OrpheusNovum

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  1. From what I've seen, you shouldn't do Ayahuasca alone. There are retreats you can take where you'll be exposed to it gradually over the course of a few days by people who know what they're doing. Of course, I can't imagine how you'd get it from your everyday dealer, but it's worth saying.
  2. That being said on Ayahuasca, throwing up has also been attributed to emotional purging. It can be a positive.
  3. I wanna add personally, this has been a lot of my resistance to self-actualizing. I've had moments where I can see people's feelings clearly, or even know what it is they're going to say before they say it. There's a sort of guilt that follows, as though I've violated someone or done something wrong, so I immediately run back to ego and start making rationalizations again to cope. It's not that it's scary so much as it's a conflict of paradigms. Moving from the state of self-perceiving, or egoic states to an understanding of oneness. @Serotoninluv your comment about peeing on the table was pretty on the nose. Any tips on how to stop running from this?
  4. If you're taking any mind altering substance in any capacity you should be doing far more thorough research than just asking on the forums. You can pull up those answers with google and webMD, dude.
  5. @bmcnicho If I may add, and it may not be pertinent to your situation in particular, but it's always super important to question things, especially medical diagnoses relative to what it might mean for your particular lifestyle: I myself was diagnosed Autistic at 13, something pushed by my mother especially. What I realized eventually was that it was the result of trauma and cognitive dissonance (brain trying to move in two opposite directions at once) because my mother would tell me to behave one way, and I would mirror her behavior which was rife with victim dynamics. I've noticed that a lot of people diagnosed with Autism enter a freeze state in certain situations - mostly social - due to a split in cognitive processing. Tyler (or Owen, whatever he calls himself) from Real Social Dynamics had the same experience and talks about it a lot. It can be different for everyone due to a varying degree of environmental factors, so you'll have to look at it as it applies to you. The reason I say this is because I was able to deconstruct the factors that were causing the behavior, and I think it's been sloppy work at the hands of various psychiatric institutions to put labels on the behaviors when we haven't had the metrics to understand the causes up until the last 10 years. True Autism is caused by a synaptic overgrowth - usually at about age 2 or 3, humans undergo a pruning of synapses to reduce sensory intake. Those whose brains either don't undergo this process or have it stunted will live with the increased sensory input. That of course being said, sensory input can seriously work to your advantage if you're truly Autistic. I mean like one in a million special. Not to mention if you self-actualize with this increased input, you'll probably encounter things others won't, and quicker. Self-inquire about the roots of the behavior, or get a CT scan if possible. Either way, you'll find more to yourself than you bargained for. If you ever want to reach out, I've read a lot about Autism over the last 13 years. Feel free to inbox me.
  6. @Sri McDonald Trump Maharaj You were the laugh I needed, but not the laugh I deserved.
  7. Self-reflecting about porn, and why I started watching it so young. I found porn when I was 10, and got curious about it from that moment onwards. For a long time I've used it as a coping mechanism to provide a false sense of desirability and self-love. I know I need to commit to nofap, and I often make the excuse that it's hard. I think that along with cleaning up my diet and committing to not drinking anymore, I will be a new man.
  8. Took a nap and had a pretty vivid dream. It would seem that someone somewhere wants me to understand something about myself in this world. I'll post the story as follows. I'm in a car with a man I knew somehow. His daughter is missing, presumed dead by fault of wild animal. He's angry - understandably - enough to bring his shotgun with him. He drives down a dead end. It was a small peninsula by a lake, and a wolf comes out of its den by under a tree and walks over to the side of the car. The man takes a few shots, but somehow misses (odd for a shotgun, but hey, it's a dream). I get out of the car, and I must have had something like a heavy stick or something to beat the wolf to death with. I back up onto a ledge and start thinking about how to take this thing out when I start to realize that the wolf has been relatively calm through the whole process. Out of eyesight of the man still sitting in his car, the wolf looks at me, almost lovingly as the emotion wells up within my body. I know in that moment I want no part in killing the wolf, and the dream ends as I wake up.
  9. Back to the basics.
  10. I finally asked myself the question about why I'm so ashamed and fearful of my weight. The answer I came up with is that my weight became an identity I attached to to avoid the pain of home life. I can see that this identity was a way to cope for me, and that I no longer need it. It's terrifying to let go, but freeing. Also made the commitment to stop drinking for good. I'm tired of seeing people I love die and waste their lives. Lost a friend this week, someone I was interested in. We kept rescheduling to do open mic comedy, and then she never responded when we were supposed to go. I guess this is the catalyst I needed to finally get off my ass and go do pickup.
  11. Decided this week that I'm never drinking again for the rest of my life. Been a few weeks since I have and I've never been a heavy drinker, but I've seen it destroy the people I love for years. I firmly believe that the world could change tomorrow if everyone vowed to stop drinking for good today. Plus, Leo said he's never bought a drink before in his life and that's evidence enough for me that it's a habit I should kick. Feels powerful as fuck saying no to that shit.
  12. Giving him attention gives him legitimacy. It's getting tiresome watching someone start a new thread every time this guy opens his facehole.
  13. Welcome back! Rage happens. Reactivity is fear. You only fix it with love.
  14. @mandyjw I only saw through the illusion of it because I chose to embrace what it for what it was: a strength. Teach him that he'll be stronger for it, and you'll do great.