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About renegade_bee

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  1. @ajasatya How would you know this? There is no evidence. @Leo Gura Can I get your opinion? I don't know what else to do in my situation.
  2. Hello everyone, This gets a bit heavy but I didn't know where else to post this, I'll probably put it on reddit too. I'm an 18 year old male. Normally I should be excited for the life ahead and all its possibilities. My situation is a bit different. Very soon, I will take my own life. I know the response would be to man up and stop being a victim, which is all good and well when you actually have some control over your circumstances which I have not. Suicide in my case is not a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Let me explain. There are a million things not going right in my life right now. I'm severley depressed and have been for years now. Psychologists and therapists don't help at all. And no I'll never take drugs. I've seen how they changed my mothers personality and I'd rather die than live like that. And I'm not depressed bc of a brain imbalance, I'm depressed bc of the circumstances. However I'm convinced I could fix this if only my circumstances changed. I have extreme social anxiety and few friends. I have a binge eating disorder. My stomach hurts often because of overeating and then dieting/fasting. My dads an alcoholic who has no empathy at all for me. He also is in the beginning stages of Alzheimers (no one knows this; I recognized the symptoms but haven't told anyone). My mom is a wreck and emotionally unstable as well. I'm starting to develop an alcohol problem as well. However I'm convinced I can solve all of the above. My main reason is embarrasing and unsolvable. 4 years ago (when i was 14) I contracted a UTI. I had extreme pain during urination, had frequent urges and had extreme pain during ejaculation. So just go to the doctor and get it fixed, right? Well I did. I went to my GP maybe 12 times in the span of 2 years? He prescribed me all kinds of things (antibiotics, drugs, ...) but nothing helped. Then I went to two urologists. I did every test imaginable, from urine testing to checking inside my bladder with a camera. Again I took lots of different medications for months on end. Nothing helped. At this Point I started becoming extremely desperate. I could live with the urination pain but the worst part of all is the fact that ejaculating hurts so much. I'll never be able to have sex like this. At this point I also started looking into other doctors. I did homeopathy (a scam). Didn't help. I went to a psychologist and a psychiatrist. They told me I should learn to live with this. Fuck that. I went to a herb specialist. Didn't help. I went to a chiropractor. Didn't help. I took supplements that are supposed to kill the pain. Didn't help. I went to a hypnotherapist. Didn't help. I tried affirmations, visualizations, meditation. Didn't help. I'm now 18 and in my first year of college. During every class I have to leave the room with more than a hundred people several times just to go to the bathroom. It's extremely embarrasing. The pain is still there. Nothing. Fucking. Helps. All my friends are getting their lives started and are getting laid and while I'm happy for them, the realisation has now dawned on me that I will never experience this. If it weren't for this problem I would have been able to solve all the rest. I'm failing college as well because I just can't handle this anymore. I'm at my wits end. Therefore I have decided to kill myself the next time my parents are out of town for a night. I'm still researching on what the most painless method is, but aftre putting on some music I'll probably just fill the bathtub, get in and slit my wrists. I still don't know what the meaning of this existence is and why so many people have to suffer so much. I never chose to start this life, but I can choose to end it. I have come to the conclusion that God can't be good. Even if all this suffering is just ego, it's still very real for the people who live through it. Maybe there is an afterlife. I hope its better than this. I don't know why I wrote this or what kind of a response I should expect. Just why not i guess. To anyone reading this, I wish you all the best in life.
  3. @Annie what did you do to fix your gut?
  4. @ChimpBrain Flawed video imo:
  5. So far I've heard very conflicting opinions about this. Any books or people that you recommend I look into?
  6. @Leo Gura Could you share some of your sources? I'm fascinated about this and agree with you, but I'd like to read some more about it
  7. I would love this to be true. I really do. But sadly I think it is just a human bias we have. There's a good chance we're overly optimistic by saying this will happen in 2035, just so we can kid ourselves into believing we'll live forever. Ray Kurzweil strikes me as someone who is terrified of death and can't seem to accept it, so he makes these impossible estimates. He's also not very well respected by his colleges. Nevertheless, there are some very smart people and intellectuals that appear to buy into this theory (Elon Musk and Stephen Hawking come to mind). Also Sam harris talks about this here: A lot of smart people also seem to dismiss it (Chomsky etc,...) I've also heard from people with master in AI that it might never happen, and certainly not anytime soon. Here's a set of counterarguments that it will happen so soon (or ever): I wish this was true as much as the next person, but it appears to be untrue.
  8. Let's not forget about arguably the most powerful technique: hypnosis I did this and had great results for 2 days and then I slacked off due to an unrelated depression. Have tried it since but failed to reach the same deep levels consistently. I hope to learn more about this, and would appreciate it if anyone knew some course/books... I also went to a certified hypnotherapist but she was a hack.
  9. @Piotr @Natasha I just found out I passed all my exams! Your advice/videos helped me and I just wanted to say thank you! The depression and panic attacks aren't over but at least I'm finally done with school.
  10. Doesn't it damage your teeth?
  11. @Natasha problem is I think I really don't have time to make my own milk; how long does it take on average for you? And do you know some youtube channels you were talking about?
  12. I've been vegan for a month now and it's going great. The next step for me is eliminating transfats and high fructose corn syrup from my diet. Problem is that this is in almost everything! Even almondmilk has this, and so much other stuff as well. I don't know any replacements, so where does everyone on this forum buy his food?
  13. I did it for an hour once, but I plan to shatter that record after my exams. Only thing was that my legs were insanely numb. The discipline I gained from it is worth it tho. Now I try to do 20min a day. How long do you do strond determination sitting?
  14. @JevinR What do you think of the course? Worth the price?
  15. I'm definitely buying the life purpose course, I am just hesitant about the book list. It just seems such a weird thing to give money to just a list. @Ray @JevinR Did any of you happen to buy the list?