Ross Labby

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  1. @flowboy Thank you for the advice! Means a lot I do have a meditation practice, but for the past couple of years, I haven't been taking it as seriously as when I had started. So I know I must meditate more seriously. I've tried shamanic breathing and have watched Leo's video on it. The practice is definitely a powerful one, which I would like to try out again. I feel like my biggest issue with regards to realizing my life purpose is listening to my intuition. Yes, I agree that I have to train my intuition more. I think the problem that I have with this is that I tend to overthink a lot when it comes to making important decisions like these. I think too much and have a hard time just being present and listening to what my intuition has to say; The reason why I don't do this I believe is that I am scared of what possible truths will be revealed to me (some that I may not like). Also, as I said before, I struggle with ocd and deal with intrusive thoughts and anxiety a lot. I feel like this makes the process of finding my life purpose more difficult as it is hard to identify whether I am perceiving intuition or intrusive thoughts/anxious thoughts. You are right though, I should probably try out all of these things and see which one clicks best and then go from there. Currently I am making music, I'm writing ideas for a short film with my buddy now, so at least this is a start. I would like to play sports again to see if I really do like it and I should try writing some jokes for comedy possibly. I know it might seem weird to have made this post when I just started the Finding your life purpose section in the life purpose course, but the reason I wrote it is that I feel unsure whether the answers that I am giving in the course are authentic or not, and I just wanted to see what yall thought of my situation. Anyways, thanks again for the helpful tips, I appreciate it!
  2. Hi, so last year I made a post surrounding life purpose and how the variety of choices have been making it stressful and confusing for me as I'm having a hard time deciding. In that post, I said that I will need to figure things out. So cut to now and I am currently doing Leo's Life Purpose Course a second time. As of now, I am currently in the "Finding Your Life Purpose" section. When I completed the course the first time, I thought that I had done it well, and basically came to the conclusion that my life purpose was in the realms of music. However, over time I've been second-guessing myself on whether it's really my true passion and if I like it as much as I think I do. Essentially this reason led me to retake the course again so that I could see if it was true or if it is something else. In this post, there are a few points that I will make regarding this situation (of finding my life purpose) and will ask questions and hopefully receive some advice to help me navigate this situation better. First is about the path of music and whether it really is my passion and if I'm just doubting it or whether I'm just holding onto it because of fear and unwillingness to let go. Second is the variety of other interests that I have including film, comedy, and etc. The third is the constant struggle of identifying athletics as my calling or whether it is just my anxiety and ocd messing with me. Ever since I have decided upon my life purpose being music when I first completed the course, I have been making music and have gone to a 1-year college program regarding music. I enjoy making music on logic pro (mostly composing), writing lyrics, singing, conveying emotions through sound and conveying themes through lyrics. Also, for a long time, I've been wanting to perform live music with a band. However, due to covid, I'd have to wait a bit until restrictions lift if I wanted to pursue this. Although, my biggest obstacle to pursuing music is with regards to my brother. Now I'm not casting blame on him, it's just there are a few reasons I have as to why I'm doubting myself. First off, he listens to way more music than me (like a few albums per day), while I sometimes don't even listen to music during the day. Also, another reason is that he usually brings up music as a topic for conversation, which I tend to find boring and irritating. And the reason for this I think is that it's boring and shallow. For example, he'll say he listened to a new album or talk about the production aspects of an album, which is just redundant to me; This has literally been a topic of conversation with us for years, as all we talk about is just art. This tends to make me feel guilty since at the moment music is my life purpose yet I find talking about music at times boring and don't listen to a lot of new music. A part of me thinks it could be jealously towards him since he's more musically educated, but I'm not quite sure. However, when it comes to conversation, I guess I'm more interested in talking about more substantive things about the world rather than minuscule technical things. I could be losing interest in music, but I still love making music and have many ideas of what I could do if it were my life purpose. The next point is the fact that I have many other interests besides music including film, comedy, and podcasting. Sometimes my interests and tastes will shift in a 180 direction. Even though it still could be music, I do feel like these other options are legit as well. Over the course of the past year, I've been watching a lot of comedy podcasts and some standup. This has piqued my interest in comedy as I love to laugh and make others laugh as well. However, I'm still not sure if this would be enough to fulfill me as I would want to create deep work and I feel that comedy can be shallow at times. Filmmaking and directing is also another interest that I find fascinating and fun as I have made short films in the past. I love to tell and write stories and convey ideas through visuals and having a visual style as well. Additionally, in terms of making films, I enjoy the process of writing a movie's story, filming, and editing the movie in post. As well, I like collaborating with others as we get to exchange ideas and have fun while on set. Another interest of mine is podcasting. Now this one isn't necessarily something that would completely fulfill my life purpose but could be part of it. After all, I