Roy

That is the harsh reality you must accept if you're seeking a long term partner that is as developed as you. If you're in a heavily stage orange society as a mostly stage green person, statistically it's just going to be more difficult for you to find people that resonate with you. That said you don't need to exclusively date only people at the same point in life as you, it's entirely possible to have an awesome long term relationship with someone who isn't like you at all, and you end up balancing each other out and contributing radically different things to the relationship. If you are after that person that is most compatible though. You basically need to act, position yourself, and participate in the world in a way that is most authentic to your values and attitudes. As a stage green guy you going to have a hard time finding that stage green girl by hanging out at a mall or a bar hitting on people lol. Your chances will go way up if perhaps, you're at a volunteer tree planting event, or at a concert like Burning Man. It might take a long time for you to find that suitable partner, but that's the cost you pay for having standards. I've never had any problems with attracting women, but I was single from 19-24 because as I discovered myself I learned that I didn't want to waste time with people that weren't a long term match for how developed I was. The pay off from that is now being in an extremely healthy and joyous relationship with whom I'm quite certain is my soulmate! Learn yourself deeply, and then everything else will fall into place with time.

That's very helpful @Serotoninluv thanks.

@Leo Gura I agree, and I'm genuinely pursuing becoming more of the territory. It's just where I'm currently at one of the concerns I have is how does one discern the territory they discover isn't truly any different from the maps of religion, science, or belief? Is radical open-mindedness discarded temporarily so the Absolute can be embraced?

You see, that judgement right there is what I'm getting at. The act of participating in the game of making distinctions and pointing out differences in the "content" (between science/religion/new-age) is the failure of open-mindedness and perspective, because regardless of what content people attribute to themselves we're all coming from the same starting point or "structure" of making an attempt at understanding reality. Make no mistake, it is always an attempt, because you'll always discard something to move onto the next most convenient or relevant thing. I'm not arguing that the higher up in the spiral or development one reaches there aren't more favorable qualities like consciousness, awareness, reflection, non-violence compared to the lower end. I'm just pointing out I think this is center of why there seems to be a lack of authentic humility even among the most advanced of us. This lack of humility can be a subtle thorn that stunts the development of those considered lower on the spiral.

They are scared of the unknown. They can't think of a reasonable explanation on their own. Or refuse to accept one presented to them. They latch onto something quickly that fills that gap, regardless of the intellectual consequences. It feels good, that's all that matters.

Just for the sake of conversation, why would you say that? It appears to me that pretty much everyone in the world that has their basic survival taken care of and has the luxury of pursuing these abstract goals, especially like those in this community and Leo himself talk about obtaining these insights and experiences as if they are holy grails. For example I understand "nothing" conceptually (I think :P), but having not gone through a transcendent enlightenment experience of realizing nothing I am still in a state of pursuing that particular holy grail/insight. Even the process of transcending and realizing "nothing" is a holy grail right? (a thing that is being earnestly pursued or sought after.) I apologize for being so antagonistic, I've just had a hard time grasping and embodying non-duality. I'll need to get back and watch Leo's series on it and read some books. I have a feeling the conclusion of this line of thinking is like the 10th Ox herding picture of Zen? Once you reach all those states and transcend you return to the marketplace and come full circle?

Isn't that untrue? To be truly positionless is the absence of all qualities of any position. I'm going to challenge myself and guess that I'm going to have to concede I'll always have some beliefs and let go of my attachment to radical openmindedness?

@Forrest Adkins Don't get caught in the low consciousness trap of male vs female. We live in a dynamic world where there are so moving parts and differences, that you can spend eternity arguing about the advantages and disadvantages of each gender. Don't join the pigs wrestling in the mud, walk past the pen.

