Ross Labby

@NoSelfSelf @Roy I might have not explained the situation clearly enough to you guys, but yes I don’t have the most dating experience and my game is not the best. It’s something that I’m slowly improving at. And I’m proud of myself for doing these things that are out of my comfort zone. And I know I would be improving my game way more if I was approaching more girls and had multiple options which would be optimal. It’s something I’ve been thinking of doing for a while and if this doesn’t work out I’m going to start that. This might be a good kick in the ass for me honestly. It really is stressful, anxiety inducing, and emotionally draining dealing with one girl (when not exclusive). Thank you for the input and advice!

@Roy by seeing her I mean dating her. And we’ve made out and done other intimate and sexual things…but no sex yet. And I’ve escalated to the point of mentioning us going back to one of our places to be alone. However she’s said that she’s not ready for that yet to which I respect and have let her know that we’ll do that when she feels more comfortable.

@NoSelfSelf Yeah that’s how I feel in many ways. There’s a good chance that it’s a test and it’ll be frustrating and hard to escalate things with friends present. Thanks for the input.

Hi, so this is a situation I'm currently struggling with as I'm not too sure how to approach it. A girl I've been seeing for a few months has asked me if I wanted to go out with her and her girl friends for drinks. However, I've heard that it's not a good idea to hang with a girl and her friends before exclusivity or having sex since this may result in being friend-zoned. We've done things but they haven't gotten to the point of sex yet. Anyways, I politely declined as I said I would be happy to down the road but with like to spend time with her and get to know her better for now. And she responded positively to it. The thing that makes this situation tricky is that one of her friends is actually one of my friends too. And I knew this friend before meeting the girl I'm seeing. So I don't want to come off like I'm trying to avoid my friend. And now the stressful thing that happened is that this mutual friend of ours is inviting me to a game night I have a sure feeling that the girl I'm seeing is going to be there and she probably knows about our friend inviting me. And I'm not sure what to do since I know these two talk to each other and probably have talked about me and I don't want to make it seem like I'm trying to cut off our mutual friend as that might make the girl I'm seeing be mad with me. And it might also give her the impression that I don't care about her friends. idk lol. What do you guys think that the best course of action is in this scenario?

Hi so I've been redoing the Life Purpose Course for a while now and I've just done the zone of genius exercise about twice now this time around and it has been difficult for me as it's hard to choose the most accurate answer as my interest is split down mostly between music and film. And the zone of genius (my unique ability) that I came up with is along the lines of "expressing deep emotions and thought-provoking ideas". Now the thing is that it does feel authentic but I'm not sure if it's vague and not specific enough. Like I could include other specifics in it such as writing stories, making films, composing music, or performing music, but the thing is that I feel as though I'm not ready to incorporate or pick one of these specific examples as I am currently trying some of them out to decide which is best for me. I'm even planning to pick one of these to try out for one full year and then try the other out for a year and then decide after which feels best. So in this case I would try out music and film for a year each. So while I feel that the zone of genius I came up with is fine, does anyone think that it is vague and should be more specific or is it good the way it is? Also is it possible if I could make my zone of genius more specific over time once I get more clarity after trying some of these pursuits out or should I get it right away? I'm just wondering because I want to get this right and don't want anything less. Thank you.

@Leo Gura Yeah true. True and if rejection happens I'll just have the mindset of she's just not ready yet kinda thing so it takes the pressure off. And where are some good places to isolate a girl when you're with her? Like I was thinking maybe that during the date which is likely daytime, I could ask her if she wants to go back to one of our places to do something (like play a game or watch a movie for example) and then make a move. However, since we haven't gotten too physically intimate yet and we both live with our parents I'm not sure if that would be the best move yet. What do you think? Will do! And that is one thing that I tend to struggle with is patience, so I'll need a little more of that lol. And that does give me some reassurance because I was starting to think that maybe she lost interest.