do love having deep conversations with others and talking about metaphysical, political, and creative topics/ideas. Lastly, is the dilemma regarding my struggles with figuring out whether athletics is my true life purpose or merely just anxiety and my ocd messing with my head. Now for those of you who may have read some of my previous posts, I have struggled with this situation since the first time I was doing the course. However, now I have possibly gotten more insight and clarity or am just confusing myself more. So usually when it comes to me thinking about my life purpose options, it's usually around music, film, comedy and such. However, sometimes the athletics thought will come into my head and will make me anxious. The reason why it makes me anxious and sometimes feeling dread is that even though I used to be athletic when I was younger, I have since separated myself from that identity, and am more "artsy" now I guess. I guess I fear that what if I really am meant to be an athlete and the whole art thing is just a facade and is not really authentic and that I have just been suppressing this athletic side of me for a long time. About a month ago, this situation was nagging me and for the first time I finally just accepted it as a possibility and I noticed the fear and dread disappear and was replaced with calm and clarity. This has happened a few more times as it had come up and I just accepted it and it felt real and true. However, the idea of this being a real and true kind scares me since I know it would be emotionally difficult for me to pursue a life purpose in athletics and having to change my identity into something that I've suppressed for a while. Another thing is that I was recently watching some of the Stanley Cup playoffs because my favourite team was in. I noticed when I first started watching it felt uncomfortable for me since I felt weird for actually enjoying it. After this, I started feeling a little more comfortable with the idea. However, I still fear it as I know it would be an uncomfortable change and am still unsure whether this should actually be my life purpose. Even though I consciously may not want this, I feel like there is a subconscious part of me that craves it, and I can feel it. However, as I said before, part of me believes that this could be ocd. I do struggle with ocd and intrusive thoughts and know that ocd can make me obsess over things and sometimes give me false feelings, so it can be hard for me to tell. Although, this could just be me making an excuse and athletics could be the real thing. Here's the thing, if I were to pursue athletics as a life purpose, I feel like there would be no impact, which I know Leo has touched on with regards to sports and I agree. I think the big thing that I am struggling with is that I feel a war waging in my head. A part of me wants to pursue a creative craft, while another part of me wants to be more kinesthetic and athletic. Mentally it makes more sense for me to pursue something in the arts, but something else (maybe intuition) is telling me sports. I know this is a long post, and I'm sorry for my rambling, but I really needed to just get this out. Maybe it is obvious to whoever's reading this, that I am deceiving myself in one way or another, but I would like you guys to be completely straight up with me if you have any advice or possible truths that you have observed. Here are some questions I have for yall. Do you think that music is still my passion and that I may be jealous of my brother and doubting myself or do you think that I am clearly losing interest in this field and should move on? Is athletics my real passion and am I just deceiving myself that it isn't and that I'm afraid or is this just ocd and myself overthinking? Should I pursue something else like comedy or film and maybe do small bets? What should I do and how should I go about things? Any advice or thoughts on these matters would be truly appreciated and needed. I hope to hear your thoughts and opinions. Thank you
  3. To everyone who responded, I would like to say thank you for your advice and comments! I'm sorry I hadn't responded back a lot sooner to the replies in this post. I must have gotten high and forgotten all about them! This advice has helped me quite a bit. Ever since I had made this post in September 2019 (Woah, a long time ago) I have ingested weed in the form of edible capsules lots of times. I have to say that it is a pretty great tool for expanding one's own mind and creativity (especially with my music). Personally, I haven't had any problems with addiction to it, as I do not take edibles daily or often. Since they are pretty powerful (depending on the dose), I take them sporadically. Also this past year I have come to believe that I have OCD, so I am a lot more cautious when it comes to using such a substance since I worry that weed may make matters (such as my anxiety and intrusive thoughts) worse. With that being said though, most of my experiences have been great and mind-opening as well! So again, I would like to thank y'all for the advice and enjoy the high life
  4. @Raptorsin7 My other areas of life are alright I guess; I am currently finishing college. I do meditate every day, but I wouldn't necessarily say that I am on the path to enlightenment (yet). That's true, it really is hard to say what we would be happier with and sometimes we just need to go with our gut. I think my problem is that I seek people's validation on the forum more so than their advice. So I'll just have to go with my gut and maybe try some new things out and see where they take me. I really do feel like music is my life purpose since I am passionate about the medium and about sending my message (making an impact) through it. But sometimes I get these other feelings and urges towards other endeavours like film and such. And as I had said in my prior post, I felt a deep resistance towards athletics and still can't decipher whether that's a signal for my life purpose or whether it is just because I am am not as physically active as I was when I was younger and enjoyed playing some of these sports/games. Yes, podcasting is very much a passion of mine as well. Although, I do not want to have too many things/mediums to master as this will become more frustrating and unfocused. But anyways, thank you for your advice! Now it's time to put on my big boy diapers and figure this out