Sorry about your situation, but I'm glad you have the mindset to take responsibility. That's the massive first step so congrats! Now let's look at what you can do to change it; - SAVE HARDCORE This is your main priority. Having a good job is awesome, keep that job and take advantage of every little benefit and bonus you can get out of it. Really pay attention to exactly how you spend your money. Once every 2 weeks when you get paid, review your spending habits so you know what to cut out. It only takes 10-15 minutes to look at it and contemplate what you don't need. I tell you from personal experience, you won't realize how much money you're wasting on stupid shit until you see it in raw numbers. This is a free and legit website that will track everything once you plug your accounts in, really simple to set up and use https://www.mint.com/ Once you start to save a few thousand dollars, you'll feel empowered and less stressed having that safety net, and you'll be able to create some freedom for yourself in the future without being limited by money. - Make it a daily goal to grab a tea or coffee, sit down, and browse for 20-30 minutes for reasonable places to rent and room with people. Just getting out of that house is going to raise your baseline happiness and kill a LOT of stress. It might take a lot of searching to find a good place but it will be worth all that time looking. - Evaluate your debt and come up with a plan. Go to https://old.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/ and post exactly what your situation is anonymously, people are really helpful there. How much exactly do you have to pay? How long do you have to pay it off? Is it worth it to save money now to get your own place and just do minimum payments for a while? Learn about your debt and ask these questions. The sooner you get on this the more your future self will thank you! Acting on it will get rid of your negative thoughts about your debt. - Don't move back with your mom. That just sounds unwise financially and stressful as hell. - If your spare time is being spent around her and her toxic family, consider taking on a part-time job or volunteering on your days off for some hours here and there. You'll make extra money, feel fulfilled, and probably most importantly you're away from them! It might take 3-6 months until you make some real bank and find a good place, but it will be worth the effort. So make the best of your current situation and take advantage of everything you can. You deserve the best - Roy

I empathize (the best I can) with people living in poorer or more dangerous countries. I am trying to imagine how much of a struggle it might be to pursue these kinds of things with so many resistance forces acting against you. However I would just like to say don't let the resentment of the way your society or culture is force you into feeling like you have to "escape". It is entirely possible for you to live an amazing fulfilled life where you are at (it just might take extra work but that's worth it isn't it?). Who knows, perhaps you'll serve as an inspirational beacon for those similar to you where you live!

I'm 27 now. Back when I was 18 I did salvia and smoked a lot of weed which was fun and interesting, but at the time I didn't go any deeper into the true psychedelics even though I was very curious (reading/watching videos for years) because I thought I wasn't mentally ready and it scared me. I told myself "experience more of life and get some other stuff figured out, then you'll be ready." Well fast forward from 2011 to 2020 and I STILL feel I'm not ready. I'm much more developed; I have a strong financial situation for my age, an awesome partner which I grow with and love, I'm starting to piece together my life purpose, etc. I am at the place I thought I needed to be back then. However around late 2014/early 2015 I had severe depression and suicidal thoughts (never attempted or made a formal plan), and I've had Pure OCD harm based thoughts about once a year since that time but I've gotten help and done a huge amount of personal development since then (started with Actualized.org actually). I feel I've conquered the majority of my depression and whenever the bad thoughts come up I am detached and don't let them affect me. I realize they are just thoughts. (It was attitude/belief based depression, I never took any medication I got support from a counselor/life coach). This however puts a damper on my desire to formally try any psychedelics because the fear just washes out out any fire of motivation of hype I get to want to experience these things. I keep telling myself I need to be perfect and have perfect mental health if I want to attempt even a small dose. I need some more opinions. Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? What did you do? Wait 5 more years? Jump in and start with small doses? If you need more history on my mental health or anything I'm willing to share. I am just worried that I'll "break" my mind or something or it'll trigger my depression to come back even worse than before. DISCLAIMER: My intention is to do them to help guide me in my self-actualization work and so I can learn things about myself and the universe out of genuine curiosity and desire for growth. I have a mature view of them and want to take it in a prepared, safe setting. I don't do alcohol, party, smoke cigs, or do weed or any other substances since 2011.