So I met this girl at a new years party and I was interested in her and asked her out a day later for a coffee date and she agreed to it. The first date went pretty well in my opinion. Despite being nervous I was very present when talking to her and thought I knocked it out of the park as we talked and had a pretty good connection, maintained strong eye contact, and made her laugh a lot. The one thing on my mind though was that I've got to escalate with her physically and go for a kiss. Well, we hugged at the beginning and end but no kiss or physical escalation throughout the date. However, I thought it still went well and just decided that I'd go for the kiss on the second date. So I then asked her out for a second date to go play pool and bowling. This date went okay since I felt that I was more in my head this time about having to physically escalate and go for the kiss. I have to say that I didn’t like playing pool and bowling as I felt it put a stop to the connection. But I eventually said that I’d like to talk with her and we did which was nice. When we sat down she sat a seat away from me but then I moved over one to be next to her. Though the conversation went well her body language was closed off, but her eye contact was pretty good. However, due to her closed-off body language, I didn’t feel comfortable escalating physically or going in for the kiss. But she did give me a ride home and I thought that my chances of getting success are probably becoming slimmer now so I just asked if i could kiss her just to be sure and she accepted that…so that was cool. Then for our third date she recommended a movie and went to that. After that I asked her if she wanted to go get a bite to eat and we did. This time I felt the connection was back and I felt present again and enjoying myself. We even played a lil footsies under the table ahah. Our conversation was good and eye contact was strong. But still I didn’t physically escalate that much. I should also mention that I would tease her a bit throughout these dates but not really flirt that much. And when she dropped me off I went in for the kiss this time without asking and I got the cheek. After this I kinda made the mistake of not picking up on that cue and proceeded to ask her for “another one?” and she said “we’re good” but she still said we can hang out next week. After that I smiled and said my goodbye. Then recently I texted her that I enjoyed my time with her last night and she replied saying that she did too and that we should hangout soon in which I agreed. Also another thing is that she doesn’t initiate text that much with me as i don’t either which I don’t mind. We just use text as more of a device to set up dates. Also she’s told me that she is introverted and I’ve been told that she is shy and it is clear based on being with her. I’m also not sure if she wants to take things slow or not. It’s hard to tell. I know I should be a little more flirtatious and escalate things more physically but I just get nervous. So I’m a little confused and I would like some advice on what to do next time when I see her. Also I’m a little worried that maybe she just wants to hangout as friends now despite my advances and has lost interest. Do any of you think she is still interested? Or that she isn’t? Or that she lost interest and that it’s too late to fix things?

@something_else Yeah, that's what I was thinking a lot about. If I got too deep into it, things could've ended up worse with more hurt on both sides. And while I do feel regret in some ways in terms of not going into the relationship, I might've felt more regret if I didn't bring up these doubts sooner while continuing the relationship. @puporing Yeah true. Especially considering her history of past trauma, I probably should've told her earlier that I might not be ready yet for something too serious. Yeah, it was never in my intentions to lead her on because I thought we were just waiting to see where things went, but I guess that's just my inexperience and indecisiveness. @Esilda Haha, I'm a man in progress @Roy Yeah true. And that's one of the reasons I brought up these doubts before sex because I knew it would lead to more hurt if I brought it up afterwards. And yeah, I think she meant that she could move with me if I move so that the relationship wouldn't be jeopardized, but it still caught me off guard and I didn't give a straight answer because that just put way too much pressure on me and it's too far ahead for sure to know. Despite it being awkward at work with her, yeah I'm trying to be as professional as I can be and I'm sure it's the same for her. Yeah, I believe not texting her and giving her space might be the best. But on the other hand, a part of me wants to text her just to tell her that I'm fine with being friends and that I enjoyed talking with her and to show her that I do care about her. But I can see where you're coming from with not texting her as this may just delay the healing process for her and may confuse and anger her even more. Also, she may not even be willing to hear "being friends" yet. It feels like a genuine reason for me to text her, but if I do text her, it would be a while before I do anyway. But maybe just cutting her off completely might be best for the both of us. And actually before her telling me to "leave her alone" I did apologize to her. Yeah, over the past few years I've been working to find my life purpose and doing small bets projects. It's coming together, but slowly. And I'm also thinking about where to move. Yeah it's probably best to have my shit together (at least a good chunk of it) when entering a relationship and to know what I want, so I have my girlfriend feeling secure.