  5. So last year I had made a post regarding my choice of my life purpose. After lots of consideration, I had decided to dive into music and had went into a college program for it as well; also I'm currently working on an album. However, lately I have taken a step back and have been reconsidering my options such as other endeavours such as podcasting, film, comedy, and etc. And then yesterday I was rewatching some of the Life Purpose Course videos. When I was watching the Zone of Genius video, Leo mentioned that your life purpose should scare the shit out of you. And yes I absolutely understand and agree with this since the thing that excites you or a big dream that you have can be frightening with regards to stepping out of your comfort zone and achieving it. However, when this point had came up, I had thought of athletics and sports and this had started to scare me. Now here's the thing @Leo Gura and other forum members, I really have no interest or passion in sports. When I was younger I did have an interest and did play sports, but then as I had grew up that interest had died. Now I'm not sure what to think of this. Over the past day I've been feeling very anxious and frustrated about this and part of me is thinking that what if I am fearing having a life purpose that I do not have an interest in or do I actually have a passion for this which is repressed (I take the whole notion of life purpose very seriously, so maybe I'm overthinking this). Does this mean I secretly have a passion for athletics and sports or is my mind just playing games with me? Maybe I'm misinterpreting or not understanding Leo's point. What do you guys think about this whole situation? What do you think I should do? It would be much appreciated if I can get some clarification and advice, thank you
  6. For the past few months of watching this content and becoming familiar with psychedelics and their power to transcend one's own state of consciousness and give mystical insights, I have highly considered trying them in my life. Part of me is a little hesitant as of now since I'm thinking that it would be best to try them when my brain has fully developed (I'm only 19) and when I am a little more spiritually developed as well (I feel that they may be too powerful and intense for me as of now). However, during these past few months I have also considered the possibility of smoking weed as well, or at least trying it once rather than it becoming a regular habit. Now based on many of the research that I have done, there seems to be many pros and cons on each side. Now the reason that I want to try weed at least once is that I want to experience some insights (creative or mystical) and get in touch with myself deeper. Now based on what I have heard, psychedelics are a lot more intense in every way than that of weed. Part of me does think that weed would be a good stepping stone into psychedelics. Although, one of the things that I worry about is if weed becomes an addiction, which I hear can become common for people. But then again I am not necessarily interested in making this into a routine or habit, but instead just want to try it at least once. Obviously I know that I would need to take the appropriate dosage, but I am just scared that if I take it this one time it may fuck me up in some way. So anyways, do you think that I should smoke weed or not? Is there harm in trying it once or a few times? What are your perspectives on it? Also, feel free to share any experiences to keep me better informed @Leo Gura it seems to me that your views on weed are mixed. Do you believe that its effects are more positive or negative to an individual? Thank you for reading!
  7. @Michael569 Yes, it is true that the harder we try the more distant the answer is. I think that instead of just wondering about what it is, I will actually take action and try things out without wanting my passion to arrive at the doorstep right away. Therefore, this will allow me to see things more clearly as I will begin to intuitively gravitate towards the things I like best. It would probably also be wise to contemplate and journal more often since these practices would give clearer insights. Thank you very much
  8. @OctagonOctopus @JustThinkingAloud Yes definitely, I would love to do both. Incorporating many of these areas would be amazing as well as overseeing everything too. It can give the art more depth. However though, in terms of mastering a particular medium I would like to focus my attention mostly on one thing since it would become distracting trying to master two or more things at once. Thank you for your advice
  9. So first things first is that early on during the year I had decided that my medium and domain of mastery had been music. Ever since, I have been practicing my skills in songwriting, guitar, and singing. Also I have been visioning and fantasizing about doing live performance in front of large crowds of people. But for some reason, over the past 3 weeks or month I have been becoming bored and not excited anymore. And for a while I was thinking that this is most likely resistance as I am just on a plateau. However, it kept dragging on and was starting to think that maybe this whole vision of me becoming a musician and my passion for it isn't strong enough and is something that I am not the most passionate about. During this time, my old passion for filmmaking had emerged and I was excited by it more so than music. And here's the thing though, before this dilemma had occurred I had been in a high school course that had dealt with recording music while I had also been experimenting with one of the programs at home too. I had enjoyed it, but recently my interests have been shifting. After thinking about this every single day, I believe that I am very visual and like to see things. But on the other hand though, music is the medium that I consume the most. While thinking about this subject as well, lately I've been thinking that even though my desire for live performance is still somewhat authentic, in many ways it also seems ego driven due to the fact that I crave attention and validation from people. Even though it may seem to me that music is the thing that I enjoy most, the best and most passionate ideas that I have had, had to do with film. While part of me likes words since they can send a message directly , I also love