelmed.

  I think you being overwhelmed is because you are attached to the outcomes, way too much. Detach from the outcomes. 

  Remain calm, do what you love, be yourself. 

This is a very wise advice. I went through this state of mind a lot in my life. It´s an intense emotional roller-coaster.
The main lesson I´ve learned from going through it over and over again is, that you have to go through it. This is a part of life, it may sound cruel but I experienced that you have to fall to rise even higher.
The best way to go through this face is to let go and to simply notice and observe your emotions. If you start fighting it you set yourself up for a downward spiral.
My perspective on this process has changed over the years substantially, instead of seeing at as an obstacle, see it as a process through which you are unfolding a deeper aspect of yourself. You´re unravelling layer after layer of yourself by going through this process over and over again.

Watch out Leo´s video on "Life Unfolds in Chapters & Phases"

Also the books "The Big Leap" & "Taming you Gremlin" helped me tremendously when I went through the same phase you´re experiencing.

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Hi!

I was struggling with the same issue of being overwhelmed by external stuff lately. I'm studying at university and i'm running 3 businesess.

What helped me is to be aware of your thoughts. This sounds so fucking cliche everyone says this but really, do it. Everytime you get stressed take a look at your thoughts. They are causing your feeling of being overwhelmed, not the actual things. It's your attitude towards the things. The second thing is action. Do what you need to do, don't do things that you don't need to do.

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