Ok so about a week ago, this girl and I who have been seeing each other for like 2-3 weeks (2-3 hangouts) broke up and I've been feeling like shit about it since. It's getting better but it's still hard. In addition to us seeing each other, we have been talking for about 5 months over text and at work (which is where we met) as friends until we both told each other on the first hangout that we liked one another. So anyway, the reason we broke up is that she brought something up about one of her exes moving away last minute without giving her notice and I thought about bringing up the fact that I plan on moving in the near future as well (maybe in like two years or so). This started an argument in which it would be hard to maintain a long-distance relationship, and she also brought up the possibility of moving with me that I was kinda hesitant to give a straight answer. Then I revealed more doubts that I've had for a while. I brought up the fact that I feel unsure about a relationship right now even though I like her. Also, I've never been in a relationship nor have I had much experience with girls. I told her I would like to be in a relationship, but I would possibly like to also see other people (which I shouldn't have brought up) in the future. She thought that I meant that I wanted an open relationship when that's not at all that I was conveying. I told her that if I was in a relationship I wouldn't see other people, but since I'm having doubts right about being in one, that's why I brought up possibly seeing other people (but I still shouldn't have brought up this part up since it gave the impression that I would see other girls at the same time). And since she wanted an answer that night, I thought about it and thought that it might be best to call it quits if I don't know for sure what I want. It wasn't easy but I thought it was the best option. And she was very mad at me. Also since she has had lots of trauma in the past and has been screwed over many times in relationships and uses toxic ways of coping like habitual weed use, I didn't want to drag her too far along and hurt her considering my doubts and indecisiveness on the matter. I'm also a virgin, and I wanted sex but I thought that it would've led to more hurt for her if I brought up these doubts up afterwards. And then it would've really made it seem like I was just using her. Also, all we did for these hangouts was makeout, cuddle, and sleep in her bed. The one thing I disagree with her on is the fact that I thought it was early enough to bring up these doubts considering the time frame, but she said I should've made my intentions clear from the beginning before even iniating stuff like kissing, cuddling, and sleeping over. Sure maybe the cuddling and sleeping over gave the impression of wanting to be/being in a relationship (I probs shouldn't have done that part), but I still thought these were the early stages of dating and we both wanted to take things slow, but I guess we interpret that word differently. And I also feel like it's weird to say from the beginning that you want a relationship or not because isn't one of the aspects of dating seeing if your affection for someone grows and then you start talking about commitment and such? Correct me if I'm wrong. For her, it was either two options: she wanted a relationship or not one at all. For her, she knows what she wants and for me, I feel so unsure and doubtful which is what's stressing me more than the breakup itself. Like I really enjoyed spending time with her and I like her. Even though she wasn't the hottest she was still cute and the emotional connection we had was great and we had quite a bit in common. I do miss her. Even if we were just friends again, I would absolutely be fine with that. I feel like my mind is split and it's stressful. I also believe myself to struggle with OCD (specifically Pure-O) which may be one of the reasons for the consistent doubting and overthinking in general and about this matter. Over the past week we've texted. She initiated and wanted clarification on what I meant and it basically came down to me being honest and saying that I'm unsure about what I want. She got mad (which I don't blame her) and ended the conversation with "just fckin leave me alone man, I'm done". And we haven't texted since. Although since we work together (sometimes), it's been awkward, quiet, and tense between us. Regardless whether we start talking again or not, I believe it's best to just give her space. Or maybe should I give it time and then text her? A part of me is really regretting saying no to this relationship and thinks that I should have just gone ahead with it. But even if I did go back into it, these doubts of mine would probably linger in her head making it harder for her to trust me. And then what if later I decided to break it off, it will just be harder for the both of us. I also thought recently that maybe what I wanted was something like a situationship or something causal, but that wouldn't fly with her. I've been having many questions lately. Should I just sleep with a bunch of girls and then get into a relationship? Do I want her back because what we had was special, or is it just the want of intimacy and closeness? Should I text her again? Maybe I was having a lot of these doubts because deep down I knew she wasn't right for me? Or is my OCD causing these doubts and should I get a handle on that? Should I get back with her and see where it goes? Did I make the right choice? Should I just move on? I just have so many questions and it's hard to get clear answers. Any advice on what I should do, shouldn't have done and next steps to take would be very much appreciated and thank you for taking the time to read this!

