studentofthegame

@Gladius hi mate. that's an interesting observation about an inner fear to post. I experienced it with my journal. I felt reluctant to write about setbacks, as it could appear that i was making no progress or wasting my time. But, reading my old journal front to back, landmark progress is obvious to me, no matter how many set backs or resets with 'back to basics'. What ive learned is that it's part of the human condition to slip up, or find yourself going off-course. The key is noticing it and making corrections. A bit like a space ship which is by default heading off-course and relies on constant correction. So, definitely for me, it's always enjoy the wins, and when there's a wobble then back to basics : )

Hi mate. Good to catch up with your newer journal. Some real progress evident and a clear evolution in your thinking. Keep it up.

@Gladius Hi mate. I did look into family constellations after your message. I will update on that when I have spent more time with it. Thanks it was good to catch up and read your updates in your journal. You mentioned things like forgetting certain insights, and occasionally slipping up. These are things that happen to all of us and will continue to do so (this is also a reminder to myself). One of the things i am gradually learning is to accept slip ups and not to let them set me off course. In certain arenas, mistakes are essential parts of the process. The point about forgetting is a good one. I believe it is referred to in spiritual texts - 'the forgetting'. It is why reading and re-reading books is valuable, taking notes, having conversations, learning and being inspired. I fell into the trap for many years of reading the information but not acting on it, and then in recent years I have read very little and forgotten a lot of the principles. For me it is about balance. Doing the work but also reading to remember. Things are well at the moment, but i am working on locking in certain daily habits. And i am trying to keep them very simple.

Progression log April 2019 ... March 2019 Proper hydration In the past I've drawn up countless morning routines, daily and weekly planners and not been able to stick to them. I saw a comment in a Tony Robbins video about making one small habit per month and making it stick. I need victories under my belt, no matter how small. Since March the one habit I've made stick is that first thing in the morning I fill up a water bottle and sip throughout the day. It gets refilled at a rate depending on activity during the day. I'm still working on other goals but if all else fails it is not a disaster and I retain some modicum of control because I am drinking enough water. I see it as the first piece in the puzzle, mentally and physically. Jan 2019 Dry January I found a dry month in jan to be a decent reset. It was unexpected. I thought it would just be a month off the booze and then I would resume the habitual drinking. Currently I am not using alcohol during the week and only in moderation at the weekend. Will review

EMDR has finished for the most part, possibly a few sessions later in the year to wrap it up, but the therapist has left me with some techniques to continue to process traumas by myself. EMDR hasn't been a miracle / lightswitch cure for me but it is another tool in the box. I know without any doubt that a wholistic approach to self-care / therapy / healing / growth / inquiry or whatever other pursuit is the way forwards. And remembering that we are humans not robots and being very kind to ourselves when we slip. Would I recommend EMDR? Yes, it's worth looking into. These past few months I have established a daily walk in solitude and it has become a very important part of my day. However I have been tired lately and I put a lot of it down to being dehydrated, so it's 'back to basics' and re-establishing a habit of carrying a bottle of water around everywhere I go.

Sounds as if it has been an interesting few months with some challenges for you. As you say, progress is always non-linear and we will have bumps / challenges in the road. The quote about trauma rings very true. It's in the moment that we can slip up. Also when we are stressed or tired. Incidentally I have heard that a meditation practise can make us less reactive in the moment and give us a small moment to pause and choose our reactions. Sounds as if there is some important things happening career wise for you... prepare well and good luck! It's been good to catch up on your updates.

Im working my way through the huberman podcasts. I tend to look for simple solutions that intuitively make sense to me. And one of those that huberman has given me is the importance of getting sunlight in your eyes in the morning. Very simple, very actionable and strikes me as worthwhile. Basically i listen to the podcasts and write down a few key pointers that I can put to the test. Don't get bogged down in all the theory, focus on putting the practical suggestions to the test if you are moved to.

Still relatively early days with the EMDR and i'll be seeing it through until the end. In the mean time, more work on the basics. I sleep well most nights and only have the occasional late night. Sleep is a priority. My eating is now becoming more balanced and moderate and i am eating more fruit and vegetables, cutting down on alcohol and 'treats'. I am still very interested in gut health and have some work to do on that. Need to increase exercise and after listening to the Huberman Lab podcast, i have learned of the importance of getting sunlight exposure, particularly in the morning soon after the sun has risen. Generally finding out quality information such as this gives me a tremendous boost and fills me with confidence, but of course it's acting on the information that is important and sometimes there is resistance to doing even simple things like making the effort to go outside first thing in the morning. This is what i need to work on.

Good luck with the professional challenge my friend and remember if it is throwing up fear and doubt then there is growth on offer. 'No growth in comfort'. Looking forward to hearing how it goes.

@Gladius i share your perception of 'catching up with normal people'. It does feel like that doesn't it. A good reminder for oneself is that everyone is on a journey and is on their own path. Keep it up mate.

@Gladius Yes I remember you mentioned EMDR before. I'm glad you found that it helped. I have been exploring and processing old traumas for a number of years now, with different therapies, but i still feel like there is a lot of work to do. Reading 'the body keeps the score' was an education and has led to the EMDR. Ultimately, as we have discussed, the key is to inhabit the body and not to overly identify with the mind. I don't intend to spend decades in therapy. The aim has always been to do the work and then support myself with a balanced lifestyle, time in nature, and listening to the body. Your latest post on your page has me thinking about starting a new journal myself. That will be an option - this journal was always about experimenting and exploring. Perhaps I will review the whole journal at the end of the year and look at what worked and what was not useful.