story telling through visuals. One thing that I love about film though is that it combines both visuals and music. But then like I said, I am very attracted to writing and speaking my message rather than showing (but it's the same for vice versa as well). Going back to live performance, part of it that I want is to be seen (again it's hard to decipher whether it's ego or authentic......I'll probably just have to try it out at some point). Anyways, I recently had a sit with myself and decided that I wanted to do a project (a small bet of such) of either medium before my summer holidays end. And based on the fact that I am already going to do a music program in college by the start of September, I chose to do a film project beforehand. When I decided this, it put a stop to the mind chatter..............for a bit. For the first three days I had began writing a script and story for my film and was very fun. And here's the funny thing, for the first days and especially the fourth, my mind was telling me that I should go back to music instead, so like.....WTF!! Right there I was starting to realize that what if all of this "mental masturbation" is just a form of resistance for me to be indecisive and not take action. Although, part of me is thinking also what if my passion is still music and if this film project is just a distraction from the long term dream or what if I do really want to do this film project and am feeling resistance. Sorry if this seems incoherent.....but that's the way it feels in my mind So if anyone has any advice or tips on what I should do, that would be a great help. Thanks again for reading my post and for the support
  10. @Wyatt Actually, a music manager is something that I have no interest in at all (as of now that is). I didn't quite clarify or elaborate on what I was talking about. When I was going on about me not liking the recording studio, what I meant was that I am not a big fan of the producer and computer aspect of it. The part I would want to be though is the performer. An internship could be helpful. Thank you for your input.
  11. @Adam M Yeah, you're right! Going to OCAD for the prestige would be the wrong decision. Deep down I think I really want to do music. It is true that after one year I will have new ideas about what I want to have and do in life. Thanks for that insight! Actually after reviewing some of the programs that I applied to, one that I like is a film program at Laurentian university which allows for electives in music and theatre to be chosen. So, I am not quite sure if I should go with this program which is more diverse and open or the one that is clear cut and narrow (the music program). But I will need to think about this more. Thanks again!
  12. @Revolutionary Think hmmm, I never thought of that. That’s an option to think about for the future. Thanks!
  13. Ok, here we go! So I must decide which university or college that will attend by around May 1st. Although it may sound like a last minute idea to ask for help now, the two schools that I was waiting to hear from just responded back to me recently. I live in Canada, so the two schools that I got accepted to are Cambrian College and OCAD U. The Cambrian program is Independent Music Production, while OCAD is Drawing and Painting. The music program is one year, while the drawing and painting is four years. Now I am in the middle of a big dilemma because for the most part I have decided that my life purpose is within music (particularly singer/songwriter). So obviously it would seem that I should go with the music rather than the art program. But here's the thing... like I said, the music is ONLY 1 year, while the art is 4 years. Not to mention the fact that the music program that I applied to is not necessarily the best program (kinda average), while OCAD is literally ranked among the best art schools in Canada. I had to submit portfolios for both programs (to which I had got accepted to both) and felt flattered and validated since I had been accepted to OCAD (but that is only because it is regarded as one of the best). However, if I do take the music one, there is another music program for performance at Cambrian which is 3 years in length. Ideally I would take that after, but what if I do not get accepted. And I am well aware that university and college education is not the be all end all of life, but it is still an important decision that I must consider for the next few years of my life. So which one do you think I should attend to? and if you have any other advice just let me know. Also, to add onto my life purpose in music, I have been having some doubts and questions about my choice. First off, I have taken a music program at my high school that allows me to use the recording studio, which I have used and recorded stuff. To be quite honest, I find it a little boring after using it for a bit. But I am not sure if that boredom is just a sign of resistance, a result of the work environment itself, or a legit disinterest in the process. But I always have my big grand vision in mind that gets me excited and ambitious. However, part of me really wants all of the fame and glory of being a musician including forms of it like admiration, sex, love, and all of that material and social shit. Like for example, I have never been in a relationship, had sex, or had great amounts of social status. Part of me is just thinking that this lust for all of this material stuff is just a sign that I must fulfill these needs within Spiral Dynamics stage orange. Obviously I will need to put attention into this stuff separately from my life purpose, but part of me still wants fame and glory with my life purpose. So is this a bad sign for my life purpose? Should I find a new one? Or is this just a natural phase/process as I will eventually get sick of the fame? Because overall I really do enjoy songwriting, singing and playing an instrument. On the other hand, I still love the visual side of art. On a side note, after thinking and contemplating about my life purpose, part of me is more attracted to the live performance aspect of music than studio (even though studio is still great and essential). Thank you for reading and I hope to hear your advice!
  14. Here’s some of the juice that I extracted:
  15. This song brings out the melancholy in me and makes me think about my life. It truly is inspirational and special!