@flowboy Thank you for the advice! Means a lot I do have a meditation practice, but for the past couple of years, I haven't been taking it as seriously as when I had started. So I know I must meditate more seriously. I've tried shamanic breathing and have watched Leo's video on it. The practice is definitely a powerful one, which I would like to try out again. I feel like my biggest issue with regards to realizing my life purpose is listening to my intuition. Yes, I agree that I have to train my intuition more. I think the problem that I have with this is that I tend to overthink a lot when it comes to making important decisions like these. I think too much and have a hard time just being present and listening to what my intuition has to say; The reason why I don't do this I believe is that I am scared of what possible truths will be revealed to me (some that I may not like). Also, as I said before, I struggle with ocd and deal with intrusive thoughts and anxiety a lot. I feel like this makes the process of finding my life purpose more difficult as it is hard to identify whether I am perceiving intuition or intrusive thoughts/anxious thoughts. You are right though, I should probably try out all of these things and see which one clicks best and then go from there. Currently I am making music, I'm writing ideas for a short film with my buddy now, so at least this is a start. I would like to play sports again to see if I really do like it and I should try writing some jokes for comedy possibly. I know it might seem weird to have made this post when I just started the Finding your life purpose section in the life purpose course, but the reason I wrote it is that I feel unsure whether the answers that I am giving in the course are authentic or not, and I just wanted to see what yall thought of my situation. Anyways, thanks again for the helpful tips, I appreciate it!

