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Everything posted by SQAAD

  1. Hello everyone. Everytime i take a large dose of magic truffles i throw them up. Can't hold them in my stomach. How can i make a tea out of them? Which is the simplest , easiest way? -Thank you!!
  2. What is the universal perspective and how does it look like? Does it have any aversions, desires, preferences, etc? Or is it more like neutral?
  3. Let's say that i become infinitely conscious. I become God and have access to all my deepest imagination. Still i can't be imagining anything i want .... I can't imagine my parents or the world out of existence. I am trapped to obey the physical laws of this earth. I can't imagine anything i want. My imagination is limited to this stupid human form and this earth. I can be imagining all sorts of things like that i am flying but Nobody else will actually see me fly. I can imagine that i kill from distance another person but that actually won't happen other than in my own mind.
  4. After watching Leo's last blog video i got extremely confused to be honest... He said that all desires are perfectly good and normal (i agree) and that we deny & reject many of our desires for social survival reasons. But is that "wrong" anyways? I have many desires. Even desires to kill people. What "should" i do with those kind of desires? Deny them , Accept them or even engage in them? I need a solid advice about this.
  5. A materialistic critique of Leo was saying that 5-meo dmt is a poison and therefore Leo is poisoning himself. Is 5-meo dmt actually a poison?? I definetely wanna try it no matter what. Can't get my hands around it yet though.
  6. Ok so if i'm imagining that im dead then also simultaneously i must be imagining that i am the griefing mother and friends. I can see how God could do that simultaneously since it's one dream. BUT there are other instances where you might be imagining that spiders are crawling under your skin. In this case ONLY you will be IMAGINING this stuff BUT nobody else around you will see the spiders. Does that prove that there is some distinction between Actual Reality vs Fantasy/Delusion?
  7. Ok so i was listening to Martin Ball the other day. He was asked if parallel worlds and various deities that people experience while tripping are true or not. His response was something like that: "It's all projection & ego stuff. But it is NOT your imagination. It's GOD's imagination. The ego confuses it other than itself" Ok so WTF is that supposed to mean? Is it my imagination or God's imagination after all? And isn't it everything God's imagination after all? Isn't physical reality God's imagination? I'm super confused. Please help me out.
  8. @iTommy Yes but at one part Martin Ball says: "The ego confuses it other than itself." I don't understand what he means . Seems like a contradiction to me.
  9. Goal is to accomplish 365 days of celibacy (No fap & No Sex). Noctural emmisions are fine to me. I am not repressing anything. I will keep a journal here as well to keep me accountable. Start Date 29/4/2019 --- End Date 29/5/2019 Days 1-7: Not much thought about sex since i masturbated a LOT prior to that. Day 14th: Massive urges to masturbate. I thought about quitting. The urge was overwhelming. Was afraid if the next days were gonna be like that. Days 15-16: No massive urges to masturbate. Kinda surprised. Day 17th: I ejaculated in my sleep while dreaming having sex with a woman. Very pleasurable. Wasn't upset at all. My streak remains unbroken. Day 18th: Not much sexual desire. A lot weaker than before.Feeling very good & much more confident. But i am expecting strong urges/desires to return in the next days. Day 19th: Started to get a LOT more attention from both women & men than before. Feeling a lil bit horny around women. Nothing signifcant though.
  10. Day 42: Today i was super super horny and bored...So i pulled out my d**k & begun stroking it w/ slow motions initially and faster & faster afterwards. Right before the climax i stopped so i don't ejaculate and ruin my nofap objective. Almost had an accident at one point so i will think twice before doing this again lol.
  11. NO it does NOT count as relapse of course. Unless you pull your dick and start jerking it off then it's NOT a relapse no matter what anyone else says/claims. Wet dreams are perfectly fine and normal unless you are looking to develop some pathologies. Your body needs to release excess sperm somehow. Chill man.
  12. Day 40: Sexual urges, sexual cravings have SIGNIFICANTLY SUBSIDED. I'm kind surprised to be honest BUT still i am expecting to be super horny in the following days. I have trust/belief in the PROCESS . I know that the human body is so intelligent that it will figure out different ways to acclimate . If my body wants to release excess sperm then it will figure out a way to do it. So i am expecting a wet dream in the following days also. I am not repressing anything. I am just transcending/reprogramming my chimp body & mind. We will see how it all goes. In case i quit i will let you know guys. If it wasn't for this journal to keep be accountable i would already have quit... Other than that i am feeling good. I was out for some drinks with female friends 1 hour ago. Made them laugh and have a good time. I decided to never drink alcohol again though. It's not for me anymore. LETS GO!!!!!!!!
  13. Day 37: I'm feeling like a million bucks! My body smells like... like pure testosterone. A smell that kinda makes me feel proud of myself. Also the female attraction is strong & pronounced at this point. Many women are feeling the tremendous power that i carry inside me and they want some of that power for themselves, right inside them. Sorry ladies i don't have time for your needy BS (at least for this year). I despise most human affairs. I see no love . All i see is chimpdom.Most guys don't love their gf. What they really love is them sugar walls. If your gf's vagina tommorrow suddenly disappeared then you would leave her immediately. Am i wrong? So this is your love and this is the reason i despise it. How about having a relationship with a women that you don't have sex with? Sounds insane , i know.