Undertaking a new therapy. EMDR. Hoping it isn't too long term, as it is expensive. Goal is to process old traumas and help myself to live in the moment, rather than the past or future. The therapist has noticed in early sessions that I occupy my head far too much and I need to move into the body. This makes sense to anyone who's read 'The body keeps the score' or 'the power of now' - although it's good to remember that you don't need to understand this conceptually. You need to feel it, and stop identifying with the mind all the time. What I find helpful is to 'check in' with the gut. Alongside that, the daily work is to maintain balance in all things, which i believe is one of the keys to life. @Gladius glad you found Huberman useful. I'm still working through his podcasts and making notes of any practical advice that intuitively makes sense.

Sounds as if you are making fantastic progress. If you were ever to review this journal i think it would be quite an emphatic read! Maybe a bit emotional too! I know what you mean about not being sure what to post. I'm sure there will come a point where this particular journal has run its course for you. I have been thinking about this myself lately. I have started a new therapy which I will post about, and I have a big year ahead which I will document on my journal. After that I will consider moving on. I like the idea of a very small group of like-minded people offering support and accountability on a platform, but i'm not sure what that would be. Anyway, keep up the good work ?

Feels like i've been on a rollercoaster recently. Started to find balance in terms of eating, good habits, positive mindset, then found myself quickly slipping back into a pretty dark place. After conversations with people close to me I have found the inspiration to get going again. I have long felt in my gut that for me at least, a productive morning is the key to a good day so that is what I am focusing on for the coming weeks. Getting up at a set time and getting some exercise either at the gym or by going for a walk outside in nature. No pressure on me to do anything else for now, just getting that right. @Gladius Glad you found some Value in the van warmerdam podcasts my friend. I was recently recommended to listen to the Huberman Lab podcast. He is a neuroscientist and the podcast deep dives into lots of important areas of health and wellness with a science based approach. I'm a few episodes in and am learning a lot. I would recommend you give him a listen ?

Well done on securing the job! Congratulations. Also great news about the creative opportunity. Perhaps those two things happening have led to your restlessness and not being able to relax over Christmas? I personally found that Christmas came at the wrong time for me, I was building some momentum then felt that I had to 'let go' as it was Christmas. Perhaps you have momentum behind you and don't feel like slowing down, which is OK. Listen to your mind and body. Keep it up mate ?

Been very inconsistent in the last weeks, been functioning ok but not applying myself to my goals. This might partly be because I have experienced some setbacks and have allowed myself to slip back. Sometimes there is a period where you accept you aren't feeling capable of taking action at the moment and all you can do is endure.. and that is currently where I am. Basic self care has slipped, late nights, excess alcohol use, and other bad habits. Burning candle at both ends. So as usual the first place to start is with basic self-care, and re-establishing a bit of balance. Too early to start goal setting again and laying out daily disciplines, just balance for now.

Well done for completing your course. What is the next stage? Is this to replace your day job while you work on your creative pursuits, or was this training for something else?

@Gladius I think you are right my friend.. and yep, I think it's a common issue. Would be a useful exercise for us to keep track of our progress in these journals.

Finding consistency in anything very difficult at the moment. Gym, healthy eating, everything I would like to be consistent with. Not happening at the moment. Mood is up and down. Still working and saving up to move house and just about functioning. On a very basic level, I am struggling to sit and watch a film or read a book without being distracted by my phone. I have no doubt I am addicted to my smart phone. My muscle memory goes through the usual apps and checks several times an hour. It makes me restless and unable to concentrate on anything. The goal for the next week or two is simply monitoring and noticing where my attention goes. I will try and be present when reading or watching a film / tv without my attention being split between that and my phone. Since i currently spend a lot of time indoors by myself I will have plenty of opportunities to pursue this goal.

That sounds good. Proves it's always good to plan in pencil. Things change and sometimes quickly. If the new job wasnt right and you stepped aside, it is still a step forwards. I am due an update and will do so later today. Cheers!

Looks like you have been making very good progress these last months. Well done Any update on the new job?

Bit of progress. I am getting up early and doing some cardio in the gym. I am eating healthily, carrying a bottle of water around with me everywhere for hydration and i am practising presence as much as possible. In the car I am listening to the power of now again which helps me understand what it means to be present. Anxiety and some other shadows are still present but I am beginning to feel a bit better. @Gladius Good question. Ultimately yes, I think we are our best therapists and the responsibility for our wellbeing is our own. But it's a journey, and other therapists and modes of therapy may be an important part of that journey. CBT didn't work for me either. I'm hopeful that other types of therapy may be more effective. Thanks mate and hope you are well. Looking forward to an update.

Very slow progress since last update, with a slip back into bad habits and routines. Each time I slip back, I am at least more aware of the slip, i'm 'watching it' and am learning more and growing in consciousness. I won't allow that to become an excuse or a justification though. Focus for the coming weeks is getting up on time each morning and starting the day in a more productive manner - aim is to get more done off my daily checklist as noted in previous post, and maintain a balanced day and week. Meanwhile, CBT therapy ended recently. It didn't click with me, certainly over the phone. I am glad I explored the option though and I will try a different type of therapy next time.

I'm currently working from a daily checklist on my phone of self-care / daily disciplines. I try and get as many done as possible without becoming out of balance and obsessed with it. I'm feeling better. In addition to sleeping/eating/drinking right, I have learned about and am practising EFT tapping. This is simple to learn and doesn't take long. There is a bit of inner resistance to it initially but it soon passes. I have been going for a daily walk and grattitude journaling in the evening and this is also helping. There are other disciplines I want to make a regular habit and i'll work on them over the coming days and weeks.

Sorry to hear about the covid but as you say, if you use the time to your advantage and you are OK then that can be a good thing ? Keep it up mate. Your persistence and sense of curiosity will take you far. It seems like you are closely monitoring your thoughts and cultivating your awareness.