Hi, so last year I made a post surrounding life purpose and how the variety of choices have been making it stressful and confusing for me as I'm having a hard time deciding. In that post, I said that I will need to figure things out. So cut to now and I am currently doing Leo's Life Purpose Course a second time. As of now, I am currently in the "Finding Your Life Purpose" section. When I completed the course the first time, I thought that I had done it well, and basically came to the conclusion that my life purpose was in the realms of music. However, over time I've been second-guessing myself on whether it's really my true passion and if I like it as much as I think I do. Essentially this reason led me to retake the course again so that I could see if it was true or if it is something else. In this post, there are a few points that I will make regarding this situation (of finding my life purpose) and will ask questions and hopefully receive some advice to help me navigate this situation better. First is about the path of music and whether it really is my passion and if I'm just doubting it or whether I'm just holding onto it because of fear and unwillingness to let go. Second is the variety of other interests that I have including film, comedy, and etc. The third is the constant struggle of identifying athletics as my calling or whether it is just my anxiety and ocd messing with me. Ever since I have decided upon my life purpose being music when I first completed the course, I have been making music and have gone to a 1-year college program regarding music. I enjoy making music on logic pro (mostly composing), writing lyrics, singing, conveying emotions through sound and conveying themes through lyrics. Also, for a long time, I've been wanting to perform live music with a band. However, due to covid, I'd have to wait a bit until restrictions lift if I wanted to pursue this. Although, my biggest obstacle to pursuing music is with regards to my brother. Now I'm not casting blame on him, it's just there are a few reasons I have as to why I'm doubting myself. First off, he listens to way more music than me (like a few albums per day), while I sometimes don't even listen to music during the day. Also, another reason is that he usually brings up music as a topic for conversation, which I tend to find boring and irritating. And the reason for this I think is that it's boring and shallow. For example, he'll say he listened to a new album or talk about the production aspects of an album, which is just redundant to me; This has literally been a topic of conversation with us for years, as all we talk about is just art. This tends to make me feel guilty since at the moment music is my life purpose yet I find talking about music at times boring and don't listen to a lot of new music. A part of me thinks it could be jealously towards him since he's more musically educated, but I'm not quite sure. However, when it comes to conversation, I guess I'm more interested in talking about more substantive things about the world rather than minuscule technical things. I could be losing interest in music, but I still love making music and have many ideas of what I could do if it were my life purpose. The next point is the fact that I have many other interests besides music including film, comedy, and podcasting. Sometimes my interests and tastes will shift in a 180 direction. Even though it still could be music, I do feel like these other options are legit as well. Over the course of the past year, I've been watching a lot of comedy podcasts and some standup. This has piqued my interest in comedy as I love to laugh and make others laugh as well. However, I'm still not sure if this would be enough to fulfill me as I would want to create deep work and I feel that comedy can be shallow at times. Filmmaking and directing is also another interest that I find fascinating and fun as I have made short films in the past. I love to tell and write stories and convey ideas through visuals and having a visual style as well. Additionally, in terms of making films, I enjoy the process of writing a movie's story, filming, and editing the movie in post. As well, I like collaborating with others as we get to exchange ideas and have fun while on set. Another interest of mine is podcasting. Now this one isn't necessarily something that would completely fulfill my life purpose but could be part of it. After all, I do love having deep conversations with others and talking about metaphysical, political, and creative topics/ideas. Lastly, is the dilemma regarding my struggles with figuring out whether athletics is my true life purpose or merely just anxiety and my ocd messing with my head. Now for those of you who may have read some of my previous posts, I have struggled with this situation since the first time I was doing the course. However, now I have possibly gotten more insight and clarity or am just confusing myself more. So usually when it comes to me thinking about my life purpose options, it's usually around music, film, comedy and such. However, sometimes the athletics thought will come into my head and will make me anxious. The reason why it makes me anxious and sometimes feeling dread is that even though I used to be athletic when I was younger, I have since separated myself from that identity, and am more "artsy" now I guess. I guess I fear that what if I really am meant to be an athlete and the whole art thing is just a facade and is not really authentic and that I have just been suppressing this athletic side of me for a long time. About a month ago, this situation was nagging me and for the first time I finally just accepted it as a possibility and I noticed the fear and dread disappear and was replaced with calm and clarity. This has happened a few more times as it had come up and I just accepted it and it felt real and true. However, the idea of this being a real and true kind scares me since I know it would be emotionally difficult for me to pursue a life purpose in athletics and having to change my identity into something that I've suppressed for a while. Another thing is that I was recently watching some of the Stanley Cup playoffs because my favourite team was in. I noticed when I first started watching it felt uncomfortable for me since I felt weird for actually enjoying it. After this, I started feeling a little more comfortable with the idea. However, I still fear it as I know it would be an uncomfortable change and am still unsure whether this should actually be my life purpose. Even though I consciously may not want this, I feel like there is a subconscious part of me that craves it, and I can feel it. However, as I said before, part of me believes that this could be ocd. I do struggle with ocd and intrusive thoughts and know that ocd can make me obsess over things and sometimes give me false feelings, so it can be hard for me to tell. Although, this could just be me making an excuse and athletics could be the real thing. Here's the thing, if I were to pursue athletics as a life purpose, I feel like there would be no impact, which I know Leo has touched on with regards to sports and I agree. I think the big thing that I am struggling with is that I feel a war waging in my head. A part of me wants to pursue a creative craft, while another part of me wants to be more kinesthetic and athletic. Mentally it makes more sense for me to pursue something in the arts, but something else (maybe intuition) is telling me sports. I know this is a long post, and I'm sorry for my rambling, but I really needed to just get this out. Maybe it is obvious to whoever's reading this, that I am deceiving myself in one way or another, but I would like you guys to be completely straight up with me if you have any advice or possible truths that you have observed. Here are some questions I have for yall. Do you think that music is still my passion and that I may be jealous of my brother and doubting myself or do you think that I am clearly losing interest in this field and should move on? Is athletics my real passion and am I just deceiving myself that it isn't and that I'm afraid or is this just ocd and myself overthinking? Should I pursue something else like comedy or film and maybe do small bets? What should I do and how should I go about things? Any advice or thoughts on these matters would be truly appreciated and needed. I hope to hear your thoughts and opinions. Thank you