Sorry to break it to ya, but it's going to be extremely painful to her. No matter how well you craft your break-up speech........ Considering you came on a forum and made a post asking for advice though, it's likely you have some deeper reservations than you realize about breaking up with her. So I'd consider contemplating some more if you really want to cut it off. Ask yourself and her some questions like; - Are you really happy together? Or is it just a relationship of convenience? - Do you futures align? Can your goals take you both to the same places in the future (3-5-10 years?) without each person changing or bending too much? - What kind of challenges do you guys have? Have you solved them successfully in the past? Do they keep arising because of pettiness or lack of communication? Of course there is the situation of her in a sense "needing" you because you are the only one she has around. Think honestly about how this effects your decision and do not let your ego take advantage of this. Give her an opportunity to think about this as well, it's really important she becomes aware of this no matter how painful. However make sure to bring this up lightly and warn her so there isn't as much defensiveness.

@wk197 My sarcastic response was in reaction to what you asked before you added the words healthy and intimate to relationships and sex. Which changes the context quite a bit. I'll answer your question anyways though! First off; I'd teach that average guy that Redpill "knowledge" is not a complete and holistic perspective. I won't deny it has some true realizations and scientific points on the reality of modern dating and relationship dynamics like unfair legal system towards divorce, one sided dating app statistics, etc. Once you're out of it however and you start incorporating other perspectives and looking other sides of the coin, you'll see that it's roots stem from a biased male worldview and a lot of the motivations are harbored in resentment and selfishness. I studied these movements and communities pretty hard-core just out of personal interest. I had a period of struggle and was single for a looooong time and let me tell you I was almost sucked into it. All the points and examples they bring up can be very inciting to a scientific/materialist/logical minded person (which most men are). And hit all the right triggers in your mind that get you riled and fired up that you're a victim and you have something owed to you! At the end of the day though (you will eventually come to this in your life too) the reality is Redpill, Pick-Up, MGTOW, Incel etc. can all distill down to common qualities of juvenile intent, toxic attitudes (All Women Are Like That, Beta Male, etc), sexual deviancy, jealousy, resentment, hate, victim complex, male centered bias, and selfishness. All of which are low consciousness behaviors. Basically it comes down to the fact they want their cake and to eat it too. I also hate to have to even mention this because it's petty, but it's laughably sad that big names in those communities like RSD Tyler (Owen Cook) and Entrepreneurs In Cars (Richard Cooper) are both divorced single dads and one of them has even straight up bragged about raping someone. Are these the kinds of people that should be considered respectable and trustworthy sources of relationship advice? I'll let your internal compass calibrate that on it's own...... You are right about personal development and improvement. They can be found in those groups, but let me ask you something; If a diamond is buried in a field of shit and mud, is it really worth digging through? You'll find that those diamonds can be found plenty elsewhere, and you don't need to get covered in shit to get them. Anyways let's talk about some other things in life that are more worthwhile than personal relationships and sex; Community - Volunteering, contributing, and participating in a community, group, or society can be a tremendous source of lasting pleasure, happiness, fulfillment, and accomplishment. Life Purpose - Finding out and working towards what you're here on Earth for. Spirituality - Getting connected to your true self. Through whatever means, psychedelics, adventure, connection etc. Family - Raising children and caring/enjoying your family. I consider this the positive side of the relationship/sex coin. Those are just a few I could probably do more but it's probably more important you discover them yourself. There are a lot more enjoyable and important things in life than being good with women and getting your dick wet. Once you learn to groom yourself decently well, stabilize your financial situation, and cultivate competent social skills, you'll find it's actually quite easy to get into relationships and fuck essentially whoever you want. The best things in life don't come from easy.