  14. @Shin So far it is very challenging but we will see how it goes. I know from personal experience after the 2nd month period you become Superman.
  15. PLEASE guys don't sabotage my SUPER SUPER IMPORTANT effort here on this Journal. PLease REFRAIN from posting DISCOURAGING/DEMORALIZING/NEGATIVE comments. I don't want to have anything to do with that. My path now is very very important. The reason i do it is because i want something more than the Average Joe. I don't wanna be a slave of my own mind and genital organs. If that is POSSIBLE or not LET ME find out for myself. I don't care about your ideologies here or what science says or what other reports you read elsewhere. Ok? Thank you for your understanding.
  16. @kag101 Hey man PLEASE don't sobotage my VERY VERY IMPORTANT effort. If you don't have anything uplifting to say to help me please just don't sabotage me.
  17. Day 36: Woke up with a HUUUUUUUUUUUGE morning wood, such a strong one didn't have for at least couple of years. Feeling super energized, vibrant and powerful. It's funny how without having sex/masturbating you actually feel more like a man. I feel more like a man than i ever felt in my entire life. I wanna fk the world, i'm ready to make an impact. Not on my screen or a hole though. Something different this time. I wanna make a different kind of impact than the average weak Joe. Starting to feel bad about those who waste their precious energy & are attached to the female genitals. Each and every day is a test of your mental strength while nofapping/abstaining from sex. It is a torture that i kinda start enjoying its pain. It's pain is more beautiful than the pain i get after having sex/mastrubating.
  18. I am on the process of carving out my own unique path in life. I don't care what anyone else is doing anymore. Leo is doing his own thing. I am doing my own thing. You are doing your own thing. I am not willing to live up to others ideals/standards/delusions anymore. Just because someone i admire is dedicating his whole life to point A that doesn't mean that i have to do the same. Everyone disagrees. Have you noticed? So stop being a goddamn sheep.
  19. Days 33-34: Each and every day i can remember my dreams more vividly. This is some piece of anecdotal evidence for all the naysayers about the increased memory retention during NoFap. Day 34th: Today i had a dream of masturbating twice while watching porn. Didn't ejaculate. Also i can remember several others dreams that i had. One of which was kinda wicked. I was Johny Wayne Gayce anxiously mopping the floor in my house so that the police won't find any evidence LOL. This is getting interesting...Can't wait to see how it all plays out.
  20. Days 31-32: Feeling depressed and miserable because of psychological reasons. I am very confused about the Truth and Life in general. I don't know anything at this point anymore. It's uncomfortable. I would prefer to just blindly in something... On the flip side i have lots of energy but today in particular it was a very challenging and emotionally difficult day for me. My mind wants to cope / deal with the sh*t that bothers me using masturbation/porn. That's why today i used overeating as a coping mechanism. Anyways we'll see how it goes. I hope my ego reforms to a new level of identity. The ego resistance is strong at this point.
  21. FIRST OF ALL THIS IS A SERIOUS POST REGARDING A PERSONAL ISSUE OF MINE & I WOULD LIKE ONLY A SERIOUS EXPLANATION/REPLY. One year ago i took 2 tabs of LSD late at night. I had the most epic crazy trip of my life. I literally became infinite & began screaming like a maniac. I woke up my entire family & all the neighbors until later on they called the police/ambulance. I don't remember much of the trip. That trip traumatized me though because for some reason i began screaming to my sister that i want to have sex with her (she is 2 years younger than me). I felt terrible shame aftewards & that shame still hasn't gone completely & my sister to this day hasn't forgotten me. It was so traumatizing that the next day after i woke up i denied that this even happened. I was saying to myself "no no this didn't happen, it was a dream" Until i had a second trip (this time with shrooms) & the repressed memory alongisde with terrible shame came to the surface and i had to deal with it while crying. All i want is to Understand/Comprehend Why did i do this. Consciously i don't have any sexual desire for my sister nor do i fantasize about having sex with her. Is it possible that i have sexual feeling for her in a Subsconscious level that i am not aware of it yet? -Thanks.
  22. Ok so i have been on a NoFap Journey & i am not willing to go back. Already i am looking down upon those who waste their energy like chimps and are attached to the female organ. Yes pretty egoistic i know. Leo said that practicing NoFapa alone is not enough. What should i do then to purify my mind from sexual cravings?? I just meditate.
  23. This thread is over for me. I don't like bickering back and forth. Bye. Thanks for your advices.
  24. I don't like people projecting their own ideas/beliefs onto me. Who says i should get a girlfriend? It that a law of the universe? Nope. It's your ideas. Keep it for yourself your Shoulds statements. My post was about something different. There are no Shoulds for me. I know the suffering from having gf and i prefer to own a different kind of suffering. You don't know what is best for me bc you are not me. I am not telling you how you should live your lifes. "You should have a girfriend" That is ridiculous. Go to a celibate monk and tell him that he shouldn't be celibate lol.