To everyone who responded, I would like to say thank you for your advice and comments! I'm sorry I hadn't responded back a lot sooner to the replies in this post. I must have gotten high and forgotten all about them! This advice has helped me quite a bit. Ever since I had made this post in September 2019 (Woah, a long time ago) I have ingested weed in the form of edible capsules lots of times. I have to say that it is a pretty great tool for expanding one's own mind and creativity (especially with my music). Personally, I haven't had any problems with addiction to it, as I do not take edibles daily or often. Since they are pretty powerful (depending on the dose), I take them sporadically. Also this past year I have come to believe that I have OCD, so I am a lot more cautious when it comes to using such a substance since I worry that weed may make matters (such as my anxiety and intrusive thoughts) worse. With that being said though, most of my experiences have been great and mind-opening as well! So again, I would like to thank y'all for the advice and enjoy the high life

@Raptorsin7 My other areas of life are alright I guess; I am currently finishing college. I do meditate every day, but I wouldn't necessarily say that I am on the path to enlightenment (yet). That's true, it really is hard to say what we would be happier with and sometimes we just need to go with our gut. I think my problem is that I seek people's validation on the forum more so than their advice. So I'll just have to go with my gut and maybe try some new things out and see where they take me. I really do feel like music is my life purpose since I am passionate about the medium and about sending my message (making an impact) through it. But sometimes I get these other feelings and urges towards other endeavours like film and such. And as I had said in my prior post, I felt a deep resistance towards athletics and still can't decipher whether that's a signal for my life purpose or whether it is just because I am am not as physically active as I was when I was younger and enjoyed playing some of these sports/games. Yes, podcasting is very much a passion of mine as well. Although, I do not want to have too many things/mediums to master as this will become more frustrating and unfocused. But anyways, thank you for your advice! Now it's time to put on my big boy diapers and figure this out

So last year I had made a post regarding my choice of my life purpose. After lots of consideration, I had decided to dive into music and had went into a college program for it as well; also I'm currently working on an album. However, lately I have taken a step back and have been reconsidering my options such as other endeavours such as podcasting, film, comedy, and etc. And then yesterday I was rewatching some of the Life Purpose Course videos. When I was watching the Zone of Genius video, Leo mentioned that your life purpose should scare the shit out of you. And yes I absolutely understand and agree with this since the thing that excites you or a big dream that you have can be frightening with regards to stepping out of your comfort zone and achieving it. However, when this point had came up, I had thought of athletics and sports and this had started to scare me. Now here's the thing @Leo Gura and other forum members, I really have no interest or passion in sports. When I was younger I did have an interest and did play sports, but then as I had grew up that interest had died. Now I'm not sure what to think of this. Over the past day I've been feeling very anxious and frustrated about this and part of me is thinking that what if I am fearing having a life purpose that I do not have an interest in or do I actually have a passion for this which is repressed (I take the whole notion of life purpose very seriously, so maybe I'm overthinking this). Does this mean I secretly have a passion for athletics and sports or is my mind just playing games with me? Maybe I'm misinterpreting or not understanding Leo's point. What do you guys think about this whole situation? What do you think I should do? It would be much appreciated if I can get some clarification and advice, thank you

For the past few months of watching this content and becoming familiar with psychedelics and their power to transcend one's own state of consciousness and give mystical insights, I have highly considered trying them in my life. Part of me is a little hesitant as of now since I'm thinking that it would be best to try them when my brain has fully developed (I'm only 19) and when I am a little more spiritually developed as well (I feel that they may be too powerful and intense for me as of now). However, during these past few months I have also considered the possibility of smoking weed as well, or at least trying it once rather than it becoming a regular habit. Now based on many of the research that I have done, there seems to be many pros and cons on each side. Now the reason that I want to try weed at least once is that I want to experience some insights (creative or mystical) and get in touch with myself deeper. Now based on what I have heard, psychedelics are a lot more intense in every way than that of weed. Part of me does think that weed would be a good stepping stone into psychedelics. Although, one of the things that I worry about is if weed becomes an addiction, which I hear can become common for people. But then again I am not necessarily interested in making this into a routine or habit, but instead just want to try it at least once. Obviously I know that I would need to take the appropriate dosage, but I am just scared that if I take it this one time it may fuck me up in some way. So anyways, do you think that I should smoke weed or not? Is there harm in trying it once or a few times? What are your perspectives on it? Also, feel free to share any experiences to keep me better informed @Leo Gura it seems to me that your views on weed are mixed. Do you believe that its effects are more positive or negative to an individual? Thank you for reading!