@Anna1 When blatant misogyny, hate, and bias rear their heads by all means, speak out! Of course you are going to meet the most egregious offenders with more aggression and resistance, as you should. Act more like an detached observer so you can learn and view those movements and their participants with more compassion and understanding. Most of the men (which don't actually end up raping or assaulting someone) are just confused, desperate, scared, and stuck in those ideologies because they are simply lost or coming from a place of need They didn't have any women (or strong ethical men) teach them how to value and respect the other gender properly. Or commonly they had some bad experience that caused them to recoil into those communities for safety or to get some kind of revenge identity/complex. My point is act be careful not to apply that aggression and resistance too broadly, or you risk causing those people to double down on where they are and thus potentially stifling their growth for years longer than needed. Accept that their predicament could not entirely be their fault. A bit of personal information here for an example; My partner is a feminist and worked as a consent educator and support worker for abused women and children (domestic and sexual) for nearly half a decade. In her experience working with women and hearing first hand stories of them going through unimaginable and nightmarish circumstances, she learned something very counter-intuitive (a concept Leo has talked about) --- Given enough time, distance and healing from those events it's common for a lot those women that they will eventually shed their disgust and hatred for their abusers, and seek understanding and offer forgiveness to them. Why did you do this to me? What wounds did you have that made you put that pain back out in the world onto me? How can we help you heal and teach young men not to develop those kind of behaviors. The hate won't last and will only ever protect you short term. The answer is love. Tap into that love, compassion, and understanding so you cut the learning curve for those young men. I hope that illuminates my position somewhat.

I hope this is strictly an exercise in the ability to ask questions and not a genuine interest.

I was gonna make a post about this. I'm amazed how many people on this forum are arguing and espousing these low consciousness behavior and attitudes, especially considering these are people that presumably follow Leo and should be integrating what he's teaching. They are completely enveloped in the duality of male vs female, which is just such a simple and stupid thing to be stressing about. We literally need each other in the world. Both are just stuck in their own perspective and won't even consider peaking over their trench, let alone visiting the other side. People are just at different stages of their personal development journey though. We have to learn to accept and meet them where they're at and be mindful when we try to help them grow through and above those ways of thinking.

Just more low consciousness people, pointing out low consciousness behavior, in other low consciousness people. Playing in the mud makes you a pig too. Facts and logic and graphs and arguments don't make you clean, it's just mean you're covered in a different kind of mud. All this struggle, money, time, and energy going into something that won't last or won't make you happy. Learn to let go of your need for things to be a certain way and just be.

Simple: You're going to have your ticket punched one day. Might as well enjoy it while you're here.

For the fun of it I want to know what stage I am so I have a clear grounding for what resources to acquire and which new teachers to learn from so I don't regress or waste anymore time than I have to (life is short, not looking to skip steps though). However I have a lot of conflicting views on myself that put me all over the map lol; - Over the past few years I've noticed I've made serious progress in shedding my attachment to ideologies and defending any beliefs. I defend or attack almost nothing at this point where as I used to be very argumentative and enjoyed the "being right" and cynical feeling. I am not emotionally involved in any politics or group think. I am also quite clear on my goals in that I actively seek out radically new sources of information and knowledge and do my best to only extract what is useful and disregard what isn't. I love systems thinking and integrating different world views to make me a more effective and well rounded healthy person. Stage Yellow? - I've made an effort to be brutally honest and contemplative all the terrible things I've done in life, and am taking charge of past and previous addictions, while trying to be self-loving through the process. However I still catch myself on my internal radar being self-sabotaging and behaving in egotistical ways that benefit me. Sometimes my thoughts betray me almost like I have some separate jerk inside me who doesn't care what I want. Stage Red & Orange? - I feel my morality, ethics, and attitudes are generally Left/Stage Green leaning. Financially I am generous for a young person with not much money, I've cleaned up my investments to environmentally friendly companies, I make a conscious effort not to spend money on useless material things. I respect nature deeply (if I see a BUG in danger I stop to save it for Christ sake xD). I've cleaned up and optimized my diet to improve my consciousness and health, etc Though I find all this exhausting sometimes to keep up with things I KNOW I value and stand for without backsliding once in a while. Is it even possible to honestly grade yourself on Spiral Dynamics without ego being involved? Are there any good online tests out there that aren't so vague? Or should I just take Leo's word for it that you are always 1-2 stages lower than what you think you are?

Interesting post! You should probably segment it into paragraphs though it's a bit hard on the eyes I've noticed doing a lot of personal development the past year I've woken up and fallen back into sleep a few times (5-10?) in an extremely odd but comfortable feeling of piercing honesty about my life combined with a feeling of limitless power and confidence, but not in a delusional sense at all. It's unlike anything I've ever felt. The best way to describe it is a state of complete non-judgement about myself and the world that feels absolutely freeing and like I've been liberated for the first time in my life............. then I wake up and all my insecurities and issues seem to flood back to layer me back up again lol. I'm guessing this is my subconscious trying to communicate to me that there is some healing and growth going on? I want to access this state again to explore it and would preferably try to carry them into my normal waking state if possible. Do you know any techniques or resources I can use to help me with that? I think I'm also going to do some simple daily reflection exercise in a journal about the dreams I have every night if I can remember them. I know sometimes it might not be useful to make something out of nothing but if it can help me program and understand my subconscious that would be great. I'm glad I'm seeing some change in myself because for as long as I can remember for the past 15 years my dreams have usually been violent, disturbing and uncomfortable nightmares (I'm 27 in a week).

If I have any advice regarding rejections, it's don't take it personally. You have to realize people make yes or no decisions (like going on a date) based on very quick assumptions and the emotions they are feeling at that time. If the interactions or conversations are too short or aren't deep enough, they aren't making informed decision because they don't have enough information. You could be the most awesome, sweet person in the world but it won't matter if they are having a bad day and won't take a compliment, or they are so busy they are stressed and don't they have time but actually a date would be perfect for them and their stress! Maybe that 3 has self-esteem issues and masks them by thinking she deserves a 10 herself, and won't even return a call of someone who isn't a model stud. Is that YOUR problem?????? No, it speaks about HER dude! The best way to get out of stewing in that pool of pain and self-loathing is to simply accept (as @Anna1 said above) that you'll never know exactly what was going through their head. Chances are they don't either most of the time. Consider how limited your energy is, and find out exactly where you want to apply it.

I highly doubt he deliberately won't invite Leo. He probably has no idea who Leo is. Leo is just another Youtuber who isn't even that big and hasn't done any major public interviews or events. Joe probably has a torrent of hundreds and hundreds of potential people to invite and Leo simply isn't high on that list. That said, if Joe had Leo on I have no doubts it would be a fascinating conversation and Joe would love it!

Free will doesn't truly exist, but the very real illusion makes it feel so. My advice? Don't overthink and just enjoy the ride.

I'm sure some of you have heard of Alex Honnold, professional rock-climber and the greatest free soloist of all time (climbing without any gear). Anyways for quite a long time he's served as a huge inspiration for me, and I'm sure he could for many others on here. I wanted to share his life as an example of someone who is fiercely committed to the mastery process and has superhuman levels of dedication to his life purpose. A few years back he accomplished what is likely the most impressive and difficult athletic feat in human history; Free climbed Yosemite's El Capitan (3000 ft) rock face without a rope. There is plenty of footage of it and other climbs he did (which I will link below), it's best summed up in the documentary Free Solo, which I highly recommend. I've seen it twice already and will watch it again I'm sure. It's out on Disney plus and some other platforms I believe. It will make you sweat. There isn't really anything extraordinary about him honestly. He humbly attributes his ability and accomplishments to ridiculous levels of practice, preparation, and passion to his craft. What I also find fascinating is his attitude towards fear. He still feels it like anyone else would. Instead of punching through it or trying to change what he's feeling, he describes his ability to manage it by simply "stepping out of it", which is done by being rigorous with his training and planning until he feels so comfortable that he can put it aside until he's done what he's set out in front of him. Here is an INCREDIBLE video with him reflecting on the climb that was the centre of his life purpose; (It has 360 function, click and drag your mouse around to view his surroundings) I hope his example gives other people on here a kick like it did for me. It's amazing seeing such a quiet, normal, quirky guy just unapologetic-ally throwing himself towards his goals no matter what the risks. He is living EXACTLY the way he wants to and we should do the same!

I hope nothing but the best for his health. I learned quite a bit from him and he told me what I needed to hear at the right time. I've definitely transcended what he has to offer and learned what I can from him, but I hope he gets back to himself so he can go full strength at helping people who were in my position when I needed him.